Happy People Read and Drink Coffee

by Agnes Martin-Lugand

  “Don’t push me too far!”

  “Or what? You’ll hit me?”

  “I’m thinking about it.”

  “Let go of me—now.”

  I took a last drag on my cigarette, blew the smoke out in his face, and dropped the butt at his feet. It was only when I got inside that I realized my legs were shaking.

  “Well, then,” Felix said, coming over to me, “so things heated up between you and your neighbor.”

  “I tried to fix things up for you.”

  I ditched him to get a refill; I needed a drink.

  The time passed. There was as much alcohol in people’s bodies as there was on the floor. Both the air and everyone’s skin were damp and smelled slightly of sweat. I danced so much that I couldn’t feel my feet any more. I was really having a good time; I was light-headed and couldn’t believe it. Except that my advanced state of drunkenness was starting to make me dizzy. I couldn’t walk straight any more, I couldn’t see very well, I was laughing too loudly, and I was losing my inhibitions. The proof was my very personal rendition of “I Love Rock ‘n’ Roll”; I’d never have Joan Jett’s talent. I walked off the dance floor to join Judith and Felix who were filling up their glasses at the bar.

  “I’m going home. I’ve had it.”

  “I’ll have one last drink and then see you at your place,” Felix said.

  “Are you sure you want to go home to bed?” asked Judith.

  “Yes, the show is over! Thank you for tonight; I didn’t think I was still capable of having a good time,” I replied, giving her a big hug.

  I was rummaging through my bag looking for my keys while walking towards the exit. I bumped into someone.

  “Sorry.”

  “Always in my way!” Edward replied.

  “Get lost, I’m going home.”

  I pushed him aside and got out into the fresh air. Even though there was a biting wind, it didn’t help sober me up.

  I was driving slowly towards my cottage. At least some of my reflexes were still working. I had to admit that I was creeping along, clutching the steering wheel—another little old lady’s habit. I was startled by a car that was tailgating me. The driver flashed his headlights. I willingly slowed down. He reacted immediately, pulling out ahead and cutting me off. I recognized Edward’s car. He wanted war, well, he’d have it.

  When I got to my place, I put on the hand brake and ran over to his house.

  “Open this door right now!” I shouted, banging on it. “Get out here at once!”

  I started pacing back and forth while continuing to shout. I’d had enough; I picked up some stones from the ground and sent them flying at his door and windows.

  “You’re completely nuts!” he shouted when he finally came outside.

  “You’re the one who’s sick. You’re nothing but a reckless driver and a total shit! We’re going to sort things out between us once and for all.”

  “Go sleep it off somewhere.”

  “I’m worse than a leech: the more you tell me to go away, the longer I’ll stay.”

  “I should have let you rot on the beach.” He stood in his doorway, his arms crossed.

  “You have no idea what you’re talking about,” I screamed, hitting him, “You know nothing at all.”

  I was hammering him with all my strength, trying to scratch him. He defended himself against my attack half-heartedly just using his arms.

  “Calm down!” I heard Felix say behind me.

  He put his arm around my waist, lifted me up and pulled me away from Edward. I continued hitting into thin air.

  “Let go of me; I’m going to tear him apart.”

  “It’s not worth it,” he replied, tightening his grip on me.

  I started kicking, trying to give Edward a good bash with my high heels.

  “Watch out for your family jewels, asshole,” I shouted.

  “Lock her up,” Edward roared. “She’s completely mad.”

  “Shut it!” Felix shouted, whirling us back to face him.

  Felix’s reply made me stop moving. As for Edward, he looked disconcerted and stared wide-eyed at Felix.

  “You’re as crazy as each other,” he muttered, turning to go inside.

  “Stay where you are,” Felix said. “We’re not done yet.”

  He put me down and cupped my face in his hands.

  “You’re going to promise me that you’ll go home and stay there, all right?”

  “No.”

  “Let me deal with this. Go home to bed and get some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow. Trust me, it will be fine.”

  He kissed me on the forehead and pushed me away.

  I was staggering more than walking, turning around to see what was going on every two steps. Felix and Edward were still in the same spot; I couldn’t hear what they were fighting about.

  Once I got home, I dragged myself upstairs and slid under the covers. In spite of being worried about Felix, I was exhausted. The stress, alcohol, and tiredness wore me down completely.

  6

  Moving in my bed made my head ache. With great difficulty, I tried to open my eyes, but they stung. My tongue was furry and I ached all over. Even before trying to stand up, I knew that the day would feel interminable. That would teach me to play the fool at a party. I opened the curtains to try to wake myself up. Who owned that car parked in front of my house? I had the feeling that I was missing something enormously important about the night before. My first shot of caffeine of the day would help me fill in the blanks. Going downstairs was painful, that’s how much my head throbbed. There was a body stretched out on my couch. The fog began to lift.

  Felix. One of his arms and legs were hanging down onto the floor. He was still dressed and snoring like an engine. I couldn’t see his face.

  “Wake up,” I said, shaking him.

  “Be quiet; I want to sleep.”

  “How are you? Are you all right?”

  “I feel like I’ve been hit by a bulldozer.”

  He sat up, still with his head down and rubbed the back of his neck.

  “Felix, look at me.”

  He raised his head. He had a cut on one eyebrow and a bad black eye. He sank back on the couch, holding his sides and grimacing in pain. I went over to him and lifted up his T-shirt; he had an enormous bruise.

  “Good God, what did he do to you?”

  Felix leaped off the couch and charged at the mirror.

  “It’s OK. I’m still good-looking.”

  He touched his face, flexed his muscles, and smiled at himself.

  “I’ll still be able to show off when I get back to Paris.”

  “There’s nothing funny about all this; he’s dangerous. You were lucky.”

  He swept away my comments with a brush of the hand and went back to collapse on the couch, but not without wincing in pain. The fool hurt everywhere.

  “That said, the next time you go into exile, go to the land of the Pygmies! Shit, no doubt about it, that guy is Irish. He must have learned how to walk on a rugby pitch. When he knocked me to the ground I thought I was playing in the Six Nations tournament . . .”

  “So to sum it up, you got your kicks fighting with that jerk.”

  “I swear, I was on the pitch and the crowd was going wild.”

  “And you were the rugby ball. That’s all very well, but did you manage to get a punch in?”

  “I hesitated. I didn’t want to smash up his pretty face.”

  “You’re making fun of me!”

  “Yes and no. But you can be sure of one thing: I defended your honor. I gave him a good left hook; he’s in no shape to French kiss anyone.”

  “Really?”

  “Blood spurted out all over the place and his lip blew up to twice its size. Give me five!”

  I did a little victory dance. In the shower, I was still laughing about Felix’s exploits. He didn’t stop talking all through breakfast. He gave me all the news from Paris and told me how our apartment had been cleared out. My parents and
Colin’s had taken everything; nothing was left. Then he told me about the accounts for the book café. There were almost no sales any more. One day or other, I was going to have to take things in hand.

  Wrapped in my bath towel, I thought about my lack of desire to return to France. I caught sight of myself in the mirror and got upset. There was nothing around my neck.

  “Felix!”

  “What?” he shouted, coming up the stairs four at a time.

  “I’ve lost my wedding ring.”

  I started sobbing.

  “What did you say?”

  “I was wearing it around my neck yesterday.”

  “Don’t worry, we’ll find it. You must have lost it at the pub, get dressed.”

  Ten minutes later we were on the road. The pub was closed; I told Felix how to get to Abby and Jack’s. Judith would have the key. I went and knocked on the door while Felix searched through the car.

  “What a surprise to see you today,” said Abby, opening the door.

  “Hello, Abby. I’d like to see Judith, it’s urgent.”

  “She’s sleeping, but maybe I could help?”

  “I have to get into the pub. I lost something last night,” I explained, tears in my eyes.

  “What’s the matter, my darling?”

  “Please, help me.”

  Felix was holding me in his arms when Abby, Jack, and Judith met us at the pub. Judith rushed over to us, but focused on Felix.

  “What happened?” she asked, touching his eye. “Jack, take care of him.”

  “It’s nothing; I had a little romp with your brother.”

  “You did what with my brother?”

  “Secret boy, that’s all I can say. Let’s just say there were a lot of muscles involved. But that doesn’t matter. Take care of Diane.”

  “If you say so. Right. Your turn now,” she said, opening the door for me. “It had better be important because I want to know what’s going on.”

  “It is.”

  I went inside the pub and stood petrified for a few minutes.

  “You’ve already cleaned up?”

  “Yes, they’re open tonight. I had just gone to sleep when Abby dragged me out of bed. So what exactly did you lose?”

  “A piece of jewelry.”

  I started looking around on the floor.

  “No one died; you’ll buy yourself another one.”

  “No,” I said loudly, and I suddenly stood up. Judith took a step backwards.

  “It’s not Judith’s fault,” Felix said, coming over to me. “Come on, we’ll both look.”

  We each went to opposite ends of the pub. I crawled along the floor, feeling along the cracks in the parquet in the hopes I would find the chain.

  “Diane,” Abby said softly, kneeling down beside me, “Diane, look at me.”

  She put her hand on my arm.

  “I don’t have time.”

  “Tell us what you’re looking for; we can help you.”

  “I lost my wedding ring. I wear it around my neck.”

  “You’re married?” asked Judith.

  I couldn’t say a word.

  “Let’s leave Diane to look by herself,” said Abby.

  I withdrew into my shell, hearing nothing of anything that was happening around me. I crept forward on my hands and knees, pushing the tables and bar stools out of the way, scratching in the cracks between the floorboards to see if the chain hadn’t slipped down.

  “Where are the garbage cans?” I asked, standing up.

  “I’ve already looked, there’s nothing,” Felix replied.

  “You didn’t look hard enough.”

  I sank to the ground, holding my stomach and sobbing. Felix took me in his arms and rocked me. I beat his chest with my fists.

  “Calm down . . . calm down . . .”

  “It’s not possible; I can’t have lost it.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “Maybe it’s time to turn the page,” Judith suggested. “I don’t know, but if your husband dumped you . . .”

  “He didn’t ‘dump’ me.”

  Felix took my hand and squeezed it tight. I tried to breathe and crushed myself against him again. Without letting go of him, I turned towards Judith.

  “Colin is . . . Colin is dead.”

  “Tell her everything,” Felix whispered in my ear.

  “And Clara . . . our daughter . . . died with him.”

  Judith gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. Felix helped me stand up. I looked over at Jack and Abby without really seeing them.

  “I’m going to keep looking; I’ll find it. I promise,” said Judith.

  Abby and Jack just hugged me tight while I stood there, my arms dangling at my sides and staring into space. Felix supported me and got me in the car. He fastened my seat belt and headed for the cottage.

  He helped me into bed. After making me take some aspirin, he stretched out beside me and took me in his arms. I lost all sense of time. All I felt was emptiness.

  “I have to go,” Felix said. “I have to catch my plane. Do you want to come back with me?”

  “No, I’m staying here.”

  “I’ll call you very soon.”

  I turned my back on him. He gave me a kiss. I didn’t respond. I could hear his footsteps. He silently closed the front door. I heard his car moving away. I was alone. And Colin and Clara had died a second time.

  For three days, I’d sat prostrate in an armchair in the living room. I kept pictures of Colin and Clara in my hands. Before going back to Dublin, Judith had come to say goodbye. She hadn’t found my wedding ring.

  When someone else started knocking at my door, I dragged my feet while going to answer it. Edward was standing there.

  “You’re the last person I want to see,” I said, starting to shut the door.

  “Wait,” he replied, keeping it open with his fist.

  “What do you want?”

  “To give you this; I just found it in front of my house. It must have fallen off the other night. Here.”

  I couldn’t even move. I was staring at my wedding ring swaying in front of my eyes. Trembling, I reached out my hand. Tears ran down my face. Edward gently let go of the chain when I closed my hand around it. I threw myself into his arms, sobbing even harder. He stood there without reacting.

  “Thank you . . . thank you, you can’t imagine . . .”

  All the tension that had built up in my body over the past few days was released all at once. I clung onto Edward as if he were a lifeline. My tears couldn’t stop flowing. I felt Edward’s hand stroking my hair. That simple touch calmed me down and made me realize whose arms I was in.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, moving slightly away from him.

  “You should put it back on.”

  My hands were shaking so much that I couldn’t fasten it.

  “Let me help you.”

  He took the chain, opened it, and put his arms around my neck. My hand immediately found the ring, and I squeezed it with all my might. Edward stepped back, and for a few seconds, we stood there looking at each other.

  “I’ll leave you alone,” he said, passing his hand over his face.

  “Can I offer you something to drink?”

  “No. I have work to do. Another time.”

  I didn’t even have time to reply before he was gone.

  I went to visit Abby and Jack to thank them for their help. They had been very discreet about the situation. Dealing with Judith when I spoke to her on the phone was another matter. She couldn’t understand why I hadn’t told her before. I got the feeling that she was more or less managing to control her curiosity. But I still hadn’t found the nerve to thank my neighbor the way I should.

  I was sitting on the beach in the fresh air when I saw Postman Pat trotting towards me. He came over so I could pet him, then curled up at my feet. He got there just at the right moment; I was starting to freeze and he was already warming me up.

  “Tell me: do you think you could help me out? I d
on’t really know what to say to your master. He saved my life again and I don’t want to seem ungrateful. Any ideas?”

  He put his head between his paws and closed his eyes.

  “So you’re no more talkative than he is, eh?”

  “Hello,” said a hoarse voice behind me.

  How long had he been there?

  “Hello.”

  “If he’s annoying you, push him off.”

  “No, quite the opposite.”

  Edward smiled a little. I was sure he’d heard everything. He bent down and put a bag on the ground. He took out a camera, lit a cigarette, and handed me the pack without saying a word. I took one and got up all my courage.

  “I wanted to thank you.”

  “That’s OK.”

  “No, I want to do something for you. Tell me what.”

  “You’re stubborn. But since you’re insisting, you can buy me a beer at the pub tonight.”

  He stood up and started walking towards the sea.

  “See you later,” was all he said.

  I’d been parked in front of the pub for fifteen minutes. Edward was already inside. I couldn’t seem to get out of my car. I was preparing myself to have a drink with my sworn enemy. Sure, he had returned my wedding ring, but that alone didn’t wipe the slate clean. I would have liked to be certain that we wouldn’t end up in a fistfight. When I pushed open the pub door, I saw him sitting at the counter, a beer in front of him, reading the paper. I went over and stood beside him. He didn’t notice I was there.

  “Am I going to have to tear it out of your hands again?” I asked.

  “I didn’t think you’d have the nerve to show up.”

  “That’s because you don’t know me.”

  He gestured to the barman who came over. Edward handed him his empty pint glass and ordered two more. I didn’t have time to react when he paid instead of me. Judith had warned me that her brother was macho.

  This wasn’t good, not good at all. I couldn’t face a pint of Guinness. I’d already noticed that all the Irish women drank it, but I wasn’t Irish. I was a little Parisian who had absolutely no doubt that Guinness was disgusting. But my stomach had already suffered their cheap wine, so it could cope with their draft beer. And I had no choice. Out of the question to come off as difficult with this guy.