I don’t blame her. Violet might have got a raw deal in life, but I can’t even begin to understand the things that Leanne and Shaun went through as her parents. It seems like an impossible situation to imagine, let alone witness those things happening to your own flesh and blood.
I can understand why she’s protective of her daughter, and it’s up to me to prove that I’m here to stay and that I’d never intentionally do anything to hurt Violet.
It’s my responsibility to show her that I’m capable of taking on the role of protector – not that Violet seems to need it, but I think that perhaps Leanne does… I think that maybe she might need to know that someone is there for Violet, or maybe it’s just a matter of having someone to share the worry with.
Whatever it is, I’m putting my hand up for it – I’m all in, and I’m hoping that this plan I’ve put in motion is the first step to proving exactly that to Violet and her family.
Violet and I have spoken every single day since her confession by the river. When we haven’t been together in person, we’ve spent countless hours on the phone and every single minute I’ve spent with her on the other end of the line has had me falling deeper and deeper.
She’s a complex creature with so many layers to unwrap and decipher. She’s like a puzzle you think you’ve got all figured out, but then you realise there’s a piece hidden under the rug you’re yet to even see.
It’s what I’ve decided I love most about her, because it’s more than clear to me now that I do love her.
It’s why I’m here – why we’re all here. We may all be very different people, but we each have one thing in common – Violet.
We’ve still got a lot of work to do, but it’s a start, and hopefully it’s enough of a gesture to show Violet that I’m in this with her for good.
I know she’ll be due back soon, and she’s bound to be upset over Bear being gone.
I feel bad about convincing Avery it was a good idea to lie to her, but I wanted to show Violet this in private.
Bear spots a bird in the far corner and takes off in an attempt to catch it.
He loves it our here in Violet’s newly fenced back yard, and much to my disbelief, he’s not dug up a single one of her plants or peed on any of her outdoor furniture.
We’ve still got the entire front yard to fence, but it’s something at least, and it’ll give Bear somewhere safe to run around for now.
“I can sort that later,” I call to Shaun and Charlie as they restack the leftover timber against the side of the house.
They both proceed to ignore me and carry on doing what they’re doing. They’ve done so much for me already and I feel guilty for hijacking their Saturday the way I have.
Even Lucy is here now. She’s far too pregnant to do any type of lifting or building, but she’s kept the snacks and drinks flowing for us while we work.
I can feel her watching me – she’s been doing it for a while now, and I know sooner or later I’m going to have to hear whatever it is she’s planning to say to me.
Violet must be due back any minute, so I decide that now is as good of a time as any.
“Just the man I’ve been waiting for.” She confirms my suspicion as I sit down next to her on the garden bench.
“At your service.”
She glances around at our day’s work, her eyes lingering a little longer on Emmett than anyone else as she takes her slow appraisal.
“This is going to mean a lot to her,” she finally says.
“I hope so.”
“You mean a lot to her.”
I know I do. There’s no denying the love in Violet’s eyes when she looks at me, and I wouldn’t dream of disagreeing with what Lucy said, even if I weren’t able to see the truth for myself. She knows Violet better than I do.
“She means a lot to me too.”
“I can see that.”
Her gaze strays from the yard and lands on my face. She smiles at me.
“I guess you’re expecting the speech where I threaten to hunt you down and kill you if you hurt her, right?”
The thought had crossed my mind.
“You should know I don’t assume anything when it comes to pregnant women.” I chuckle.
“You’re a wise man, Dr. Wilder.” She grins. “I’ll admit, I’ve been thinking about the little talk you and I would have… but after this I’m not sure you need to hear it.”
“I won’t hurt her, Lucy.”
She smiles at me again. “I know you won’t. You adopted a giant freaking dog just to make her smile – I think we’re good here.”
I laugh as the dog in question leaps up at Leanne, slobbering all down the side of her face as she laughs.
I might have got him with Violet in mind, but truthfully, I kind of like having him around too. He’s just another thing I have to thank Violet for. Lucy too – it’s because of her that this whole thing began.
“I never got a chance to thank you.”
She looks at me quizzically. “For what?”
“For forcing me to agree to that blind date… for Violet… for all of it.”
“That smile on her face is all the thanks I need.”
Lucy’s looking past me; back up at the house and when I turn, I see the very smile she’s referring to.
Violet’s hand flies up to her mouth as her eyes land first on Bear, and then on me as she realises what’s going on.
“That’s your cue to get over there.” Lucy shoves my shoulder and I stumble to my feet.
I don’t even make it halfway across the lawn before Violet flies down the steps and throws herself into my waiting arms.
Bear chases after her, leaping and barking in excitement as he goes.
“You adopted Bear?” She’s staring up at me, her bloodshot eyes wide in bewilderment.
“Surprise.” I shrug.
“You built me a fence?” Her voice is beginning to crack and I know it won’t be long before the tears start to fall.
“I can’t take all the credit for that. I had some help.”
I glance around and it’s only then that I notice we’re alone out here.
They’ve all left us to enjoy our moment in private.
“I can’t believe you did all this for me.”
I shrug again. “You love him,” I reply simply, because it’s the only explanation I’ll ever need.
She blinks back the moisture pooling in her eyes and smiles the sweetest smile at me.
“I love you.”
The earth might technically still be spinning, but my whole world has just stopped.
I know there will never be another moment quite like this one. I hope to hear those words from her for a very long time yet, but I can’t imagine anything possibly comparing to this first time.
Now I’m the one with teary eyes.
“I love you too.” I choke out the words as best I can.
She presses up onto the tips of her toes and I meet her for a kiss. It’s so much more passionate than any we’ve shared before.
I may have spent all day building a fence, but now I can physically feel a wall crumbling down between us.
She’s giving me another little piece of herself and I lock it away safely in my heart.
“Thank you,” she whispers hoarsely against my lips.
I could say so many things to her right now, I could tell her that I’m crazy about her, that I’m hers… that I can’t manage to picture my life without her in it anymore. I could tell her that I think she’s had my heart from the moment I first laid eyes on her, but instead I just hold her tight and soak up some more of her light.
Violet
There’s not a lot of things I’ve allowed myself to have in the past twenty-five years.
There’s my passion for painting and there’s my friendship with Lucy, but outside of my favourite hobby and my best friend, I’ve made a real effort not to take anything more from the universe – in a lot of ways I feel like I’ve already taken enough.
I kn
ow I’m not responsible for the loss of a life, but I benefited from one and it often feels like the same thing.
So I try not to take. Instead I do my best to give.
But now, here in this moment, as I see the deep, unwavering love in his eyes, I know I have to allow myself this.
I have to allow myself him.
I’m entitled to live and love, just like everyone else is, and I have to give this everything I have, even though I know I’m going to receive so much more back in return.
Rylan is here in front of me, figuratively naked, baring his soul to me.
He sees me. The real me.
My borrowed heart is so tangled up with his, it’s like they’re one and the same – that it seems like they’re beating together.
It’s just the two of us and Bear in my big house, but I’ve never felt less alone. He’s everywhere I look. I can feel him all around me and I can smell his scent in the air.
He lets go of me and tugs his t-shirt slowly over his head. The sight is so perfect it seems too good to be true. His golden skin stretches flawlessly over his tight, toned muscles and there’s not a mark out of place.
My head is screaming at me that he’s too good for me – that I couldn’t possibly deserve someone this faultless, but the look in his eyes quietens my silent objection.
He reaches for my hand and ever so slowly lifts it to the spot on his chest where I can feel his heart beating. My hand rests there as he mirrors the action, placing his own hand over my heart.
I can feel the steady thrum of his heart and know that he’s experiencing the same.
I fill my lungs deeply and as I release my breath, I let my hand wander over his chest and across the grooves of his abdomen. I feel him shudder under my touch and I revel in the reaction I’ve evoked.
“Violet,” he whispers as he dips his head and his mouth briefly comes into contact with mine.
There have been plenty of times when I’ve felt nervous in my life; I can think of half a dozen that spring to mind in an instant, and they’re all to do with my heart.
This is too, but not in the same way.
This is something new.
This is about what my heart wants, not what it needs for once, and all that my heart wants in this moment, is him.
“I’ve never done this before,” I whisper back as he places soft kisses along my collar bone.
He pauses and looks up at me. “Never?”
He doesn’t seem shocked – maybe a bit surprised, like perhaps I’ve just confirmed a lucky guess.
I shake my head no.
No one has ever wanted me the way Rylan does. No man has ever got to know the real me like he has.
“I’m broken goods.”
I’m embarrassed that I’m still a virgin at twenty-five years old, but there’s also a small part of me that’s glad, I may not have known I was saving myself for him, but it sure feels that way now.
I can’t think of a better man to share this first with.
“We’re all a little bit damaged, Violet.” He looks right into my eyes as he speaks.
I like that he doesn’t argue with me about it, or try to deny the obvious.
This is one of the things I love the most about him, he doesn’t lie to me and he doesn’t try to make me feel better by filling me up with untruths. He simply reminds me that I’m not alone – that we all have our flaws, we all have a story… he reminds me to forget the rest.
He kisses me on the skin just below my ear and the sensation is so sharp it feels like broken glass.
I’ve never been kissed like this before.
He wants me, in all the ways a man wants a woman. It’s pure desire and primal instincts that are driving him to me.
I want this so badly I can hardly think straight, but I’m still afraid of what he’ll think when he sees every part of me. I feel like the shy little girl in the changing rooms at school all over again.
My scars aren’t red and angry looking like they once were, they’ve healed and faded somewhat, but for him – seeing them for the first time, it’s bound to be a shock.
He tugs on the hem of my shirt, pulling it from the band of the denim shorts I’m wearing.
“Leave it on.” I can’t stop myself whispering.
It’s my shield – my last line of defence, and if he takes that away, he’ll never be able to unsee what’s beneath it.
He pauses and lets go of the fabric before tipping my chin up so I’m looking right at him.
“You can’t hide from me.”
“But—”
He shakes his head. “There is nothing you need to hide from me, Violet, I see you.”
He’s right… I know he’s right. I want this with him and I know I can’t stay hidden forever – not if I want this to work, and I do… more than I want anything else.
I nod, just one small movement.
Ever so slowly he reaches for my shirt again and one by one unfastens the buttons until it’s hanging open in the front.
His eyes are no longer on my face, but on my body now, and the weight of his stare threatens to make my knees buckle.
His strong hands slide the fabric off my shoulders and I watch as it falls to the floor and lands at my feet.
I’ve never felt this entirely exposed to a person. I know full well I have been – rooms full of doctors have looked at my body in far less than what I’m wearing now, but this is different.
He’s not a professional who is looking at me as a patient.
He’s just a man who is looking at me as a woman.
I gasp as his fingers run ever so gently over my scar.
“This is what you were worried about?” His voice is raw, it sounds like sandpaper.
I nod – I can’t speak. It’s taking everything I have just to breathe as he exposes more of my secrets one by one.
“You really think I’d scare that easily?”
He doesn’t wait for an answer; instead he leans in and kisses my collar bone again, before moving lower and kissing the very spot where the heart I was born with vacated my body.
“Let me help put you back together, Violet.”
They’re the exact words I need to hear in this moment.
I almost feel stupid for worrying the way I did. I should have known that he wouldn’t run… that he wouldn’t care about something as superficial as the marks on my skin.
“Rylan,” I whisper.
“I’ll never leave,” he whispers back and I feel his lips move against me. “I might need you to put me back together too.”
He hears my unspoken fears and soothes them instantly.
I run my hand down his bare front until I reach the waistband of his jeans.
I’m scared, so scared, I think I might be more afraid of doing this than I’ve ever been of anything that came before it, but I take that leap, because it’s not just some guy in front of me.
It’s Rylan.
I love him, and he loves me back – every last broken bit of me.
Rylan
I can’t recall us having the conversation, but it seems something unspoken has passed between us this past month.
I haven’t spent more than twelve hours away from Violet since the night she gave me another of her firsts.
We’re joined now – bound in a way I can’t even begin to understand.
I’m not the same man I was a few months ago. He’s still there, deep inside me, but he’s evolved somewhat.
I no longer live and breathe my job – I still love what I do, but for the first time ever, I love something else more.
I love her more.
I love her more than I love anything else in my life.
She makes my pulse speed up and time slow down.
Our two separate paths have been diverted to flow alongside each other almost effortlessly.
It seems too easy most of the time – we fit together so naturally that it almost seems too good to be true.
We laugh and play, we watch movies and tal
k about books, we take Bear for walks and lie out under the stars, we discuss everything from politics to fan fiction theories and cook together nearly every day.
I don’t have to worry about missing out on time with her because of my job – she’s more than comfortable adjusting to the long shifts and erratic callouts. When I work, Violet paints or volunteers and when we sleep we do it together.
Painting, I’m beginning to learn, is Violet’s escape from the world.
Sometimes my phone rings in the middle of the night, and when I return to her place, there’s a jar of dirty brushes sitting in the sink.
I don’t know if she paints to fill the time that I’m gone, or if she paints because I’m gone.
She’s never offered to show me her work, and I know her well enough to know that it’s not a slip of her mind.
She’s not ready to show me yet and I can respect that for now.
There’s things I’m not ready to share with her yet either – things like my sister.
Every now and then something will happen and the pain of losing her hits me like a slap to the face.
Today was one of those days.
An old friend of Daisy’s – a nurse that had worked with her, came back from overseas this week. She didn’t do anything wrong, but she obviously didn’t get the memo that all my other colleagues did.
She talked about Daisy, she laughed and reminisced about the good times they’d had together.
I know that’s how it should be – that years after someone’s gone you should be able to talk about them, but it doesn’t seem to work that way for me.
Where others seem to light up at an old memory, I feel like I’m being filled with lead, and I’m about to be dropped into dark, murky water with no way out.
It’s moments like these that I feel most lost and alone. Only I’m not alone anymore.
I’ve got Violet, and right now I need her more than I ever have.
I arrive back to a sight that steals all of the breath from my lungs.
Violet is sprawled on her couch, Bear on the floor next to her. She’s sketching in a book that I’ve never been allowed to look in and she’s dressed in tracksuit bottoms and a tank top – the type of top that doesn’t cover the marks on her chest.
My Heart Wants (The Heart Duet Book 2) Page 9