by Judith Keim
“I never questioned the difference in appearance between Autumn and me, because I don’t have any idea what my parents looked like. And I’ve never met Kenton’s mother. But, of course, now that I know you’re her father, I notice some similarities. And because I’ve never even seen a picture of Cami’s father, I had no way to judge her features.” Lettie shook her head. “It’s all been a case of hidden identities. I just hope no one gets hurt by it.”
“Agreed.” Rafe took her hand. “Let’s go look at my grandchild. God! I can’t believe it! Maria and I wanted children, and all this time I already had one.” His eyes grew shiny. “I hope Autumn won’t be disappointed that it’s me and not Kenton who’s her father.”
“She’ll love you, like I do. Let’s take it one step at a time.” Though Autumn had always claimed no interest in working at Chandler Hill, she liked the idea of being a member of the family that owned it. She still would inherit it, but she would always know she wasn’t a true Chandler.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Lettie and Rafe tiptoed into Cami’s room and stood looking down at the little girl who resembled a rosy-cheeked cherub with soft, light-red curls. Those curls, Lettie knew, came from her.
“She’s so beautiful,” murmured Rafe. “Knowing she’s carrying my blood makes it all so special.” He trailed a finger against Cami’s cheek, causing her eyelids to flutter before becoming still again.
“We’d better leave her,” said Lettie. “If she doesn’t have enough sleep, she gets cranky.”
They shut the door to the nursery behind them and faced one another.
“May I spend the night?” Rafe asked.
Lettie’s lips curved happily. “Of course. I hoped you would.”
Rafe took hold of her hand. “I want to be with you.”
“Yes, me too.” Now that their true relationship was revealed, Lettie felt the need to show Rafe the love that had connected them forever.
They went into her bedroom and quietly undressed, comfortable enough with one another that words were not spoken.
Standing naked before Rafe, she couldn’t help wondering what he saw. Still in her forties, she was in good shape for her age, but like all women, she was aware of her flaws.
Rafe seemed to sense what she was feeling and drew her up against him, making it clear that this was what he wanted.
“Every time I look at you, I see the young girl who took my breath away. I’ve loved you for a long time, Lettie, but now I love you more than I ever thought possible.”
His lips came down on hers, gentle at first and then more demanding with desire.
In moments, all she could think of was pleasing him.
###
Later, sated and lying next to him, Lettie fingered a tear from the corner of Rafe’s eye. “What’s the matter, sweetheart?”
“I guess I’m overwhelmed by the events of today,” he said honestly. “Suddenly I have a family.” He reached over and caressed her stomach. “I can’t believe you had my baby. I wish I’d known. I would’ve been there for you. You must have felt so alone with both Rex and Kenton gone.”
“Yes,” she admitted. “It was a difficult time for me. Paloma was here to help, thank heavens.”
“Well, you’ve had the baby, so now it’s up to me to make her mine.” His sad smile pricked her heart. “I’ve missed so much of her life. What is Autumn really like? I heard you’ve had some issues with her in the past.”
Lettie couldn’t hold back a sigh. “Autumn wasn’t an easy child and became even more difficult as a teenager. But she’s beautiful, bright, stubborn, and caring—on her own terms. She claims I loved the inn and vineyards more than I ever loved her. I can’t deny her accusation that I spent more time working there than either she or I wanted. I loved her, but you know how committed I was and still am to Chandler Hill.”
He squeezed her hand. “You’ve done a wonderful job with it.”
“I wanted to do a good job with Autumn too. I just didn’t know how. With Cami, I take great delight in every little detail. I know I didn’t always do that with Autumn. She’s right. I wasn’t the mother she needed.”
Rafe lifted her chin. “Look at me, Lettie. Don’t beat yourself up over the past. You were just a kid.”
“Autumn is a good person. She’s done so much for her people in Africa. She really loves them. That’s where she met Cami’s father. She won’t tell me or anyone who he is. She claims he’s in politics now, and it would ruin his career.”
“Interesting. So, she’s loyal too. I wonder how she’s going to react to me, a Spanish grape grower.”
“Well, I’m a grape grower too, so who knows?” Lettie said, attempting to put some levity into the conversation.
“I’m going to be nervous about meeting her,” Rafe admitted.
“Don’t be. You’re a wonderful person and you’ve made an enormous success of Taunton Estates Wines.”
“Guess we’ll just have to wait and see,” Rafe said. “Meanwhile, I’m going to enjoy my granddaughter. God! It feels so good to say that. I still can’t believe I have a grandchild.”
“More importantly, that we share her,” said Lettie, both pleased and relieved by his enthusiasm.
###
Lettie wrung her hands as she waited inside the Portland airport for Autumn’s arrival. She’d landed earlier in L.A. and was taking a short flight up the coast to Portland.
Aware Autumn would be tired from the travel and she would once again be forced to hold off telling her about Rafe, Lettie couldn’t stop tension from squeezing her shoulders.
As a group of recently deplaned passengers headed her way, Lettie searched the crowd for her daughter. A tall, striking woman stood out in the crowd as she strode forward with confidence. Wearing sandals and a bright-colored muumuu, she tossed a long braid behind her back and shifted the knapsack on her shoulder. Looking at her tanned skin, the cleft in her chin, the way she moved her shoulders when she walked, Lettie was stunned by how many features of Rafe she now saw in Autumn.
“Over here!” Lettie waved her hand wildly until Autumn finally caught her eye.
Smiling, Autumn rushed over to her. “Hi, Mom! I’m so glad to see you. Where’s Cami?”
“She’s at home. It’s her naptime. I thought we’d all have a better evening if I let her sleep in. She’ll be so excited to see you.”
“Let’s hope she remembers me.” Autumn shook her head. “I’ve been so busy working, too much time has gone by.”
Lettie was tempted to say something about that and decided not to.
They grabbed Autumn’s two bags from the rotating baggage belt and carried them to Lettie’s Volvo wagon.
As they were stowing the bags, Autumn looked at the baby seat and exclaimed, “I can’t wait to see Cami! Tell me what she’s like. Emails, letters, and photos don’t do justice to all I want to know about her.”
Lettie smiled at her. “I’ve got lots of stories to share with you. Let me get out of the airport traffic and I’ll tell you. I’m still not used to city driving.”
“Still a country mouse, huh?”
Lettie laughed. “Guess I’ll always be one.”
As they drove out of the city, Lettie turned to Autumn. “Cami is an amazing child. She’s bright and curious and already says a remarkable number of words for someone her age. I’ve read that girls often talk before boys, but she’s incredible. Of course, I’m always chatting to her.”
“You are?” Autumn’s eyes rounded.
“Oh, yes,” said Lettie. “I carry her in my backpack as I walk the fields and vineyards. She’s going to grow up knowing an awful lot about grapes and wine.” She smiled at the memory of Cami toddling beside the rows of grape vines.
“I see.”
“She loves being outdoors,” said Lettie.
“Good. She’ll love South Africa. I’ve agreed to go there and help set up a teaching program. With Nelson Mandela as president, so many good changes are taking place inside the country.”
Heart pounding with dismay, Lettie pulled over to the side of the road and stopped. “You’re really going to take Cami away from me?” She couldn’t hide the tears that sprang to her eyes.
“Oh, Mom, I’m sorry.” She reached over and patted her hand. “I should have waited to tell you.”
“Oh, but ...” Lettie couldn’t finish.
Autumn gave her a sympathetic look. “She’s my daughter. I want her with me. She’ll be safe in South Africa. It’s time I took her back. It’ll be okay, Mom. We’ll come back for vacations. I promise.”
Lettie clamped her teeth together, so she wouldn’t say something she might later regret. Her daughter hadn’t kept her earlier promises to come home. Why should she believe her now?
Feeling as if she was driving into a tunnel with no light at the end, Lettie pulled back onto the highway. The sun, so brilliant a moment ago, seemed as dim as a fading light bulb. The light puffy clouds in the blue sky now held a distinctive dark gray.
“Mom?”
Lettie glanced at her daughter.
“I’m sorry, I really am. But I want to raise my daughter. You knew her being with you was supposed to be only temporary.”
Lettie’s sigh was long and unhappy. “I understand. I just don’t know how I can bear to let her go.”
“Let’s not worry about it now. We’ve got two weeks together.” Autumn settled back in her seat.
“Yes, you’re right. Let’s enjoy the time together. There are several things I need to talk to you about.”
“How’s Abby?”
“She’s fine. She and her new partner love their work at the inn. Abby is in charge of all the retail at the winery and at the inn. Her partner, Lisa Robbins, is into healthy food and products. She makes her own soap and maintains an unbelievable herb garden from which she makes all kinds of products to sell in the barn. They work well together and are happy.”
“I’m glad,” Autumn said. “I still think of Terri. I could always count on her to understand what I was going through.” She gave Lettie a weak smile. “I know I wasn’t the easiest kid around. She made that clear to me.”
“She did?”
“Yes. She’s the person who urged me to travel and see the world and see how other people lived. She thought that would settle a lot of issues for me. It was the best advice I’ve ever received. I’ve found my niche helping others.”
“Your work is very admirable,” Lettie said. “I try to keep up on the news, so I understand more about where you are and what you’re doing.”
“I want Cami to have the same kind of freedom to be herself that I have,” said Autumn earnestly.
“She’s awfully small to take on the world,” Lettie said softly.
“Mom, she’ll love Africa. I just know it.”
Lettie managed a nod, but inside her heart was breaking.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
When they arrived home, Cami was outside on the front lawn playing with Ellie Rodriguez, Paloma’s niece acting as the nanny. Lettie had laid out a pink sundress for Cami to wear, and now, looking at her run around the grass like a pink butterfly, Lettie’s heart filled.
At the sight of the Volvo pulling into the driveway, Cami stopped running and stared at them.
“Oh my! She’s so big and grownup,” whispered Autumn, getting out of the car.
Lettie climbed out of the car and stood as Cami raced toward them crying, “Nonnee! Nonnee!”
Autumn held out her arms, but Cami raced past her to Lettie.
Lettie picked Cami up and hugged her to her chest. “I’ve got a surprise for you! Your Mommy is here. Let’s say hi.”
“’Kay.” Cami beamed at her mother. “Hi.”
Autumn held out her arms. “Want to come to me?”
Cami stared at her and shook her head.
“Give her time,” Lettie said softly. “She’ll get used to you.”
Lettie set Cami down on the grass. “Go get the ball to show Mommy.”
Autumn turned to Lettie and snapped, “You let her call you Mommy?”
“What? No. She’s saying Nonnee. That’s what she calls me.” Lettie placed a hand on Autumn’s arm. “Everything will get straightened out. We’ll work on it together.”
“I’m sorry.” Autumn sighed. “Guess I’m overanxious.”
“And you’re tired, no doubt. Let’s get the suitcases inside and you can relax for a bit. I can’t imagine it’s been an easy trip.” Lettie had wanted to fly to Africa for a visit but after realizing how long she’d be in the air, she simply couldn’t do it.
“The trip wasn’t too bad, but it was a long one. Thanks, Mom.”
Later, after she was settled, they sat in the living room observing Cami play with the building blocks Lettie had given her.
“She is bright,” Autumn commented with pride. “And creative.”
“Oh, yes. She already can point to certain letters. I think she’d going to be an early reader. Of course, I spend a lot of time with her. Her nanny, too.”
“Did I have a nanny at this age?”
“Paloma and her mother were the ones who cared for you,” said Lettie, unable to keep regret out of her voice. She wished now she’d spent more time with her daughter at this young age. But exactly as she’d been accused of doing, she’d spent more time on running the inn and growing grapes than she had on her growing child. But then, like Paloma and others had told her, she’d done her best with all she’d been given to do.
When Cami began to fuss, Lettie rose. “Why don’t you take care of Cami while I get her supper ready.” Before Autumn could object, Lettie left the room. When Cami called for her, she kept going. Lettie would have just two weeks to get Cami ready to leave her.
While Cami ate her meal, Lettie and Autumn sat at the kitchen table. Cami was doing a good job of feeding herself with her fingers, though she had to be helped with larger pieces of cheese and fruit.
Though Lettie was heartsick at the idea of Cami leaving her, she did her best to hide her feelings. She didn’t want Cami to be upset.
“Okay, bath time,” said Lettie. “I’ll clean up here while you get started on her bath. I’ve left out a towel, pajamas, and diaper for her. Later, I’ll show you where I keep everything.”
“All right. Thanks.” Autumn lifted Cami from her highchair. “Let’s go.”
Cami burst into tears and held out her arms to Lettie. “Nonnee!”
Autumn sighed unhappily. “Here. Do you want her?”
Lettie was tempted to say yes, to sweep Cami into her arms and hug her tight, but she resisted those maternal feelings. “No, you carry her. I’ll walk alongside you. It’ll give me a chance to show you our normal routine.”
“Okay.” Autumn’s eyes filled. “Thank you for being this understanding and kind.”
“Of course, honey. I remember how you insisted I take over for you when you first brought Cami here, so we’d both be comfortable. Now, I guess it’s my turn to do the same for you.”
“Thanks.” She gave Lettie a look of gratitude.
Lettie stood by as Autumn placed Cami in the tub and began to play with her in the warm water. Watching them together, it seemed only right that Cami be with her mother. But that didn’t stop pain from filling every part of Lettie’s heart. She’d heard being a grandparent was the gift for surviving your own children. After being with Cami, she knew how real it was.
After Cami was in her pajamas, Lettie showed Autumn the blanket Cami used to settle down, the music box that she listened to, and the exact way the door to the nursery should be left.
“Whew! I think I have everything straight,” she said.
Lettie couldn’t help laughing. “I’m sure you’ll have your own routine in Africa, but for now, let’s keep to one that makes Cami comfortable.”
“Yes, I think that’s a good idea,” Autumn agreed.
After everything had been done according to normal procedure, kisses were exchanged, and then Cami was placed in her crib. Lettie
showed Autumn how she rubbed Cami’s stomach and then stood aside as she took over. When Cami was finally asleep, they tiptoed out of the room together.
Lettie had hoped she’d have a chance to talk to Autumn about Rafe, but those thoughts disappeared when Autumn turned to her and yawned. “I’m going to bed. I’m exhausted.” She gave Lettie a long hug. “Thanks for everything, Mom. See you tomorrow.”
“Glad you are home.” Lettie returned the embrace with an extra squeeze.
After she left the room, Lettie collapsed on the couch feeling like a rag doll whose stuffing was being pulled out of her piece by painful piece. She wondered if she could convince Autumn to stay in Oregon. Important work could be done right there in the state. Poverty and the need for help existed everywhere. Besides, Lettie wanted her to grow to love the land, the vineyards, the inn as much as she did, because the day would come when she’d have to take it over. Besides, Rafe deserved the opportunity to get to know his own daughter, didn’t he?
###
After a restless night, Lettie awoke to the smell of coffee. For a moment she thought Rafe might be in the kitchen, then she remembered Autumn’s presence and sat up with a start. Today was the day she’d be able to tell her about her heritage. It was a gift, really, because it was something that Lettie had never known. Rafe came from a good, hard-working, well-respected family in the valley and was a wonderful person.
She climbed out of bed thinking that after a leisurely breakfast, she’d take Autumn on a walk through the vineyards to the grove of trees that was so special to her. There, they could share the truth. After she’d quickly showered and dressed, Lettie hurried into the kitchen. It was empty. She looked out at the deck. Autumn was sitting in a chair watching Cami in the play area Lettie had set up there. She grabbed a cup of coffee and went outside to join them.
“Nonnee! Nonnee!” Cami cried, holding out her arms to her.
Lettie set down her coffee cup and went to her.
“Please don’t pick her up,” Autumn said. “She’ll never learn to know me if you’re always going to her rescue.”