Treachery of Kings

by Neal Barrett Jr

  “Better than Prince Aghen Aghenfleck's hall, I'll say that,” Finn whispered to Letitia Louise.

  “Well, it's higher, all right. But Aghenfleck does have very nice balconies that let in the light.”

  “Those balconies are there so he can stand and watch his cousins go under the Grapnel and the Snip,” Finn told her. “Or see how they fare beneath the Mush… “

  “Hah! There you are, my boy. Good! Good! Nice of you to come!”

  King Llowenkeef-Grymm suddenly burst forth through a small crowd of courtiers gathered at the far end of the hall. Finn noticed everyone was dressed in red today, instead of purple hues. There were counselors in madder, cherry and pink. Chamberlains in ruby, cardinal and wine. Lords, ladies, toadies and fools in every shade of rust, amber, coral and rose.

  The King was again attired in pious tatters and rags of soot and gray, with a face of ghoulish white, and large black circles about his eyes.

  “You haven't missed a thing,” the King said. “All the miserable wretches are gone, be thankful for that. Why is it the poor all want something? Is it that way in your country as well? I never grant more than three favors at a time, they know that, but they won't go away.

  “Ah, lizard is with you as well. Fine, fine. And this is the charming Miss Letitia Louise. I'm sorry we haven't met. You're most welcome here. I have always said, if I were to take a female of the animal persuasion to my bed, it would be a Mycer girl. Oh, now, I hope I haven't embarrassed you in any way, my dear. You can say anything you like if you're the King, and sometimes I do.”

  “Yes. Thank you, Your Grace…” Letitia was appalled, but no longer greatly surprised at what a human might say.

  “I shall introduce you to the court,” the King told the two, “or as many as I can recall. First, though, I've prepared a little surprise. I hope you'll be impressed, Finn, it's all about you.”

  “Me, sire? I can't imagine what you mean.”

  Finn's throat went suddenly dry. He looked all about, to see if there was anything to drink.

  “You're much too modest, boy, a quality I find abhorrent in a person. I do hope you'll work on that. Oh, we're starting. Just wait right here, if you will.”

  The King trotted off, leaving a string, a tatter, a bit of his shroud here and there.

  “I have a very bad feeling about this,” Finn said. “I can't imagine what the old fool is going to do. Maybe I'm to be fossilized and put on display somewhere.”

  “Oh no, Finn. You're not a king or anything. They wouldn't do that.”

  “It was a jest, Letitia. A poor one, I admit, but I'm not in the best of form today.”

  “If it's anything fatal,” Julia said from her perch, “explain that Letitia and I had nothing to do with whatever it is. That's the least you can do.”

  “I hope it's not that blasphemy thing,” Letitia said. “You likely should have kept that to yourself, dear.”

  “I'm sure you're right. Unfortunately, it's too late to— Rocks and Socks, what's that?”

  A terrible sound shook the hall, a squeal, a din, a flat and nasal blare, as if a flock of geese had some disorder of the bill.

  A horde of courtiers, chattering, tittering, bobbing about, suddenly filled the Great Hall, a gaudy circus of crimson tones. And, as Finn noticed, one poor fellow in green, clearly blind to the color red.

  The clamor, the blast, the most unmusical sounds, came from a dozen young boys in lurid salmon hues. They blew on enormous horns of brass until they were flushed, and someone made them stop.

  “Even I cannot make more horrid sounds than that,” Julia said.

  “No, but on occasion you have tried.”

  The crowd began to cheer. Some waved and hopped about. Some tossed their hats in the air, and some kicked off their shoes. Finn was next to certain no one knew what they were cheering about. If the King cheered or booed, or cut off his ear, then they would do it too.

  “Finn, would you tell me what's happening, please? It's awfully noisy, and I don't like it here.”

  Finn didn't like it either. It came on a golden cart with wobbly wheels. Whatever it was, it was hidden by a colorful kingly drape. The item, the thing, the burden on the cart, poked itself up in sharp, pointy little peaks. It could be a pot of eels, it could be a rocking chair. The King had a fine sense of humor, and it could indeed be a Badgie with an axe.

  Whatever it was, it came with jolly trumpeters, who couldn't find the key, plus a herd, a covey, a flight of happy nobles, peers, and those about the palace with nothing else to do.

  “Here, now, gather round, all,” shouted King Llowen-keef-Grymm. “This is something special, and I wish to share it with my nobles, and even those of you who are nothing at all.”

  More cheers, more huzzahs. Courtiers far from the center of things escaped to find a mug of ale.

  “I want you to move in closer, Master Finn, and you too, Miss. Right in front, if you please.”

  “Yes, thank you, sire,” Finn said, and, in a quick aside to Letitia Louise, “whatever happens, stay close to me. I still have Koodigern's dagger, and I'll take as many with us as I can.”

  “Finn, it's just some churchy thing, I'm sure. I don't see why they'd harm us.”

  “You've much to learn about the treachery of kings, my dear, but I've no time to tell you now.”

  And though he had no wish to alarm Letitia, Finn could see that a company of Badgies had slipped in behind them with no sound at all.

  “I can take out eight or nine,” Julia said, “possibly ten.”

  “Don't. Not unless I do, you hear?”

  “Striking first is the basic rule of strategy, set down by Hephades the Sly.”

  “Staying alive is the basic rule of Finn the coward. Shut it down, Julia, now.”

  “What's this all about?” Letitia wanted to know.

  “Julia. I need to get her in the shop.”

  “Oh. What for?”

  “Master Finn, up here, if you please.”

  The King reached out and entangled Finn in a clutter of grim, funereal gear, sooty snips of this and that.

  “We have here,” the King announced, “one Finn of Fyxedia, craftsman of lizards, a device he thought up by himself.

  “With him is one of the very lizards he's produced, along with Miss Letitia Louise, a Mycer girl in his service, and, in my eye, as attractive as any human girl you'll find around here.”

  What is this royal rascal up to? What does he think he's going to do?

  “… now, as a treat to all my subjects, a treat which few of you deserve, for you never do anything for me, I would show you something you have never seen before. And, I daresay, will never see anything like it again. Thus, with a touch of my royal hand… “

  The King pulled a cord, the drape slipped away and the thing was revealed.

  The crowd was wary of whatever was to be. They muttered, mumbled, chattered in a voice of indecision, whispered in clear uncertain terms, waited on the edge, waited with no idea what the King would have them do.

  Finn's heart nearly stopped. The clock. That damnable, tasteless lizard with a clock in its belly, was mounted on the golden cart, for all the court to see. …

  THIRTY-FIVE

  THE TRUTH OF THIS SCAM, THIS TRICKERY OF THE King, struck Finn like a blow, near took his breath away. Here was the clever monarch's cunning, his sly and hateful deceit. Here was the reason Llowenkeef-Grymm had stopped him, moments before he was free of the place for good.

  The King had not tossed his present aside, as Finn had prayed he'd do. This mad collector of clocks had torn into the bundle and found the ugly item inside. And, in a fit of fury, in a moment of rage, he had planned this moment of dread disclosure for the man who had dared bring this artless, base, vulgar piece of rubbish into his land…

  “We're in for it now,” Julia said. “I would like to say, our acquaintance has been a partial delight.”

  “He's not going to kill us. He just wants to flog us a bit. Just keep your snout shut, I'l
l handle this.”

  “Master Finn…”The King looked at him with a grave, thoughtful look in his noble eyes.

  “You have said this gift comes to me from Aghen Aghenfleck the Fourth?”

  “Sire… “

  “And, though you've not said it, I'd guess you made this artifact yourself?”

  “I did, Your Grace. And if I might say a word here…”

  “No, you may not! It is bad manners, Finn, and blasphemy second class, to interrupt me.”

  “Yes, sire.”

  “Come here. Do it now.”

  “Oh, Finn,” Letitia said beneath her breath.

  Finn stood straight, though he feared his legs might collapse.

  “In all fairness, Finn, you should know I have taken into consideration the fact that your, ah—Prince, ordered you to craft this piece.”

  “I appreciate that, sir.”

  “It is magnificent, Finn.”

  “I regret, sire, that—what?”

  “A masterpiece, a thing of wonder, glorious in its artifice and design. I have seen clocks without number, clocks from the immortal crafters of the East, clocks from the tiny folk who are said to live beneath the sea, and have fins instead of knees. Frankly, I have my doubts about that.

  “At any rate, none of these, Finn, are worthy of an artist such as you.”

  “He likes this piece of crap?”

  “Hush, Julia,” Letitia whispered. “The man's a connoisseur.”

  “I would deem it a favor to a grateful king, if you would show me how it works.”

  “Now, sire?”

  “What did I say, boy? Now, indeed.”

  The King clapped his hands in pleasure, a signal to the watchful crowd that they should openly admire, with speech and gesture, this man who pleased the King.

  “It's really quite simple, sire.”

  Finn moved to the golden cart, a bold new note of confidence in his voice.

  “The timepiece itself is embedded in the belly of the lizard. Rampant, as it were, upon its hind legs, its forelegs raised in what I like to call a, ah—whimsical salute.”

  “Whimsical, yes. The very word, I feel.”

  “The tail, which is gilded with golden scales, serves as the pendulum of the clock. I release this small locking device and—so, the tail begins to swing.”

  “I am beside myself, Finn. I never expected as much. Who would have dreamed of having the tail itself swing?”

  “He did,” Julia muttered to herself, “not me.”

  “Now, sire, there is another function here. I release another switch… “

  The King gave such a shrill cry of delight, Finn feared he might have shed his mortal form.

  “The eyes—the eyes move back and forth as well!”

  “It's a small thing, sire.”

  “Small? Genius, I should say, for it has never been done before in the history of clocks.”

  He turned to Finn, and Finn was near certain there were tears in the fellow's eyes.

  “The honor of creation is yours. The honor of owning this wonder is mine. You have made yourself immortal in clockdom, Finn.”

  “Well, hardly, sire.”

  “Did I say immortal, boy?”

  “Sire, I believe you did.”

  “To say otherwise is to contradict the King.”

  “I know he didn't mean that,” Letitia said. “He's good with his hands, but he's not real proficient with the spoken word, sire.”

  “He's not,” Julia said. “I can vouch for that.”

  “Indeed?” The King raised a curious brow. “Never taken a lizard's vouch before. I suppose it's all right. At any rate—You”—he waved at anyone at all—”you will proceed with this now.”

  Two servants, plainly clad in the drab uniform of the Gracious Dead, came quickly and offered the King a velvet box. The box was clearly quite heavy, for it took the pair to set it down.

  “Now, both of you, get the thing out here, what do you think I hire you for?”

  The two servants lifted. And, it was indeed weighty, for they breathed hard, and the veins stood out upon their brows.

  “Your Grace!” Finn was astonished, truly speechless for a time. Letitia muttered something in the Mycer tongue, which she rarely did at all.

  The thing that arose from the box was a chain, a golden chain, with links Finn was sure would anchor a ship of good size. Each of these monstrous links was encrusted with gems of every sort—rubies, sapphires, diamonds and such—many gems that Finn couldn't name.

  At the end of this chain was a resplendent circle of gold. A large green stone lay at its center, and small diamonds cluttered about the edge.

  “Seems a bit heavy,” said the King. “I expect these fellows would be grateful if you bent for just a moment, to allow them to get it on.”

  Finn did as he was told. With a great deal of heavy breathing, and fussing about, the men wrested the loop over Finn's broad shoulders. Julia leaped into Letitia's lap not a moment too soon.

  Finn gasped, and caught himself before he fell to his knees. The King began to clap again, and the crowd began to cheer. Finn tried not to stagger, made a great effort not to sag. The thing surely weighed a good eighty pounds, and came down to his knees.

  “Looks good on you, Finn.” The King stepped back and grinned.

  “I am overwhelmed, sire.”

  “I shouldn't wonder. That's a Ninety-Fifth Degree decoration you're wearing there. We only go to ninety-six. Here. You need to read it. It's hand engraved, you know.”

  With some degree of effort, Finn lifted the great pen dant that hung below his knees. It read, in florid script, enameled in lilac and blue:

  THE HUMAN PERSON NAMED FINN IS HEREBY GRANTED THE TITLE OF GRAND MASTER OF MECHANICAL OBJECTS, GEARS AND VARIOUS PARTS, AN HONOR OF THE NINETY-FIFTH ORDER, BY COMMAND OF MYSELF, LLOWENKEEF-GRYMM, KING OF HELDESSIA LAND

  ∗ ∗ ∗ ∗ ∗

  “I am honored,” Finn said. “I scarcely know what to say.”

  “Words won't suffice, I shouldn't think,” the King said, rising from his gilded chair. “Here, come with me. You too, Miss, and lizard, as well.”

  Without another word, Llowenkeef-Grymm stalked across the Great Hall, scattering courtiers aside.

  Finn looked at Letitia, and Letitia looked back. Neither, with the slightest idea of what might be coming next.

  Finn gathered the loops of his fine decoration and kept up as well as he could. The King didn't pause until he reached a small, arched door, set neatly within the wall.

  “The family doesn't take part in these events. Isn't good for those louts to see too many royals at a time. A lot of them faint. We had a fellow die.”

  “I can see that,” Finn said.

  “You keep saying that, you'll stir up my ire, Finn. You couldn't possibly comprehend even half of what I'm saying, don't pretend you can.”

  “I certainly won't, sire.”

  Llowenkeef-Grymm waved him off, clearly annoyed, a mood which seemed to strike him at any given time.

  “At any rate, you'll get to meet the royals. We'll all be dead again soon, so there isn't much time.”

  Finn started to speak, but Letitia shook her head in warning.

  The King threw open the door, then, and Finn suddenly understood. He didn't have to count. He knew there'd be ten, plus the King himself. Eleven. Minus one, and he was thankful for that. Still, nearly the entire congregation of the Deeply Entombed. The only true believers in the world, and they were all gathered here. Each and every one in the rags, snags, tatters and snips, bound, wrapped, happily trapped in the drear and dusty shrouds of the fashionable dead.

  Huddled together, they appeared to be a great dust bunny, swept from under a giant's untidy bed. Finn met them all, overweight uncles and undersized aunts, nieces, nephews, beady-eyed cousins, and two old men who shared the same shroud. Finn hoped they weren't joined in some horrid manner, and didn't want to ask.

  Then, when all was done, Finn breathed a great sigh of r
elief, grateful again that the one royal member he dreaded to see had failed to appear. He could clearly see every smudgy feature, every sooty nose, and she clearly wasn't there. Count all you like and there were still only ten—

  “You must forgive me, Father dear, for I had a hundred tiresome little chores. There's no rest for a princess of the realm, I cannot call my life my own… “

  She stopped, halfway from the door across the room, paused, hesitated, tarried in a manner, then realigned her bodily parts in a posture that was likely illegal somewhere, bit her saucy lip and blinked at Finn.

  “Finn, you sweet man, what a marvelous surprise, I had no idea we'd be together again so soon!”

  Finn's prayer to die failed. The earth didn't part and swallow him up. Indeed, nothing seemed to work at all. Instead, Fate flung DeFloraine-Marie into his arms, where she pressed herself against him in a most indecent manner, kissed him on the mouth, pushed him away, and smiled at Letitia Louise.

  “I'm glad we could finally meet. Finn has said so much about you. I think Mycer girls are prettier than any of your kind. I'm DeFloraine-Marie, Princess of Heldessia Land. My mother's in the Afterworld, but Father's such a dear. Do make Finn take off that terrible chain before he holds you again. I expect it left bruises everywhere on me.”

  “Finn. I need to talk to you.”

  He didn't look at Letitia, he didn't have to. “You really don't, my dear. It only seems like you do, and I quite understand how things might appear when they're actually not as they seem at all.”

  “I'm relieved to hear that, Finn.”

  “Well, then,” said the King, somewhat puzzled by this display. “So you and Master Finn have met, my dear?”

  “Oh, we have, Father.”

  How can she possibly look so lovely in a garment made of lint?

  “We'll be having refreshments, now,” said the King. “Black ale and sogcake, you know. We shall all be returning to the dead persuasion after this, and we usually have a little snack.”

  “Thank you, sire, but I feel Letitia and I—”

  “Oh, no, you can't have any, boy. This stuff's sanctified. Just thought you'd like to watch.”