by Marie Cole
"You can't expect much. Most of them just want to get their rocks off with who ever will let them. Most aren't looking for a solid relationship and the ones who are tend to be tied down." Kent paused and I looked up enough to see that he seemed to be struggling with something but I couldn't tell what it was. "Elly, you know I…l-,” his words were cut off by the sound of a knock on the door.
Kent sighed as he got up and answered the door.
I looked at the doorway, Jen was there and looked confused, untrusting as her eyes found me on Kent’s bed. "What the hell is going on in here? Is she crying?“
"She is going through some boy trouble."
"Right, and so she came to cry on your shoulder? Hope that you'd feel bad for her and cop a feel?"
I wasn’t sure where all that was coming from. And I wasn’t sure I wanted to be in the middle of it.
"No, it's not like that, Jen. Come on, you should know that by now.” Kent tried to block Jen as she tried to push past him to get to me.
"I'm sorry, this was a mistake..." I whispered as I stood up. I should’ve known that by now too. It wasn’t safe to be with Kent. He wasn’t that guy anymore. Despite what we’d had in the past he wasn’t the one I should be running to with my problems.
Jen scoffed as she got around Kent. She looked at me and then poked Kent in his chest. "I know you wish it were like that. Especially now that she has a hot little body. Don't think I haven't noticed you checking her out. Don't think I haven't noticed you being snippier than usual with me after you ran into her at the party."
Kent left Jen standing there and came back, pushing me back onto his bed. He looked down at me as he said with a frown, “No. You stay. You need someone to talk to, maybe a girl. I need to walk and clear my head. Maybe you two can bitch about how shitty the male population is.” Kent turned on his heel and rushed to the door, slamming it behind him as he left the dorm.
I looked at Jen who exhaled slowly and shook her head. "I'm sorry, Elly. I don't mean to drag you in the middle of our shit. It’s been hard lately. He just drives me nuts most days…but you don't need to hear it, Elly. Did you get a look at that bimbo that boy of yours was fucking?"
Ever since Jen turned eighteen she felt like she could and should use any dirty word that she could think of. On Kent’s eighteenth birthday she yelled, “Happy Fucking Birthday, Pussylicker!” in front of his few close friends and his mother. And mine. She was a little inebriated at the time, but it wasn’t really a good excuse. I think she lost brownie points with his mom for that. I certainly would have if I had said it.
I shook my head. “Not really, just saw some blonde hair..."
Jen just shook her head and took a seat next to me. "What a bitch. I can't believe some women." Jen was quiet for a moment before she spoke again. "Elly, thank you for being my friend." Jen put her arms around my shoulders.
I gave her a polite hug in return but my mind was churning. I hated these false moments with her. She hated me, clearly, and I didn’t like her very much either. I pulled away and then chuckled, "God, I probably look a hot mess. I'm gonna go.” I stood up and left Jen sitting there, waiting for Kent who ran into me in the downstairs lobby.
“Elly, hey. Sorry about that. I just…had to get out of there.”
He still looked kind of pissed and I was glad he wasn’t pissed at me. At least I hoped he wasn’t. Maybe I’d interrupted a romantic evening with him and Jen. No, he’d said she was out with her mom.
“It’s okay. It was pretty tense in there. Your dorm room is way too small.”
He chuckled and it made my belly feel warm.
“Yeah, tell me about it.”
“No time for cru—“ Oh no, maybe I’d interrupted his private boy time. “Oh god, did I come stop by at the worst time? I’m sure you don’t get alone time very often and—“
He stopped me with his hand as he placed it on my shoulder. “Elly. Stop. You didn’t interrupt anything. I was playing a video game, that’s all. I’m sorry I can’t keep talking about how awesome you are.”
I rolled my eyes, totally not believing him. “Whatever.” I nodded and smiled, not feeling it in my heart but I needed to show it for his sake. “Better go up there and patch things up with your girlfriend.”
“Yeah, I’d better or she won’t play with me.” I blinked at him and he shook his head, stuttering with embarrassment, “N-no! I m-meant video games!”
I nodded a couple of times slowly. “Right. Okay. Not my business.” I held my hands up innocently and side stepped around him.
He raked his fingers through his hair as he watched me go. “Elly! That’s not what I meant!”
“Go on. Go play with your girlfriend.” I shuddered as I walked out of his dorm. I didn’t want that image in my head. I closed my eyes as I walked a few steps. Rainbows. The beach. Crabs. CRABS! I opened my eyes and shook my head. I needed to go work out and sap the self-pity from my body.
Chapter 7
I sat down next to Kent. "Hey." I opened my notebook and uncapped my pen.
Kent didn't look like himself. It looked like he hasn't slept well in days. He had his notebook out like always, but he didn't have his pencil in hand. He turned his eyes towards me and offered a little smile. "Hey, Elly."
I looked him over and bent over slightly so I could get a better look at him. The bags under his eyes were huge. “What-are you okay?"
Kent rubbed his eyes and looked back at his notebook. "Yeah, just not been sleeping well is all."
"Oh, right,” I sat back in my seat and stared down at my notebook. "Too many late nights with Jen lately, huh?”
Kent shook his head and picked up his pencil. He started doodling on the cover of his notebook. That was one of his pissed off tells. "No. I've been sleeping on her couch."
"And why is that?" I glanced between his face and his doodles. "I thought you and Jen made up."
The professor turned down the lights which signified he was ready to speak.
I wrote a note on his clean page as he opened his notebook.
I can get that coffee after class today.
When Kent started taking notes I did as well, the professor wasted no time getting down to business. At class's end I stood up, notebook in hand. "So do you have time?"
Kent stood up he nodded his head. "I thought you'd never ask."
I smiled and walked with him down the stairs. "Why don't you break up with her?"
"It's not that easy. Sometimes she doesn't take no for an answer. There are sometimes she's really sweet, but as of late it's like she's a totally different person."
I chewed on my lower lip softly. "But you love her, right?"
"That's a very complicated question, Elly. One I'm not sure I even know the answer to. Ever since prom night I thought so. I mean she didn't just leave me there after I passed out. She said we had sex, but I can't really remember."
"No, she did...I, um…I walked in on you guys. It was the worst night of my life." I avoided his gaze as the night replayed in my memory.
That night I had tried to be a good sport, for Kent’s sake, but prom blew big chunks. The only person I’d wanted to dance with had abandoned me. Come to prom with us, Elly, he’d said. It’ll be fun, he’d said. He had lied. It hadn’t been fun. It hadn’t been fun at all.
I started my walk to the hotel lobby when I saw a group of guys crowded around a half open door. Curiosity got the better of me and I pushed my way to the front, ready to close the door on whatever the jerks were staring at. But that was before I saw Jen, her short mini-dress pushed all the way up, revealing her whole perfect naked body. The guys were staring at it, soaking up the memory for the spank bank. And I couldn’t look away. I should have but I couldn’t. I saw Kent, on the floor of the Pine Room, his hands on Jen’s waist as she bounced on top of his half naked body.
I didn’t stay to see more than thirty seconds before I ran off. I could faintly hear their comments and their laughter. “Aww, poor Elly-phant.”
His
voice was soft, bringing me back to the present, “I’m sorry you had to see that, Elly."
"I am too, but it’s done now.” I shook my head to try to get rid of the memory. It only ever worked temporarily.
Kent shook his head as they came to the little coffee shop on campus. “You going to let me buy your coffee?" Kent no doubt switched the subject since we were getting close to other people.
"Um, no." I looked down at my feet. "Sorry, sorry I brought that up. I forget that I can't talk to you about everything.”
Kent shook his head. "I just don't remember it at all. It's one of those things that I wished I could remember. Your first time is supposed to be special. At least memorable. Jen never told me exact details. Pretty much like now, she only tells me half of the things she's doing. Sometimes it just doesn't seem to add up or something.” It seemed Kent was opening up a little more, getting more comfortable with himself. I was glad to see it. It was a nice change from his self-conscious high school self.
"I..." I shook my head, wondering if I should tell him anything at all about my social life. Of course I should. He’s my friend. I sighed, feeling stupid for even thinking of keeping him isolated from the rest of my life. "So, I'm uh...I'm singing at open mic night tomorrow. I figured I'd invite you and Jen to come see me. You know, if you want to."
I shrugged softly as I stepped up to the coffee counter and ordered my chai tea. I paid in cash and then stepped aside so Kent could order. I figured changing the subject would be easier than telling my friend that he needed to get his head out of his ass and pay attention to his feelings. I wasn't very good at it either so I couldn't really fault him.
Kent nodded his head. "I'd like that. I’m sure I can convince Jen to go.”
I doubted it very much but I nodded politely anyway. "Good luck with that." I poked his side with my free hand. I shook my finger and winced, "Ouch. You're like a rock these days."
Kent chuckled as he ordered his drink. He lifted up his shirt to show his abs. "Not bad for a dorky kid, huh?" He let the shirt drop. His drink came up and he took it in hand.
I tried not to stare so I looked around instead. "Oh god, Kent. You're drawing the wolves’ attention. They're going to come maul you if you do that again." I grinned. "I'd show you my abs but then you'd just be super emasculated."
Kent laughed as he put his arm around my shoulder and walked us to a table. I didn't embrace him back but just walked casually as if it were no big thing that my high school crush turned super hottie had his arm around me. And that he smelled like a nighttime forest. And that I wanted to smack the coffee out of his hand and have my way with him on every table in the joint. "You laugh, but that's only because you haven't seen them. And you probably never will. I don't like seeing grown men cry."
"Right, right. Maybe we'll have to go to the gym sometime and see who's better at what. Or maybe just work out together. Mike would love it if you’d join in. He’d get to stare at you. It would be a nice change. It’s pretty creepy when he stares at me.” Kent led them to a table where he took a seat.
I sat down across from him and chuckled, “I’m sure you’d have no trouble finding a girl to work out with you two. There are lots of PYT’s dying for attention from two strapping college men like yourselves.”
Kent shook his head. "I don't want to do that. It's enough dealing with Jen when I have a hot friend, much less more girls trying to force their way in."
"Woah, woah...back up." I motioned backwards with my hand, "You think I'm hot?" I raised my eyebrows to match the surprise I felt.
"Yes. Why are you surprised? You were cute before, but you're smoking now. So, does it feel good to hear that from guys? See the way they look at you?" Kent took a drink of his iced coffee.
I shrugged, "Guys actually approach me now but I wouldn't say anyone looks at me differently." Not that I paid much attention. "And yes, I am surprised to hear you admit that you find me attractive. It only took what?" I looked up and pretended to mentally count, "Like ten years?"
Kent scoffed and shook his head. "You wanted to hear me say it for that long?" He smiled.
I smiled back, "Longer, probably. That's okay, though, I'm on my way to out-sexing you. I'm going to leave your monogamous ass in the dust." I sipped my tea, trying hard to make light of my guy situation.
That playful smile wavered for a moment but whatever he’d been thinking had quickly passed. "Yeah, yeah. If you count how much I've had then you've still got a way to go, Elly." He stuck his tongue out at me just as his phone played a few notes.
I kicked his shin under the table, "Oops." And then looked away innocently.
Kent grabbed at his shin under the table as he made a pained face and pulled the phone from his pocket. When he looked at it he sighed. "It's Jen. She's wondering where I am."
"Okay, well, I guess you should get going."
He pushed the ignore button and stuffed it back into his pocket. “Nah. She can wait. I’m with my friend right now.” I was about to burst on the inside. Had he really just ignored Jen for me? It was like a dream come true! I tried my best to keep my smiles on the inside.
“You are talking about me, right?” I asked. He was leaned back, his body language exuding how comfortable he was around me. And his deep chocolate eyes stared at me, they seemed to sparkle more now that they weren’t hidden behind his glasses.
He smirked, “Who else would I be talking about?”
“Not who. What.” My eyes dropped to his crotch which was just barely visible beneath the table. Was there a bulge there? My eyes darted back up and caught sight of a little color on his cheeks.
“No, you pervert. Were you just checking out my junk?”
“What? I,” I scoffed, “no. Why would I? Ew.” I shook my head in mock disgust and watched as he failed to believe me. “Apparently all the working out you’ve been doing has been going to your head. Your ego is a little too big if you think I’d be checking out your junk.” Apparently that had hit something because he dropped his gaze to his cup.
“You’re right. I have become somewhat of a jerk.” He looked so defeated that I just wanted to hug him and take it back. Just as I was about to apologize he stood up. “Come on, Elly.”
I shook my head as I looked up at him, “Where are we going?”
“Someplace where it’s hard to be a jerk.”
Where the hell would that be? I stood up, finished the last of the coffee and threw my cup into the trash as we exited. We walked through campus until we reached his car. I had a lot of questions but now wasn’t the time to be asking them in case it ruined whatever new scheme he had in his brain.
He turned the radio to my favorite station and sang along loudly with me when the latest Mariah Carey song came on. I had no idea he still listened to pop music. If he did, it was probably Jen’s doing and thinking about Jen was going to ruin my happy mood so I pushed the thought aside and pretended, while I could, that Jen didn’t exist.
Kent joined a little line of cars waiting to park in a large, dusty parking lot that was only used a handful of times every year. This time of the year was County Fair time. I hadn’t been to the fair since freshman year in high school. Last time I’d come it had also been with Kent. It was the first time our mothers let us go anywhere alone without adult supervision. I, being naive as I was, had fantasies of my best friend kissing me on the ferris wheel and romantically feeding me funnel cake. Instead we walked around, played games, pet some farm animals and joined a pie eating contest, of which Kent won.
I was smiling as Kent lifted his hips to withdraw his wallet from his back pocket to pay for parking. “Excited, Els?”
“Hells yes! I haven’t been here since—” He interrupted me.
“Freshman year.” His grin was contagious.
“Yes,” I confirmed.
After parked the car we got out and headed into the fair, which wasn’t too crowded because it was so early in the day. We went to the farm animals first.
“I never unders
tood why you liked this part. They stink.”
I bent down next to a pen that held a couple of lambs and smiled as their little heads popped out. “Because they’re trapped here. And they’re beautiful, despite the smell they omit.” I grabbed some hay from their feeding box and held it out as they came over to eat it. I heard the electronic shutter noise and looked up. Kent was smiling, having just taken a picture of me. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“Collecting some memories. Duh.”
I turned back to the sheep, for some reason that made me sad. Did he think we weren’t ever going to come here again? Because of Jen? Because of life in general? Was this just another short little sliver of heaven that I’d have to hold onto forever?
I gave each of the lambs a pet and then stood up. I forced a smile as I pulled out my phone and snapped a picture of Kent who was bent over the pig pen, his lips puckered as he made kissing noises to try to get its attention. “Perfect. Give her a little kiss for the camera.” I was able to admire my photo for only a second before Kent was coming towards me.
“Is it bad? Let me see.”
“Oh no, it’s great.” I backed away quickly and stuffed my camera into my book bag.
“Elly, let me see!” I shook my head and ran away. He gave chase until I stopped at the funnel cake booth. I inhaled deeply and then moaned. The smell of sweet fried dough was so deliciously sinful. I inhaled one more time, my eyes closed.
“Just buy one.” Kent’s voice was at my side.
I looked at him and shook my head. “Are you nuts?”
“Probably,” he nodded and then approached the booth. He came back a minute later with a steaming plate of funnel cake, lots of napkins and one fork. He was smiling as he held it under my nose. I inhaled and moaned again. He brought it over to a little table and sat down. I sat down next to him on the bench and looked around, trying ignore the temptation. A few seconds later Kent was moaning. I looked and was about to say something when a forkful of funnel cake entered my mouth.