Going Home

by Judith Keim

  “Okay, I’m ready. Let’s go to the airport,” said Autumn in a shaky voice. She left the house and went to Lettie’s car, her steps stiff-legged with determination. Tears rolled down her cheeks.

  “I should be back in a couple of hours or so,” Lettie told Paloma. “Autumn doesn’t want me to wait with her at the airport.”

  “We’ll be here,” said Paloma, jiggling Cami on her hip.

  It was quiet in the car as Lettie headed north.

  Autumn stared out the window at the passing scenery.

  Lettie knew there was so much she could say, should say, even talk about Autumn’s father. But she held back. Now was not the time to add complications to the unsteady circumstances between the two of them.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  With Cami’s presence in her life, Lettie’s days became fuller than ever. But she didn’t mind. Tired of centering her life around the inn, she handed more responsibility over to the staff so she could spend time with Cami and continue overseeing the growing of the grapes.

  Lettie hadn’t remembered that having a baby in the house took up so much room, but then, as a new grandmother, she was overwhelmed by all the pieces of equipment that were now available. Enjoying her granddaughter in a way she hadn’t her own child, Lettie took to placing Cami in a baby carrier on her back as she wandered through the vineyards. She talked to Cami about the grapes and anything else she could think of. The baby couldn’t answer, of course, but Lettie told herself that Cami’s beautiful, brown eyes brightened at the information she was receiving.

  Lettie also became more social in town as people responded to Cami with her. She loved hearing how much the little girl resembled her and realized how much fun it was to be this child’s grandmother.

  At the inn, Cami was a hit with everyone and took all the attention given her in stride.

  One morning, Lettie walked into the inn’s kitchen and found Rafe sitting at the table with a cup of coffee. Startled to see him, she paused a moment, holding Cami in her arms. Gray strands appeared in his dark hair at the temples now, and the lines around his eyes had deepened. But he was more handsome than ever.

  He looked up at her and smiled. “’Morning. Heard you had a baby in the house.”

  “Yes, Cami’s my granddaughter.” Lettie’s heart pounded with dismay. Cami was his granddaughter too, but he didn’t know that. And with his wife dying of cancer, this was definitely not the time to tell him. Autumn didn’t even know about him yet.

  “She’s a cutie. Looks a lot like you,” Rafe said, getting to his feet.

  Cami reached out to him.

  Without missing a beat, Rafe took Cami in his arms.

  “Wow! You’re good!” said Lettie.

  He grinned at her. “Uncle Rafe knows a thing or two about babies. I’ve got fourteen nieces and nephews.”

  Lettie laughed. “Guess that will do it.” She held out her hands. “I’d better take her, though. It’s time for a snack. By the way, how are your grapes doing? I heard the old Taunton place looks terrific.”

  “All it really needed was a lot of tender care,” said Rafe, “but, thanks. You’ll have to come over and see it for yourself one day.”

  “I’d like that. And, Rafe, I appreciate all the help you’ve given your father on my place. It’s going to be a great growing season.” She started to leave and then turned back. “How are you? Paloma keeps me up to date on the situation with Maria, and I got a sweet thank you note from her for the basket I sent her, but I wonder how you’re doing with her long illness; it can’t be easy.”

  “No,” Rafe said, giving her a sad look. “I don’t like to see Maria suffering. She’s hoping it will soon be over. Can’t say that I blame her. Cancer is a bad disease.”

  “Yes, I’m so sorry. For both of you. If there’s anything I or anyone at the inn can do for you, please let me know.”

  “Thanks.” His dark eyes studied her a moment with a touch of tenderness, and then he turned away. He quickly walked out of the room, leaving Lettie to wonder about that look.

  ###

  With April came the bud break of the grape vines and Cami’s first, hesitant steps. Autumn, too, had walked at an early age, but Lettie still thought her granddaughter was remarkable for her strength and determination. More than that, Cami was a sweet child who seemed to know which battles she could win. Though she had a temper when the occasion called for it, she didn’t overuse it.

  The whole valley mourned when Maria finally succumbed to the disease that had ravaged her body. It seemed so unfair for such a beautiful woman to have suffered the indignities of such an ending. Lettie joined others to pay their respects to Rafe and his family. His mother, Rita, had long since given up working at the inn. Lettie easily gave her a hug.

  “I’m so sorry,” Lettie said sincerely.

  Rita’s gaze swung to her son. “Rafe has had so many disappointments. I hope after things settle down, he can find a nice woman in our community who will be happy with him living and working in the valley. It’s all he’s ever wanted to do. He tried to be happy for Maria’s sake, but he never really liked California.”

  “There’s something special about the Willamette Valley. I knew it the first day I saw it.”

  “Yes, I remember that well,” said Rita. “You and Rex hit it off right away because you loved this land as much as he did. Funny, how things turn out. Who would’ve thought Chandler Hill would be the great success it is. It was a turkey farm back in the day.”

  “I think the whole valley was one turkey farm at one point. Look at it now! It’s amazing to see all the vineyards and orchards.”

  From across the room, Rafe glanced at them and smiled.

  Rita looked from him to Lettie and frowned, no doubt recalling how they’d always been drawn to one another.

  “I’ll talk to you later,” Lettie told Rita, stung by her reaction. Rafe’s parents had never wanted him to be with her. Did they think something was going on between them now?

  Lettie moved away from Rita and went to find Maria’s mother. She couldn’t imagine how painful it must be to lose a daughter.

  After extending her sympathy to both of Maria’s parents, Lettie headed for the door.

  “Hey! Where are you going?” said Paloma, rushing up to her. “There’s lots of food and wine for everybody. Maria’s parents will feel you’re disrespecting them if you leave now.”

  “I thought Rita might feel more comfortable if I left. I don’t know what she thinks is happening between Rafe and me, but I hardly ever see him, and then it’s only out in the fields.”

  Paloma pulled Lettie aside and spoke quietly. “She and everyone else here know that Rafe has never gotten over you.”

  Lettie felt her eyes widen. “But he ... I mean we ...” Her voice trailed off in confusion.

  “I know. But when the two of you are together, there’s a certain undeniable chemistry between you. Surely, you feel it.”

  Lettie sighed and looked away.

  “Okay, then, you’d better stay and do your duty by pretending he isn’t even here. Understand?”

  “Okay.” Lettie couldn’t let Rafe or any other person dictate where she could go or with whom. She did, however, stick to Paloma’s side as they returned to the kitchen, where a mound of food had been displayed on a long, wooden table sitting in the middle of the room.

  As soon as she could go graciously, Lettie headed toward the front door. Cami would be getting up from her nap, and Lettie wanted to be there for her.

  “Leaving?” Rafe’s deep voice came from behind her.

  She turned. “Yes. I’m so sorry for your loss, Rafe. Maria was a beautiful woman.”

  “Thanks. And thanks for coming. Guess you’ll be seeing more of me as the vines come alive with blooms, and I help my father. You’ve probably noticed how much he’s slowing down.”

  “Yes, but don’t worry. I’m not about to replace him.”

  “Good. See you around.”

  On the drive to the
inn, Lettie’s thoughts spun. Did everyone in the valley think something was going on between Rafe and her? The idea was both unnerving and unsettling. Her thoughts went back to the brief encounters she’d had with him when she’d first come to Chandler Hill. She’d been rocked to the core by his lovemaking and then hurt beyond belief when it was made clear that his family didn’t want him to have anything to do with her. Those feelings had been pushed aside when Kenton began to court her in earnest. Then, when she’d discovered the magic of deep love between Kenton and her, all thoughts of Rafe had disappeared.

  She caught a glimpse of herself in the rearview mirror. Sometimes, she had to remind herself that though responsibilities had weighed heavily on her for years, she wasn’t that old. In her forties, she looked young for her age. Maybe it was the strawberry-blond hair that she’d allowed to go free in a mass of ringlets or the alertness of her green eyes in her smooth face.

  Lettie let out a sigh, remembering how satisfying it had felt to make love with Rod Mitchell. In truth, he was just an okay lover, but she’d still enjoyed the feel of his hands on her. Aware of his ultimate intention to take over the inn, she wondered how many other men had shown interest in her over the years only because of the property under her control.

  What they didn’t know is that she would never turn the land over to anyone who wasn’t in the family.

  ###

  With the buds in bloom on the vines, Lettie worked with Joe and Rafe to manage the canopy, making sure there were open spaces and all leaves were exposed. Even on days when Joe and Rafe were working on Rafe’s property, Lettie kept an eye on the vines. She knew how important it was for each grape to have the chance to grow well.

  Now that Cami was walking and running, her times to do this kind of work were often in the afternoons when the little girl was sleeping in the care of a babysitter..

  One afternoon, as she was kneeling on the ground, checking on a shoot, she heard a voice behind her. “Your cuttings have developed into nice shoots.”

  Silently urging her heart to slow down, Lettie got to her feet and faced Rafe. “Thanks. How are you doing?”

  Rafe shrugged. “Okay, I guess. It gets lonely in that big house of mine.”

  “I know what you mean. Of course, now I have the baby and all her toys and equipment to make it less lonely, but being alone isn’t easy.”

  Rafe studied her. “Do you remember when I told you that after being with you I never wanted to be with anyone else?”

  “I remember,” she said quietly and looked beyond him to the rows of vines.

  “I meant it,” said Rafe. “After the harvest and winemaking, I’m going to knock on your door.”

  “But, Rafe, your mother and father—”

  He cut her off. “Listen to me. I gave you up once. I’m not going to do it again. I should never have married Maria. She knew it. I knew it. I took good care of her, did as she asked, but I didn’t love her the way she wanted me to. I couldn’t. I’ve always loved you, Lettie.”

  “We can’t ... you can’t ... it’s only been a few months since Maria died.” Longing battled with the need to do the right thing by respecting Maria.

  “I know. I’m just giving you fair warning. I’m not going to let you go this time.” He lowered his lips to hers.

  Awash in sensations, her body felt as if all the bones and muscles had suddenly melted. She clung to him.

  When he finally stepped away from her, he gave her a crooked smile she thought she’d forgotten. “Yeah, that’s how I remembered it.”

  Her eyes filled as they studied each other. “Me, too,” she whispered. Battling her desire to kiss him again, she turned and hurried toward the inn.

  Later, all she could think of was Rafe’s kiss. It was everything she remembered and more. Next time Rafe wanted to kiss her, she wouldn’t run away.

  ###

  As the holidays approached, Lettie waited to hear from Rafe. But after the harvest, he left the valley. Paloma said it was to see to the house he still had in California. But Lettie wondered if there was more to the story. Perhaps it was his way of saying he’d changed his mind about seeing her.

  She sent a message to Autumn asking her when she would arrive for the holidays. When she hadn’t heard for a while, Lettie finally received a phone call from her.

  “Mom, I’m sorry, but I’m not coming home for Christmas. I can’t leave at this time. I’m needed here. I figure at her young age, Cami won’t miss me. Besides, it would be especially hard on both of us if I were to appear for a few days and then leave. I’ll come when I know I can stay longer than that.”

  “Your daughter needs you too.” Lettie knew she sounded harsh, but she couldn’t help herself. Cami was one of the sweetest babies ever and deserved to know her mother.

  “Now, Mom,” Autumn said quietly. “I know Cami’s in good hands and getting all the love and attention that she deserves. If I didn’t believe that, I wouldn’t let her stay with you. I love her and want the best for her. And right now, it isn’t being with me.”

  Chastised, Lettie drew a deep breath. She knew from earlier emails how busy Autumn was, how important her work was.

  “All right, I won’t keep at you about it. But the day will come, I hope, when you place your daughter first.”

  “Like you did for me?” The sarcasm in Autumn’s voice was unmistakable.

  “What do you mean?” Lettie was taken aback.

  “That inn meant more to you than I did,” said Autumn. “You can’t deny it.”

  “Wait a minute,” said Lettie, fighting to keep a steady voice. “I had to keep that inn from failing. For you and your future as much as anything else. Remember, I was an overwhelmed nineteen-year-old. I know I wasn’t perfect. Far from it. But it was the best I could do.”

  Autumn’s voice softened. “Oh, Mom, I’m sorry. Let’s not fight. I love you and thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking care of Cami. As soon as I’m sure my people are safe and protected, and Cami will be safe with me, I’ll come for her.”

  “All right. I’ll take you at your word. Cami’s asleep, but I can wake her, if you want.”

  “No, let’s allow her to sleep. It’s such a blessing that she’s not hungry, but safe and dry and warm with you. I wish all children were so lucky.”

  “Yes,” said Lettie. “I’m proud of the work you’re doing. Too many children need your kind of help with medicine, education, clean water, and all you’re doing for them.”

  “Thanks, Mom. I’ve got to go, but I’ll keep in touch. I promise.”

  “Okay. Love you, Autumn,” said Lettie.

  “Love you too. Kiss my sweet baby for me.”

  With a click, their phone call ended.

  ###

  Instead of staying at the inn for Christmas, Abby opted to go to San Francisco to spend the holidays with a new girlfriend. Lettie understood, but felt abandoned, even with Cami present to brighten the day.

  Still, she went through the motions of making a mimosa for herself and whipping up a small batch of hollandaise sauce for the eggs benedict she usually served every Christmas morning. While Cami happily played with her new toys, Lettie sat in the living room watching her, sipping her drink of orange juice and champagne.

  At the sound of a knock at the front door, Lettie set down her glass and stood, still in her pajamas. Automatically, she fingered her hair, fluffing her curls.

  Opening the door and seeing Rafe, she clasped a hand to her chest. “Hello.”

  “Hi. I just stopped by to wish you a Merry Christmas. My parents are out of town visiting one of my sisters, and I was sitting alone in my house ...” His voice trailed off.

  “Won’t you come in? I’ll make a mimosa for you. It’s been pretty lonely for me, too. Of course, I’ve got Cami, but our conversations are a little one-sided.”

  Rafe chuckled.

  Lettie waved him inside, wishing she’d taken the time to get dressed. At least she was wearing her red-plaid flannel pajamas, not her se
xy, silky ones.

  Rafe stepped inside her house and paused to look around. “Nice. I like all the artwork.”

  “Thanks.” Seeing the scene through his eyes, she thought the house wasn’t that large, but the openness, the sliding-glass doors, and many windows made it seem bigger than it was. The pale gray walls served as a subtle background for the contemporary paintings exhibited there. The wooden floors were offset by colorful Oriental rugs that were suited to the colors in the paintings on the walls.

  Rafe went over to Cami and knelt beside her. “What do you have there, Cami?”

  Cami held up her favorite new toy.

  “Ah, Tickle Me Elmo,” said Rafe. “Several of those are appearing in my family.”

  “Who can resist that laugh, huh?” said Lettie, knowing she’d soon tire of it. Cami loved to make Elmo laugh.

  Lettie left Rafe with Cami, went into the kitchen, and returned to the living room with his drink.

  He took the glass from her and raised it in a salute. “Merry Christmas, Lettie. And a Happy New Year!”

  She smiled and clicked her glass against his. “And to you. Hopefully, it will be a happier new year than the last one.”

  He set down his glass and let out a long breath. “I’m thinking of hiring a live-in housekeeper. The place is bigger than I need and could use some care. Besides, I hate coming home to an empty house.”

  “I’m thinking of getting a dog,” said Lettie. “It’s been several years since Bee died. It would make me feel safer alone here in the house, and I think Cami would like it.”

  “Of course, we could scrap all those plans and move in together,” said Rafe, his dark eyes twinkling with mirth.

  She laughed, secretly thrilled with the idea.

  “Seriously, I think you already know how attracted I am to you. I want to get to know the woman you’ve become.” Rafe’s gaze was steady.

  “Yes, I know,” She quietly studied him. “Why is your family so opposed to the idea of you and me together? Your mother ...”

  Rafe took hold of her hand. “We’re middle-aged people. We don’t need anyone to tell us what we can or cannot do.”