Dangerous Beauty: Part Two: A Mafia Princess

by Hardin, Michelle

  25

  Healing

  “What did Freddy say?”

  “Adrien’s story checked out,” Mickey said. He stepped up to the elevator in the lobby of Nathan’s apartment building and pressed the up button. “He said he didn’t know you married a Stone. He wants in on whatever war you’re about to start with the Steele’s.”

  Nathan let out a long breath. Yea, he should have expected that. Freddy Russia could never pass up a good fight. Actually, Nathan knew that many of his allies would join in on his fight. He wouldn’t even have to tell them the reason for the war. They would fight just to appease their need to kill and their lust for brutality and violence. Nathan didn’t care why they would fight with him. He just knew that he was going to need all the knowledge and manpower he could get.

  “All right,” he said as he and the guys entered the elevator. “Let’s plan our next move and give our guys overseas a call. We need to let them know what’s going on. I’ll give you guys the contacts you need to check out Adrien’s story. We won’t be long. Then you can all go home.”

  They nodded and entered the elevator.

  Dante stepped forward and pressed in the code to Nathan’s floor. “How is she?” he asked Nathan. “Is she getting any better?”

  All eyes turned Nathan when Dante asked the question. Nathan knew that everyone had noticed the change in Carter’s personality. “She ate with me tonight, and we talked a little. You know Carter— she’ll bounce back soon.” At least he hoped she would.

  They nodded and looked away.

  “She’s definitely been more ruthless at work lately,” Mickey said. “Although I enjoy watching the torture of others, I have to say I miss her smile.”

  “Me, too,” Kyle said. “I hate this shit. I’ve never seen her like this before.”

  “Yeah, I know,” Nathan said. “Neither have I.”

  “You think she’d benefit from maybe, talking to somebody?” Lucca suggested. “Tae, you know somebody, right?”

  They all looked to Dante who nodded his head. They knew that he’d talked to a shrink when he was going through some tough shit of his own, coming to terms with his sexuality. After he had told them about it, their acceptance of who he was helped him get through his dark period.

  “Yes, I know someone,” Dante said. “But you all have to realize that it’s probably difficult for Carter to talk about what she’s feeling because she’s overwhelmed. She’s a strong woman, but what she’s feeling is maybe taking its toll on her.”

  “But I don’t know what she’s feeling,” Nathan said. “She won’t talk to me.”

  “Nathan, you don’t need her to tell you what it is she’s going through.” The elevator stopped on the top floor, and they all exited into the small hallway. Dante continued talking. “All you have to do is think about everything that she learned that morning, brother.”

  Nathan looked to Dante, needing his wisdom. Dante had always been wise beyond his years, and Nathan loved him for it. If there was ever a time that Nathan needed his big brother’s guidance, it was now.

  “I don’t know what to do,” Nathan confessed. He leaned back against the wall with a long sigh.

  Mickey, Kyle, and Lucca leaned against a wall as well.

  Dante nodded his understanding. “You know your wife, Nathan. She is devastated right now, lost. The reality that she had for her entire life was ripped to shreds in a matter of minutes. Up until almost a year ago, Carter had been alone since she was seventeen years old. The life she knew, the father she knew— everything had been taken away from her. She had to find herself all on her own, and even then, she didn’t want to accept who she was. Although she’s brave and strong, there is still a sweet vulnerability in her that she only lets a few people see. You were the first person she allowed to see that. This is why her love for you is so strong. She revealed to you who she truly was, and you accepted her and loved her. I understand this because that’s what you four did for me. When you’re given acceptance, it only deepens the bond you have with those who accept you.” Sadness filled Dante’s eyes as he locked them with Nathan’s. “Because I love you so much, brother, it would kill me to know that you were in pain, and I caused it.”

  Nathan frowned in confusion.

  Dante elaborated. “In her mind, that morning a couple of weeks ago, she lost her reality, her identity, her father … and you.”

  Right then, understanding slapped Nathan in the face, making him wish he’d caught on weeks ago.

  “She can’t accept it, and it’s tearing her up. Carter is deeming herself the cause of the worst pain you ever experienced in your life, brother. And because she loves you so much, it hurts that much worse.” Dante placed a firm hand on Nathan’s shoulder. “Neither of you have really talked about how you truly feel about what you learned that morning, but both of you are longing to bring comfort to the other. Just talk to her, Nathan. You’re holding back just as much as she is. You’re wrapping yourself up in trying to fix the situation, and that’s good. But you can’t fix this from the outside in.” Dante pointed to the door to Nathan and Carter’s penthouse. “It needs to be fixed from the inside, out.”

  Nathan knew what he had to do in order to restore his relationship with his wife. He’d been doing it wrong the whole time, and he didn’t even know it. He had thought that he could make his wife happy if he got rid of the threats against her. But the attack wasn’t coming from the people on the outside. Carter was fighting a battle within herself. And so was he. They were right back to where they were when they first met— both of them battling a deep sadness within— but this time it would be different. They no longer had to suffer alone. If she was hurting, then he was hurting, too. If she cried, then he would cry with her. If she was fighting a battle within herself, then he would stand by her side and fight with her until they found peace within themselves once again.

  “Shit, Dante,” Nathan said, feeling a million times more hopeful. “Why are you so right all the damn time?”

  “Because I’m smarter than all four of you,” he said smugly. “Your asses should have stayed in college. It’s hard being the smartest and the sexiest of the five of us,” he said feigning seriousness.

  Nathan nodded with fake understanding. “It has to be,” he said with the same mock seriousness.

  Dante chuckled.

  “College couldn’t teach me shit about what I’m doing now,” Lucca said. “It was a waste of time and money even trying.”

  Dante shrugged. “Well I’ll gladly continue being the scholar in the family then.”

  The guys chuckled.

  “I don’t think you’re smart because of school at all, Dante,” Mickey said as he stood from the floor, where he had sat after Dante began talking. “It’s the shrink. He’s fucking him.”

  “Mickey!” The guys all said in unison.

  Kyle slapped him in the back of the head while Nathan and Lucca fussed at him in Italian.

  Dante just chuckled and slapped Nathan on back. Nathan looked over at him suspiciously and smiled before walking to the door to unlock it.

  “You did fuck him, didn’t you?” Nathan heard Kyle ask.

  “Yeah …” Dante said with a smile. “I fucked him.”

  All five of the guys burst into laughter as they entered the penthouse.

  “So I take it the deal was a success?”

  Although the voice was just a soft whisper, they all heard it and turned in her direction. Carterina sat on the large windowsill in the living room, her knees to her chest and a beautiful smile lighting up her big, hazel eyes.

  Nathan could tell she’d been crying. He shed his jacket and set his holster aside before walking over to his wife. He sat next to her in front of the large window. She immediately moved to him, wrapping her arms tightly around him. Nathan hugged her close and kissed her forehead as she brought her legs onto his lap. Nathan felt at peace with her in his arms. He released a long breath. Finally, he thought.

  “We’ll head bac
k to your office to grab those contacts,” Dante said.

  Nathan gave them a nod, and they left the living room.

  Carter looked up at him with sad eyes and a small smile. “Kiss me,” she whispered.

  Nathan didn’t hesitate to close the distance between their lips. She immediately granted his tongue entrance into her mouth as he kissed her deeply. She tasted of her natural sweetness and a faint trace of the wine he’d asked her not to drink. Although it disappointed him that she’d decided to go ahead and drink, Nathan couldn’t dwell on it for long. Their kiss was beginning to heat up his body. Carter came closer to him and pressed her full breasts against his chest. Nathan could feel himself hardening in his pants. His hands roamed her perfect soft body, kneading her supple flesh and gliding smoothly over her soft skin.

  Nathan inhaled, but was unable to break the contact. His body was very aware that he hadn’t been able to touch his wife like this in two whole weeks. He could barely find control to do what he knew he had to do— stop. Sex— although they did it well— would not bring their balance back, and Nathan knew that. They needed to talk. They really needed to talk. Nathan chanted the words to himself over and over until he was able to move back.

  “Carter,” he said breathlessly. “We need to talk, baby.”

  Carter moved her soft kisses to his neck. Nathan groaned.

  “When are the guys leaving?” she said as she rained soft kisses on his face. “You guys can work tomorrow,” she whispered.

  Nathan nodded. “I agree. We can.”

  Carter pulled back from her kisses with a smile. She kissed him once more. “Good,” she said, relieved.

  Nathan could still see sadness in her eyes. It was breaking his heart.

  She looked into his eyes shyly. “I love you so much, Nathan,” she whispered. “You know that, right?”

  Before Nathan could respond to her, the guys came walking back into the living room.

  “Nate, we’re going to take the contacts and go,” Kyle said.

  Carter and Nathan looked over to them. “That sounds like a good idea. I’ll call you the day after tomorrow.” He had a feeling that he and Carter were going to have to miss a day of work after this conversation.

  “Good night, guys,” Carter said. “Be safe.”

  The guys nodded and said their goodbyes.

  Once they left, Carter straddled Nathan and kissed him fiercely. For a little longer than a moment, Nathan forgot his agenda and surrendered to his wife’s insistent kiss. Just when her hands were about to enter his pants, Nathan stopped her.

  “Carter, baby, stop.” He pulled back and grasped both of her hands in his. “We need to talk.”

  Carter stared at him in confusion. “You don’t want to make love?” she asked.

  Nathan frowned and brought her hands to his heart. “Baby, of course, I want to make love to you. I just … really think we should talk first.”

  She swallowed and looked to the side. Nathan watched as hurt and rejection flashed through her eyes, and he immediately turned her back to face him. Hurting her hadn’t been his intention.

  “Carter—”

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I just thought you’d want to. It’s been a while since we … you know.”

  “Carter, it’s not that. I want to, baby,” he assured. “It’s just …” He sighed. “Shit,” he muttered. “I’m doing this wrong.”

  “Is there something wrong, Nathan?” she asked. “Did I do something wrong?”

  Nathan cupped her face. “No, Carter. It’s just …” Nathan hesitated a moment, but then remembered Dante’s words. Both he and Carter hadn’t been talking to one another. So if Nathan had to be the first to tell her the truth about how he was feeling, then so be it. “I need you, Carter,” Nathan confessed, making sure not to mask anything he was feeling. He knew talking wasn’t going to be easy for him, but if it was needed to restore the balance in his marriage, then he would do it.

  All hurt and uncertainty vanished from her eyes as concern rushed in and took its place. She took his hands in hers and held them tightly. “What is it, Nathan? Did something happen?”

  He held her hands and frowned, trying to figure out where he should start. He took a deep breath and just started talking. “I learned something else about my mother tonight …”

  Carter nodded, but didn’t interrupt him.

  Nathan rested his head back against the window. “I just … feel like I never knew anything. In my mind, I remember her one way, but reality tells me that she really wasn’t who I thought she was. The mother that I knew and loved was sweet, kind, loving, patient, and strong. She would never …” Nathan stopped talking abruptly as emotion hit him unexpectedly. He tried to swallow it down, but nothing was working. He cleared his throat uncomfortably as unwelcomed tears gathered in his eyes. He wasn’t used to feeling so much, and he didn’t know if he liked it. Just when he was about to toss the whole conversation idea aside, he felt Carter’s soft hand touch his face.

  His teary, gray eyes locked with her teary, hazel ones. In her eyes, he saw no judgment— just acceptance. He saw love, and most importantly, he saw understanding. She understood him.

  “Leave you,” Carter whispered, saying the words that he couldn’t.

  When she said the words, the unwelcomed tears fell from his eyes. “I’ve never felt anger toward my mother before, Carter. I know my father tried to make excuses for her, but the fact still remained that she had decided to leave. Whatever it was that pushed her to the decision meant more to her than being a mother to me. She was leaving, and I feel like shit because I’m …” Nathan’s jaw clenched as more teardrops streamed from his eyes. He held his wife’s hands tightly as he brought them to his heart again. “I’m so fucking mad at her,” he said, his voice cracking with held back emotion. “I can’t accept my father’s excuses for her. I sat in that bathroom for hours staring at her lifeless body. I’ve spent every day since then mourning her, blaming my father, wishing I could have done something. I didn’t know that— whether she was killed or not— I was going to lose her. The life I had with her was the only one I knew, and she was going to snatch it away from me. I feel like … I just feel like …” Nathan couldn’t even say the words. He didn’t have to.

  “Like you just lost her all over again …” Carter finished for him.

  Greif hit Nathan harder than it ever had in that exact moment. He heard Carter whisper his name right before she pulled him into her arms. Nathan clung to his wife as if she were his life source. He buried his face in her neck, and for the first time since his mother’s death, he cried for his loss. Nathan let his emotions burst free uninhibited, knowing that the woman holding him in her arms was the only person on earth he could do such a thing with. The more he cried, the better he began to feel. The more he released, the more the years and years of hurt, anger, bitterness, and pain began to disappear. He felt lighter. He felt free. He felt like he was finally healing.

  Carter held him tightly in her arms. He breathed her in, accepting every bit of love and comfort she had to give him. She pressed her lips close to his ear and whispered her love to him, told him he was brilliant and strong, that he was a good son, friend, brother, and husband. Nathan let her words wash over him and build him up. Her words were like a warm blanket, covering him, surrounding him in peace. He needed this. He never knew how much until now.

  He placed a kiss soft on her neck. “I love you so much, мое красивое Роуз.”

  Carter placed soft kisses on his tears. “I love you too, Bubby.”

  Nathan lifted his face from her neck and rested his forehead against hers. He wiped the tears from her eyes, and she wiped the tears from his. “You know that I would never blame you, right?” he asked gazing into her eyes.

  Carter seemed to be taken off guard by what he asked. She opened her mouth, but no words came out. So Nathan continued.

  “I don’t care who they say that man is to you, Carter. And I don’t care why he did
what he did. You are not Silas Steele’s daughter. Your father was Robert Steele. He was a flawed, but good man, and he loved you. To see any other man but him as your true father would be belittling the man that gave his life to protect you.”

  “I know,” she cried. “This is just so hard, Nathan. I feel like I have no idea who I am anymore.”

  “You know who you are, baby. Nothing has changed. You’re still the girl who turned a scary hit-man into a loving father.” That got her to smile. “You’re still the girl who adapted and survived after losing everything and everyone she loved. You’re the woman who stole my heart the very moment I looked into your eyes nineteen years after I first met you. You’re the love of my life and my best friend. I know who you are, Carter. I will love you for the rest of my life. Nothing will ever change that.”

  Tears fell from her eyes as she brought her lips to his and kissed him. “Thank you,” she whispered against his lips.

  For a long time they just sat in the silence, holding each other and listening to the sounds of the storm raging outside.

  “What are we going to do about Silas?” Carter asked, breaking the silence.

  Nathan sighed. “Fight him. The guy is obviously crazy.”

  “Jenna called,” Carter whispered. “She was spooked by some chick who held her at gun point— asking about me. The woman claimed to be my sister.”

  “Your sister? Couldn’t be. I was told today that Silas sells his children.”

  Shocked flashed across Carter’s face. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

  Nathan shook his head. “I kid you not.”

  “That’s sick.” Carter said in disgust.