by Marie Cole
"Mom." I pressed at the corners of my eyes to keep the tears at bay. "I love you but you don't know everything. Do you want me to marry a guy just because he happened to get me pregnant?"
"No, but Kent isn't just any guy."
"No, you're right. He's the guy that I loved. But that's past tense. It's gone now. I won't ever be enough for him and I realize that now and it's best that I see it now before I give in and say yes and get my heart broken all over again."
She held the plates out to me, a sad ghost of a smile on her lips. "I won't say another thing about it. But…"
"But what?" I asked with a sigh.
"You're going to have to see him again."
I rolled my eyes as I took the plates from her and turned towards the dining room. "I know. He'll get joint custody of the ba--"
I stopped as I stared straight ahead of me. He was standing there in the doorway of the kitchen. How much had he heard? I lifted my chin. It didn't matter. I hadn't said anything that he didn't already know. Except that maybe he should just give up now. He was wasting his breath trying to get me to be anything other than his baby's mama. There was no changing that.
"Hi, Elly. Can I take those for you?" He held his hands out for the plates.
I held them tighter against my chest which almost caused me to wince. "No, thanks, I've got them."
As I moved into the dining room I heard him chatting casually with my mother. And as I set the table I heard more voices in the living room. Kent's mom and Colin and someone else I didn't recognize were talking politics. When I was done eavesdropping I stepped back and bumped right into Kent.
The tingles and the heat that moved through me were so unfair and while I tried to jump away from him, his hands were firmly planted on my hips, to steady me or to hold me there, I wasn't sure.
I cleared my throat and raised my eyebrows. He stared down at me. His eyes were melting my resistance. I looked away and stepped back.
"You shouldn't sneak up on people like that."
"I beg to differ," he said, his voice incredibly thick and sexy.
I cleared my throat again before the lust choked me. This was going to be a challenge. I had never before had to beat Kent off with a stick. Not for any real amount of time and certainly not over weeks and weeks when my body was screaming out for his touch!
He stepped closer, not letting distance come between us.
"Elly, I've been thinking about what happened between us and what was said." I wanted to interject but I was too curious. "I was burning up with jealousy thinking that you might be with someone else. And I know that's crazy. You deserve better than an asshat like myself. You deserve…"
My nails were biting into my curled fists. I was bursting to speak, to make him stop but I didn't have to because my mother did it for me.
"Can you two tell the others that dinner is ready?"
I glanced over Kent's shoulder and nodded, forcing a smile. I saw the look of confusion and then dismay on her face when she realized she'd interrupted a moment between us. It was for the best. It was best if there was nothing between us. I knew how it would end. Heartbreak. There was no other way between Kent and I.
I left the room briefly and returned with the other guests at my back. I tried to back away when I saw Kent down on his knee but there was nowhere to run. I was surrounded by people. There was a gasp that I recognized to be my mother's.
I shook my head at Kent, begging him silently not to do this because I already knew the answer.
"Elly. I know that you deserve better than me. And I know that the circumstances make it hard for you to see what this really is. I don't want to marry you just because you're carrying my child. I want to marry you because I love you. I have had these feelings for a long time. We both know that. I was unfair to Jen. I was unfair to you. And I'm so sorry. I want to spend my lifetime trying to make it up to you. I want you to make me a better man. I want to be the man you deserve. Please, Elly. Will you marry me?"
He lifted a light blue box that was the signature of the famous New York jeweler and then opened it to reveal a dazzling diamond engagement ring. The center stone surrounded by tiny pink stones which were also surrounded by more diamonds.
Again I tried to take a step back. This wasn't happening. It was probably one of those weird pregnancy dreams I'd read about. But those usually had lots of sex in them. Oh god. What was he doing? Kent's mom's warm hand rested on my shoulder, forcing me to confront him and everyone else in the room instead of fleeing.
"Why did you do this? You know the answer," I said, my throat thick with emotions that I didn't want to confront.
I saw his jaw twitching under his taut skin. "Tell me."
I paused, watching him, did he really want me to do this?
"No, I will not marry you. You say it's not because of the baby but it is. You want to do the right thing but the right thing isn't marrying the girl who you feel lukewarm for, Kent. I won't ruin your life the way Jen did."
"Elly!--"
It was all I heard him say before I turned around and pushed through my mother's guests. I had to get out of there. I wasn't about to have dinner and have everyone staring at me. I grabbed my coat and Kent's keys and rushed out the door.
Before I knew the destination I turned the keys in the ignition and pulled out of the driveway.
Chapter 63
I was livid, burning livid, that Kent had dared to humiliate both of us that way. A proposal in front of family? Was he thinking I would say yes due to peer pressure. Did he even know me at all? I was seriously beginning to wonder.
I was driving, to where I wasn't sure. I was hungry, my stomach grumbled reminding me that I hadn't eaten anything since early this morning. In ten minutes I was parked in front of Tony's with only one thing on my mind -- carbs.
As I got out and headed to the door I pulled out my phone and called Stacy. I needed to vent and I needed someone semi-neutral. So I went with the natural choice.
"Hey, Elly. What's up?" she asked. I heard the faint sound of a TV in the background and lots of rustling.
"Hey. Are you with Rio?"
She scoffed, pretending to be offended. "Why would you assume that I'm with him?"
"Don't answer a question with a question, Stacy. I need to talk," I said.
"What am I? Chopped liver?"
"No. I need both of you. Can you guys meet me at Tony's as soon as possible?" I asked, my voice wobbling because I was close to losing it.
"The one in town or the one by the hardware store?"
"In town."
"Alright. We'll be there," she said before hanging up the phone.
When they entered together twenty minutes later I almost felt bad. It was obvious from the state of their faces and their hair that they had been in the middle of something when I'd called, or at least at the very end of it.
The pizza arrived when they did and as the hot pie sat between us all I inhaled deeply. If heaven had a smell I was sure that pizza was it. When I opened my eyes they were both staring at me. Rio had one of his eyebrows raised. Both of Stacy's eyebrows were almost touching her hairline.
"What?" I said as I looked between them.
"You were just sniffing the pizza. Like nose to cheese," Stacy said quietly.
I frowned as I wiped at my nose. It wasn't wet with grease and I hadn't burned it.
"No, I was not!"
Rio cleared his throat and looked away as Stacy shrugged her shoulders. Whatever weirdness I'd exhibited had apparently been forgiven. That's how you knew people were your true friends.
"So is this about Kent?" Stacy was the first to start the conversation as she handed out the plates that had been placed on the edge of the table.
I sighed deeply.
"Right. What did he do this time? Stick his tongue down Jen's throat while you were looking?" Stacy lifted a slice but quickly set it back down once her brain registered the too hot temperature.
"No. He proposed."
They both l
ooked like frozen versions of themselves but Stacy cracked first.
"Elly! Oh my god! That's so great!" She'd grabbed onto Rio's leather jacket and tugged it. His body moved with the force but he was still frozen. Then she reached across the table and snatched my left hand. She frowned at the lack of carats. "Where is it? I want to see it!" She gasped and let go of my hand. Her voice dropped to a whisper. "Are you keeping it a secret?"
Rio finally woke up. He leaned into Stacy's side and spoke into her hair. "Let her talk, baby." Once she nodded and closed her lips he sat back and met my eyes. He nodded, giving me the floor.
"I told him no," I said.
Again, I was met with statues. I sighed and frowned.
"Come on, guys! Kent! Proposing! That's so messed up on so many levels. He's only doing it because I'm pregnant. And how can I accept a proposal based on that? He's had years and years to make his move and he didn't until he finally realized that Jen wasn't the right woman for him. And then he rebounded with me and knocked me up and now he's going through the motions and lining himself up to be very unhappy for the second marriage of his life? No. I don't think so. I mean, you guys agree, right? I'm not crazy."
Stacy and Rio looked at each other. Some unspoken language passed between their tense bodies before she turned her eyes back to me.
"Elly. I've known you for many years now--"
"Arg!" I cut her off and shook my head as I grabbed a slice. "Forget it. I don't understand why no one understands!" Suddenly and without warning my anger turned into sadness and tears blinded me. The pizza that was in my grasp was now just a blur of beige and orange.
"Hey," Rio purred as he took a seat next to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "We are here to support you. If you don't want to marry that guy, then don't. We aren't on his team, Elly. We are on yours. We just want you to be happy. No more tears. It's going to be alright."
I tried to let his words soak in as he held me against his warm, comforting chest. Stacy was so lucky to have caught a man like Rio. But I know it hadn't been easy to do. Why did love have to be so hard? Why did we have to love anyone at all?
I sighed as I put my hand to my stomach. Perhaps love wasn't such a bad thing. No matter what happened I knew I was going to love this person growing inside of me.
* * *
After pizza and girl talk I called Kent's cellphone. I'd stolen his car in my haste to disappear. He picked up almost immediately.
"Are you alright?" he asked.
I swallowed back my retort, which would have been less than nice.
"Yes. Your car is at Tony's. I'm leaving the keys with the manager. I told him to make sure he carded you for confirmation of your identity."
"Elly--"
"I have to go. Bye." I hung up the phone before he had the opportunity to sweet talk me and try to change my mind or make me more upset than I already was. He was going to make a mistake if he married me, I knew he would. And I deserved better than a post-pregnancy marriage proposal. I deserved a man who wanted me for me.
Rio and Stacy dropped me off at my apartment and I made a bee-line for my bed. I was so tired. The days events had exhausted me and my belly was full of carbs. Yummy, yummy carbs. I plopped down onto the bed, my arms stretched out wide. I yawned and curled onto my side. I opened my eyes and stared at my hand resting on the pillow beside me. It was Kent's pillow. A few months ago he was laying there. For the first and last time.
Chapter 64
I was still dressed in my work clothes when I came into the doctor's office. I checked in and sat down with a huff. My feet were killing me and I was so, so tired.
It had been a month since my last appointment and I was eager to hear the baby's heartbeat again.
I'd texted Kent about the appointment and was slightly disappointed that he wasn't there. I chided myself for feeling that way. And angry at myself for letting him get to me. This was exactly why I didn't want to get married to him. I didn't want to feel disappointed when he wasn't there for me.
I picked at a ball of fuzz that was on my leggings. Super comfortable and I could wear most of my old dresses without fear of bending over and showing everyone my pregnancy panties. The dresses were the most uncomfortable in the chest.
He should have been there for my anyway, my thoughts wandered, as a friend if nothing else. Why couldn't we just raise this baby together as friends? I glanced up when the nurse came out but she called another name. I let out a sigh of slight impatience. If I wasn't waiting for anyone else to come I at least wanted to go in there and get this over with.
I tried to imagine my future. I'd be living in a tiny little house with a backyard that was big enough for my baby to play in. Maybe I'd get one close to Rio so that he could help out if I needed him to. I'd run around the neighborhood pushing the baby in the stroller to try to keep up my looks. I'd meet someone. I'd go on dates but constantly be checking my phone, worrying about the baby. Kent would text me 500 times about the baby. No, he'd be across the restaurant with another woman. Enjoying himself. Care free.
I looked towards the door as it opened and my heart stuttered in my chest. Kent was rushing inside, his eyes frantically looking around the waiting room until they landed on me. I was waiting for his comforting smile but it never came. He was frowning as he made his way over.
"Sorry I'm late. Mom's nurse quit so I've been interviewing all morning and I hit every red light on the way here." He looked like he was going to reach out for my hand but it went to his hair instead, his fingers gliding through it to try to ease his frustration.
I cleared my throat and smoothed down my skirt, trying to pretend as if I weren't burning up with jealousy at the mere thought of him having dinner with another woman.
"It's fine. You made it," I said, pulling my gaze from his. I felt my nipples tightening beneath my bra. The nearness of him was getting me all riled up. I glanced down at my stomach and wondered if I were too pregnant for a casual encounter. The horniness raging in my body was getting to be too much. Maybe I'd swing by the porn shop on the way home and grab something nice to play with.
I jumped in surprise as I felt Kent's warmth breath on my ear. "You look beautiful today," he said, his voice all husky.
I frowned at him but before I could say anything the nurse came out and called for me. We stood up together, I was now flustered thanks to his comment and I hoped no one else would be able to smell my excitement, least of all him. I went through the motions, answered the questions, kicked Kent out when it was time to check my weight. I still didn't know how much I'd gained, if anything. It was a sore subject for me.
Kent stayed quiet throughout the whole of the appointment. He didn't say anything when it was time to hear the baby, he just stood beside me, his eyes alternating between my stomach and the doctor.
I was growing increasingly irritated as the appointment was wrapping up.
"Did you purchase one of the monitors?" the doctor asked, her attractive face smiling at Kent.
"Uh, no," he said. He opened his mouth to say more and then shut it, his cheeks going pink.
I rolled my eyes as I cleaned off my stomach. This was disgusting. And how dare they flirt right in front of me.
"Elly is going to be having lots of changes before the next time she comes in for an appointment. If you're going to get one, I suggest you do it soon," the doctor said, "Did you misplace the paper that I gave you?" Was she looking at him with hope in her eyes?
"No, I've still got it." Kent smiled and then scratched the back of his head. "What kind of changes will she be going through?"
The doctor grinned. "You should get a book called 'What to Expect When You're Expecting;' its pretty much the industry standard. It will outline everything that she'll be going through in great detail."
Kent nodded, taking in the information.
"But the short answer is that she'll begin to show as the baby continues to grow. She might even feel the baby start to move. And at the next appointment we will schedule you
r ultrasound so we can determine the sex of the baby."
Kent blinked, stunned. I watched as his face turned from interest to awe.
I cleared my throat as I sat up and pulled my dress down to my knees. He offered his hand as I slid towards the edge of the patient chair. I took it and smiled at the doctor.
"We'll head to the bookstore right after this appointment. Unless Kent has other things to do." I turned my eyes to meet his and he shook his head. I nodded and then looked back to the doctor with a smile, stepping closer to Kent, silently marking my territory. She couldn't try to dig her claws in him until I was at least delivered. How awkward would that be to have your OB dating the father of your child?
"Did you come by taxi?" Kent asked as we walked out of the doctor's office.
"Yeah."
"I'll give you a ride then, to the bookstore." His smile was back, basking me in its warmth.
"Sure," I said as my feet carried me towards the parking lot. I didn't want him getting the wrong idea. This wasn't a date and I wasn't going to get moony-eyed over him.
We rode to the bookstore in silence, letting the radio give us an excuse not to speak. It was awkward, a little weird and familiar all at the same time.
"I don't think we've ever been to a bookstore together," I said as we approached the store.
He held the door open for me with a grin. "Yeah. Some of us like to read more than others."
I hit him with my knuckles in the middle of his chest as I walked past him. "Shut up. I was busy with other things."
"Oh, I know. Chatting online with boys was your favorite extra-curricular activity."
"Ha. That's just what I led you to believe. Doing things to try to get you to notice that I was a girl was my favorite extra-curricular activity."
His face fell, the merriment from a moment ago gone. I ignored it and pointed towards the back, hoping it was the right way. "Over here, I think."