by Joanna Neil
Ben nodded. ‘We have another callout.’ He smiled. ‘At the time I thought what you were doing was too important to drag you away.’
She returned the smile. ‘It looks as though he’s going to be all right, doesn’t it?’
‘It does, thanks to you.’ He slid an arm around her and gave her a gentle squeeze. ‘You did exactly the right thing.’
Sarah basked in the warmth of his touch for a second or two, but then he released her and the feeling of being safe and cherished dissolved as rapidly as it had formed.
‘What a blessing that you were both here,’ Jennifer said. She laid a hand lightly on Sarah’s arm. ‘Don’t leave it too long before you visit me again. And let me know how you get on at the dance.’ There was a twinkle in her eye as she said it, and Sarah smiled wryly. What chance did she have of ever being independent when everyone she knew was gathering forces against her?
The next day, as it turned out, was a huge success. Emily loved every minute of it, clapping her hands together in delight at the antics of the puppets in the marionette show and waving happily as she steered her racing car on the fairground roundabout.
Ben stayed with them throughout the whole of the afternoon, guiding them through the maze of activities and keeping Emily amused while Sarah explored the delights of the craft stall and the flower tent.
‘There are so many people here,’ Sarah said, looking around her in amazement as they sat at a table in the refreshments area. ‘This whole thing must have taken such a lot of organisation. Did you have a hand in it?’
‘I arranged for some of the stallholders to come and sell their goods,’ he said, ‘and I contacted the people who are providing the refreshments. We’re lucky that the weather’s holding out, given that it has been raining off and on just lately. It would have been a shame to have to take everything indoors.’
‘Yes, it would.’ She took a sip of her ice-cold drink. ‘This is delicious.’
‘It’s good to see you looking as though you’re enjoying yourself,’ Ben said. He watched her for a long moment. ‘You have a beautiful smile, and we don’t see nearly enough of it. Today has been different, though, and I’m glad of that. It’s the first time I’ve seen you free from worry and able to sit back and unwind.’
‘I’m glad that I let you talk me into coming.’ She watched as Emily played on the grass beside her with one of the toys that she had bought for her from the toy stall. ‘Emily’s had a wonderful time, and I was especially happy to see that Carol and Tom were able to come along with their two new charges.’
He nodded. ‘I saw Carol being tugged over to the karate display an hour or so ago. Young James was determined that they should watch the performance.’
Sarah’s expression softened. ‘I think she’s really taken to those two but, even so, she’s hoping that the parents will sort themselves out once the mother has been released from hospital, and that the children will be able to go back to them before too long.’
Ben nodded. ‘It can’t be an easy job, fostering children.’
They finished their drinks and wandered about the meadow for another half an hour or so, looking at the stalls they had missed earlier. All too soon, though, the afternoon came to an end.
‘What did you like best of all?’ Sarah asked Emily as they walked towards the car park.
‘I liked Ben giving me a ride on his shoulders,’ Emily said. She looked up at Ben and held out her arms, ready to be picked up. ‘’Nother one.’
Ben grinned down at her and obliged with good humour. ‘You like being as tall as a giant, don’t you?’
‘Yes,’ Emily said gleefully.
They met up with Carol and Tom in the field that served as a car park. ‘Emily can come back home with us,’ Carol said. ‘She likes playing with James and Katie, and they love having her around. I wish I could keep her with us overnight, but I don’t have the room now that I have these two little ones.’ She looked fondly at the boy and girl who were around four and five years old, and who were busy just then, playing chase with Emily.
‘I’ll settle her down on the couch in the dining-room when she gets sleepy, and you can fetch her when you come home from the dance,’ Carol added. ‘It shouldn’t disrupt her too much if I dress her ready for bed before she goes to sleep. I have a spare set of pyjamas for her at home. You can just wrap her up in a blanket and take her out to the car. I doubt she’ll wake up after all the activity she’s had today.’
Sarah didn’t have the heart to disagree. It appeared that Carol was looking forward to having Emily stay with her, and any objections she might have had about going to the dance were rapidly being knocked for six. Besides, now that she was in such a carefree mood, the thought of an evening out was becoming more appealing by the minute.
She kissed Emily and waved at her as Carol and Tom set off for home. Then Ben drove her back to the cottage, dropping her off there with a promise that he would be back to pick her up in time to take her to the hall where the dance was being held.
As soon as he had gone, she began to have a change of heart. Why was she doing this? Had she ever been to a dance before?
And what was she going to wear? Her wardrobe was sparse, with just a few choice items that she thought might cover every occasion. Evening-wear hadn’t really come into her line of thought when she was shopping.
In the end she picked out a pretty top that was made of a filmy, floaty material, printed in soft pastels, and that swirled as she moved about. Teamed with a plain skirt, she thought it would do reasonably well.
She soaked for a while in a bath full of scented bubbles, hoping that it would soothe her and help her to prepare for the evening, and she washed her hair, although on reflection that seemed to have been a mistake.
Her already unruly curls became even more wild and unmanageable, and by the time she was dressed and ready to apply the finishing touches to her make-up, her nerves were beginning to get the better of her.
The doorbell rang, and she abandoned her attempt to tame her shoulder-length hair and went to answer it.
‘Uh…’ Ben didn’t move a muscle. He stood on the doorstep looking as though he was stunned, and she stared at him in an abstracted fashion for a moment or two.
‘What’s wrong?’ She quickly checked her top to see that everything was in place. ‘Am I wearing the wrong thing?’ Then she lifted a hand to her hair. ‘Or is it my hair? I can’t get it to do what I want it to do.’
He still wasn’t speaking, but was just standing there, letting his gaze wander over her, and so she said in a husky voice, ‘We can forget the whole idea, if you like. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t go on your own.’
‘I wouldn’t dream of it,’ he said, finding his voice at last. ‘You will go to the ball, Cinders. You look fantastic, like some beautiful angel that has just floated down to earth in answer to all my prayers.’ She pressed a hand to her throat. ‘I don’t believe you for a minute, but thanks all the same. I’m a bundle of nerves, and I don’t know why.’
He came into the house and laid his hands on her bare arms, sending a tingle of sensation running through her. ‘You should believe me,’ he said. ‘You always look good, but right now you are exquisite. As for the nerves, it’s probably because tonight is one more experience that you’ve forgotten you ever had. I’ll be with you all evening, and it will be just fine, you’ll see. We’ll raid the buffet and drink the wine—well, you will, but I have to stay sober because I’m driving—and we’ll dance the night away.’
It turned out exactly as he said it would. The hall had been cleared for dancing, with a dais at one end for the group that was playing the music and buffet tables arranged all along one side. At the far end of the room, tables and chairs had been set out where people could sit and eat.
The music was lively, inviting people to get up and dance, and that’s what they did. In between dances, Ben introduced her to his friends from the hospital and to people from the cave rescue team that she had not met b
efore, and it wasn’t as difficult as she had half feared. She liked his friends, and it was good talking to them.
‘Come dance with me,’ he said, late in the evening, taking her by the hand and leading her out once more onto the polished floor. The tempo of the music changed, and he drew her into his arms so that they swayed together with the beat, their feet moving to the rhythm, and Sarah forgot all about anything else. All that mattered was that she was in his arms, feeling the warmth of his body close to hers.
Under the muted lights it seemed as though they were in another world, and when Ben lowered his head and let his lips trail across her cheek, it seemed as though it was right, as though this was how it should be.
Perhaps the wine she had drunk had gone to her head because it felt as though the two of them were enclosed in an invisible force field where nothing could get through to them.
Ben’s hand lightly stroked the curve of her hip. Her whole body burned in response, and she wanted nothing more than to move closer to him, if that were possible.
‘This feels so good,’ he said, his lips gently nuzzling her throat. ‘I love holding you this way.’ He smiled. ‘You move with the music as though it’s part of you.’
‘I’ve always liked this song,’ she murmured. ‘It’s lilting and dreamy and it makes me feel as though I’m walking on air.’ Sharing it with Ben was what made it special, though. She couldn’t recall ever dancing this way with anyone else.
But she must have done at one time, surely? She must have shared her life with someone who had been special to her, because she had Emily to show for it. What had become of that man?
The music came to an end, and she stood for a moment, trying to work out what it was that would resolve her problems. She felt Ben’s glance drift over her, but if he sensed her sudden withdrawal, he chose not to mention it.
The evening drew to a close, and gradually the crowd dispersed. Ben took her to Carol’s house so that she could collect Emily, and when they finally arrived back at the cottage, he carried the sleeping child up to her room and laid her down on her bed.
Ben stepped back so that Sarah could draw the covers over her daughter and lightly kiss her cheek. ‘Sleep well, sunbeam.’ She stroked Emily’s soft, honey curls and then she quietly left the room.
They went downstairs, and Sarah made coffee, sitting down with Ben in the kitchen that was still warm from the heat of the Aga. ‘I put it on just to heat the place up,’ she said. ‘I like sitting in the kitchen, now that it’s been spruced up.’
He nodded. ‘It’s like being in a farmhouse, with all the golden-coloured wood and the bright colours of crockery placed here and there, on the dresser and on shelves. You even have the smell of freshly baked bread in here.’
She gave him a smile. ‘That’s because I made some this morning. I thought I would put the Aga to the test, and it worked perfectly. You should try some.’ She stood up, fetched the loaf from the bread bin and cut a slice for him to sample, spreading it with creamy butter.
He studied her for a moment as she pushed the plate towards him, as though he was about to say something, but thought better of it. ‘Thanks.’ Tasting the bread, he nodded appreciatively. ‘It’s good, very good. You must have learned to cook at your mother’s knee.’
The image of a woman flashed across Sarah’s mind, a woman with tawny hair and blue eyes the colour of the sky on a spring day. Sarah stood by the table, rooted to the spot. She could see her in a kitchen, taking cakes from the oven. ‘No, they’re too hot for you to eat now,’ the woman had said with a smile. ‘Wait a little, until they’ve cooled down.’
‘Are you all right?’ Ben wiped his hands on a sheet of kitchen towel and came to stand beside her. ‘Have you remembered something?’
‘I think so.’ Shocked by the strength of the image, she made to put a hand on the table to steady herself, but Ben reached for her, holding her close.
‘Tell me,’ he said.
‘It was my mother.’ Sarah’s voice wavered. ‘I saw her clearly, as though she was standing here.’
‘That’s good. It’s wonderful that it happened,’ Ben said, his hands clasped around her arms as though he feared she might fall. ‘It may not seem like it now, because it was so sudden and you’re confused, but it means that those memories are still there, albeit that they’re hidden away somewhere.’
She felt her legs giving way beneath her, and he eased her down into a chair.
‘Something happened at the dance, too, didn’t it?’ he asked. ‘You were having a good time, and then all at once you became very quiet and it seemed as though you had something on your mind.’
‘Yes.’ She frowned. ‘I was happy, and everything was so much better than I had expected, and I don’t know what it was that cut across my thoughts, but suddenly I had an odd sensation sweep through me. I felt sure that there must have been someone else in my life…someone who played a big part…’ She broke off, not knowing how to go on.
His eyes darkened. ‘Like a husband, you mean?’
She nodded. Perhaps the notion of a husband would have comforted her at one time, in that wasteland where she had been before she had met Ben and come to feel close to him. Now, though, the very idea held her heart in an iron vice and she didn’t know what she was supposed to do or think.
He hunkered down beside her, looking at her directly, holding her gaze. ‘It could be that there never was a husband. Women do sometimes have children without being married after all, and you’re not wearing a ring. Whatever the police say about the fact that you might have been wearing one is all supposition.’
Her eyes were troubled. ‘But Emily must have a father somewhere.’
‘Then why wasn’t he with you when you started on your journey with her?’
‘I don’t know.’ Her hands clenched into fists of frustration. ‘There’s so much that I don’t know.’
Just then a faint cry came from upstairs. It was a sob, and then a wail, and Sarah felt her heart turn over.
‘Emily’s still having bad dreams,’ she said. ‘I must go to her.’
Ben stood up and moved to one side so that she could go to her child. She hurried up the stairs and pushed open the door to Emily’s room. The little girl was sitting up in bed, her face streaked with tears, and when she saw Sarah she held out her arms to her.
‘Daddy gone away,’ she cried. ‘Daddy gone.’
Sarah put her arms around her and hugged her tight, rocking to and fro and gently soothing her as best she could. ‘I’m here,’ she said. ‘Tell me all about it.’
Emily rubbed her eyes with her knuckles. ‘Mummy… Mummy poorly.’
Sarah felt her throat constrict. Had Ben been right when he’d suggested that seeing her mother being attacked had lain dormant in Emily’s mind? How could she help a two-year-old to say what was troubling her? She was working in a fog, unless Emily was to say more, to add something that would give her a clue as to what their lives had been before the attack.
But after that Emily was quiet. She didn’t say anything, but hiccuped softly, tiny little sobbing sounds in the back of her throat that gradually dwindled away as Sarah held her. After a while her tiny body relaxed, and Sarah realised that she must have fallen asleep.
She glanced round and saw that Ben was standing in the doorway, silently watching her. ‘Is she asleep?’ he mouthed, and Sarah nodded.
Carefully, so as not to disturb her, she laid Emily down and settled the covers around her once more.
Ben walked with her down the stairs. ‘At least now you know what it is that’s bothering her,’ he said on a flat note.
Sarah nodded. ‘But I don’t have the first idea how to put it right.’
He put his arms around her and laid a light kiss on her forehead, and for a moment they stayed like that, entwined, drawing succour from each other. They both knew that it was a comfort kiss, a way of saying that he was there to lend his support, because how could it be anything more than that?
CHAPTE
R SEVEN
‘CAN we go park today, Mummy? I want to go on the swings.’ Emily spooned cereal into her mouth, and then waved the spoon about to emphasise how much she wanted to go out. ‘I really, really want to go park.’
‘And I would like to take you,’ Sarah said, ‘but it’s starting to rain.’
Emily pressed her lips together in an expression that meant trouble was brewing. ‘’Tisn’t.’ She looked at Sarah as though daring her to disagree.
‘It is. Look out of the window and you’ll see.’ Sarah hid her smile, seeing the little girl begin to pout. At least she wasn’t still upset after her disturbed night. It was almost as though it had never happened.
She cut toast into fingers and put them on a plate for Emily to eat as soon as she had finished her cereal. ‘If it stops raining later on, and things dry out a bit, then we might be able to go,’ she conceded. ‘If you like, we could make some play dough instead.’
‘Yes.’ Emily clapped her hands together. ‘I like play dough. Can we have the shapes?’
‘Yes, I’ll find them for you. Which ones do you want— the stars, circles and squares, or the animals and people shapes?’
Emily made a wide circle with her arms. ‘All of them,’ she said.
Sarah laughed. ‘All of them it is, then.’
A couple of hours later, she looked out of the window at the falling rain. Other parts of the country weren’t doing too well as far as the rain was concerned. On the news, there had been talk of flooding in some areas, and she knew that rescue services were being called out to help people who were in trouble.
This was the weekend, though, and she, at least, was enjoying a day off, but that might not be the same for Ben. Would he be at home today?
‘I show Ben what I done?’ Emily asked, echoing Sarah’s thoughts in an uncanny way.
‘I don’t know if he’s at home,’ Sarah said. ‘He might be working.’
‘We go and see.’ Emily slid down from her chair at the table, leaving a trail of flour in her wake. She tugged at Sarah’s jeans. ‘Come on, Mummy. We go and see Ben.’