Amber

by Julie Sykes

  ‘Sorry about this, but my parents expect it. It’s all part and parcel of running a successful music school.’

  ‘That’s all right. You seem to know a lot of people.’ I hid my disappointment that he couldn’t spend more time with me.

  ‘A lot of our students are local. They attend courses here throughout the year. And the ones who aren’t local keep on coming back for the residential courses.’

  ‘I’m not surprised. It’s a fantastic place.’

  ‘Thanks. Look, I should get back, but tomorrow’s Saturday; there are no music lessons. How about we go sailing in the morning?’

  ‘I’d like that.’

  ‘Good.’ Dan smiled and something inside me melted. ‘Meet you at nine then, at the boat.’

  He was gone before I had time to reply.

  ‘Hey!’ Lucy snagged me as I drifted past and drew me into a conversation with her and Josh. I chatted with them for a bit then, smothering a yawn, I said goodnight.

  ‘Amber!’ I had almost got through the door when Claudia bore down on me. She had a silver tray, piled high with assorted goodies. In her wake trailed Amy, Ellie, George and several other older, students. Everyone carried food and drinks on trays. ‘We have the party down by the loch. Come with us.’

  ‘It sounds fun, but I’m really tired. I’m going to bed.’

  Claudia’s face fell. ‘But this is my last night. My parents are here. Tomorrow we must travel for two weeks around Scotland. Then we go back to Germany.’

  I didn’t feel like partying down by the loch, but I could hardly say no when it was my last chance to spend some time with Claudia. I liked her direct, no-nonsense manner and would miss having her around. With an effort, I pulled myself together and said, ‘In that case, how could I refuse!’

  ‘Good,’ she replied. ‘You will enjoy it.’

  To my surprise I loved the impromptu loch-side party. I soon forgot how tired I was and stayed up much later than I’d meant to. I crawled into bed a little after midnight. I fell asleep immediately and began to dream.

  I had to find Dan. There was something important that I needed to tell him. He was supposed to be practising a sax solo, but he wasn’t in any of the music rooms. I ran through Bluewater and then the Margaret Becker building. As I went I called out to the students and staff and asked if anyone knew where Dan was. No one did.

  ‘Dan, where are you?’ My news was so big that it couldn’t wait.

  ‘Dan?’ My feet left the ground. Now I was flying, skimming across the treetops like a kestrel in search of a tiny mouse. A long while later I found Dan, alone near the boathouse. He was patching a sail on his boat. I dived to the ground and landed a short distance from him. Dan looked up. He waved at me, but as I approached he took off. He skipped down to the edge of the loch with exaggerated steps. It would have been funny if my message hadn’t been urgent. Instead, I felt panicked and cross as Dan pranced along the banks of the loch, with his knees bobbing up and down. I called out. I needed him to understand how important my message was, but my voice wouldn’t work properly. It sounded like the whine of a mosquito. As my frustration rose I was seized with a powerful surge of dream energy. Half running, half flying, I finally reached him and tapped him on the shoulder. He swung round and skipped on the spot with gigantic steps. I was so out of breath that at first I couldn’t speak. Dan’s blue eyes twinkled mischievously. He doubled up with laughter as I tried and failed to choke out my message. At last Dan stopped skipping. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. For a long minute he stared at me intently, then he bowed his head until our mouths were almost touching. I could feel his breath, warm on my face, and the beat of his heart through his cotton shirt. ‘Amber,’ he whispered, ‘I’ve wanted this for ages.’ He held me tight and kissed me.

  His soft lips sent delicious shivers racing down my spine. I pressed against him, weaving my fingers into his blonde curls. Dan explored the inside of my mouth with the tip of his tongue and I melted. I closed my eyes and wished that the kiss would never end. When he finally drew away I kept my arms around his waist as I stared up at him. He held my gaze and that’s when I realised that something wasn’t right. His eyes were much bluer than those I remembered, the lashes framing them were longer and thicker. His face seemed different too. I raised my hand to his cheek. It was fuller, with higher cheekbones and a slimmer nose. Confusion filled me. This wasn’t Dan. I’d been kissing a complete stranger! I twisted away but the boy pulled me back and kissed me firmly on the mouth. It felt so right. The world could end and I wouldn’t care. It was as if I’d finally come home. I wanted to stay here in the arms of this boy whose lips left me burning with desire. He wanted me too. He pressed his nose to mine and murmured my name, my real name. He repeated it over and over again. We clung together and I drowned in his kisses.

  I woke with a start. My heart raced and my lips were swollen. I pressed my hand to them. The cold touch of my fingertips slowly eased their longing. The room was in semi-darkness, morning still on her way, but I couldn’t get back to sleep. I lay curled in a ball as I relived my dream. I didn’t want to let it go but, like snow in rain, the pictures melted. My bed was hot and lumpy. I got up, washed and dressed. I did my exercises, doubling my efforts, to erase the ache of desire. It didn’t work. I decided I needed a mug of hot, strong coffee.

  Lucy was sleeping in but Claudia was up early, to be ready for when her parents came to collect her. We ate breakfast together. There were only a few other students in the dining hall. Most people were still in bed, recovering from the concert.

  ‘Why are you up so early?’ Claudia slathered strawberry jam on a warm croissant.

  ‘I’m going sailing with Dan.’

  ‘Ah!’ she gave me a knowing look. ‘You like each other.’

  ‘We’re very good friends.’

  ‘Soon, you will be more than friends.’

  ‘No!’ I protested. Colour rushed to my face. Did I want more from Dan than friendship? I might, but I wasn’t sure. It wasn’t fair to start a relationship when my life was so full of questions. What if I was involved in something illegal? Much as I was determined to put a life of crime behind me, I would still be accountable for past misdemeanours. If I’d been very bad I might end up in a juvenile prison. My dream had been a warning. I was sure of it. My subconscious was reminding me that until I’d dealt with my past I wasn’t free to start anything new.

  Claudia finished chewing, then swallowed. ‘We’ll see.’

  After breakfast, I took the woodland path to the loch. Early morning was by far my favourite time of the day; I loved the sharp nip of the fresh, new air. The sun followed me through the trees, spilling pools of gold onto the earthy ground. I breathed deeply and savoured the tangy smell of the pine and the subtle scents of the oak, birch and juniper trees. A feathered choir, hidden in the leafy canopy, sang out tunefully. I joined in, humming music from the concert.

  Dan beat me to the boat. He was ready to launch it when I arrived. We exchanged greetings; then I lapsed into an awkward silence as I remembered my dream. It was stupid. Dan knew nothing about my handsome dream boy. He’d no idea how much I’d enjoyed his kiss or how the memory of him was still strong in my mind. I kept my head down and hoped that my blushing cheeks wouldn’t give away such treacherous thoughts. We wheeled the boat to the water’s edge and took off our trainers to paddle it into the icy water. The boat floated off the trolley and I jumped in to secure the tiller and rudder. Dan took the trolley back to the shore then waded after me. We hoisted the sail. A gust of wind caught it and we were off, sailing towards the middle of the loch.

  We sailed in silence, squeezed up on the same side of the boat. I closed my eyes because the wind was making them water.

  ‘Tired?’ Dan asked.

  ‘A little.’

  ‘You played like a professional.’

  ‘So did you. Your sax solo was
amazing.’

  ‘You didn’t notice when I dropped a note?’

  I opened my eyes. Dan was looking at me so intently that it made me smile. He’d got me there and he knew it.

  ‘Maybe, but it was only a little mistake.’

  ‘I was nervous,’ he confessed. ‘Playing in public’s not really my thing.’

  ‘Oh?’ That surprised me. It was obvious that Dan had been nervous at the start of the concert. I had been too. Once we’d started playing though, I lost all my inhibitions. The music carried me to another plane and I’d assumed it would be the same for Dan.

  ‘I love music but it’s not the most important thing in my life,’ he said, breaking into my thoughts. ‘One day I’m going to sail around the world.’

  ‘Really!’ I was definitely up for an adventure that big. Maybe I’d sail around the world too.

  ‘I used to go sea sailing with my grandad. He had a small yacht. He lived in the south in a place called Bournemouth. It’s a seaside town. Mum and Dad would put me on the overnight sleeper train and Grandad would pick me up from the station. We used to sail along to the Scilly Isles, and once we went over to France.’ Dan paused, staring across the water, a faraway look in his eyes. A duck flew overhead. It skimmed across our bows, quacking loudly, and splash-landed half a metre ahead of us. ‘Then Grandad got ill. He had leukaemia. He died earlier this year.’

  ‘I’m sorry.’ I wasn’t sure that he’d heard me over the hiss of the water, as it rushed past the boat, until he said softly, ‘Me too. I miss him so much.’

  A knife twisted in my stomach, for Dan and for the grandfather who’d meant so much to him. It reminded me of the woman who’d been with me at the time of the car accident. Should I be grieving for her? Could that explain why my memory was in lockdown? Grief was a powerful thing. Forgetting my past might be a way of dealing with it.

  We sailed in silence, wrapped up in our own thoughts. A long time later Dan looped a strand of my hair over his finger. ‘This is fantastic.’

  ‘Thanks,’ I said shyly. I’d slept in my fishtail plait. As Lucy had promised, my hair was now a thick mass of curls. ‘When are you going to sail around the world?’

  ‘Not for ages yet, Mum and Dad want me to go to university to study for a degree in business studies, so that one day I can take over here. Edinburgh Uni is a family tradition. It’s where my parents met, and where Grandad studied. He was an engineer.’ From the wistful note in Dan’s voice it didn’t take a genius to work out that something was wrong.

  ‘But you don’t want to?’

  We were approaching the shore. Dan sat up straight and pushed the tiller away from him. ‘About turn.’

  I ducked, as the boom swung over, and shifted my weight to balance the boat when it changed direction. In my new position I was suddenly conscious of Dan’s knee pressed up close against mine. We were both wearing shorts and the soft blonde hairs on his bare legs tickled me. My chest tightened and I moved my foot slightly to break the contact.

  ‘No, I guess not. There’s a degree in architecture I’d like to do at Plymouth Uni. I haven’t told Mum and Dad yet.’

  ‘Oh.’ Not very helpful, but I didn’t know what else to say. ‘Won’t they be pleased for you?’

  ‘Yes, they will, but they’ll be disappointed too – even though they won’t admit it. I’m their only child. Waterside will be mine one day.’

  I stared into the loch and was mesmerised by the depth of its colour. It was like a prism; it absorbed the sun’s light and split it into every shade of blue.

  Dan lightly touched my arm. ‘You won’t tell anyone what I just said?’

  ‘Never!’ At that moment I felt very close to Dan. He’d become my best friend, someone to share my secrets with. I wanted to tell him about the flashbacks and how each time I touched my phone I experienced the same vague sense of urgency. I wondered what he’d think of my theory that I was part of something secret and dangerous. I even wanted to confess to him that I had weird telekinetic skills.

  The silence weighed between us. I clenched my hands into fists and steeled myself to tell Dan everything. But as I drew breath, the voice, absent for so long, was back in my head. It rang out, shriller than a fire alarm.

  NEVER tell them your real name.

  I jumped and bit my lip. There was blood in my mouth and its coppery taste made my nose wrinkle as I swallowed.

  Who are you? What do you want?

  But the woman with the cold voice and steely eyes disappeared without an answer.

  Dan and I spent the whole morning on the loch and only came in for lunch because we were starving hungry. Side by side, we hauled the boat up onto the shore, rolled the sail round the boom and tidied the ropes. My clothes were wet and I needed to change. Dan walked with me to my cabin. As we said goodbye the front door opened and a girl I recognised strolled out. My pulse quickened as I tried to place her. She was my height, with long hair that fell over her shoulders in a honey gold wave. She had blue eyes and an air of sophistication. A red halter-top accentuated her curvy figure and her teeny shorts made her tanned legs seem very long.

  ‘Hi,’ I said, self-consciously pushing a strand of wet hair back from my face. ‘Don’t I know you?’

  ‘Hardly.’ The girl gave me a withering look. Then she noticed Dan and her voice immediately softened. ‘Wait a minute. I’m an auxiliary at Rowan Bank Hospital. Were you a patient there? Didn’t I bring you a drink? I’m Holly, Holly Jenkins.’

  Was it my imagination or was there hate in Holly’s eyes as she shot me a smile?

  I opened my mouth to reply and felt stupid when I had to clear my throat first.

  ‘Of course! I’m Amber. That’s a coincidence, seeing you here I mean.’

  ‘Weird,’ Holly smiled back and we both knew she wasn’t talking about coincidences. ‘What instrument do you play?’

  ‘Flute,’ I said.

  ‘Me too and your… er... friend?’

  ‘Dan Marshall. Sax. Welcome to Waterside, Holly.’

  ‘Thanks Dan,’ Holly turned to give him her full attention. She fluttered her eyelashes as she said, ‘Can you show me the way to Melody House? I’ve had the tour but I’m lost already and I’d hate to miss lunch.’

  ‘Of course, I’m headed there myself so I can take you the whole way. See you later, Amber.’

  ‘Bye, then.’ I waved as Dan and Holly left together. Not that Dan noticed. His eyes were fixed on Holly as she sashayed alongside him.

  My heart fell to the pit of my stomach and, as if my feelings of inadequacy weren’t enough, something else tugged at me. It was so unfamiliar that I was almost at my room before I worked it out. It was jealousy.

  Ten

  ‘Amber, catch.’

  I looked up to see a basketball spinning towards me. How was I supposed to catch it? I had my hands full. I was carrying a net of balls and a set of bibs, marked with each player’s position.

  ‘I’ll get it.’ Lucy leapt in front of me. She caught the ball before it smacked me in the face. ‘Lousy shot, Holly.’

  ‘Sorry! I didn’t realise you had your arms full.’ There wasn’t one drop of sincerity in Holly’s voice.

  ‘What is her problem?’ muttered Lucy. ‘She’s been a cow to you ever since she started here.’

  ‘You noticed?’

  ‘You’d have to be blind and deaf not to. She never stops, unless Dan’s around.’ Lucy raised her eyebrows meaningfully.

  We’d just finished a game of basketball and, by rights, it should be Lucy who was mad at me. Holly and I were on the same side and we’d buried Lucy’s team by a resounding thirty-six baskets to eight. But this had nothing to do with basketball; Holly had been testing me ever since she’d arrived at Waterside. When she wasn’t making bitchy comments about my fashion sense or, more specifically, my lack of it, she was asking the impossible of me.
She’d pass me things when I had my hands full, or unexpectedly move obstacles into my path. I had a feeling that she was trying to catch me out. She wanted me to use my special skills, and once or twice I nearly had. The telekinesis was second nature. I had it more under control, but there were still occasions when it acted on reflex.

  ‘Dan’s not interested in her. Anyone can see he only has eyes for you,’ Lucy continued.

  ‘What?’

  We reached the PE store and I dumped the basketballs on the floor while Lucy opened the door. My pulse quickened and I suddenly felt very hot.

  ‘It’s obvious. Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed?’ Lucy stared at me in disbelief.

  ‘It’s… he’s… Dan and I, we’re just good friends,’ I said firmly. ‘We’ve lots of things in common.’

  I busied myself with putting the basketballs away so that Lucy wouldn’t see the flush of red creeping up my neck. First Claudia and now Lucy! Had anyone else noticed how well Dan and I were getting on together? How awkward. It wasn’t fair of me to give Dan the impression that we could be anything more than close friends. There were too many question marks hanging over my past. I needed answers before I could get involved with him.

  ‘Yeah, right! Josh and I are very good friends too. We’re going to keep seeing each other by the way. He lives in Manchester. It’s not that far from here. He’s invited me to stay with him for a weekend in the autumn.’

  ‘Lucy, that’s great!’ Lucy and Josh spent practically all their free time together. It was obvious they were keen on each other.

  We came out of the shed and joined the throng of students as they crossed the field back to their cabins. Holly was walking with Erin. They looked odd together. Holly, tall and glamorous, dressed in a tight top and tiny shorts, strode out confidently, while little Erin, with her mass of ginger curls, tagged along by her side. Erin kept glancing up at Holly, like a puppy that worships its owner. And to think I’d wanted to be Erin McKeever!