Choosing You (Thirsty Hearts Book 2)

by Kris Jayne

  The waiter came by and took their lunch orders. Shannon got a patty melt and, despite her nerves, another cup of coffee. Once the waiter left, Shannon allowed the silence to sit with them.

  Let Jeff start. Let him offer up what he wanted. She didn’t want to do anything else to make him feel defensive. She waited as Jeff sipped his ice water. The tension at the table simmered.

  Jeff cleared his throat. “I know you want to know why I had a private investigator looking for you.”

  Shannon nodded but continued to stay silent.

  “I wanted to see where you were. What your life was like. Olivia is getting older, and I know she’s going to ask questions about you.”

  Shannon listened to Jeff and watched his eyes. There was something he wasn’t saying, but she didn’t want to call him out. She had to let the game come to her.

  “My life is my life, Jeff. If you want to know something, ask me. I don’t have any big secrets—especially from you.” Shannon tilted her head to the side and gave him her softest, most open look.

  Even with all the hard times, she still had nice eyes. Men said she had doe eyes. She could feel how unsure he was of her. She wanted to reach across the table and touch his hand. No. That’d scare him off.

  “We haven’t spoken in years. How am I supposed to know that? I looked you up. I saw some of the trouble you’ve had. I wanted to see if you were still having those same problems with drugs, breaking into houses—the whole thing. I saw that you got married to some guy maybe.” Jeff’s voice took on a questioning inflection.

  Shannon’s heart skipped. He knew about Kid.

  “We were together, but that’s history. I haven’t talked to him in ages. I’m trying to start fresh. I’m not with anybody or looking to be. A lot of my problems—like you say—all get started when I’m dating some asshole. After I finished my rehab about six months ago, I decided to focus on staying straight. I’ve been clean and sober since.”

  “Good for you. I know you don’t think it matters to me, but I still want you to have a good life, Shannon.”

  But not with him, she thought.

  “I think about you, too. I think about Olivia every day. I stayed away because I didn’t trust myself. I did it for her.” Shannon waited for her words to have some impact on Jeff. He stayed silent. “Now that I’ve got my feet under me, who knows, right?”

  Each word triggered slight flinches in Jeff’s face. He didn’t want her around. He hadn’t looked her up to see if she could maybe have a relationship with her daughter. He looked her up to make sure she wasn’t going to come back. He wanted to confirm that she was the same mess she’d always been.

  The truth fell into place. He was getting married and had a new mommy lined up for Olivia. Shannon didn’t fit in the picture, and Jeff wanted to make sure she wouldn’t be a problem. Now she knew her angle and waited for his response.

  “I’m glad that you’re making progress, but Shannon, you need to understand that Olivia doesn’t know you. She has a good life that’s stable. She’s surrounded by people she can count on. I’m not going to destabilize her life. Not —”

  Shannon interrupted, infusing her voice with insistence. “It’s not destabilizing to have your mother back. I would have given anything to have my mother come back for me.”

  “I know, but you didn’t have any other family. You didn’t feel perfectly comfortable and loved where you were. I wish you’d had that, but you didn’t. Olivia does. She’s always had me and her grandparents. She sees them all the time.”

  “And she has your new girlfriend.”

  “My fiancée. Taryn.”

  “Taryn may be a nice woman, but she’s not Olivia’s mom.”

  Jeff blinked at Shannon and took a deep breath. “Olivia doesn’t necessarily feel that way, Shannon. I’ve been with Taryn for two years. At this point, she has more memory of Taryn’s being there, reading bedtime stories, cooking her favorite food, just being there day to day.”

  “So, I’m just nothing? You think you can drop me and slide in someone new?”

  “I’m not telling you that to make you feel bad, but you have to see this from Olivia’s perspective. You’re a stranger to her. She’s seen pictures of you. She knows that she has a biological mother somewhere, but she didn’t even recognize you the other day. I can’t shake that up and have you take off again. Like it or not, that’s your history.”

  “Exactly, my history,” Shannon emphasized.

  “It’s my experience with you, Shannon. You take off. You drop out. You zone out. That’s too dangerous. I can’t let you take my daughter for regular visitation like none of that ever happened.”

  “Our daughter.”

  “It takes more than DNA to be a mother, you know. You have to prove to me that you are capable of that.”

  “But I’m still her mother. I’ve made mistakes, but I’ve never given up, and I’m not about to now.”

  “Why now, Shannon? You’re only here because I came looking for you. If you are so ready to be a mom, why haven’t you reached out before now? You could have called me when you got out of rehab or any time before that in the past five years. What makes you so sure you can take on the responsibility when you never have before?”

  She couldn’t tell him the total truth, so she pared down her answer to what could say with confidence.

  “I didn’t think you’d give me a chance, but when your guy came around asking his questions, I hoped there was a light at the end of the tunnel.” Shannon lowered her voice. “It sounds like you’re moving on.”

  Her sadness had never failed to send darts straight to their mark on Jeff’s heart. His empathy was as predictable to her as it was curious. She reached for her water and took a long swig.

  Jeff watched Shannon down her water like she was dying of thirst and realized the fight he had ahead of him. How being gone for five years didn’t constitute giving up was beyond him.

  If he hadn’t tipped her off and attracted her attention, he doubted Shannon would be sitting here talking about how she longed to be Olivia’s mother. Wouldn’t that be obvious to any family court judge? How many chances can he be expected to give someone at the expense of his daughter’s security? He refused to make Olivia feel unloved and unwanted by a mother who floated in and out of her life.

  For now, he decided not to press Shannon further. He had doubts, but she seemed convinced that she could be a mom. The intensity of her feelings impressed him. What if she were sincere? What if she might be able to be a positive force in Olivia’s life—now or someday?

  If Shannon could be consistent and stay clean, they could overcome the distance between mother and daughter. It would only be good for Olivia.

  It would mean holding off on the adoption. Taryn would understand, right? She would, Jeff thought. If it were best for Olivia, Taryn would be on board. Jeff stopped his runaway thoughts. He didn’t have to decide all of this now. He could play it by ear.

  “I’m doing what’s best for Olivia. I won’t gamble with her feelings by letting you jump back into her life. If you’re working on yourself like you say you are, then you know that you have a lot to prove and a lot of broken trust to fix.”

  “I am working on myself, and I know I got to make things up to you and Olivia,” Shannon claimed.

  “I’m going to be honest. I don’t believe you. You’ve said nothing I haven’t heard before, including before I came home and found you passed out with a needle in your arm and Olivia totally alone. Anything could have happened to her, and you wouldn’t have even known. I can’t ever forget that. You can’t act like that didn’t happen,” Jeff stormed.

  “That was years ago.”

  “Your last drug arrest wasn’t years ago. It wasn’t even one year ago.”

  “You won’t even let me see her, will you?” Whining tinged Shannon’s question.

  “I didn’t say that. I just want to set your expectations. I’m not telling her you’re her mother.”

  “Fine, bu
t I’d like to see her. To hug her.”

  “Shannon, she doesn’t know you. I don’t encourage her to hug strangers.”

  “But I—fine. Whatever. When can I see her?”

  “Soon. I’ll have to see when we can arrange something.” For a second, Shannon opened her mouth as if to argue, but apparently, she thought better of it.

  “Fine, but you need to understand that you can’t keep her from me.”

  “I’ve never kept her from you. You’ve done that all on your own,” Jeff reminded her. “Look, that’s it. I’m not going around and around with you.”

  “I don’t want to keep fighting either. Let’s change the subject. Tell me about the next Mrs. Jeff McConnell. How’d you meet her?”

  Great. Another topic Jeff wanted to avoid. He wondered if he shouldn’t have left Shannon alone and never started down the road of having Taryn adopt Olivia. If he’d done nothing, Shannon wouldn’t be here causing trouble. He had no intention of catching Shannon up on his love life like they were old friends. He met Taryn on an online dating site, which he didn’t feel like telling his ex. As the waiter delivered their food, he stalled to figure out what he wanted to say.

  “We got introduced and hit it off. She’s smart and hard-working and sweet. We started dating, and I knew that we had a future together.”

  All of that was true. He’d seen Taryn’s profile and messaged her. Yes, she was beautiful. That caught his eye, but she also talked about wanting a partner in crime in an adventurous life that included family, travel, and being dedicated to each other. She said very clearly that what she wanted was marriage and kids.

  That might have scared off other men, but Jeff had been drawn to her instantly. He’d taken the chance, even though her profile said she preferred men who’d never married and had no kids.

  Jeff told her in his very first message that he was divorced with a daughter at home, but that he thought they should at least meet in person. Then, she could decide if she was looking for something else. Taryn told him he wasn’t what she was looking for, but she’d go out with him again anyway.

  “Clearly, I was wrong about what I wanted,” she’d said later.

  Their chemistry heated up from the first time he sauntered into Andy’s Pub and saw her waiting at the bar with a glass of champagne.

  Jeff didn’t want to share any of this with Shannon. He couldn’t let her into his life with Taryn. Shannon wouldn’t understand the kind of relationship he had because she didn’t understand love and connection.

  “When’s the wedding?”

  “This summer.”

  “You haven’t set the date yet.”

  Jeff took a bite of his lunch and swallowed hard. “We’re nailing down the details now.”

  “No trips to the justice of the peace and potlucks in your parents’ backyard this time?”

  “No.”

  “Big church wedding?”

  “No. We found a place in Napa Valley.”

  “Fancy. I always saw you holding out for some big church wedding with all of your parents’ do-gooder Christian friends approving and applauding.”

  “That bothers you? People who care about doing good things and living good lives?”

  “Judgmental hypocrites bother me. People who talk about love and acceptance, but spend their time looking down their noses at people and thinking everybody who’s not just like them is trash.”

  “There are shitty people of all kinds, Shannon. Sure, some of them are Christian. Some not. I don’t see how it does any more good to obsess over their judging you than it does for them to obsess over what you’re doing. You’re only trash if you decide to be trash.”

  “So I wanted to be trash?”

  “I think you are what you decide to be. I don’t know who you are, to be honest. Never did, did I?” Jeff charged.

  “You knew me better than anyone, and you tried to tell me who I could be. I used to think I could be the kind of girl that you would have been proud to call your wife. Obviously, not. I’m no—what’s her name?”

  “Taryn.”

  “Taryn. Even her name sounds perfect and wifey.”

  Jeff didn’t even know what Shannon meant by that. The self-pity that normally triggered sympathy now grated his nerves. Her greatest addiction might be to self-defeating nonsense. The negativity gave him a headache.

  He wanted to scream, “If you don’t like your life, fix it! Quit fucking it up with dumb decisions, dangerous friends, and illegal bullshit.” Instead, he cut off another bite of steak and chewed.

  “Does Olivia like her?”

  “Yes.” Why tell Shannon that Olivia loved Taryn and couldn’t wait for the wedding? Why mention that sometimes Olivia slipped up and called Taryn “Mom?” He needed to keep Shannon calm. The conversation already had Shannon pouting and prickly.

  “Don’t have much to say do you?”

  “What am I supposed to say? Do you really want to hear about Taryn?”

  “I guess not, but I want to get an idea of what’s going on with Olivia.”

  “By asking about my love life?”

  “You’re right. Tell me something about Olivia. What’s she like?”

  “She’s amazing. She’s curious and funny. She speaks her mind and sometimes gets herself into trouble. She likes movies and popcorn. And she’s going through a fascination with big cats—like lions and leopards and cheetahs. We saw a thing about the Serengeti on the Discovery Channel, and now she wants to move to Africa and work on a game preserve.”

  “What does she know about me?”

  “Just that you were too sick to take care of her, and so you had to go away and get treatment. I tell her that you love her, but you aren’t able to take care of her. You left her with me and Grandma and Grandpa because you knew we’d love her like you do.”

  “She doesn’t hate me?”

  “No. She doesn’t know you.” Jeff winced. That sounded worse than he’d intended.

  “Why can’t you just tell her that I’m back? I’m better, and I’m back.”

  “Are you better? I don’t know that yet. I’ve built a stable life for her. She knows what to expect. That’s what kids need. I don’t want her to get confused.”

  “Taryn isn’t confusing? You and I were married, and then because I got sick, you found somebody else.”

  “People get divorced, Shannon. That’s normal these days. And Taryn has been in her life for two years. We’re getting married, and she’s not going anywhere.”

  “You just need for me to disappear, and everything will be perfect.”

  “Perfection is that no one in Olivia’s life hurts her or gets her hopes up with promises they can’t deliver,” Jeff countered. He looked at his watch and waved over the waiter. “I don’t have much time left for lunch. I told you that I would figure out a way for you to see Olivia and I will. But I’m not going to rush in and say, ‘Mommy’s back!’ Not at this point. If you love her, you’ll accept that.”

  “If I love her?”

  “Yes, ‘if’ you love her. I’ve raised her this far and done everything I can for her. I know her, and I know what’s best. You can’t think that you can be gone, and—” Jeff stopped. He hated repeating himself. “I’m not doing this all over again. I have your number. How long are you going to be in town?”

  “I can only afford to take off a couple of days—especially since I’m paying for a hotel. I mean it’s cheap, but still, you know. Fifty dollars a night is a lot.” Shannon turned on her saddest expression.

  Jeff groaned to himself at her inability to handle the cheapest of hotel rooms. He handed the waiter forty dollars and said keep the change. He wanted to be out of there. He gave Shannon two more twenties. She thanked him.

  “It’s all I have on me. It should help with the hotel.” Jeff sighed as Shannon stuffed the bills in her purse.

  If she took time off work, she wasn’t getting paid. That plus the hotel probably was a strain for her. Taryn would flip if she knew he was giving Sh
annon money. He would deal with that later, or maybe not at all. He was going to have a hard enough sell with Taryn and his parents about letting Shannon see Olivia.

  But he’d keep his promise and arrange it, although not until he spoke again with his attorney. As long as Shannon was back and showing an interest, he didn’t see being able to terminate her rights. Most of their plan depended on using Shannon’s abandonment of her daughter and their family. Clearly, she was back. And she didn’t appear to be going anywhere.

  Chapter Eight

  “I’ve had a stomach ache since Saturday, and it wasn’t all the birthday cupcakes.”

  Taryn flipped through fabric samples at Danya, the bridal salon where she had ordered her wedding dress. She’d already picked her dress and three options for bridesmaids.

  Unfortunately, two of the bridesmaid’s dress styles had since been discontinued, and there was no guarantee she could get those styles in the blossom pink color she wanted, so her consultant suggested she pick another style.

  Micky Llewellyn, her co-worker, close friend, and bridesmaid, had ducked out of work at lunch to help her. However, once she’d arrived at the store, Taryn couldn’t focus. Just knowing that Jeff was at lunch with his ex-wife made her crazy. She didn’t trust Shannon and pondered the reason behind the woman’s sudden reappearance.

  “Have you talked to her?” Micky asked. The tall brunette held a deep rose pink, strapless gown up to her body and signaled for Taryn’s approval. It was almost magenta. Taryn gave it a thumbs down and then answered Micky’s other question. She had given Micky a rundown of her crazy weekend.

  “No. I didn’t even meet her. Jeff wanted to get her out of the party as quickly as possible in case she caused a scene.”

  “Maybe you can take her at face value. She found out that he was asking questions about her, and she wanted to find out why. Maybe she is straightening out her life, and this whole thing prompted her to reconnect.”

  “I guess.” Taryn pulled a gown aside for Micky to try on.