by Marie Cole
"Hey," I said, forcing a polite smile.
The stranger had paused as well and his eyes quickly assessed the situation. "I'll be at the table. I'll get a drink for you. No rush, Kent,” he said and moved on, following behind the hostess who had paused when she saw her customers were distracted.
Kent stood there awkwardly for a moment as he pushed his hands into his pockets. "It's been awhile, Elly."
“Yeah… How is your mom?” I reached for my glass of water and sipped it as I craned my neck to stare up at him.
"She's getting along." His eyes were watching the guy he’d come in with, avoiding me completely. "How's yours?"
I swallowed hard but held the glass in my hand. “She’s good.” I nodded slowly trying to figure out what I was going to say next.
His eyes moved to me and then they moved to the empty seat across from me. I waited for him to say something. Anything.
His cheeks turned a bit pink as he shifted on his feet. "Well, I better go. Mom's nurse wanted to take me out because I've been cooking so much. Said I needed a break."
I nodded. It was all I could do. I glanced behind me towards the man, his mother’s nurse, apparently, who was still waiting on Kent to sit down. He caught my eyes and offered me a smile. I managed to mirror him before turning back around.
"I should let you go on with your lunch," he said. And just like that Kent walked away from me and towards the table to where his acquaintance was sitting.
I felt the tears welling up so I kept my eyes bouncing around to try and prevent the impending meltdown. What had I been expecting? For him to just open up about how he’d resumed a relationship with Jen? He was many things but intentionally cruel wasn’t one of them. I should’ve asked.
Actually, I should have gone with my first instinct and taken my food to go. I couldn't fix a lot of things but I could fix where I ate my lunch.
I cleared my throat, grabbed my things, and walked towards the cash register.
“Hi. I’m so sorry but I’m not feeling well. Can I have my food boxed to go?”
The hostess nodded as I pulled out my credit card and handed it to her. I made sure I wrote a generous tip and then waited for her to retrieve my food.
As I waited for the food I watched the nurse push the heavy front door open and not far behind him was Kent.
I stared and wrinkled my brow in confusion. Where the hell was he going? He’d just gotten here. Did the sight of me kill his appetite? My stupid tongue was still numb. I nodded like a dumbass and watched as he walked out. Kent never looked back as he pushed out the door and disappeared from view.
The food arrived in a plastic bag, pulling my attention away from the sudden departure. I grabbed it and headed out the door after bundling up. I sighed heavily as I turned and headed down the sidewalk towards my apartment. I don't know why I decided to look around me to see if I could find Kent. I guess it was still second nature no matter how much I tried to tell myself he was off limits.
He was standing at his car as he waved goodbye to the other man who left in a different car. He didn’t look very happy.
I paused just for a second. I missed one step. And his eyes found mine.
Quickly I looked away. He’d written me off. Again. I needed to pay attention and read the signs and move on. So I resumed my walking.
I didn't get far before a pair of shoes were in front of me. My gaze moved up the muscular jean-clad legs. Why was he here? Hadn't he done enough to ignore me already? My gaze continued to take him in, slowly, I only made it halfway up his chest when he cut in.
"What's the matter? Your fuck buddy not show up?" I heard the anger in his words.
My eyes snapped to his as my heart started to beat furiously at his accusation. “Seriously?”
“I mean, shouldn’t you send me a text to let me know you’ve moved on to the next guy, at least? Or is that not how the fuck buddy thing works?”
I shook my head at him in disbelief. I was speechless. Again. For one of the smartest men I’d known he was being utterly ridiculous.
He stood there with his hands curled in fists at his sides. I could feel his eyes burning me. If he could've sent me up in flames with just his gaze I would've been toast.
“First of all," I said, meeting his anger equally with my own, "I’m not fucking anyone—currently. Second of all, how dare you come over here and pretend to play the jealous boyfriend!”
He shook his head and looked away, as if I bored him. “Figures. Another jab at the fact that I wanted a relationship.”
“You don’t know what you fucking want, Kent! That’s the problem! That’s been our whole problem for our whole lives! Jen or Elly. Elly or Jen. Jen and a little Elly on the side — sure, that works. Marry Jen after fucking Elly. Fuck Elly and then fuck Jen. That works too.”
His eyes had slowly come back to rest on me during my tirade. “Wow.” He stood in front of me, his mouth open wide.
“Shut up. I’m sick of you! I’m sick of you and your fucking mind games!” I don’t know what was coming over me or out of me. It just felt so good to get it out. “I’m done being convenient for you. I’m… I’m pregnant!”
“Great. Hope the father can deal with you and the kid.”
My hand found its own mind and slapped him hard against his cheek. I shook out the tingles and the pain that resulted from it.
“It’s your baby, you fucking asshole.” I was surprised by how calm my voice was. Inside I was boiling.
Kent could barely contain his anger and for a second I wondered if I'd pushed him too far. And then it melted away as the color drained from his face. It was his turn to not have words for me.
“Don’t worry. I’m not expecting some sort of proposal. I know how that turned out for you last time around.” I was disappointed that my statement didn’t hit its mark, and confused when his face continued to pale.
“You weren’t going to tell me, were you?” His words came out of his lips in a whisper as his eyes went blank even as they searched my face. His head shook again.
I felt as if I’d been slapped. He really thought so little of me. “Go fuck yourself, Kent.” I blinked back the tears that had been struggling to come out since I'd first seen him.
He looked as if he wanted to say something. I wanted him to so I could say more hurtful things. I wanted him to get angry with me, but instead his eyes lowered to the ground and he turned away from me. And he walked away. Like always.
Chapter 61
March
It had been three weeks since my run-in with Kent and I hadn't thought about him… much. Truth be told I was so busy with weddings and my new job search that I hadn't had much downtime to sit and agonize over what had happened between Kent and I.
Of course in the downtime I'd had I sat in front of the TV, watched sappy rom-coms and binged on ice cream. I was dreading stepping onto the scale today but I'd promised myself not to worry about it too much. I was even thinking about asking the nurse to not tell me the number. I didn't want to obsess. It wouldn't be healthy for myself or for the baby.
I was hustling to make it to my doctor's appointment and I was so self-involved that I didn't see the hand dart out in front of me and grab the handle. My hand touched the masculine one on the door and sparks moved through my body. I glanced up and it was him! As if burned, I jumped back and crossed my arms over my chest, which had been growing at an alarming rate.
"What are you doing here?" I demanded, meeting his gaze, making sure he could see plainly how very little I wanted to see him.
He swung open the door and stood aside so that I could go in. When I looked towards the open door his other hand touched the small of my back, ushering me inside.
I clenched my jaw. He probably thought that I wouldn't cause a scene in my doctor's office. I smiled to myself as I went to the desk and checked in. Once that was done I ignored him and went to an empty seat between two pregnant women and pulled out my cellphone.
I didn't dare glance up from i
t because I could feel his eyes on me as he sat across the aisle. I saw with my peripherals that his feet were crossed at the ankles and his hands were folded together in front of his crotch. I wondered how uncomfortable he was. I hoped it was off the charts.
The nurse came out and called two names. Neither were mine. The two women on either side of me got up and headed towards the nurse and upon seeing the open space Kent quickly jumped into it.
"I'm here for your doctor's appointment. Your mom told my mom that I'd probably want to come."
I rolled my eyes and kept them focused on the webpage I was scrolling through slowly, as if reading it.
"You're not coming in there with me. You can leave now," I said, not bothering to hide the disinterest in my voice.
"Elly, come on. This is my baby too and I should be allowed to be involved," he retorted, bending forward to try to get my attention.
"You will be. Once it's born. Until then there isn't anything for you to do." I kept my eyes down, continuing to ignore him.
"I can help you with lots of stuff. Stress is bad for the baby and I'm sure it's stressful in your life with the band and work and stuff."
I turned my eyes to him, finally. He looked hopeful. I was going to shut that down real fast.
"The only stress in my life is you. If you want to de-stress me then you should leave. I don't want to see you."
He studied my face and his hopeful expression fell. I turned my attention back to my phone, the feeling of accomplishment swelled in my chest. Finally I was able to tell Kent off and ignore him and shut him down for once. It felt good.
"Is that really how you feel or are you just angry about what I said?" he asked.
"Which part are you talking about? The part where you called me a loose woman or the part where you called me an inconsiderate bitch?"
I heard a sharp inhale of his breath.
"I didn't call you either of those things."
"You implied them. It's the same thing."
"Elly. Christ. Come on. You're putting words into my mouth. I was surprised."
"Yeah, well. I'm sure you didn't say those things to Jen when she broke her news to you. You fell to your knees and offered her your life. So… yeah. Fuck off."
He was so quiet and so still beside me that I snuck a glance. His jaw was twitching angrily beneath red cheeks, his eyes turned away. I felt the smile come upon my lips. Finally, I'd struck him where it hurt.
The nurse opened the door and called my name. I stuffed my phone into my purse after putting it on silent and then got up, heading for her. She smiled at me, which I returned, and then her eyes fell behind me and she offered another smile. I stopped and turned around, pointing at him.
"I already told you, you can't come to my appointment, Kent. Go home!"
He flashed his charming smile at the nurse. "I was just hoping I could listen to the heartbeat today. The doctor will be checking that, won't she?"
The nurse nodded as she glanced between us. She seemed unaffected and it left me wondering how often she saw this sort of thing.
"I can call you in when it's time, if that's okay with Ms. Palmer." The nurse's eye came to rest on me and suddenly I felt like a jerk. They were ganging up on me.
I rolled my eyes. "Fine."
The part where my stomach was exposed and the gel was squirted onto it came too quickly. I looked away from Kent, focusing instead on the doctor who gently pressed the wand to my stomach. In a matter of seconds the fast, rhythmic whooshing of our baby's heart was echoing throughout the room. The doctor let us listen for a minute and then smiled.
"A nice steady 173. The baby sounds great."
The doctor put a wad of paper towels in my hand as she cleaned up her tool. I moved to clean it only to have the paper towels taken from me. Kent wiped off my stomach with care reserved for a baby with a sore bottom. I frowned at him but he ignored me.
"So, if we had one of those machines we could listen to the baby's heart rate anytime we wanted to?"
The doctor nodded with a smile, "Oh yes. And they aren't terribly expensive."
He nodded as he moved over to throw the paper towels away. I pulled my shirt down and sat up, I was almost there when I felt Kent's hand on my back, helping me the rest of the way. I clenched my jaw tightly to keep my angry retort inside.
The doctor's eyes looked between us and then down to a pad of paper she had on the desk. She scribbled something and then held it out to Kent.
"Here is a list of the best ones on the market."
She looked down again and started scribbling something else and then held it out to me.
"And here is the brand of stool softener I recommend. The constipation is only going to get worse, especially if we have to supplement your iron."
I took the paper with pink cheeks and held it on my lap.
"Thanks."
"So, I'll see you again in a few weeks if your blood test is normal. We'll draw today and if anything is amiss we will give you a call. Nurse Thomas will help you at the end of the hall, just let her know you need your first trimester test."
I nodded again. Already I felt my anxiety sky-rocketing. Blood test. Blood. I exhaled deeply as I tried to hold myself together.
After she left the room I pushed myself off the table and put my shoes back on. Luckily I hadn't been in one of those paper gowns. I shoved the doctor's paper into my purse and then opened the door and peeked down the hallway. The chair was there in plain sight. It was brown and ugly. Empty viles waiting to capture fresh blood were sitting just to the left of the table.
"I'll hold your hand, if you want." Kent's voice was gentle and comforting at my back.
Oh, how I wanted him to hold my hand. But this was one of those things, one of many, that I was going to have to get used to doing on my own.
"Nope. I'm good. You heard the baby, you can go now. Bye." I forced my feet to carry me towards the torture I was about to endure. I also forced myself not to look back.
Once Nurse Thomas seated me I got to see him anyway. He was walking towards the exit, his hands shoved deep into his pockets, his shoulders drooping. I felt the pinch in my arm and closed my eyes tightly.
Be strong, Elly, for the baby. Don't look.
Chapter 62
My mother had been begging since New Year's for me to come over and see her. Partly I think she wanted to see if I'd blown up like a balloon, which I hadn't. And the other part was to, I think, get me to formally meet the man she'd been seeing. His name was Colin and he greeted me at the front door after I'd rung the bell.
"Elly! How lovely to see you. Please, come in. Your mom is in the kitchen."
I peeled my coat from my shoulders and handed it over to the man who was smiling at me as if he'd just met his long-lost daughter. It was weird.
I smiled nervously. "Thanks." I watched as he put my coat onto a hanger and then turned back towards me. I raised my eyebrows but he didn't make a move to introduce himself. "I'm sorry. Colin, right?"
He laughed and held out his hand. "Oh, forgive me. I've heard so much about you that I feel like we are old friends. Colin, yes, Colin Struthers. It's a pleasure, Elly. I hope you don't mind my being here."
I smiled as I shook his hand. "You're clothed, so I'm good."
Both of our cheeks turned a light shade of pink.
"I'm so sorry about that. It won't happen again," he insisted.
I nodded uncomfortably and then pointed over his shoulder towards the kitchen. "So my mom is in there?"
"Yeah, yeah! Go ahead, I was just going to put some music on when I heard the doorbell."
"Okay. Well, I'll see you in there."
He nodded and chuckled and then set off for the living room as I diverted myself towards the kitchen. My mom had really outdone herself. There were pies and cookies covering the island's surface. She was pulling a lasagna from the oven and a large salad was in a serving bowl by the sink.
"Wow. This is a lot of food for just the three of us. I finally met Colin,
formally, you know. He seems… nice."
My mom turned around as soon as she heard my voice and closed the distance between us, giving me a huge hug after setting down her lasagna. "He is nice. Very nice." She pulled away and her eyes dropped down to my stomach which was only slightly puffed out. It looked like I'd eaten too much food. "How are you doing?" she asked, her eyes meeting mine again.
I smiled as I leaned against the counter. "I'm just fine."
"Are you eating enough at home? I remember when I was pregnant with you I couldn't keep anything down."
"Yeah, not really my problem. I have a super-human nose." I also had boobs that felt like they were constantly in a vice but I wasn't going to talk about that just before dinner. I didn't want my mom to lose her appetite.
"Hmm. Well how was the doctor's visit?"
"Mmm. Yeah, it was okay. Until Kent showed up."
She turned away from me to take plates down from the cupboard. "Oh? It's good that he wants to be involved."
"I guess. But if I'd wanted him at the appointment I would have told him about it myself. You can't do that, Mom, or I'm going to stop telling you things."
She turned around to give me the mom eye. It sent shivers through me.
"Elly. Listen to me. Kent isn't going to keep chasing after you forever. Your baby needs a father in his or her life and it's your responsibility to make sure he or she gets one."
I frowned at her. I knew he wasn't going to keep chasing after me forever. I was banking on that fact. He was going to get bored and move on to the next conquest once he realized I wasn't what he wanted. And I didn't want my heart getting broken again in that process. "I didn't have a father in my life and I turned out just fine." Once I'd said it I knew I shouldn't have but it was too late to take it back.
My mother's lips pressed together in a thin line and then her eyes started to water.
I looked away and blinked back my own tears. Damnit. This contagious emotions thing was getting out of control.
"Elly. I want something better for you. You have no idea how hard it was to raise you by myself. And you are so lucky to have a man that wants to stick around and be a father. I don't want to see you blow it."