by Marie Cole
“She was abandoned by her best friend when he started dating a blonde bimbo.” I grabbed the bottle from him and took a swig. It burned and only faintly tasted of peaches. I coughed as I pushed the bottle back to him. He took it and was smiling at me when I could open my eyes to look. “What?” I barked.
“I’ve missed you. That’s all.”
The way his eyes stared at me, like he was soaking me up, seeing me for the first time, made me uncomfortable. I nudged him and looked away, “You’re not drunk enough to get mushy with me.” My heart was beating wildly in my chest. I wanted nothing more than for him to get mushy with me. I wanted Kent, for myself. Part of me was hating him for making me give my v-card to another dude. It should’ve been him and it should’ve been years ago, even if I was fatter.
I heard the liquid swish inside the bottle as Kent took a swig. “You know, I was wondering if you’d still had it. I thought maybe you’d lost your virginity a while ago.”
I laughed, amused that he would think anyone was interested in fat Elly. He hadn’t been, why on Earth would he have expected for someone else to be? “Yeah, no.” I sighed softly after I took the bottle from him and took another drink.
“The way you talked about Tony I thought for sure…”
I took another drink. I had made Tony up the summer between high school and college, hoping to make Kent jealous. It hadn’t worked. “Nope.”
“Huh. Well, it’s done with now. And you feel like you’re at the bottom, right?” I nodded and he continued, “So there’s nowhere left to go but up.”
And up we were. I kicked my legs and stared at the blackness underneath them. “Why did you bring me up here?”
“Because when I’m feeling upset this is where I like to go. To put things into perspective. Nothing has ever been so bad that I’ve wanted to jump, so that’s a good thing, I guess.” He reached out and tried to take the bottle but I held tight. Our eyes met and I saw in his something sad. Loneliness? Regret? I wasn’t sure. He tugged and I tugged back and soon I was on top of him, laughing. And a moment later he stopped laughing and stared at me as I’d seen him stare at me before when we were younger and alone in his room. He looked as if he were going to kiss me. But it never happened in the past and it wasn’t going to happen now. And before he could reject me I rolled over and stared at the stars.
I pointed to a group of stars, “Look, it’s Kyle’s penis.”
“There?” He motioned with his finger to a large cluster of stars.
“No,” I said. “There.” I motioned, outlining something very small.
Chapter 5
I walked into the Art History class on the first day of the new semester and found a pleasant surprise sitting in the back of the class with his notebook out and his pencil writing furiously. Kent.
He didn’t notice me as I slowly approached him, like a cat stalking its prey. I grinned as I sat down beside him, whispering as I pulled out my pen and flipped my notebook open, "I heard this professor is a real hard ass..."
Kent looked up from his notes towards my familiar voice. "Wait… you have this class too?" He looked around as if he was going to be punk’d or something. A small smile formed on his lips as his eyes settled on me.
“Yeah...gotta get that art credit somehow. And you know me, I'm no artist when it comes to my hands." I smacked my forehead and shook my head. "That...came out wrong."
A little blush touched Kent's cheeks as he laughed. "Oh, Elly. Still the slip of the lips, I see. I’m excited to have some time carved out three times a week to talk to you.”
The professor walked in and the lights went down. I looked at Kent in the darkness, the only light shining on his face was from the slides the professor projected onto the front wall of the classroom. I wondered what he would do if I touched his knee. Or blew in his ear. I was still slightly sore from my disaster of a date but it was quickly sliding away the longer I stared at him. He’d always been cute to me but damn. He was turning into the quite the man.
I forced myself to focus on the lecture and write down some notes. I was doing very well in college and I wasn’t about to fudge that up now. My mother would kill me.
Halfway through class I cleared my throat and whispered to Kent, "You were saying about the talking part?"
Kent chuckled softly and whispered back, his breath on my neck giving me goosebumps and hard nipples. “I was saying that I’m really looking forward to talking with you after class.”
The professor stopped in the middle of his discussion about surrealism and Salvador Dali. "I see I'm boring a few of my students. Mr…?”
Kent turned his face away from me and I felt a loss and a squeeze in my chest. The professor was staring at Kent with an eyebrow raised, the slide projector remote pressed against his rounded belly.
"Lytle… sir…"
The professor grimaced, clearly annoyed. "Would you like to talk about Salvador Dali since you seem to be interested in speaking during my lecture?”
Kent ran his hand through his hair. Oh god, what had I done? Was he going to flunk art history class because of me? I was about to speak up when Kent started to speak.
"He was born in 1904 in Spain, died in 1989. He's the father of surrealism in today’s standards of art. His most elaborate work was titled ‘The Persistence of Memory’ crafted in 1931."
After Kent spoke some of the other students mumbled to each other, awed by the balls he had to make the professor look like a dick. And impressed that he knew his shit.
The professor didn't look happy, his humiliation tactic had failed and blown up in his face. "Mr. Lytle. I'd like to see you after class, please." As the professor continued on with his lecture Kent looked at me and winked.
I couldn't help but giggle. Good thing Kent did some studying before class. Had the professor called on me I’d have been embarrassed just as he would've wanted. And I never would’ve said another peep in his class again.
I scribbled notes in my notebook and five minutes before the end of class I realized my leg was pressed against Kent’s. I sat up, pulled my leg away, and immediately missed the warmth he'd provided. I continued to write notes, nibbling on the end of my pen when it wasn't something I felt I needed to write down.
The lights went up signaling the end of class. Kent rustled his things to get it in the bag. "You asleep yet?" He asked as he stood with me. "Oh, and since I haven't had the chance to tell you, you look awesome, Elly. I mean it. I’m proud of all your hard work.” Kent put his arm over my shoulder.
"Mr. Lytle. My office, please." The professor killed our mini-moment.
I tried not to make a big deal of it, but I couldn't stop the tingles coursing through my body despite the fact that it had been an innocent, platonic touch. It had been a few months since Kent had touched me and, as usual, he still made my heart rate go through the roof and my loins sizzle. "Oooooh. You're in trouble." I teased, slapping him playfully on his arm.
"Well, if someone wasn't trying to talk to me, maybe I wouldn't have had to be a smart ass."
“Like it’s my fault you’re a smart ass,” I scoffed.
He was still grinning as he started down the stairs towards the exit. “You want to grab a tea and hang out outside? If the professor doesn’t murder me, that is.”
"Um...maybe some other time. I've got an audition to get to." I smiled softly and gathered up my notebook.
Truthfully, I didn't want to catch Jen's shit if she saw us outside having coffee together without her. I wondered if Kent was going to tell Jen that we had a class together...in the dark. And I’d love to be a fly on the wall if and when he did tell her.
"Alright, well,” he stood there awkwardly for a moment, “good luck with the audition then. If I don't see you later then I guess it'll be Wednesday in here."
Kent smiled at me over his shoulder as he slipped out the door. I watched him leave and immediately felt the loss. I exhaled loudly and stared at the ceiling for a moment as I collected my nerves.
I looked up to the seats at the top of the lecture hall as I was leaving and didn't see the incoming guy. We collided with full body contact and fell backwards, our things falling between us. “Ooh, I'm sorry!" I was blushing as I gathered up my notebook.
The guy was smiling, a dimple in his chin like Kent had. But this guy was blonde and a little taller and he had blue eyes. He was staring at me as he blocked the doorway. I smiled nervously and hugged my notebook to my chest. “Are you going to let me through? I have to get to another class.”
“I do too. But I think you should pay a fine for almost killing us both by not looking where you were going.” His hands slipped into the front pockets of his jeans and my eyes followed. My knees almost gave out when his thick southern accent coated his words.
I swallowed hard as the outline of his penis pushed against the front of his pants. I pulled my gaze to his face, sure that my face was beet red from blushing. Suddenly I wasn’t a virgin anymore and I was checking out every guy’s junk. “Oh? And, um…What do you want? To bully money out of me?”
“No, no, darlin’. I just wanna take you out to dinner.”
“I can’t.” I looked down further, taking note of his cowboy boots.
“Why not?”
“I don’t date men who listen to country music. It’s against my values.” His laughter vibrated through me and I clutched my notebook tighter, sure that I was going to faint if he kept hitting on me. He was hot, like really hot.
“Imagine my luck. I stopped listening to it this morning. Went cold turkey.”
“Sounds like you’ll be in a sour mood then and not good company for dinner,” I said.
He laughed again and I nearly melted. “You’re really gonna make a cowboy beg?” He kept his hands on the doorway and leaned forward, speaking lowly into my ear. The hot breath accompanying his words sent tingles between my thighs. “I’ll do it, pretty girl. Please don’t embarrass us further. It’s just dinner.”
“Okay, fine.” I stepped back and tried to act as if I weren’t affected. “I’ll meet you a Mexicali at nine tonight. Don’t be late.”
He winked at me and then made his way past me, purposely brushing his arm against my chest as he passed, heading for an empty seat. I felt his eyes on me as I left the lecture hall and I couldn’t shake the smile he’d put on my face.
Chapter 6
Mexicali was terrific and it paved the way for several more dates with Mr. Will, the cowboy. I waited for him after every Art History class just so I could make out with him for a few brief minutes before he had to disappear into the lecture hall for his PoliSci class. The chemical touches from Kent only warmed me up for the giant sparks that flew between Will and I.
I made sure he bought me at least three dinners before hopping in the sack with him. Three weeks passed and as suddenly as it’d started he’d stopped calling. He made out with me before class Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, but blew me off when I tried to make plans with him in the evenings.
I figured he was just losing interest so I did what any girl would do…; ask my male friend for advice.
“Kent, I don’t get it. What am I doing wrong? Will and I we were close, you know? And suddenly he just…stopped.” I studied Kent’s face, noted that his jaw was clenched tightly.
“Elly, I love you, you know that but, I really don’t want to talk about this stuff with you.”
I frowned and pouted. “Would you rather I talk to some other guy about it? How embarrassing would that be? Come on, Kent. I’m asking for your advice, as a dude. I value your opinion.”
He sighed and gripped the hair on the top of his head for a brief second before pounding the desk with his open palms. “Fine. If you want my opinion he’s probably found another girl. College guys are notorious for being players.”
I felt my face fall and looked away.
“So you don’t think a college guy could fall in hopelessly in love with me and end up asking me to marry him?”
“I didn’t say that, Els. I said this particular guy isn’t really sounding like he’s very interested.”
I nodded and turned my body away from Kent’s. Maybe he was the wrong person to ask. He was, after all, a guy who fell hard for the first girl who showed any interest in him at all. Well, for the first pretty, rich girl who had. I had shown interest way before that but he’d ignored me.
“Well, let’s say for the sake of the argument that he was interested in me, or at least that I wanted to try to surprise him with something special. Do you have any ideas or…?” I felt Kent’s eyes on me but I didn’t dare look up to meet his gaze. It was embarrassing enough without him seeing the desperation in my eyes.
“I’m probably not the best guy to ask. I’d be happy enough just to have you at all. I wouldn’t need anything extra.” My head whipped towards him and he shook his head, putting his hands up defensively, “I mean, if I was into you. If you were more than a friend, you know.”
I nodded and looked away, my hopeful heart deflated once again. Yeah, that sounded about right.
“Great. Well, thanks for nothing,” I said.
He groaned softly, “What do you want me to say, Elly? Show up at his door wearing sexy lingerie?” I thought about that for a moment before turning in my seat, a large smile on my lips.
“You’re a genius!” I was still smiling when the lights went down and the professor started the day’s lecture.
* * *
I tightened the tie at the waist of the ankle-length coat I wore and exhaled slowly, trying to get the courage to knock on Will’s door. I could hear his TV playing on the other side of the door but not much else. He was probably studying. I turned to leave, I could just talk to him later.
I shook my head and turned back around. I was here and in the new black lace teddy I’d bought between classes earlier. I lifted my hand and knocked loudly on his door. I waited a beat and the tried for the knob. It was unlocked so I went inside, maybe he was in the bathroom and I could surprise him with me on his bed.
My eyes darted around the room and landed on the moving lumps under Will's comforter. Will's head popped out and I caught a glimpse of blonde hair beneath him. I cinched my waistband tighter, the blood leaving my face.
"God, I guess we really are over."
"Elly, baby. This ain't what it looks like."
I laughed and held my hands up, shaking my head. "I'm not an idiot. I'll leave you two to your…philandering,” I said loudly.
Will didn't bother to get out of bed, he just lay there, protecting the girl from my view. Maybe he’d cheated on me with her. Maybe that’s why he was trying so hard to keep her from seeing me.
As I left I felt the sting of yet another rejection. What the hell was wrong with me? Or was it just the boys that I picked. I needed comfort and despite what my head was telling me I knew in my heart that I needed Kent.
* * *
I found myself at Kent’s dorm. I knocked on the door and looked around as I waited for an answer, my mascara had been running, and I'm sure I looked every bit as messy as I felt on the inside.
The door opened and there was Kent wearing a tank top again and a pair of shorts. When he saw me a smile started to form, but it soon faded when he saw the condition I was in. "Elly, what's wrong?"
"I..." I crossed my arms over my chest and tried to look behind him into the dorm. Despite how much I wanted him to hold me I didn't want to have Jen's hatred pointed at me and I didn’t want his roommates to be seeing me in this state either. "Is Jen here? Or your roommates?” My voice was wavering and I was fighting back more tears.
Kent shook his head slowly. "No, she went out a while ago. Said she had to meet her parents. And my roommates are at the game.”
His hand came out and grasped one of mine, sending slow sizzles up my arm. I pushed it down, tried to ignore it. "Come in, Elly. It's all right. I'm not going to send you away upset. It’s obvious you need someone." He pulled me inside even though I hesitated. Once inside he shut the door and lead me to
his bed. "Have a seat. I'll get you some water."
I sat down on the couch and wiped at my eyes, smearing the mascara sideways on my cheeks. I rubbed my fingers on the trench coat nervously. I stayed quiet, afraid that once I said something the tears would come bursting out right along with the words.
Kent came back with a bottle of water in his hand, which he offered to me. I took the bottle as he sat down next to me. "Elly. You can tell me what happened if you want. I'll listen." Kent’s hand reached out and came to rest on my knee. I ignored those little sparks too. And tried to ignore the fact that I was wearing nothing but trashy lingerie under the coat.
I took unscrewed the cap and took a tiny sip of water, my eyes on the plastic as it came down to rest on my other knee. My voice was soft, a whisper as I voiced my internal thoughts aloud, "What is so wrong with me? Why can't I be enough?" I sniffled and wiped at my nose with the back of my hand, still not looking at him. I pretended he wasn't there. I didn't want to see the pity in his eyes for his old friend, but if anyone knew the answer it had to be him.
I felt his hand cup my chin and let him lift my face, my eyes slowly meeting his gaze. I was surprised that I didn’t see pity there, but rather something warmer, friendlier. "Elly. You're amazing." He said softly and his thumb rubbed a trail of a tear from my cheek. "Fuck that guy. He just didn't know what he had."
I pulled my chin away from his grasp and laughed humorlessly, looking away from his gaze. It was a trick. Another trick, another lie. "Fucking that guy was the mistake. Now he's fucking some blonde whore. Am I...Am I just expecting too much from college boys? Maybe...maybe I shouldn't even be upset...Maybe it’s just natural to fuck a girl one day and then fuck another girl the next day. It was stupid to think that I was special, that a guy could instantly fall in love with me now that I'm thin." I gripped the plastic tighter, and it crumpled slightly in my grasp.