by Tara Brown
Rod, one of the guys from the retreat who is friends with Will, passes us on the field. He carries a bow and quiver. He winks at me. I smile, "Have a good night."
He puts a hand up and walks past us.
I give Jake a frown, "If you don’t want to gut, I can show you how to get the meat without gutting them. Jack showed me how."
He nods and holds the door for me when we get to the house, "Sounds good."
I hear the cough from across the house. I walk down the hall to the back room we have claimed as ours. Will is changing his shirt. I can see the sweat on the one he pulls off.
He smiles when he sees me, but I don’t smile at him. His scar is fading on his chest. I reach out, touching a fingertip to the line on his chest.
"How was watch?"
I nod, "Boring." He pulls me into his sweaty body. It's cool sweat, not fever like Jake had. I put my hands on his chest, "You have to slow down, Will. You're healing and your lung is still weak." I know how serious my gaze gets; I can feel it. He tries to smile, but I put my finger on the tip of his nose like Granny always did, "You listening to me? You have to slow down. I can't do that again. You can't leave me."
He flashes me the smile that melts everything, "Never again." He kisses my lips softly, "But for the record, I took a bullet to save you."
I shake my head against the stubble on his face, "I would have lived. Next time you let them shoot me. I can live through anything." I don’t say the thing I can't live without. I don’t want to talk about it.
He wraps his arms around me, "You going to see Sully and Star?" I nod. He kisses again, murmuring into my cheek, "You could stay and someone else could go."
I smile, "I can't let Jake go without me."
His smile tightens, "Jake could stay. I don’t want him out there anyway."
I laugh, "He's amazing on the horses. Him and Anna both are great with the horses. I have to go. Can you just rest… for me?"
He nods, tilting my chin up, "I love you."
"I love you too."
He kisses the tip of my nose and steps back, "I'm going to tell Nan that you'll be resting until I get back tomorrow."
He rolls his eyes, "Don’t get Nan involved. That woman is a savage."
I step back again, "That’s the point." I wave, "Leo is going to want to come. He's still not letting me out of his sight, so you have the bed to yourself."
He gives me a sad face; it makes me laugh.
"Behave yourself."
I head down the hall. Jake is laughing, leaning on the counter with Andrea and Kim. He's batting those massive black lashes and chewing a piece of dried meat. Kim blushes and shakes her head.
I walk past him, "You ready?"
He jumps up, "Let's do this. Ladies, it was lovely seeing you all, but I gotta go wrangle some horses. So we can continue this conversation when I get back."
I shake my head at the giggles in the kitchen. His charming antics are impossible to resist. I've been on the receiving end of that smile. I'm just grateful he stopped giving it to me.
Nan nods at me from the cook pit. She points at Jake, "Behave."
He walks with a serious amount of swagger, "Yes, ma'am."
Anna smiles at me from the meat racks. Her nausea ended a few weeks ago, making her able to work with food again, and able to eat things other than just fruit.
"See you tomorrow."
She nods.
Jake points at her, "Make Will relax. He's sounding rough."
She nods again. We walk to the animal barn that was built from the pen the farm already had. Two horses are already saddled. I grin back at Anna, "Thanks."
She waves.
"She looks better."
Jake grunts. He still hasn’t come to terms with the baby or the fact Anna had sex; Will is worse.
I get onto the horse and sigh, "My butt's sore and we haven’t even started."
He chuckles, "We'll ride fast, I swear." He hops on and steers his horse to the gate. One of the girls with a sweet smile, and an eye on Jake, gets the gate. He winks at her as he rides out. I nearly roll my eyes but they're getting sore from it.
We take off across the field. Leo stays with us the whole ride down the hill to the roadway. I have my handguns holstered on my legs, and my bow and quiver slung over my back. Jake has the sack of water and food in his saddlebags. Sully and Star took hunting parties up into the woods to the spot the cabins had been, where Sully lived before. They raided everything from there, horses, saddlebags, supplies—everything.
The five-hour horse ride is considerably better than walking the whole thing.
Jake and I have done the ride twice. Will can't ride a horse for very long, his chest hurts so Jake and I have to be the ones to do it. We know the way and Star's people know us.
When we cross the planes where we were once taken captive by Fish and Sully, I can't help but feel like it was a hundred years ago. I don’t know what changed me more, Will and Bernie dying, walking away from my father, or destroying everything they made. The combination is brutal and I hardly recognize myself.
We see a herd of animals that look like elk. I point at them as we ride. Jake shakes his head, "We don’t have time."
I pull an arrow, squeezing my horse between my thighs tighter, and try to pull the arrow back. The horse galloping and the moving animal make it impossible. I don’t know how the American Indians did it.
I put the arrow away and catch back up to Jake. My riding is still sloppy and I end up with sores. He rides like he was born to—him, Star and Anna.
We get to the crater that Star showed us before. Jake stops the horse to look. He always does when we reach the crater. I think he will always miss the world the way it was before. He rubs his hand down the horse’s face and gives it a nudge. The horse starts again.
When we get to Star's, the guards wave us in.
The mansion and grounds have become a small town. I jump down off the horse and lead it to the barn. A lady comes out and grabs the reigns, "Hey, Emma!"
I smile. I don’t know her name, but I know she was in the breeder farms.
Andy comes running up waving his chubby hands at me, "Where's Sarah?"
I wince, "Hey buddy, she's still at the farm. She's helping Anna with racking meat."
He hugs my leg. Jake saves me by pointing out the animals in the pens, "What's that Andy?" Andy giggles and takes his hand to show him something called a cheep.
Star comes up with a grin and muscles like I'm sure I've never seen on a girl. I point, "What is that?"
She laughs, "Been learning to be a smithy." She wraps her arms around me, hugging me fiercely. She pulls back, "How's the farmhouse?"
She means how's Will, but she won't ask. I appreciate that. I nod, "Good. Everyone is good." I point behind me, "I'm going to say hi to Meg."
She winks, "Say hi to Bernie while you're there. It's his bush too."
I turn and walk toward the massive rose bush.
A man walks up to me, meeting me along the way, "Emma!"
I smile when I see him, "Mitch!"
He wraps his arms around me, smelling my hair and shaking his head, "I heard about Will and Bernie. I'm so sorry."
I pull back, "Will's okay."
His face drops, "He's alive?"
I nod.
He sighs, "Oh thank God. I heard he was killed. I nearly died myself."
"He's at the farmhouse I used to hide at. We built a wheat farm there. Got a lot of the retreat people there for the winters."
His smile is still sweet. He nudges me, "You're taking me with you when you go."
I shake my head, "No way. You gotta stay here and help out."
He rolls his eyes, "It's already bigger than it needs to be. Star is figuring out how to make bullets now. She'll have a factory in no time." He stares at her for a second, like he's getting lost in thought and repressed emotions. When he snaps out of it, he shakes his head, "No, I need to leave here."
I understand and nod, "Alright. We r
ide out tomorrow. Sully wants me to take two more horses, so you can ride one."
He nods. Leo comes strolling up, sniffing Mitch. He makes his happy wolf face after a second. Mitch squats to scratch Leo's face, grinning up at me, "You know you need my skills anyway."
I snort, "It's sad, but you could be the difference between survival and not. We don’t have a lot of snipers at the farmhouse."
He winks, "I hear you got a lot of ladies."
I fold my arms over my chest, "We do. You know how to deliver a baby?"
He smiles, standing up, "I do. I did it once. It was scary as shit, but I can I do it."
I slap his arm, "Then you'll be popular."
His face blushes a little. He's normally the strong, silent type; he's me but a guy. Star strolls over, looking strong and confident, "You hear the towns have started up law enforcement?"
I frown, "They always had guards."
She shakes her head, "Sheriffs. They started swearing in sheriffs and judges. With no farms and camps, and no city, the towns are becoming real towns. They're trying to get rid of the corruption."
I roll my eyes, "Kind of a day late and a dollar short." I read that in one of Granny's novels. I love that one.
She laughs, "It's better than nothing. We've been thinking since we have ten houses, we might do the same. You guys should too."
I look at Mitch, "You wanna be my sheriff?"
He nods once, "I'd do anything for you, Em."
The comment makes me uncomfortable, just a little. I pretend it's nothing and nod, "Okay."
Star points at Sully, I barely recognize him. He's a beast of a man somehow. In the month I've been gone, he has gained massive amounts of muscle, like Star, but more bulging. "He wants you guys to take four horses, one is a stud and not related to any of the females at the farm."
I nod, "Okay. Just tell Jake what you want. He's the horse guy."
She laughs, "Who knew he had a purpose, beyond making the view that much better."
I laugh.
She winks, "Studding horses suits him." She walks away and her shorts and tee shirt suddenly suit her. Her body is strong and fit now. She doesn’t giggle and she doesn’t hug people. She slaps them on the arm.
"She's so different now."
I glance at Mitch and nod, "So different."
He swallows, "I almost miss the giggly massage girl."
"You know that was an act right? That never was who she was. She was trying to blend in, keep information flowing from Marshall and her brother."
He gives me a smirk, "I know. I still liked that sweet smile and funny laugh."
I sigh, "Men are animals."
He laughs and walks with me to Jake. Sully's sees us, his dirty face brightens, "Emma!"
I wave but he comes over, giving me a bulging, muscled, and sweat-laden hug. My back cracks when he shakes me.
He puts me down, "How's Will, Anna, and Sarah?"
"Great. They're all great. Anna is getting a small belly. It's like a tiny little hump. And she's not sick anymore."
He smiles, "Cool. Me and Star wanna get some officials around here, so that when the little bambino comes we can come up there." He nods behind the barn, "We're making a cart into a sled. You all should do the same thing."
"Smart. I'll tell Will."
His eyes narrow a little, "How's he feeling?"
I shake my head, "He doesn’t say much. You know what he's like."
He snorts, "Yeah, he's you, but he's got a dick."
I frown.
He laughs. I don’t see what's funny about that statement. Sometimes I still get lost in conversations, but I've come a long way.
Mitch nudges me, "Emma doesn’t like talking about dicks, she likes killing shit."
My face is getting red. I glance at Meg's grave where Leo is sitting alone and point, "I'm going to say hi to Meg." I walk past them and try to not hear their laughing.
It takes me a minute to pull the dead branches and leaves off the mound of rocks. Leo sits, looking regal. His eyes always get sad when he's with her.
I kneel beside him and run my hands down his back.
I don’t look down into the rock pile though. I look up and smile, "Hey, Meg."
I know she's there. I know very few things, but I know that.
After a minute Jake is there beside me. The warmth of his body next to mine is nice.
"Hi, Meg."
Leo whines a little and lies down. Jake nods his head. I can tell he's saying something in his head. I reach over, taking his hand in mine. He doesn’t look at me but he squeezes.
I hear boots behind us, "Wanna take a hot shower? I got the power up and running now. The inverter is finally fixed."
I glance back at Star, "Seriously?"
She grins.
Jake winks at me, "I'll race you to the showers."
I stick my tongue out, "Just go first. My legs are broken from that damned horse."
He helps me up, "No, you go first."
Star laughs, "Always the gentleman."
His eyes burn, "Not always."
Chapter Twelve
The next day the saddle instantly picks a fight with my butt. I wince and wait for the numb to take over again.
Mitch laughs, "Oh, that was a face. Sore arse, Emma?"
I growl and give him a hard look. He puts his hands up defensively but continues laughing.
Jake gives me a shitty grin too. I snarl and nod at Star, "I'll send word when the snow hits, and if anything remarkable happens."
She winks, "I'll send word if I find Daddy Dearest."
I have created a monster. She is more like me daily, like she's picking up the cold hateful pieces I am losing. I nod, "Don’t go after him without me." I don’t want him to kill her. We may not be close, but she's all I have left. She's my blood.
She slaps the butt of the horse, "Have a safe trip." My horse leaps into action. I almost cry out. I need to learn to ride horses better. Flopping around in the seat might be the death of me.
Sully waves us off at the gate. I can't make myself trust him. He does everything he can to earn our trust and help us, but to me he was one of them. I have to force myself to see Jack when I look at him. No matter what, I see the picture I made in my head of them eating people. It makes me gag a little.
Mitch and Jake pass me, making dust for me to follow. I see movement to the right as we pass the crater. I pull an arrow and make an attempt at the matted, red hair of the monster stumbling along the grass. I loose two arrows but they both miss. Leo looks at me and then sprints off to the side. He snaps her neck and catches up to me. I sigh, I need to learn to shoot from a horse. This is my new goal.
We pass the place where Fish and the gang captured us, and I try again on a deer running alongside the destroyed road. I'm going to run out of arrows at this rate. Leo doesn't even attempt the deer. I think he's starting to feel sorry for me so he's pretending to not see my sucky aim.
The guard on the platform in the tree is an amazing sight. He waves at us as we ride in. Jake has the extra horse tied to him so he goes directly to the right when we break the forest. The farmhouse and the small village look bigger than before. More people maybe.
Will comes out smiling. He looks red, not burnt, but winded. I'm going to smack him around. He grabs my horse's reigns but smiles at Mitch, "Hey, man. How's it going?"
Mitch hops off his horse like we just did a quick jaunt around the yard. He doesn't look like he might die any second. I can't get off the horse fast enough, but when I do my legs buckle. Leo is there when I fall. I lean on his huge back, "Thanks, buddy."
Mitch and Will are hugging. I can see relief on Mitch's face. "I heard you were gone, brother."
Will glances at me, "Yeah, I was for a little while."
Mitch smacks his arm, "Even the devil didn’t want you, huh?"
Will chuckles, "Naw."
Mitch sees Anna, I see the sadness on his face. He nods that way, "Going to go see how the momma-to-be is doing."
Will turns to me, "Sore butt?"
I want to whine and soak it in hot water. I sigh, "It hurts."
He pulls me into his arms, rubbing my butt gently, "Come on. I'll give you a butt massage."