Confessions of a She-Fan
Page 4
“I sneaked an early peek at your essay, and I think it’s terrific,” he writes. “I’m hoping the Boss reads it and offers you some alimony.”
Game three on Sunday completes the Angels’ sweep. Mussina does his job, but Proctor can’t record an out in the seventh. My divorce piece runs in today’s New York Times, so I am much too excited to care. The Times places the essay on the section’s back page and adorns it with a clever illustration showing a woman sawing herself free of a ball and chain—a ball with the Yankees’ logo on it.
The huge response to the piece stuns me. I have a Web site that promotes my novels, but I didn’t expect the Times’ readers to seek it out.
There are supportive e-mails from other Yankee She-Fans. Like the one from Evalyn, who writes, “Only another female can understand the emotional attachment we have to the team.”
There are funny e-mails from people I grew up with but have not seen in years. Like the one from Ken, who writes, “As I read your article, I recalled our trip to Yankee Stadium when the Mick had 499 home runs and we were hoping we’d see number 500. I certainly remember that you are as nuts as I am about the Boys in Blue.”
There are interesting e-mails from people I have never met. Like the one from Sandy McCartney, who writes that she, too, lives in Santa Barbara and that her husband is not only a lifelong Yankee fan but also the best friend of Yankees radio broadcaster John Sterling. And the one from Matt Silverman, the president of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, who wants to send me a Devil Rays care package and asks for my home address.
There are smirking e-mails from Red Sox fans. Like the one from John, who writes, “As a lifetime BoSox fan, here’s hoping you see the light and join the Nation.”
Most upsetting are the angry e-mails both to me and to the Times from Yankee fans that crucify me for being a traitor. Like the one from Stan, who writes, “Too bad Jane Heller has given up on the Yankees. True fans never give up. True fans die harder and root harder. We don’t need her.” And the one from Adam, who writes, “It is because of triflers like Jane Heller that Yankee supporters have the bum rap of not being genuine fans of the game of baseball.” And the particularly articulate one from Rob, who writes, “Suck dick you whore.”
I am stung by these vicious e-mails.
“They’re questioning your loyalty,” Michael says.
“This has nothing to do with loyalty,” I say. “I wrote an essay about divorcing the Yankees because all the losing has taken an emotional toll on me. You get that better than anyone.”
“Yeah, well, people hate you for being a bandwagon fan.”
My nostrils flare with indignation. It stinks that I am hated by perfect strangers, especially strangers with whom I share a passion. And here is another thing that stinks: People are jumping to conclusions about me. How dare they question my legitimacy as a fan? I am not one of those people who abandoned the Yankees when they were bad. I hung around during the Horace Clarke years and the Mel Hall years and the year that Luis Polonia had sex with that 15-year-old girl in Milwaukee. I was there even when the cokehead Mets were the toast of New York. Sure, I drifted away. I went to college and protested the war in Vietnam and listened to Led Zeppelin. I got married and divorced twice. I launched my career in publishing. I went through periods when I did not follow baseball as obsessively as I do now. But I never stopped rooting for the Yankees, never stopped loving them.
“I am the opposite of a bandwagon fan,” I say, standing up very straight. “And the injustice of it all is infuriating.”
“They’re just reacting to what they read in the paper,” says Michael. “They don’t know you.”
“Yeah, well, I wish I could show them.”
“Show them what?”
“That I’m the best fan the Yankees have ever had.”
AL EAST STANDINGS/MAY 27
TEAM W L PCT GB
BOSTON 34 15 .694 —
BALTIMORE 23 27 .460 11.5
TORONTO 22 27 .449 12.0
NEW YORK 21 27 .438 12.5
TAMPA BAY 20 28 .417 13.5
Week 9 May 28, 2007
Ninety percent of the media people are right on. But the worst things that happened to sports are ESPN and talk radio. They don’t report the sports. They report the dirt.
On Memorial Day the Yankees lose the first of a three-game series against the Blue Jays at Rogers Centre. On Tuesday night, they waste a fine performance by Pettitte and lose to the Jays again. It is killing me that they are flushing themselves down the toilet, but I can’t help watching, the way you can’t help rubbernecking. Wednesday is a newsy day in Yankeeville. No, Joe has not been fired. It is A-Rod who is in the headlines.
The New York Post has dubbed him Stray-Rod and Yankee Doodle Randy. As is clear from the story’s accompanying photos, he has been a naughty, naughty boy in Toronto. He is shown cavorting with a woman who is not his wife. The woman is a platinum blonde with big jugs and even bigger biceps—more Hustler than Playboy. She is not particularly attractive. Surely he can afford better. According to the story, she is a stripper, and she and A-Rod went to a lap dance club together. And—here is the real bombshell—she has been spotted with him in other cities besides Toronto.
A-Rod also makes news during the game against the Blue Jays. He shouts something that distracts third baseman Howie Clark, who drops the ball. The Blue Jays claim he yelled, “I got it!” or “Mine!” but A-Rod claims he said “Hah!” Replays are inconclusive, and Michael and I discuss whether A-Rod has a tendency to do bush league things. He is carrying the Yankees on his back this season, bush league or not.
The Yanks go on to beat the Jays 10–5, avoid the sweep, and snap their five-game losing streak. Mo gets his first save since May 3.
Thursday is an off day before the Yankees open another series against the Red Sox at Fenway. I focus on the e-mails about the divorce essay that continue to flood my in-box. Mixed in with the ones telling me that I am a despicable person are suggestions that I expand the saga of my relationship with the team into a baseball book.
A career in baseball is all I ever wanted. When I got out of college in the ’70s, I wrote a letter to Michael Burke, president of the Yankees, asking for a job. He passed it along to Bob Fischel, who was head of PR then. I got my interview with the Yankees, but the job Bob Fischel offered me was secretarial, and I had bigger ambitions. I also interviewed with a vice president at ABC Sports, thinking I could be an on-air baseball reporter. The job he offered me was “sponsor hostess”—I would serve cocktails to sponsors at sporting events and “look pretty.” This was before such jobs were not only objectionable to women but also illegal. And then there was my interview at Major League Baseball. Bowie Kuhn was the commissioner, and baseball was losing young men to other sports, to college, to the military. His office needed a recruitment campaign along the lines of the army’s “Uncle Sam Wants You!” I said I would be thrilled to work on the campaign. But a few weeks later they explained that Major League Baseball was just not ready to hire a woman to promote it. I was disappointed, but I could not afford to be a pioneer and go door-to-door trying to break through any glass ceilings. I needed to make money. I answered an ad in the New York Times’ classified section for an assistant in the publicity department at a book publishing company. I spent 10 years climbing the ladder in publishing, promoting dozens of novelists before becoming one myself.
But here I am in the present, and the novel I am supposed to be writing is going nowhere. Writing a book about the Yankees,however,would prove to those people who trashed me that I am not a bandwagon fan; that I am the most devoted fan a person can possibly be.
If I were Derek Jeter, I would not want to begin the month at a miniature park stuffed with Red Sox fans chanting, “Yankees suck!” The infield at Fenway is what sucks. I bet Jeter sees more bad hops there than anywhere.
Actually, I wonder what Jeter is thinking these days. His offense, unlike that of most of the hitters,has been very reliable. I am dying to know wheth
er he really thinks this team will pull out of the hole they have dug for themselves or if he is just bullshitting the media when he says, “We’ll be fine.” I would also like to know if he still hates A-Rod or if they are good teammates now. And what is up with all the high-profile women he dates? Mr. and Mrs. Jeter always look so down-to-earth when the camera finds them in their seats. I can’t picture them embracing a Mariah, Jessica, or Scarlett as their daughter-in-law.
The Yankees win the June 1 game in Boston 9–5. Wang struggles through five-plus innings, but it is in the fourth when things get heated. Wakefield hits Phelps, and Kyle Snyder hits A-Rod. In the top of the ninth, Javier Lopez hits Cano. And in the bottom of the inning,Proctor,the enforcer, throws at Youkilis’s head. Both benches empty, but no punches are thrown. They all just stand around looking pissy. Typical Yankees–Red Sox.
Boston takes the Saturday game 11–6. Neither starter, Mussina or Schilling, gets the decision, as it is a battle of the pens and a sloppy display by the Yankees, who blow the lead three times. Jeter commits two errors, and Proctor gives up five runs for the loss. But that is not the worst of it. In the bottom of the seventh, Lowell is running to first and collides with Mientkiewicz, who not only has been playing stellar defense but also has started to swing the bat well. Doug goes down and stays down. Eventually, he is carted off the field and bound for the hospital. And Clemens, who was supposed to make his much-anticipated debut in Chicago, has a “fatigued right groin.” I’ll give that motherfucker a fatigued right groin.
On Sunday the New York tabloids report that A-Rod has been dining with a blonde in Boston but that this blonde is Cynthia—a.k.a. C-Rod. Unlike his stripper, C-Rod is attractive and well-groomed and very fit—more Prevention than Playboy. I guess she has been deployed by the Yankees to keep her husband out of trouble. Or maybe she has decided to step in and fight for her man. I am forever fascinated by Yankee marriages, since I used to dream of being in one. As for the game, the Yankees win it 6–5. Again, it is a battle of the bullpens as Pettitte can’t get out of the fifth inning and Beckett is foiled by his closer, Jonathan Pap Smear, who gives up a homer in the top of the ninth to A-Rod. Divorce or no divorce, that is sweet. What is not sweet is the medical report on Mientkiewicz. He has suffered a concussion, a cervical sprain, and a broken bone in his right wrist and could miss 6 to 8 weeks.
And in an article in the sports section of the Santa Barbara News-Press, Tommy Lasorda weighs in on my divorce essay.
“If she is dropping the Yankees, she should pick up the Dodgers,” he tells reporter Mike Takeuchi.“There is a saying in this country: If you don’t pull for the Dodgers, you may not get to heaven.”
AL EAST STANDINGS/JUNE 3
TEAM W L PCT GB
BOSTON 37 18 .673 —
TORONTO 27 29 .482 10.5
BALTIMORE 27 30 .474 11.0
NEW YORK 24 30 .444 12.5
TAMPA BAY 23 31 .426 13.5
Week 10 June 4, 2007
My dad taught me that if you want something bad enough, you go get it. His favorite thing was: “If you didn’t get dirty, you didn’t play hard enough.” When I was growing up, the game was only fun if you won. He instilled that in me right out of the chute.
The Yankees move on to Chicago for a four-game series. This time they actually play well against the skanky ChiSox and win three out of four. A-Rod is smacking homers again. Wang pitches his first complete game of the season. Mussina has a great outing, despite not getting the decision. And Mo gets a couple of saves. I perk up. I watch the games without grinding my teeth. Michael is preoccupied with a photographic project he is doing in LA, and he is missing the games. It is like I have lost my Yankee buddy. I bet he is relieved not to be around me. I feel guilty for having taken his company for granted once the season started and putting the Yankees first. If he sent me an e-mail like all those New York Times readers did, he would probably call me a bandwagon wife.
Interleague play resumes on Friday with a series at home against Pittsburgh. The Yankees should be able to bury a joke of a team like the Pirates, and they do, in asweep. a sweep. Clemens makes his debut on Saturday and goes a respectable six innings, striking out seven and benefiting from the suddenly smoldering bat of Abreu. By the end of the weekend, the Yankees have won six in a row. I get e-mails from friends who suggest that the Yanks are playing well because I threatened to divorce them. I think it is more likely that they are finally beating teams they should beat and that the 2007 season could get interesting if they keep it up.
AL EAST STANDINGS/JUNE 10
TEAM W L PCT GB
BOSTON 40 22 .645 —
NEW YORK 30 31 .492 9.5
TORONTO 30 32 .484 10.0
BALTIMORE 29 34 .460 11.5
TAMPA BAY 28 33 .459 11.5
Week 11 June 11, 2007
I met my wife on a blind date. We lived a block and a half from each other for 3 years at school and never crossed paths. One day I was talking to a guy I played minor league ball with. I said, “Hey, you got anybody I should meet?” He said, “Yeah, I do.” Next thing you know, we’re married for 8 years witha2-year-old son.
It is the interleague series at the Stadium against the Diamondbacks that convinces me this season is definitely worth writing about. We sweep Arizona. Wang pitches a beauty on the 12th. Mussina goes his longest outing on the 13th. And Pettitte pitches eight brilliant innings on the 14th. Oh, and A-Rod belts his major-league-leading 25th homer.
With the Yankees reeling off nine straight wins, I call Ellen Levine,my literary agent in New York, and suggest that I write a nonfiction book about their 2007 season.
“I’ll get on a plane after the All-Star break, follow the team to every game, and chronicle the season from a female perspective,” I tell her.
“It sounds very promising,” she says, even though she is not the least bit into baseball and could not tell you what the All-Star break is. “The response you got to the Times piece indicates a market for a book.”
“I’ll write about what it really means to be a fan,” I add.
“Great,” she says. “Give me a proposal as soon as you can. Will you be able to get access to the players?”
I hesitate. “Absolutely.”
Over the weekend, while the Yankees are winning two of three against the Mets in the Bronx, I sit at the computer and make my case for why a publisher should pay me to fly all over the country with the Yankees. I state that I will learn life lessons by going to Baltimore, Detroit, and Kansas City, the way the author of the bestseller Eat, Pray, Love learned life lessons by going to Italy, India, and Indonesia. Okay, it will not be the same thing, because she was writing about spirituality and I will be writing about baseball, but we will both be searching for something.
Since what I really hope to do in this book is to prove to my detractors that I am a true fan—such a true fan that I will become pals with Jeter and A-Rod and all the guys—I boast in the proposal that I have contacts within the Yankees organization. (Well, I must know someone who has contacts.) I pledge that I will gain access to the players and interview them for the book. I will be a true fan and a fearless journalist.
The Yankees win the finale of the series against the Mets. Wang strikes out 10—his career high. A-Rod hits home run number 27 and drives in three runs for a major-league-leading 73 RBIs. And the Yankees notch their 11th victory in 12 games.
AL EAST STANDINGS/JUNE 17
TEAM W L PCT GB
boston 44 24 .647 —
new york 35 32 .522 8.5
toronto 33 35 .485 11.0
tampa bay 30 37 .448 13.5
baltimore 29 40 .420 15.5
Week 12 June 18, 2007
I always thought the majors were an unattainable goal for me. It wasn’t until I got to college when I realized I could make it. We had five or six guys—pitchers—who became number one, first-round draft picks. I started hitting against those guys and having a lot of success. I thought, “If I’m holding my own against these firs
t-round picks, maybe I have a chance of becoming something.”
Ellen loves the proposal and sends it to publishers, asking them to respond quickly since the All-Star break is approaching and she would like to have a deal in place by then. While I wait to hear, I watch the Yankees get swept by the Rockies in Colorado. The Rockies! What is with these guys? Just when there is a glimmer of hope that they are not dead after all, they pull crap like this.
On Friday they move on to San Francisco, where they lose two of three to the Giants and become participants in the Barry Bonds circus. In the first game, which the Yankees win 7–3, Bonds hits his 749th homer off Proctor and is only six away from tying Aaron’s record. In the second game, Proctor again figures prominently, taking the loss in a 6–5 defeat in 13 innings. The 7–2 loss to the Giants on Sunday hasabout1minuteofdrama. Clemens comes in to relieve Mussina in the seventh and faces Bonds. It is a showdown between two gunslingers, except that both are past their prime. The only question is whether Clemens will throw a strike to Bonds or walk him. He walks him. Drama over. So are the Yankees. They lose five of six and are sinking fast.
AL EAST STANDINGS/JUNE 24
TEAM W L PCT GB
BOSTON 48 26 .649 —
TORONTO 37 37 .500 11.0
NEW YORK 36 37 .493 11.5
TAMPA BAY 33 40 .452 14.5
BALTIMORE 32 43 .427 16.5
Week 13 June 25, 2007
When you sign with anew team,you’re always really anxious to get to spring training and meet the guys. You have such a short period of time to get to know everybody before you start to work. But the Yankees were so easy. I met Derek and he said, “If you ever need anything, let me know.” He made me feel right at home. Everybody did. I kept telling my wife, “Pinch me. This is the dream of all dreams.”