It's Easy to Cry

by Subhas Anandan

  He told me, “Subhas, the whole country is my constituency! I will speak for everybody.” However, JBJ came up and told him that the Executive Committee had met and had decided that he should not accept the position because they were against the introduction of the NCMP Scheme. JBJ said, “We will stick to our principle and you will not accept this.”

  I could actually see the heartbreak in Mr Nair’s face. He told me, “Subhas, they told me that I can’t take it.” I was so upset for Mr Nair. I said, “Why don’t you ask the Party to go to hell!” He said, “I can’t do that.”

  So I rang up JBJ and said, “Why are you not allowing him to do this?” He gave me a long story. I was not convinced. When the newspapers interviewed me, I said it was very unfair that my partner, MPD Nair, was not allowed to accept the NCMP post. But Mr Nair was an honourable man. He abided by the decision of the Workers’ Party Council and rejected the offer of NCMP

  In years to come after that, in the 1997 general election, JBJ was the closest defeated candidate. He was given the same offer which he accepted. I telephoned JBJ to ask why he was accepting it. “Isn’t it your Party’s decision not to accept this sort of invitation? You stopped MPD Nair from taking it?” I asked curiously. He said, “Well, Subhas, circumstances change. The Council feels that I must accept it,” came his reply. I just shook my head and said to myself, “This is the most unfair situation.” Anyway, it was a political decision that had nothing to do with me.

  NINETEEN

  FEELING USEFUL

  It is now June 2014. It has been more than six months since I was treated by Dr Ching Chi Keong. I seem to be feeling a lot stronger, emotionally and physically. I am able to walk a longer distance and even climb steps in our condominium garden. Vimi would make me handle two steps at a time, pause for a long while, and then continue. It would seem like a great achievement after reaching the top of the steps. The motivation would always be to sit on the swing in the garden with Vimi for a while.

  I am using a new dictaphone. I am not familiar with it but it will be easier for Vimi to transcribe.

  Today I had two visitors at home. One is a very close and dear friend, Christopher Woo. He had a client in Malaysia who was in trouble and Chris wanted me to get involved in the case and to assist in certain aspects of it. I met Chris Woo when I was a consultant in Harry Elias Partnership (HEP) in 2000. I also met Lawrence Quahe when they were both partners in HEP. Both of them subsequently left HEP — Chris Woo to Rajah & Tann, and Lawrence Quahe to join his client, a big Indonesian tobacco company. After a few years, they got together to start a legal practice called Lawrence Quahe & Woo.

  Lawrence was a good boss. Several legal assistants left HEP to join him in his new firm. Lawrence and Chris also visited me to invite me to join them. They said it didn’t matter if I was not able to ‘pull my weight in numbers’ but they would like me to join them. However, I was not in a position to do so because RHT Law was then depending on me to head the litigation department, and I did not want it to seem as though I was betraying them. When I explained this to Lawrence and Chris, they said, “Look here, Subhas, anytime when you need to leave, please remember that there is a room for you here.” Feeling rather pleased with them, I replied, “That’s very reassuring. Thank you very much.”

  Subsequently, Michael Palmer, another partner from HEP, joined Lawrence and Chris. I often refered to the three of them affectionately as “The Boys”. I really thought that Lawrence Quahe and Chris Woo were great people, especially when they stood loyal to their old buddy, Michael.

  The Boys and I used to enjoy lunches together, talking and laughing. When I fell really ill, and I was not sure what my future was going to be like, they visited me in hospital to reassure me that everything was going to be alright. They would say, “When you come out and if there is anything that you feel you need to change, or if you feel that you are not wanted, we still want you. Remember that the room that we promised you in 2011 is still there. You can come there with your team and join us. It doesn’t matter whether you have heart failure or kidney failure. We are your friends and we will always stand by you.” I was very touched and I controlled my tears but as soon as they left the room, I broke down. I didn’t want them to see me cry.

  Soon after I was discharged from hospital and recuperating at home, still quite sick but not as bad as when I was in hospital, they came again with the other partners. They brought lunch and Lawrence told me the same thing. “Remember the offer that we made, it’s always there for you. We shall not repeat it. You just have to make one phone call and we will come and take all your things and put you in our place. We’ll always be there for you.”

  As I said at the beginning of this chapter, Chris Woo came to my home with a client. He said, “Initially, I was not happy to get you involved but your nephew, Sunil, says that you are going back to the office two to three hours on non-dialysis days. This is why I decided to come and see you. I don’t want you to tax yourself. If you are tired, you are tired, and there is no going the extra mile at the expense of your health.” I smiled at his caring ways and said, “OK.” He said he had given us another two cases which Sunil was handling for the time being. He said, “When you get better and you feel up to it, you will take over.”

  Subhas with The Boys. From left: Lawrence Quahe, Chris Woo and Michael Palmer.

  We had a good meeting this morning and once again, I felt useful. I think my life is slowly going back to normal and I think I have to accept the fact that though there are limitations to what I can now do because of my dialysis, life goes on and I have got to be strong for my family and friends. I intend to do that.

  TWENTY

  AH SOO, A DEAR OLD FRIEND

  My friend, Wong Ah Soo, is a very dear friend who grew up with me in the British Naval Base. We shared an adventurous childhood, always up to mischief and pranks and we loved every minute of it. In the Base there were apartment blocks reserved for families and others reserved for bachelors. Block 47 was one of the bachelors’ quarters. Ah Soo always said that he and I would not have girlfriends, would not get married and we would live in Block 47 Room 2 as each room could be occupied by two persons. I would always agree with him and said that we would have a good time sharing the room. Years passed and we parted company. He went on to work and I went on to university to read law. I got married and he did not.

  Ah Soo is now in a very bad shape. He is suffering from the initial stages of dementia. He can’t recognise people sometimes and sometimes he doesn’t know what he is saying. He would forget a situation that happened five minutes ago.

  Sometime in 2010, I had a call from his sister, Mabel, a very lovely lady, and she told me, “Subhas, you have got to help me. Ah Soo is now suffering from dementia. He is giving a lot of problems. He would sit in the coffee shop and spend his money recklessly and lose his mobile phone. I wish you could talk to him.“ Definitely, I said, and asked for his telephone number.

  I immediately called him and said, “Ah Soo, this is Subhas.” He was pleasantly surprised and exclaimed, “Ah, it’s so nice to hear your voice. Who gave you this number?” I explained that his sister had called me and we had chatted about him. He said to me, “Subhas, she must have told you that I was sick.” Tactfully, I replied, “Well, she didn’t say you were sick. She just told me that sometimes you need help. So, Ah Soo, tell me where are you staying now so that I can visit you and maybe we can go out for dinner?” He replied, “Are you sick or what?” Surprised at his question, I asked him, “Why do you ask?” He exclaimed, “I am in Block 47 Room 2 and we are staying together. What’s wrong with you?”

  I thought, “What his sister said is true!” I played along and said to him, “So sorry, sometimes I forget. Anyway, I have another house where I am staying and I have decided to give a dinner for all our old friends like Ah Teng, Ramli, Chee Kok and a few others. I think you should come.” He was all excited and said, “Sure, I would love to come but I need someone to take me there.” I assured him tha
t I would make arrangements with Ramli to pick him up. I told him, “Oh by the way, Ah Soo, I am married, you know, and I have a son.” He was very pleased but a little puzzled. He asked, “Then who has been living with me in Block 47 Room 2?” I told him I did not know and that Block 47 Room 2 does not exist any more. “I believe you are now staying somewhere in Toa Payoh.” He said, “Times have changed and I can’t cope sometimes but please call me and tell me when and ask Ramli to pick me up.”

  As it was Deepavali of 2010, I decided to invite my close childhood friends to my home for dinner. Vimi cooked a curry feast that they all liked. My siblings also knew Ah Soo very well as he used to hang out at our home quite often when we lived as neighbours in the British Naval Base. They, too, were at my home that Deepavali for dinner. As agreed, Ramli picked up Ah Soo before coming over.

  I had not seen Ah Soo for many years. He was an exact replica of his father and he hugged me and said, “You played me out, ah, by getting married.”

  I laughed and replied, “Well it was one of those things.” I introduced him to Vimi, whom he seemed to have forgotten although he had met her many years ago, and he said to her, “He’s supposed to stay with me as a bachelor in Block 47 Room 2 but obviously the situation has changed.”

  He seemed to be very lucid at times and knew what he was talking about. We all sat, chatted, reminisced about the good old days, ate and drank merrily. He was talking so sensibly. We reminisced about the days when we got up to all sorts of mischief. It was a great reunion of neighbours and friends whom we had not seen for many years but had always kept fondly in our thoughts. We talked about old times and there was no trace of Ah Soo’s declining health.

  Finally at around midnight, Ah Soo said he was tired and Ramli decided to take him home. In fact, as he was going back, he asked me, “When are we having the next one?” I said I would try to organise another one as soon as possible. Maybe we could organise a bigger one where we could call more friends. He said that would be a good idea.

  A few days later, his sister rang and thanked me. She said, “I believe Ah Soo had a good time as he was only talking about the dinner and you. He seems to be quite OK now.” I was pleased to hear that and assured her, “Any time there is a problem, please give me a call. Let me know what I can do for you.”

  A few days later she rang me up again. “Subhas, he is back to his abnormal self. He was running around the block at night, shouting out your name and asking where you were.” She said he was asking loudly, “Why are you leaving me alone?” The police had to control him and Mabel had to explain to them that he was not well, or he would have been charged for disorderly behaviour. We took him back home. Mabel was anxious and frantically asked me, “Can you do something about it?” I said, “OK, I will arrange for another dinner or we can visit him at the coffee shop that he normally visits.” She was pleased that I would do that for her brother. I went looking for him at the coffee shop with Ramli but we did not see him there. We asked the shopkeeper and he confirmed that Ah Soo had not been there for two or three days. I called Mabel to tell her that we were not able to get in touch with Ah Soo to talk with him. She said that the family themselves did not know where he was. I thought the matter ended there.

  A gathering of old friends, Deepavali 2010. Seated from left: Ah Teng, Subhas, Ah Soo and Molak. Standing are Ah Sai, Sai Chee, Kok Meng and Ramli.

  A few weeks later, Mabel rang me and said that his condition had become worse. He couldn’t even recognise anyone and they had to apply to court to have him committed and to apply for a committee to be set up to look after his interests because he was unable to look after himself. When I heard that, I was very sad. So many thoughts came flooding back. I thought about the memories of our childhood, our growing up years, the bond that we shared. I felt that I could not see him in that state.

  Mabel rang me again and asked if I could provide an affidavit. The lawyers acting for the family wanted an affidavit giving the background of Wong Ah Soo and his relationship with his family and how they would treat him. Of course, I gave an affidavit that was favourable to his siblings. But I gave it with a very heavy heart. So many memories flooded back. It took me a long time to come to terms with his condition. I held back my tears because Ah Soo was one of my closest childhood friends and to see him in this state was heartbreaking. I informed his sister that even though I was sad, I would like to visit with him when she took him home. She said she would let me know when. But she has not called me yet. The day will come when she will call and I will go and see my good friend. I hope that he can recognise me. If he can’t, it doesn’t matter; but if he does, it matters a lot to me.

  I realised then that when he was with friends, he seemed to be a different person altogether. He managed to carry on a conversation reasonably well.

  Mabel has called. She shared with me that “he was running around the housing estate where he is living, shouting out your name and asking when is the party.” She said he kept running and repeating himself and said that I was suppose to organise one soon. Mabel said to me, “Were you supposed to do that? If so, I think you’d better not. He has definitely lost it. He can’t hold himself well now. I don’t think it would be safe to have him over.”

  On hearing this, my heart sank and I felt as though I have lost a dear friend although he was still physically around.

  I waited a little while to call him. Many a time I called him to talk but sadly, he didn’t seem to recognise my voice. Each time as I dialled, I wished to God that he would recognise my voice the moment I said, “Hello, Ah Soo,” but he didn’t. In fact, he seemed like a stranger who was rude, abrupt and wanted to hang up immediately as if I was a wrong caller. It was heart-wrenching to come to terms with his condition. I shared this with Mabel. She said, “This has been his pattern for some time.”

  With Mabel Wong.

  I prayed for my friend to get better but he never got better and today, while at dialysis, Mabel walked in. She had heard from Ramli that I had to undergo dialysis and she came looking for me. She held my hand and said, “I never expected to see you like this but I have come to learn to expect the unexpected. I have been looking out for my brother for some time. During his lucid moments, he talks to me and he always talks about you. He tells me what a good friend and a great guy you are and how proud he is to know that he is your friend. He said even his photograph appeared with you in your book.” It was one of the greatest satisfactions he had. I am so glad that I made him proud to be my friend.

  Wong Ah Soo is truly a good friend. We grew up together and sometimes, we even shared the same plate of food. He cooked for us quite often, taking his mother’s lap cheong (Chinese sausage) and other ingredients necessary to make a sumptuous meal of fried rice. We played hard together. He will never let me down in any sort of situation. Ah Soo is that sort of person who will give his life for his friends. This is why, sometimes, I think that once upon a time, I was the richest man in the world for I had friends who would go with me to the end of the world. Today friendship means so little to many people. It has become shallow for most. It has become a convenience. I make new friends and I know new friends are nothing compared to the old. This is how it is. Situations change and you have to learn how to adapt to these changes. If not, you will be a miserable man. Having said that, I do have some new friends who have become very close and dear to me.

  TWENTY-ONE

  SAD OCCASIONS AND HAPPY MOMENTS

  Thinking about Wong Ah Soo brings me back again to the British Naval Base where I had spent my whole childhood. To most of us, it was the happiest time of our lives — simple carefree lives with little worry. It was fun most of the time. We all studied in the same school, some of us were in the same class, some of us were in the same level but in different classes. There was a sort of solidarity in our school that I have never known anywhere else.

  Our school was not noted for its academic achievements because most of the students were not really interested in achieving academic
ally. They just wanted to pass their Secondary 3 or Secondary 4 exams so that they could find a job and support their family or support themselves. Of course the school never discouraged anyone who wanted to study. I was the only one in my cohort who went to Raffles Institution and then to Singapore University to read law. I was given all the encouragement, not only by my friends and teachers but by parents who would turn around as I walk pass and say to their children, “Look, look at Subhas. Why don’t you all be like him?”

  I became some sort of a role model for the other children because I was good in sports and studies. I played many games but football was always my favourite. Employees within the Base had their own Football League. Asian 11 was first organised for those who had been rejected and who did not qualify to play for their own departments because they were not good enough. So all the rejected players started to play for Asian 11 and every other team who played against them would score ten to 13 goals simply because Asian 11 players were not used to playing the game. So the suggestion to allow the children of the employees to play came about. This idea was carried through, and soon my brother Sudheesh, Quah Kim Song and I joined the team. Kim Song’s brother, Kim Siak, joined as the Captain of Asian 11 because there wasn’t a football team in his department. In fact he was the one who recruited us to play for Asian 11.

  Suddenly Asian 11 became a very powerful team. Some of those who had come to watch us play immediately arranged for us to have proper jerseys because we were wearing just singlets. We even had matching shorts and socks. Suddenly we were a team to be reckoned with. We won the league title and Kim Siak proudly received the Cup on behalf of the team. A big celebration was held after that.

  Quah Kim Siak came from the famous footballing family of Quahs. I have had the privilege of playing with Kim Lai, Kim Swee and Kim Siak although I was younger than them. I know their standard of play and I would consider Kim Siak as the best of the Quah siblings in football. He retired from football and when he retired from work, he started a pub. We used to go there once in a while to patronise the pub. One day I noted that that Kim Siak was not well. I asked him, “How are you? Are you OK?” He would say, “Coming from you asking whether I am OK, it’s funny. He laughed and added, “I should be asking you, are you OK?”