What Remains

by Sandra Miller

  “I would’ve never guessed,” he grinned, clearly thinking about how she clung to the mast the entire time, afraid of being swept overboard.

  The fourth time was the charm. Mr. Richards swung the door open and stood back allowing Tessa to enter first. Rex and Hank, overjoyed to see her, barked as they waited patiently for her to pet them.

  “I’m going to brew some coffee,” he told her, leaving her to her own devices as he slipped away into the kitchen.

  Using the dogs to assist her, Tessa eventually followed him and seated herself on the edge of the table with her feet dangling off the floor, and her shoes still in hand. After he measured out the coffee and water and turned on the coffee maker, he turned to her and chuckled to himself, leaning against the counter with his arms crossed. She had never noticed it before, but her employer was really quite handsome. They had lived together for over a month now, how could she have missed that? And the way he was looking at her now, relaxed and self-confident, made her feel suddenly awkward around him.

  “So, you had a nice time tonight?”

  “Oui, merci.”

  “So did I. I can’t remember when I’ve laughed so much.”

  “Probably not since you watched the last rerun of Hee Haw.”

  “What?” he asked, giving her an amused but lost expression.

  “Hee Haw…” she reiterated, and then waved off the comment, realizing he had no idea what she was talking about. “Forget it. I was trying to make an obscure reference about something…but I’m not sure what.”

  “Oh it was obscure, alright. But now I want to know…what is Hee Haw?”

  “Oh, you know…” she tried to explain, but found that her brain struggled to form even the simplest thoughts. “That show from the seventies…they always sang that song…”

  “If you sing it for me I bet I’ll remember,” he encouraged with a devilish grin.

  Tessa cleared her throat and attempted her best Minnie Pearl imitation, “Gloom, despair, and agony on me—deep dark depression, excessive misery—if it weren’t for bad luck I’d have no luck at all—gloom despair, and agony on me.”

  Almost too amused to speak, he admitted, “No, I can’t say that I remember that one.”

  “Well, it was either that or Lawrence Welk, and daddy refused to climb up on the roof to turn the antenna more than once a night. I can still remember momma sticking her head out the window and yelling, ‘Slow down, Riley, you almost had it…oh, it’s coming in good now…real good’. It wasn’t until I got married that I finally realized why my older brothers and sisters were always laughing at them. Anybody walking down our holler would have thought it was a house of ill repute.”

  When they both stopped laughing, Seth shook his head and grinned, “You are too cute for your own good.”

  “And you have had way too much to drink.”

  “This is probably true.”

  “You know what? I haven’t felt this good in like…forever. We can’t go to bed yet. The night is young and tomorrow is the end of my very first vacation. We need to celebrate.”

  “And how would you like to do that?”

  “Open another bottle of wine and dance with me. Do you have a radio?”

  “There’s one right over there.”

  Hopping down from the table top in excitement, she hurried over to the far cupboard where the stereo was located and tried to figure out how to turn it on. Eventually, Mr. Richards was forced to come to her aide. Picking up the remote, he asked what kind of music she liked.

  “Golden oldies,” she told him as she began looking for the wine glasses.

  “I think we’ve had enough to drink for one night.”

  “Oh, don’t be such a kill-joy…just one more. Please. I’m starting graduate school soon, my son is going to law school…thanks to you…and I can say for the first time in my life, I don’t have a care in the world…which is also thanks to you.”

  “Okay, but just one more,” he relented.

  After pouring each of them a glass, he turned and handed her one. When he started to take a drink, Tessa stopped him.

  “No…not yet…we have to give another toast…”

  “Alright, but it’s your turn this time.”

  “Okay…if you insist.” Taking a moment to collect her thoughts which were everywhere at this point, Tessa said softly while removing his tie with her free hand, “Aux anges gardiens déguisés.”

  Instantly, his spine stiffened and he pushed her away from him until she was at arms’ length.

  “Did I do it wrong?”

  “No, Tess. I just don’t think this is a good idea.”

  “But its Van Morrison, and you said you would dance with me.”

  “And I will, I just want to get one thing straight. You don’t owe me anything. I offered Shane a scholarship because I wanted to. I have more money than I could possibly spend in three lifetimes, so when I see someone like you, who’s had to struggle for everything, it makes me feel like a fucking ogre. So I did it more for myself than for you. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

  Tessa stepped back, and stared up at him openly, lost in a mental fog. “No…” she pouted. “I just wanted to dance.”

  Mr. Richards gave her a saddened smile, took her wine glass away from her, placing it on the kitchen island, and placed her hand in his, drawing her closer with the other. Resting her head, that was now swimming, against his chest, the two of them swayed back and forth together until the song was over.

  “Why don’t I fill the thermos with coffee, grab a blanket and we go lay out on the hammock to watch the sun rise,” he suggested.

  Tessa looked up at him, hopeful. “Can we really?”

  “Yeah, it would be the perfect way to end our vacation.”

  Although it was a little tricky at first, they managed to maneuver themselves into position without being dumped unceremoniously on their backsides. Only when they were steady, did he attempt to pour the Styrofoam cups with coffee, and carefully handed one over to Tessa.

  “Here, you’re going to have to snuggle closer or it’s not going to work,” he advised, stretching out his right arm so she could rest her head on it.

  When she was in place, he kissed her forehead in a brotherly fashion, which Tessa found completely acceptable after two bottles of wine, with not a hint of uneasiness about being so intimate with her employer. At this point, he was more than the man who signed her paycheck, over the course of a week, they had become friends, and she could tell that he felt the same.

  “Seth…” Tess began, deciding it was time to be on a permanent first name basis with each other. “Have you ever been married?”

  “Yes…a long time ago.”

  “I’m sorry it didn’t work out.”

  “I am too.”

  “Did the two of you have any children together?”

  “No, she died before we had any.”

  “Do you still miss her?”

  “It’s complicated, Tess, we were married, but not happily.”

  “Then I won’t ask any more questions. I was just wondering how long it takes normal people to move on.”

  With her ear pressed against him, Tessa could feel him when he chuckled softly.

  “I don’t know much about normal people. You met my family.”

  Moving even closer to him for warmth, Tessa giggled softly. “Even though sometimes I felt I was married to a monster, it’s taking me a long time to get over the divorce.”

  “The divorce or the marriage?”

  “The marriage, I guess.”

  “Was he abusive?”

  “Yes.”

  “Those situations take a long time to heal from, so don’t rush yourself.”

  “I haven’t been. I never even thought about dating again until recently.”

  “How long have you been divorced?”

  “Almost seven years now.”

  “Wow, that’s a long time.”

  “I was busy,” she explained, which ma
de him laugh.

  “Still, that’s a very long time.”

  “Well, the truth is, I don’t know anything about dating. I met my ex when I was fifteen and we were married on my sixteenth birthday. He was my first and only.”

  Placing another light kiss on her forehead, he responded. “You were just baby.”

  “No, I knew what I was doing. My parents had both died by then and I didn’t want to be a burden on my older brothers and sisters; I married him so I would have a home.”

  “So who’s the lucky guy that’s caught your attention?”

  “His name is Gregory. I met him several years ago in college. He’s teaching at UMass now. But he’s so much younger than me; I’m having a hard time getting past it.”

  “If you’re asking for my advice, I say take it slow. I’ve been in several relationships with younger women and they never end well.”

  “How did you meet your wife?”

  “We went to Harvard together.”

  “What happened? Why did you fall out of love?”

  “When my grandfather died and left me everything, she changed, or maybe I changed, I don’t know.”

  “Money screws up everything; whether it’s not having enough or too much.”

  “That’s very true. I was dead set against the inheritance. I wanted to make it on my own, earn my own way, because I saw what wealth did to my family. And while I was struggling to get my company up and running, we were a team, we loved each other. But she decided she wanted more. She wanted the lifestyle she grew up with. After that, I resented the fact that she nagged me about going to law school and taking over the old man’s firm, which was a stipulation to the will, knowing how much I loved what I was doing. So I threw myself into a career I hated to make her happy, and ended up basically hating my wife, and my life.”

  “How did she die?”

  “Breast cancer.”

  “That must have been hard for you.”

  “Actually, I didn’t feel anything for a long time; we were strangers by then.”

  “Do you know what I’ve decided?”

  “What’s that?” he asked, his breathing growing even and steady, lulling Tessa’s eyes to close involuntarily.

  “I don’t think we really know who we are until our hopes and dreams crumble down around us, and what remains after we sweep up all the broken pieces is our true selves.”

  “Spoken like a true Liberal Arts major,” he chuckled against her hair as he placed his arm over Tessa protectively before they both fell to sleep.

  Chapter Twelve

  It was the first day of classes. Tessa’s alarm went off at six o’clock, although there was no need for it to. She had been awake since three, tossing and turning, trying to will herself back to sleep. Why had she ever imagined that she could do this? The thought of standing in front of all those young people with their attention fixed on her caused her stomach to twist into knots. What if they saw through her disguise—summed her up at first glance? You could put a string of pearls on a pig, her mother always said, but it won’t change the fact that it’s still a pig. And that’s exactly how Tessa felt about herself at that moment; she was just an ignorant country girl with a few degrees under her belt, masquerading as a scholar.

  As if they could read her thoughts, the retrievers both whined and laid their heads across her stomach, looking up at her with their expressive green eyes. Tessa thanked them for their empathy and scratched behind their ears. When they whined again and licked her palms she realized it wasn’t empathy they were expressing, it was desperation. So she climbed over their massive bodies in order to get out of bed. As soon as her feet hit the floor they were at her side with their tails wagging and their bladders full, anxious to relieve them.

  Letting them out through the French doors in her living room, bracing herself as they stormed passed, Tessa made the long trek through maze of hallways that lead to the kitchen in order to start the apple cinnamon muffins and coffee. For as much as Seth declared he wasn’t much for eating breakfast, he consumed whatever she made in record time, and took any leftovers with him to work. He had even begun requesting that she pack his lunch on the mornings he found her awake and mulling around the mansion before he left. This pleased her, knowing that he wasn’t going the entire day without taking the time to eat, which she suspected he did before her arrival. What pleased her even more was the fact that he was starting to put on a little weight around the middle, not a lot and it wasn’t even noticeable unless he had his shirt off, but just enough to show that he was being taken care of properly.

  “You have to stop spoiling me,” he scolded on her more than one occasion. But the twinkle in his eye let her know he was enjoying it.

  Tessa hadn’t seen him since Friday morning. Friday evening he called to let her know that he had to stay in Boston for the weekend to attend to some family business, and Sunday she had left early and spent the entire day with Gregory. By the time she returned home, Seth had already retired for the night. But as she was pondering if the family business had anything to do with Mems’ rapidly declining health since the birthday bash a month before, Tessa heard him begin to stir upstairs, turning on the news channel in his bedroom, and then making his way to the shower. So she hurried back to her own room to get dressed and ready for her first day of teaching.

  The plan was to keep it simple on the first day so she could be relaxed as possible. A gray pencil skirt and a thin black sleeveless knit top seemed the perfect choice. It took her awhile to dig through the boxes that had yet to be unpacked, for her gray heels, but found them eventually in the one at the very bottom of the pile. Before slipping them on, Tessa debated whether pantyhose would be more appropriate, but it was still quite warm during the day, and she had managed to get a decent tan over the summer.

  Deciding on a simple French twist for her hair, all that was left was the makeup, which she kept light and natural, but only for the simple reason that she possessed no talent when it came to its application. Afterwards, Tessa nervously looked at herself in the mirror—frowned, and conceded that it would have to do, because she had far more pressing matters to worry about; like making a fool out of herself.

  Picking up the phone, she sat on the edge of her bed debating whether to call Rene for a little moral support. But it was still early, and her oldest daughter would be sound asleep. As it turned out, however, she didn’t have to risk waking her—with the phone still in hand, it rang, startling her so badly that she dropped it on the floor. Tessa glanced at the caller ID as she reached down to retrieve it. It was Gregory.

  “Hello,” she answered, not sure why she was whispering. It was not as if she was doing something wrong by talking to him, nor did she have to worry about waking Seth.

  “Good morning, Teacher.”

  Tessa fell back across the bed and released a long apprehensive sigh she had been holding in all morning. “I don’t think I can do this, Greg.”

  “Don’t be silly. The students are going to love you.” When Tessa didn’t answer him right away, he continued, “Look, I was hoping we could meet for lunch at around one o’clock.”

  “Sure, if I’ve not been tarred and feathered by then.”

  “Even if you have, I still want to see you.”

  Tessa giggled as she raised herself back to a sitting position.

  “Were you this nervous on your first day?”

  “I threw up twice, I think.”

  “That makes me feel a little better, then.”

  “If it helps, think about our date yesterday when you feel yourself getting nervous.”

  “How is that suppose to help?”

  “It probably won’t, but I like the idea of you thinking about me all day.”

  “I think about you every day,” she admitted softly, wondering if she should have, considering the kiss they shared the day before.

  Who was she kidding? It was more than a kiss, they had made out like a pair of sexually charged teenagers, with their hands freely
exploring one another’s bodies through their clothing. Only when he had grabbed her wrist and encouraged it downward, did Tessa put an end to the petting. Not because she didn’t want to touch him, but because she did, and in the worst way. But as her fingers worked their way passed his ridiculously firm abs, an alarm went off in her head that brought her back to her senses. If she allowed things to go any further, there would have been no denying her long suffering physical needs. And she simply wasn’t ready yet. They weren’t ready. Tessa needed to be certain it wasn’t going to be just another one night stand for him and it was obvious just from the ease in which he could seduce her, that he was well-versed in the subject.

  “You can tell me what you think about when I see you this afternoon,” he said huskily.

  “Another time…maybe.”

  Gregory conceded in laughter, though it didn’t quite ring genuine. “Okay, you win. I better let you go. But I will see at lunch, right?”