by Marie Cole
I sat down in my pink plastic Adirondack chair and leaned my head back, looking at the stars again. They didn’t move this time.
I was a grown woman now. I could easily say no. I had a life and I didn’t need to protect him. And I didn’t need to throw myself at him either. I wasn’t interested. He was a cheater just like the rest of them. Monogamy just wasn’t natural. Love was a sham. Not the kind you feel for your family or your friends. But the hot, sexy, can’t-wait-to-spend-forever-together kind of love. That wasn’t real.
I felt my eyes drifting closed and then the doorbell rang. I grumbled and pushed up from my chair, heading for the door. I opened it and Kent was there, a big red bag of Twizzlers in his left hand. He held them up and raised his eyebrows. “It’s not delivery, it’s your food dealer.”
I grabbed the Twizzlers, “Thanks, put it on my tab.” I put my hand on his wide, muscular chest and pushed him backwards. His hot hand came on top of mine and clasped it tightly.
“I don’t keep tabs.” He smiled softly, looking down at me with those deep brown eyes. I paused as he leaned closer and closer, and at the last second, the last agonizing second before I thought his lips were going to touch mine he was gone. He’d twisted by me and ran inside my apartment.
My heart was pounding and I took a minute to compose myself before turning around. I don’t want to be his next wife. I’m just drunk, that’s all. He was sitting on my couch, his limbs long and large and taking up most of it. “That was a little dirty, Kenny.”
He shrugged his shoulder, half a smirk on his lips. “Payback is a bitch.”
I closed the door behind me and held the Twizzlers tight against my chest. “I don’t know what you’re referring to.” I did. I was mean to him all the time, especially growing up.
“No? You always wore those damn outfits around me. I’m not sure I could even name the last time you didn’t play dirty, Els.”
“What outfits?” He nodded to me, his eyes slowly taking in my tight dark denim jeans and my ivory crocheted babydoll cami top. I glanced down and laughed softly. “Whatever, Kent. This is not playing dirty. If I wanted to play dirty I’d have opened the door dressed in my underwear.”
“Or naked,” he said. I felt my face flush and turned away, heading for the kitchen. I did not want to be his wife. I was just drunk.
“Do you want something to drink?” The best way to keep his mind out of the gutter was to change the subject, I hoped. This flirty Kent was new to me. I grabbed some glasses and put them on the counter loudly. I was surprised by my own strength and equally impressed that the glasses didn’t break.
He called out from the living room, “Dew would be awesome but since you probably don’t have any, I’ll take water.”
I poured us both water and went back to the couch with them, slowly so I didn’t spill. I nudged his knee with my foot, and when he moved over I took a seat next to him, holding out the water. “Cheers!”
He tapped his glass to mine as he studied my face. “So, I realize that I was totally shit-faced the other night and I need to apologize for what I did or said. I don’t remember any of it.” Isn’t that convenient? He never remembered anything when he was drunk.
I shrugged my shoulders and reached forward, grabbing the remote. “It’s fine. I’m sure you had my best intentions in mind when you punched Bryan in the face and lied to him by telling him you fucked me. I mean technically you didn’t lie. But you made it sound like we’d fucked recently and you and I both know it was a long, long time ago. Ancient history that probably shouldn’t even be mentioned. Ever.” I flipped on the TV and then set the remote on my thigh.
“Did you talk to him?”
“Who?” I know I was playing stupid but I needed time for my drunk brain to catch up.
“Bryan.” I kept my eyes on the TV but I felt the couch move as he shifted next to me.
“Oh, um… Yeah.” I glanced at him, his body was turned towards me, he wasn’t interested or watching the TV at all. But I was… Or at least pretending to.
“And? Are you two still together?”
“Not so much.” I glanced, catching his hand running roughly through his hair.
“Shit, Elly. I’m sorry.” I shook my head and pat him on his knee.
“No. Don’t be sorry. It wasn’t because of what you said. He was an asshole unworthy of me, just like all the others.” I refused to look at Kent. I didn’t want him to even catch the slightest hint that I was hurting inside. I started flipping through the channels, trying to distract myself from my thoughts. The thought of Bryan, being inside Siobhan, and the next night being inside me. Bryan using me as a place card, waiting for his ‘true love’ to come around again, was constantly trying to replay in my mind.
I was mid-button pushing when the remote was taken from my hand. I opened my mouth to protest but a warm mouth pressed against mine, stealing it. It was a soft, tender kiss and when Kent pulled back he whispered, “I’m sorry, Elly.”
“For kissing me?” I asked softly, my eyes meeting his. He shook his head softly, barely noticeable.
“No. Because you’re hurting. I don’t want you to hurt anymore.” As I stared at his face, his handsome face, I wondered what it would be like to be with him while he was sober and conscious.
“Have you had any flashbacks or felt anything weird since your head injury?”
“No.” He said it softly, his breath warming my lips. I watched as his eyes lowered to my lips as I bit myself gently, wondering if I should just do it—Just live in the moment.
He was still divorced, I was newly single. Who were we going to hurt if we…? No one. I tilted my head back, my hand found the back of his neck and I pulled his lips to mine, moaning as he captured them, the kiss sizzled between us, heating both our bodies.
He pulled back, grabbed my water, and set both of them on the coffee table in front of us. “Elly, if it goes too far just tell me. Tell me to stop. I don’t want to—” I cut him off with another kiss. He didn’t seem to mind, his chest rumbled in satisfaction as he lowered himself onto me. His now-free hands explored my upper body, caressing me through my thin top. I arched my back when his warm thumb brushed over my nipple. It puckered at his touch, wanting more.
This man was amazing; everything my teenaged fantasies hoped he would be. As his mouth appeased mine, I felt my body start to smolder. Kissing was not enough, but I didn’t want to stop. Kissing him felt like heaven.
His skillful fingers dipped between us, undoing my jeans. After ripping everything off my lower limbs, he hooked his hands beneath my knees and pulled me so that I was horizontal on the couch. His dark eyes sparkled with lust as he settled his face between my thighs. “So fucking perfect. I’m looking forward to doing this sober, to remembering every detail for the rest of my life. You are perfect, Elly.” He took his first lick and a moan ripped through me. He moaned too. “As good as I remember…” That was the last thing he said before he buried his head between my thighs. My orgasm took me quickly—too quickly—I wanted him to worship me that way forever.
As I panted softly, recovering he stood up and looked down at me. “I want to do that to you every day for the rest of my life.” He wiped my juices from his mouth with the bottom of his shirt and then picked me up, I gasped when my sensitive center brushed against him. I wrapped my arms and legs around him as he carried me to my bedroom. I had no words for him. I wasn’t sure what to say.
“Thank you.” It was all that came to my sex-fuzzed, drunken mind.
He grinned just before lowering me onto the bed, his body still over mine. There was something there in his eyes, but I wasn’t sure if it was love or just a lust-gleam.
As he filled me that night, over and over again, my walls came down. My body, my heart filled with love. Love for what he could do to me; the things he could make me feel. Before my sated, sweaty body fell asleep I was sure I heard him ask me to marry him.
Chapter 55
I stretched with a smile. That dream was reall
y good, I hadn’t had one like that in years. I rolled over and my hand met with a hard, warm chest. My attempt to sit up was foiled by his large hand encircling my waist, turning me and pulling me back against his body. I looked over my shoulder and blinked as my eyes took in Kent’s face, his eyes still closed. I wiggled my toes and realized that we were both very much naked. Naked like the day we were born. I gently picked up his arm and tried to scoot away but that only made him snuggle me closer.
He groaned and nibbled on my ear. “Elly, a little longer.”
I froze. Shit. It wasn’t a dream—It was real. The reality of it hit me, and then I relaxed a little. A smile on my lips. It was Kent. He would be totally cool with—I winced. He wouldn’t. He wouldn’t be cool with us being friends with benefits… Would he? I seriously doubted it.
“I have to use the bathroom,” I mumbled softly. He groaned again but let me go. I slipped off the bed and retreated like a coward into the bathroom.
As I waited for the water to warm up I brushed my teeth and thought about what I was going to say to him. How could I bring it up without hurting his feelings? Was there a way? He would find another woman soon enough and leave me devastated, again. And I couldn’t put our friendship through that again. When it happened I would lose him forever because it would be too hard to know him that way and then lose him to another woman. I did not think I could recover from that.
After the shower I stepped into my bedroom and found Kent laying on my bed, his arms coming down after a large yawn, his dark eyes on me. I pulled the towel tighter around my chest and smiled. “Hey, sleepy head, are you gonna lay there all day?”
He nodded his head, flashing me with a sleepy grin, “Of course. I was hoping you could join me.”
My feet felt like big blocks of cement. I had to admit to myself that it was a tempting offer as my eyes roamed slowly over his naked chest and his powerful arms. “Don’t you have a store to run?” I dropped my gaze and turned, forcing my feet to move. I opened my drawers and rustled around for something to wear.
“I do, yeah, but staying in bed just sounds so amazing right now.”
I grabbed a couple of shirts and slammed them back into the drawer in frustration. Dammit, where was that goddamn sweatshirt?! I bent down and moved onto the bottom drawer, rifling through it, determined to find it. I vaguely heard Kent speaking behind me.
“You want to come back to bed for a little bit?” I paused and turned, looking around my hip. He was staring directly at my bare ass. I stood up quickly, the edge of the top drawer scraping against the back of my head. I whimpered, stood up straight and put my hand to the spot I swear was bleeding.
“Shit, Elly, I’m sorry. You all right?” I heard rustling and felt his body come up behind mine.
“Fine, I’ll be fine.” I checked my hand to see if there was blood on it and there wasn’t. I stayed where I was, my back still to him, I knew as he wrapped his arms around me that he was naked, could feel the press of his dick against the small of my back.
He pressed a kiss to my bare shoulder and whispered, “Darn. I was kind of hoping I could play doctor.”
I shivered involuntarily and closed my eyes, trying to block out the yearning. I wanted so badly to play doctor with him but I couldn’t let him distract me. “Kent…” I whispered softly. God dammit if he didn’t feel good against my back, like I fit with him. One of his hands came up and wrapped around the hand that was clutching the front of my towel for dear life and his lips caressed my neck. I fought back a groan, I had to make this stop or go faster, I wasn’t sure which. “How would you feel about being friend with benefits? Like an open relationship kind of thing?”
That did it. He released his hold on me and took a step back, I heard the air leaving his lungs in a rush; I’d stunned him. “That…”
I refused to turn around and stare at him. I continued to rifle through my drawers. If he was as shocked and hurt as I suspected, I didn’t want to see it yet.
I heard the bed crinkle as he sat down on it, “Why would you want that? You’re not that kind of girl.”
I pulled on a white sweatshirt roughly. Maybe I wasn’t that kind of girl before, but I was determined to be now. “I’ve had one bad relationship after another, I don’t want to do that again.” I grabbed some black leggings and pulled them on. When I turned around to look at him he was hunched over, his elbows on his knees, his hands in his hair, and he was staring at the floor.
He sat up abruptly and I could see his tongue pressing against the side of his cheek, “You’re assuming it’s going to be bad with us before you’ve even given me a chance.” His eyes looked up to meet mine and I felt my insides melt and pool in my lower belly. “The sex between us is,” he licked his lips before continuing, “amazing but I don’t want to be that guy who comes over here, makes love to you all night and then leaves the next morning.” He grabbed his boxers and yanked them on. “I want the whole thing, Elly.”
I felt the frown on my face, “So it’s all or nothing?”
He met my eyes and nodded. “All or nothing.”
I felt my chest constrict and put my hands behind me to hold onto the dresser for support in case my heart decided to shut down on me. “So if I don’t want to be in a committed sexual relationship with you you’re just going to cut me out of your life altogether?”
“I don’t want to cut you out. I,” he paused as his eyes traveled very slowly down my body, his gaze alone making it sizzle and hum.
“You what?” I had to keep talking, to avoid throwing myself at him like a fool.
His eyes met mine as he continued, “I want to feel you against me at night. I want to take showers with you in the morning, cook you dinner. I want to go the movies and fucking hold hands everywhere we walk. Of course I want other things. I’m not going to be able to get last night out of my mind, but I want more than just sex.”
He wasn’t saying anything that couldn’t be done under the cover of Friends-With-Benefits. I lifted my chin defiantly. “So why can’t we do that? And be casual about it?”
“There’s nothing casual about the way I feel about you.”
“Right. The love thing again.” I sighed and looked down at my toes. I couldn’t see them for long before Kent’s came into view. He caged me in with his arms and I painfully dragged my gaze up his practically naked body. If he had done this to me years ago I would’ve done anything he asked. But not anymore. I met his eyes.
“Don’t tell me you don’t feel something,” he said.
“I feel like I have good sex with my friend.” I wasn’t about to stroke his ego and admit the sex was fucking stellar. “That’s what I feel.”
“The sex isn’t good because it’s sex. There is more there. The feelings add to the experience.”
I almost laughed. He’d had sex with two women in his life, who was he to counsel me about why the sex felt so great. “I didn’t know you were a sex expert, Kenny.”
He didn’t think I was funny at all. He moved like a viper, quickly pressing his lips to mine. His left hand snaked under my shirt, his hand warm against my side. His kiss was fucking hot and delicious and I heard someone whimper. Vaguely, I was aware that it was me.
He broke the kiss and studied my face, “Tell me you didn’t feel that.” I was mesmerized by his lips, slightly swollen and wet from our kiss, “Tell me you didn’t feel that excitement because it was me, and not just someone else.” And then he did it again, he kissed me silly as I clung to the dresser behind me for dear life.
He pulled back again, “Tell me, Elly. Tell me you don’t want it.” His arm slid around my back and pulled me to his body.
“I want your sex attention, yes. But I don’t want to be your girlfriend.” I didn’t expect to see the pain so dramatically on his face, but there it was. And then it was gone, covered. He released me and went to pick up the rest of his discarded clothes.
I felt my knees quaking and I wasn’t sure if it was from the kissing or the fear that this might be th
e last time I saw him.
As he dressed he spoke, “I gotta go, Elly.” As soon as his clothes were on, he was gone.
Chapter 56
A week had gone by and I hadn’t heard anything from Kent. I worked double shifts to keep myself from going to him but I’d worked so much that the boss gave me a couple of days off and refused me when I’d tried to come in.
Christmas was next week so I went shopping to try to fill the void, but everywhere I went I saw Kent, or I saw something I wanted to gift to Kent. Or I saw a couple, holding hands, smiling at each other like they were in love. Which was stupid because a month or a year from now that man was going to cheat on that woman and she would be shopping alone, just like me.
I was standing at the grocery store, staring at the strawberries which, thanks to globalization and world trading, were available in the middle of winter. He was probably regretting his hasty decision by now. He was probably having hot sex dreams about me just like I was. And it was probably killing him but he probably wanted to pout and try to save face. I was going to go over there and find out. I had nothing better to do and it was killing me not to know.
I knocked on his door an hour later with a bag full of stuff. He opened it, and while he was checking me out I stepped in, I didn’t want to give him the chance to refuse me entry. It was much easier to bully your way into things where he was concerned. He didn’t object so I kept walking to his kitchen, “I’ve got lots of goodies for us tonight!” I tried to sound cheery so maybe I could trick him.
I felt his presence behind me as I set the bag on his small counter and started to pull things out, “Strawberries and whipped cream. Mountain Dew and Diet Mountain Dew. Twizzlers. Ho-hos. And some bacon for the morning. And, of course, a Redbox movie so we have something to watch.” I crumpled up the plastic bag and set it next to the stuff. I went to him and put my arms around his neck, he seemed a little put off but he wrapped his arms around me just the same. “What do you want to do first?”