Waiting for the Chance

by Marie Cole

  And he did. Either I had drowned out the noises on the other side of the door or there were none. I was lost in the seven minutes I had with Kent. “Oh, Kent… yes…” I’d meant it that time. Him taking control of me was blazing hot.

  Jen’s voice briefly cut through my thoughts, “Is she—“ but it was cut off by the blasting of The Rolling Stone’s “Beast of Burden.” My adrenaline was pumping and I felt the need to do something crazy. I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. Yes, he was with Jen. Yes, he’d been a dick and ruined my Christmas Eve earlier. But there was still some time to make this Christmas Eve not suck quite as bad. I wanted to kiss him to spite Jen. I wanted to kiss him for me. The spark ignited me and I felt his lips start to come to life as I slipped my fingers into Kent’s hair.

  That kiss was between us but I wanted to leave my mark on him, to make Stacy proud. I kissed my way to his neck and then latched on. I felt him pulling away so I tightened my grip in his hair to keep him still. His neck tasted of salt and he smelled faintly of something spicy. I focused on keeping the seal of my lips on his skin. He groaned and I eased up just a little. When I felt my lips give out under the pressure I pulled away. I wasn’t sure what it was going to look like because I’d never done that before but I was hopeful that it would be huge and dark.

  “Are you drunk?” I asked him softly. I wanted to know if he was conscious and in his right mind.

  “Bad…bad…” he replied.

  I still couldn’t tell if he was drunk or just slightly inebriated. “What?” I pulled back from his neck, and then remembered I couldn’t see his face. It was pitch black.

  “I told you not to drink and…” he snickered softly. All I wanted was for him to put his hands on me some more.

  “And I did it anyway. Are you going to give me a spanking?” My head was fuzzy and I was vaguely aware of the saucy words that were coming from my mouth. His hands tightened on my hips. That was a good thing, wasn’t it? I turned around in his grasp and put my hands on the door. I pressed backwards, my ass against his crotch. He was enjoying himself. “I was such a bitch to you, Kent. Do it. I deserve it. For everything I’ve done to you lately.” Sleep sex included.

  “Elly,” he whispered my name and I felt my knees weaken. I could orgasm to him just whispering my name. There was a knock on the door.

  “Time’s up, you two!” There wasn’t time before the door was pushed opened, throwing us both backwards. A slice of light hit Kent who held up his hand to block it from his slitted eyes.

  I blinked at the brightness as it shone on him and smiled. “Is that a hicky?” the blonde guy asked.

  “No, it’s a fucking mole that you didn’t notice before.” I shook my head as I pushed past both dudes and made my way to Stacy. I put my arm around the back of her neck and squeezed tightly, pulling her sideways with me as I sat back down on the carpet, “Oh my god. I could kill you right now.”

  She grinned and tried to pry my arm from around her neck. “Sounded like you should be thanking me.”

  “He didn’t do anything. It was all me.” Even to me my voice sounded laced with disappointment. Kent hadn’t made any moves on me. He had been a perfect boyfriend. The only thing he’d done was get a boner and that was just his body responding to my female body.

  “Elly! Wow! That’s one hell of a hickey! Look at that, Jen!” Sadie covered her mouth with her hand as she stared as Kent made his way towards the couch where Jen was, a sour look on her pretty face.

  Kent was grinning like he’d just lost his virginity to Linda Lovelace. “Yeah it is. Awesome job, Elly,” Stacy piped in. She wasn’t making fun of me and Kent looked relatively proud of himself so I let her go.

  “You let her do that?” Jen asked.

  “We kissed too,” he said with a grin, bigger than the last.

  She frowned and sat back, crossing her arms over her chest, “You got what you wanted, didn’t you? How was it?” I’m pretty sure she was hoping he’d say it was disgusting. I was fully prepared for him to say that.

  His brown eyes turned to me as he smiled. “Nice,” he said, his voice was thick like honey. I blushed as I held his gaze.

  “We have to go,” Jen said abruptly.

  “Jen, don’t go! You didn’t even get a turn yet.” Sadie’s voice did nothing to take away from the joy I felt. He said it was nice!

  Kent’s gaze left mine as he was pulled to the stairs by Jen, “Merry Christmas, everyone.” She didn’t sound like she’d really meant it. But I felt it. The compliment from Kent was an awesome Christmas present. And the only one I received from him that year.

  Chapter 17

  I was sitting by the window of the coffee shop, a well worn notebook on the table in front of me, a pencil in one hand, a steaming coffee cup in my other. I was finally completely over my breakup with Nate, or so I thought anyway. I’d written enough lyrics about the pain of rejection, of not feeling good enough. It was so emo it was making me sick.

  So today I was trying something different. Trying to imagine I was with Kent, living happily ever after in the alternate universe that was taking place every night in my dreams ever since that night we’d shared a couple of months ago.

  The words were flowing onto the page until a soft familiar voice spoke to at my side, "This seat taken?"

  I would know his voice anywhere. My heart fluttered as I looked up and smiled, "Kent." I got up and wrapped my arms around him, forgetting that I was still trying to avoid him. Remembering why I had been keeping my distance as soon as I touched him. The sparks flew into my fingers, through my body and right between my legs. I pulled back and sat down, the blush on my cheeks evidence of my arousal.

  "Um...no, please. Sit." I said. I motioned to the empty chair across from me and then quickly turned my notebook over since the lyrics I was writing were about him and his name was doodled all over the page.

  "It's good to see you, Elly. You've been busy, huh?" That smile didn't move from his lips as he sat down across from me. His eyes moved to the notebook for a moment but they quickly went back to me. "How'd you do on the final?"

  "Oh, um. I don't remember. I did okay, I think. Seems like so long ago. How about you? How did you do?" I sipped my coffee slowly, my attention solely on him. I wasn’t going to tell him that I was so wrapped up in what had happened between us that I failed. I was going to be retaking that class over the summer.

  Kent shook his head. "Got a ninety eight. I assume you did well. At least I hope so." He grinned. "It's been a while since I've seen you. I've been busy myself. I'm not sure what's been up with Jen, but she's been,” he hesitated as he found the right word, “extra nice."

  I nodded and smiled, though it didn't reach my eyes because the news partially saddened me. I mentally slapped my past self for opening my big mouth to Jen at all. She was on the verge of losing him and I could’ve stepped up and snatched him.

  "Well, nice is good, isn't it?" I asked.

  Kent shook his head. "It's…odd. She's just not herself. But whatever, I'm not here to talk about Jen. I'm here to talk about you."

  I shrugged my shoulders, eyes still on him. "What about me?" Inside I perked up just a bit. Was he going to to dump her anyway to be with me? My heart fluttered more.

  "How's the singing going?" Kent took a sip of his iced coffee, his eyes solely on me.

  "It’s good, yeah. Still doing open mic nights. And I'm writing a song for my independent study class. How's the geeking going? I heard there was a big gaming competition last month, did you go?"

  He smiled and put the iced coffee down on the table. "Yeah, Jen signed me up for it, actually. I finished second overall. Got a new gaming system and three hundred dollars."

  I nodded slowly, a real smile on my lips now. "Nice. Is that what you've been busy with? Gaming on your new system? What kind did you get? The Xbox or the GameCube?"

  "I got the XBox. You've really got to come see some of these games, it's crazy how far they've come."

  "Definitely, I
mean, maybe when we're both not so busy. Finals are coming up quick and I know how busy your summers are.”

  "I'd like to hang out but yeah, we're both kind of busy right now."

  “Are you guys going to the Hamptons for the summer again this year?" I sipped more of my coffee. Hoping against hope that he’d say no.

  He nodded, staring at his cup. "Yeah. We weren't going to go but Jen's mom felt that she wanted to take us. Said something about making it a tradition."

  My heart dropped to my knees. So he wasn’t going to dump Jen for me. He was still happily in his Jen bubble. He was going to spend his summers in the same bed with her. He was going to chase her on the beach and hold her against him while the waves tries to take them out to sea. I tried to keep the disappointment off my face.

  I lifted my shoulders as I inhaled deeply, trying to push the thoughts away and focus on the present, "So..." I exhaled softly and my shoulders dropped again, "I guess you're that guy who marries his high school sweetheart, huh?" I smiled softly, holding my coffee between two hands, holding back the immense pain at the thought. My alternate universe was extremely alternate. A fantasy of Star Trek proportions.

  He was quiet so I continued, "I mean...you two are still pretty serious, I don't really see an end in sight for you. She's being nice and you seem...happy."

  He nodded, meeting my eyes. I saw something in them. Something that told me that his simple nod was not the whole truth.

  My heart stuttered and I tried to calm it down at the thought that maybe there was still a chance for me, for us. "Right? I mean..." I broke our stare for a moment as I looked down at the table, "I know you didn't want to talk about Jen but..." I left it open, letting him have the start of that conversation if he wanted to take it.

  "I mean, things shifted almost instantly when she got back from helping her mom move. She was nice, and I mean, not just to me. She asked me what I wanted to do, and who I wanted to go out with. She bought me lots of things. She's still buying me things. I guess it's her way of trying to fix things, but, I don't know what made her change all of a sudden."

  “Huh. That’s kind of weird.” I searched his face as he stared at his coffee cup, twirling it slowly in his hand. My gaze moved to his hand and I was so distracted thinking about his hands, how they’d touched me. I swallowed hard and shifted in my chair. “Well, if I were you I wouldn’t complain. Maybe she’s just coming out of the funk from her parents’ divorce.”

  He shrugged and gave a nod. “Yeah, maybe. She hasn’t been drinking so much either. Thanks.” He smiled at me and my insides churned.

  “Anytime you need someone to try to rationalize women for you, just come find m—“ Kent's cellphone interrupted me. I looked away, letting him answer.

  He reached into his pocket to get it on the second ring. "Hello?" On the other side of the line Jen was talking. I couldn't make out what she was saying but I recognized the sound of her voice.

  "Alright, I'll meet you at the house then. Bye." He hung up then slid the phone into his pocket. "I'm going to have to go. Jen says she needs to talk to me. Immediately.”

  I looked at him and nodded, "Of course. It was good to see you." I stayed in my seat, blinking back the disappointment. I only hoped he didn’t recognize it.

  "It was good to see you, Elly." The words that came from him were soft. He stood, waved and left me alone again at the table.

  I watched him leave and wondered what was so important. I sighed and flipped my notebook open again. My final was in a few weeks and I didn’t even have the lyrics nailed down, much less the melody.

  Chapter 18

  It had been weeks since I’d seen Kent at the coffee shop. Weeks of pouring over what he’d said to me. And what he hadn’t said. Something in my gut told me that he had been waiting for me to admit to him that I was in love with him and that I wanted him to leave Jen behind and be with me. He hadn’t said he’d wanted to be with Jen until death parted them.

  I’d written song after song about him, about us, and about our future. It helped immensely to sort out my feelings. When I wasn’t pouring over my notebook or plunking the piano keys in the music room, I was with Stacy. We’d grown closer and closer. I’d told her about that night with Kent and everything that had ever happened between us. She was the only one who knew how I truly felt about him.

  But tonight was different. Tonight I was going to let everyone know about my feelings for him. The thought that he might be in the audience only excited me more. The music study final performance was a bi-annual event and generated much needed income for the music department. They spared no cost in advertising on campus and off.

  I waited backstage for my turn and I was oddly calm. Usually I was buzzed before a performance. The adrenaline would take over and push me through, but not this time.

  This time I felt sure. Absolutely sure. I hadn’t felt so sure about anything in my whole life with the exception of choosing music as my major. I would perform my ode to Kent in front of everyone. And then when it was over I’d perform it privately for him. And beg him to do what was right. Beg him to choose me and give us a chance. Because I knew in my heart that we were meant to be together. Jen was just practice. And a placeholder.

  I smiled and clapped from stage left as Bethy finished her violin composition.

  “Great job,” I whispered as she passed by me.

  She squeezed my arm gently, “Good luck, Elly.”

  She kept walking and I turned my attention back to the stage. The lights dimmed and the spotlight moved to meet me. The crowd that had gathered for a couple hours of entertainment went silent. I inhaled deeply. Exhaled deeply. It was time.

  I knew my mother was out there somewhere, probably holding up a video camera, so I had to make sure that it was perfect and inspiring. I sat down at the piano and positioned my hands over the keys. I leaned forward and spoke softly in the mic. “My name is Elly Palmer and this is my final composition of the year. It’s titled “Plea.””

  I sat back and the piano played the soft melody I’d painstakingly crafted over the past few weeks. Hours and hours of hard work played in the span of three minutes and fifty-three seconds.

  My performance went off without a single hitch. The auditorium filled with applause as the last note reverberated through their eardrums. I waved as I left the stage and was met with Stacy when I was safely behind the curtains.

  “Oh my god, Elly! That was beautiful! Do you think he was here?” She hugged me tightly and then pulled away.

  I grinned at her and shrugged, “I don’t know. It was supposed to be your job to look for him.”

  “I tried but it’s so crowded out there.”

  “I know. I wasn’t prepared for that many people. My knees feel like jello.” Stacy walked with me towards the chairs that had been set up backstage.

  “Well, take a breather. Did you want to grab a bite after this?” She sat down next to me, her hands clenched between her legs.

  “Ah, no. I think I need to go find out if Kent was here,” I said. Stacy grinned and then nodded. She looked so happy for me.

  I hoped that look would be on Kent’s face later after I sang him my song. Stacy jumped and pulled my phone from her jean pocket. She held it out to me.

  “It’s my mom,” I smiled as I picked up the phone. “Hey mom.”

  “Hello, Elly. You were so good! I regret now that we didn’t push you harder earlier in life.”

  I smiled to myself. She could’ve pushed but it wouldn’t have helped any. “I would’ve ended up hating music and you. Listen, I need to go talk to Kent but I’ll be home this weekend with all my stuff on your doorstep.”

  “Alright, dear. I’ll be home waiting for you. I’ll make sure you have clean sheets.”

  “Thanks, Mom. I love you.”

  “I love you too. Bye.” My mother hung up the phone and I stood up, looking at Stacy as she joined me.

  “Moment of truth…” I nibbled on my lower lip nervously.

  Stacy g
rabbed my shoulders and gave me a little shake, “He’d be crazy not to say yes, Elly. You’re amazing and I’ve seen it too. He does have feelings for you. You just have to get him to show it.”

  As I left the concert hall, I was filled with confidence and ready to confront Kent. I knocked on his dorm door, guitar case in hand. Jen answered and smiled brightly at me.

  "Elly! Hey, how are you?" She slowly pushed her blonde hair over her shoulder which I thought was weird.

  "I'm good. Is Kent here?" I furrowed my brows and then tried to look behind her into the dorm.

  "No, he's not. He went out for something for dinner. Our celebration dinner." She put her hand over her chest and that's when I saw the sparkling diamond ring. I blinked at the ring and felt the color rush from my face.

  "I...uh, wow. You're?..."

  Jen nodded enthusiastically. "Engaged! Can you believe it?!"

  "That's...wow."

  Jen closed the distance between us and hugged me. I let her because I was still very much in shock.

  "I know! Isn’t it exciting?!”

  I felt like a dagger had been pushed through my heart and I was grateful that Jen couldn't see the hurt in my face because she was too busy hugging me. When she pulled back I grabbed her hand and pulled it close so I could look at the ring and hopefully avoid Jen catching my feelings.

  "It’s beautiful. Congrats."

  Jen smiled and stared at her ring. "It’s not very big but he got it from his mom. I'll be picking out the wedding ring myself and it’s going to be so much prettier."

  "I'm sure it will." I smiled softly, trying to push back the nauseous feeling. "Well, just...tell Kent I stopped by...or no, don't. Just tell him congrats for me."

  Jen nodded. "I will. Bye Elly! Have a great summer."

  "Yeah...you too." I turned and walked somberly down the hallway. The high from my awesome performance was now gone.