“I can live with that. So what would you like to talk about?”
I caught the gleam in his eye. “For starters, let’s talk about you.”
“Me?”
“Yes. So far I know you love daisies, romance novels, root beer, butter brickle, and who can forget pineapple on your pizza? But what else makes Kenadie Marshall tick?”
Jason had this way of making me open up. I even revealed my secret love for Hawaii Five-0. I left out that I was completely in love with the main character—no one needed to know that. He also had me talking about my family and most embarrassing moments (outside of being left at the altar), like when my geography teacher caught me passing a note to one of my girlfriends that in very bold letters spelled out how amazingly attractive I found the said geography teacher to be. I still remembered with perfect clarity the way Mr. Frederick’s eyes popped out as he read the letter and the look he gave me once he was done. His face was red and he was at a complete loss for words. At least I didn’t get detention, which was his rule for passing notes. I was surprised he reacted that way, he had to have known how many of his female students adored him from afar.
Jason got a good laugh out of that. I found I was quite fond of his laugh. I also discovered I was quite fond of him. Believe me, no one was more surprised than me. When I said I should find some new friends, I didn’t think I actually would, but I found that Jason did the job nicely. In fact, I wasn’t sure outside of Zander and my family if I had ever enjoyed being around someone so much. That was a sad statement, considering I was engaged once upon a time. Why had I been so blind?
***
We cruised through April and I found myself breaking out of my usual routines. It wasn’t a drastic change, to Momma’s chagrin, but it was a start. Instead of reading voraciously for my own pleasure and escapism, I was reading so I could discuss it with Jason. I found as much as we were alike, men and women saw things very differently. His big complaint was that he didn’t understand how the female protagonist didn’t realize the guy was into her. He found her to be stubborn. I found her to be smart. Besides our stimulating book discussions, I found myself giving him relationship advice on a regular basis, or going on mock dates with him.
He was planning on taking Liz to this over-the-top action movie and wanted my opinion on whether a woman would really enjoy it or not. So we each bought separate tickets and popcorn, to Jason’s annoyance, and endured a bloodbath. I wasn’t a squeamish person by nature, but I had to turn my head on several occasions. It got so bad once that Jason squeezed my hand to comfort me. I looked down at our hands clasped together and realized how much I missed that kind of affection. Zander held my hand on occasion, but Jason’s touch felt different, which is why I pulled my hand away. Jason’s look afterward perplexed me. He seemed frustrated.
Needless to say, Jason nixed that particular movie and went the safe route with the latest romantic comedy.
Jason and Liz saw each other somewhat regularly. She seemed to be the one driving the relationship and doing most of the asking out. Jason seemed pretty lax about the deal and asked for advice on how to keep it on the platonic side of things. I guess he really meant what he said about not wanting anything serious.
At the end of April, I finally got a day alone with Zander. His little project or whatever it was had him busier than ever, and I had been missing him. He promised me a whole Saturday, and even agreed to come to Rick’s so we could be part of the pre-prom festivities. I needed Zander there with me as my security blanket. Rick and Renee were moving full-steam ahead and, to be honest, I was taken aback by it. I liked Renee and her boys, but with Renee in the picture, I found myself being of less use to Lana. I was trying my best not to be jealous. Renee was too sweet for anyone to have any negative feelings toward her, myself included. It was one more change to get used to. Momma was in heaven, and I had to at least be grateful that Renee and Rick’s relationship had taken some of the heat off me.
Zander and I spent the morning shopping for clothes for him. He was such a girl. I think he cared more about how he looked than most women, certainly more than me. I did end up buying a couple of new bathing suits for our trip to Florida on Memorial Day weekend. I couldn’t wait to hit the beach. Zander made his usual inappropriate comments as I tried on swimwear and modeled it for him. I at least knew he would be honest if he didn’t like something, and I could always tell when he did by how wide his eyes got.
As we walked out of the mall with his arm around me, he kissed the side of my head. “You know sometimes you kill me, right Kenz?”
“What do you mean by that?”
“You do realize I’m a guy who is attracted to beautiful women?”
“Yeah, I’ve known that about you for half of my life.”
“Do you also know you’re beautiful?”
I had thought so once upon a time. I nudged him playfully. “Let’s go eat. My treat.”
“I’ve missed hanging out with you,” he replied as he pulled me closer.
“I’ve missed you, too. Is your project done yet?”
“Not even close.” He still refused to elaborate.
We decided, or should I say Zander decided, to go to his favorite barbecue place. I swore he could eat there every day. We settled in at our table and Zander immediately became engrossed with the Braves game. It was on at least a dozen screens in the restaurant. I was used to this behavior, so I had no issue pulling out my tablet and perusing my email. Not that I didn’t like baseball—I did—but I liked that Zander and I were comfortable enough around each other that we could be together but not doing the same thing.
I did interrupt Zander to let him know that the tech expo had approved our ad and our booth placement was all set. Zander was half-listening to me and then his eyes did a double take toward the restaurant’s entrance. I glanced that way to see what had caught his eye.
Jason was walking in with Liz. I had known they had a date today, but I hadn’t known he had plans to bring her here. I suddenly felt very awkward. I could feel heat rise in my cheeks and I wasn’t sure exactly why. Unfortunately, that became more apparent as the happy couple came near, although Jason seemed reluctant after he saw us.
His normally happy eyes expressed the same awkwardness I was feeling.
I gazed down and noticed their clasped hands and that awkward feeling turned into something else. Something I hadn’t felt in a very long time, and I was unwilling to admit what it was at that moment, even to myself. That surprising emotion had me turning toward Zander for some … comfort? Why did I need to be comforted? Okay, I knew why, but it was ludicrous.
Zander also seemed surprised by the turn of events. He raised his eyebrow in that isn’t this interesting? sort of a way. We typically didn’t see our clients outside of the office. It was made even weirder since Zander was her relationship manager, and I guess I was technically Jason’s.
Zander stood up and reached his hand out to Jason. “Fancy meeting you here.”
Jason let go of Liz and took Zander’s hand. “A friend told me it’s the best barbecue place in town.” He looked toward Liz and then back to us. “Liz, I know you know Zander, but this is Kenadie. She’s the CEO and President of Binary Search.”
That made me sound way more important and grown up than I felt, especially at that moment, when I felt like I may have a panic attack over the foreign feelings coursing through me.
Liz’s face lit up, just like Jason’s. I knew he needed someone happy like him, and she seemed to fit the bill. I was finding that I didn’t feel like that was good news. Liz held out her hand to me. I noticed Jason trying to avert his eyes at all costs.
“Kenadie, it’s a pleasure to meet you. You are a genius. I thought you would be so much older than you are,” Liz said.
I wasn’t entirely sure how to take that, but I took her hand and firmly shook it. “It’s nice to meet you as well.”
She scooted closer to Jason and placed her hand on his chest. “Thanks for setting me up
with this guy.”
I tried not to stare at her hand and I forced my face not to grimace. Where the heck was this coming from? “You’re welcome.”
“Well, we’ll let you get back to your lunch,” Jason said nervously, still not talking to, or even looking at me. So much for being friends. And so much for him wanting to keep it platonic with Liz.
I wasted no time turning back to my tablet. I felt nauseated, and like I might be going into shock. I was trying desperately to ignore my feelings, but it was futile.
Zander took his seat near me again. “Interesting meeting them here.”
“Yeah,” was all I muttered into my tablet’s screen. I was having a hard time reading my email.
Zander covered my hand with his. “Are you okay?”
I looked up and lied. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“That’s a good question.”
“I’m fine.”
He actually paused before he said anything. That was so unlike him. “Looks like you make a good relationship manager after all.”
“I’ve decided to relinquish the title. It looks like Jason no longer needs our services.”
I saw a hint of worry in Zander’s eyes. How odd.
“I don’t know about that. I don’t think it’s serious for him at all, and I’m pretty sure she’s still hung up on her ex-husband,” Zander replied.
I couldn’t help myself. I looked over at the happy couple seated a few tables away from us. Liz looked like she was gushing about something and Jason was attentive.
I shrugged my shoulders. Either way, I was out. I had to be. My personal thoughts had crossed a line. Leave it to me not to be attracted to anyone in years, and the first time I was, it was with someone who was already taken and, to top it off, a client. Nice Kenadie, I thought. I was such an idiot.
I barely picked at my food when it came. Zander scarfed his down, all while yelling at the screen. He did notice my untouched food. “Are you feeling all right, darlin’?”
I nodded. “I’m going to get this to go.”
“You ready to head out to Rick’s?”
“Yep.” I was more than ready to get out of there. I swore I was tuned into what was going on three tables over. I could hear Liz laugh and Jason chuckle. I snuck in a few peeks, too, and Liz was totally taken with Jason. I couldn’t blame her. News to me, I was too. It shouldn’t have been news to me. My program had told me we were compatible, and all the time we had been together only proved it. We got along famously.
“I need to talk to Jason before we go,” Zander said.
“I’ll get the check.”
He shook his head. “I really shouldn’t let you.”
“But you will anyway.”
He kissed my cheek and laughed. “I’ll be right back.”
I watched him walk over to Jason’s table and then the two of them walked over to the bar. I wondered what he needed to discuss with Jason. I tried my best not to look at them, but I had a feeling I was being watched. I looked up to find both men looking at me, but they quickly turned away when they realized I noticed them. I became increasingly suspicious, but my uncomfortableness overrode my senses and I walked toward the exit to wait for Zander there. I wanted more than anything to go home, crawl under the covers, and escape into a book, or maybe binge on Hawaii Five-0, but I knew for Lana, I couldn’t do either. I had to be a big girl and pretend to be an adult.
“You’re quiet,” Zander said as we screamed toward Rick’s place.
“I’m sorry. I’m tired.”
“Are you sure that’s all?”
“Yep.”
“You know you’re a terrible liar, right?”
“I know,” I admitted.
“So tell me what’s wrong.”
I thought for a moment about how I could tell the truth, but not the whole truth. “It seems like everything is changing. Like suddenly I don’t know where I fit in anymore.”
“You need to elaborate.”
“Take you, for instance. I’ve barely seen you in the last month and I know you’re keeping something from me.”
“Kenz, you don’t need to worry about us.”
“I wish you would tell me what’s going on, and why you were talking to Jason about me.”
“How do you know we were talking about you?”
“You know who else is a terrible liar?”
Zander grinned. “He asked how you are and I told him how stunning you looked in your new swimsuits.”
“You did not.”
“Scout’s honor.”
“You were never a scout.”
“A fact I’m proud of.”
“I’m sure the scouts consider themselves just as fortunate.”
“Now that hurts, Kenz.”
Speaking of hurting. “Do you think it’s odd that Jason wouldn’t talk to me?”
Zander eyed me with interest. “Did you want him to talk to you?”
“Well, I thought we were friends.”
“Kenz, you made a friend?” Zander mocked.
I smacked him. “Knock it off. And forget I asked. It’s not a big deal.”
“Are you sure?”
No, I wasn’t. Houston we had a problem. A big, big problem.
Chapter Twenty
By the time we arrived at my brother’s house, I felt like I wanted to hurl. My body wasn’t taking the truth and the resulting onslaught of emotions very well. The castle walls had taken a direct hit and it wasn’t pretty. I had known I would regret allowing Jason to use our services. I had no idea this would be the outcome, but how could I have possibly guessed this? I thought I was secure behind my enclosure. The walls had been fortified over years and years of determination, and maybe some denial, but I had never planned on Jason.
Zander and I were the last ones to the party. Momma was there already, helping Renee with Lana’s hair. Again, I was doing my best not to be jealous. I was already jealous enough of Liz. I wanted to scratch her eyes out. I kept picturing her touching Jason and smiling up at him. What was wrong with me?
I didn’t have time to dwell on my issues, today was Lana’s day. I needed to be fully present for her, so I plastered on a fake smile and joined the women in Lana’s bathroom while Zander hung out with Rick and Renee’s boys.
My eyes got a little misty when I walked in to see the most beautiful girl that had ever walked the face of the earth. She was already glowing.
Lana looked up and through the mirror at me. “Aunt Kenadie, you’re here!”
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
Renee and Momma both greeted me cheerily as well.
“Will you do my makeup?” Lana asked me.
“Absolutely. I brought you something for the occasion.” I reached into my purse and pulled out a bag filled with the good stuff, meaning makeup that cost way too much, but was well worth the price. I handed her the bag from my favorite beauty store and she squealed.
“You’re the best, Aunt Kenadie.”
I’m glad she thought so.
The three of us older women went to work on her. It reminded me of the wedding scene from My Big Fat Greek Wedding. At least Momma wasn’t spouting out advice on how to be a lamb in the kitchen and a lion in the bedroom. It was more like be a lady, cross your legs. Actually, keep your legs closed. I noticed she glanced at Renee as well when she gave that lovely piece of advice. My poor brother. I supposed if that didn’t have Renee running, she may very well be a keeper. I was definitely warming up to her.
Lana beamed when we revealed the finished up-do, and may I not so humbly say killer makeup job.
“I love it,” she repeated over and over again. “I guess I should get my dress on. Aunt Kenadie, will you help me?”
I jumped at the chance to have a few moments alone with my niece. I was grateful neither Momma nor Renee seemed hurt by the exclusion. Lana knew better than to ask her nana, she was handsy like all the biddies and her butt probably would have gotten pinched a couple of times. And I’m sure she di
dn’t want to be undressed in front of Renee. We didn’t know her that well yet.
I zipped Lana up and felt like I needed to hold back the tears. I couldn’t have loved her more if she were my own child. That moment had me craving to have my own someday. “You are beyond gorgeous.”
“You have to say that,” Lana responded.
“I mean every word of it.”
She squeezed me tight. “Do you think Max will think so?”
“I have no doubt, but remember what your nana said,” I teased.
“We aren’t going to have sex. We haven’t even kissed yet. I hope we do tonight.”
I looked her over again. I was pretty sure they would be locking lips tonight. I tried not to think about it.
I walked her out in all her glory. Rick had to hold onto the chair he was closest to. He was speechless.
“What do you think, Daddy?” Lana asked.
Rick approached her and wrapped her up in his big, strong arms. It made me miss my daddy more than ever. Rick whispered something in his daughter’s ear and Lana had to wipe at her eyes. Rick was the best dad.
The weather was perfect, so Renee was able to take pictures of our beautiful girl outside. In the middle of pictures of only Lana, Max pulled up in what looked like his daddy’s new Ford truck. I had to remember to be pleasant to the punk. For Lana’s sake, I could pretend; besides, the kid looked a little nauseated when he noticed Lana’s whole family had shown up for the event.
Zander came and stood by me as Max walked up the steps to the porch where Lana waited for him.
“Remember our junior prom?” Zander whispered in my ear.
“I remember someone calling me Cinderella and teasing me.”
He laughed low in his chest. “You were the prettiest girl there.”
“What about Stacy? I remember you panting over her all night, and let’s not forget the whole making out in front of all of us in the back of the limo.”
“Stacy was hot and easy, but you? You were perfection that night.”
“You are a liar, but thank you.”
He smiled charmingly back at me. It reminded me of why I loved him and why he would always be my best friend.
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