Inherent Cost

by Alicia Cameron

  “I know,” Wren agreed, sharing a conspiratorial smile with her. “That’s why I wanted to wait.”

  Isis looked proud. “Thanks for telling me. You should tell Jere tonight. I’ll disappear after dinner, and you guys can have the house to do... whatever it is that you used to do after dinner, before you got me. Probably something super mushy and sweet.”

  Wren smiled, because she was completely correct in that assumption. The cuddling and kissing they used to do every night could absolutely be described as “super mushy and sweet.”

  “Thank you. It will mean a lot to both of us.”

  Isis shrugged. “No problem. You guys do a lot for me. The least I can do is let you have some time alone. If we ever all move to Sonova together, we have to have separate places to live, but like, next door to each other. That way, you guys can do your thing, and I can still be close, but not really in the same place.”

  Wren smiled at that thought. It was weird to think of moving to Sonova ever, much less as the three of them. He didn’t know if it would ever be possible, but he figured that if Isis could consider it, he could as well. He wouldn’t even mind having her nearby. In fact, he might even enjoy it sometimes.

  The rest of the day passed quickly, and Wren contemplated all the possible ways in which he could deliver the good news to Jere.

  As promised, Isis cleared out immediately after dinner, smiling and saying that she was still a little tired from the energy transfer. As usual, Jere was too busy trying to take care of her to have any clue what was going on, and she practically had to shove him away, insisting that she was just really tired, and that she really, really didn’t need anything.

  When she was gone, and Jere had stopped fussing over that fact, Wren took him and pulled him by the hand to the couch where they had spent so much time together. Well, not this exact couch. This was the new one, one of the two replacements that the insurance had provided. This one wasn’t as soft or comfortable as the old one yet, and it still had some breaking in to be done. It was bigger, though, which made it that much more fun to cuddle up on.

  “I have some things I need to tell you,” Wren said, trying to look happy and hopeful instead of worried.

  It didn’t work. Jere’s face fell immediately.

  “Jere, I’m not—”

  “I know,” Jere said, shaking his head. “I know, you need to go, for your own sake. I won’t take it personally, I mean, after what happened after the riots, with Arae, and I’ve been an asshole, and—”

  Wren cut him off, pinning him against the back of the couch with a hard, passionate kiss. Jere was confused at first; at least, if the fact that his lips still moved in a desperate attempt to keep talking was any indication. Wren tried not to laugh at the utter ridiculousness of it, because that would spoil his plan to kiss Jere into silence.

  Eventually, it worked, and he pulled away, smiling.

  “I’m not leaving. Not anytime soon, anyway. I thought about it, and I want to stay with you.”

  Jere gave him a puzzled look. “But... but I thought you said you wanted to go, to be free?”

  Wren laughed, pulling Jere into his arms. “Yes. But not as much as I want to stay with you.”

  “I’m not holding you back, am I?”

  “Absolutely not,” Wren assured him. “It’s not just you. It’s you, it’s Isis, it’s the work we have here, it’s the SRA passing and all the things that might come after it. I have a life here, Jere. Do you even get how important that is?”

  “Of course I do,” Jere insisted. “I get it, community ties, and purpose, and—”

  Wren placed a finger on his lips. “Shut up before I kiss you quiet again. Slaves don’t have lives. They exist for their master, they work, they serve a purpose. They don’t have hopes, or dreams, or futures. They just do whatever they need to survive, and that’s pretty much the best that they can hope for.”

  “Okay...” Jere said, not quite getting it.

  “I need to show you something,” Wren said, quiet. He pulled out the job offer telegraphs that he had stashed since he received them weeks ago. He handed them to Jere, and he cuddled into his side, waiting as he read them.

  Jere was quiet for a moment, studying them. “Wow, these took a long time to get here. They should have just sent them by mail. I guess the telegraph office really was busy with—”

  “Jere, I’ve had these for almost two weeks,” Wren interrupted. He couldn’t look Jere in the face, so he settled for resting against his chest, instead. He waited for the response, and was pleasantly surprised to feel Jere’s hand gently stroking through his hair.

  “I’m guessing you didn’t just forget them?” Jere said quietly.

  Wren shook his head. His tongue suddenly felt stiff; at the thought of Jere leaving, he couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. As hot as he usually was, he felt frozen.

  “Well, I think we did agree that you’d be better at hiding it than me,” Jere pointed out. “Or is this payback for the months I kept you waiting?”

  Wren shook his head again. He felt so low. Everything he had criticized in Jere, he had done exactly the same. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

  Jere leaned down, kissing Wren lightly on the forehead. “I’m not angry. I am absolutely the last person in the world who should be angry. And I’m not going anywhere.”

  Wren breathed a sigh of relief, but he couldn’t bring himself to look up just yet. He didn’t want to see the disappointment in Jere’s face; not because Wren had hidden the job offers, and not because Jere was choosing Wren over Sonova. “I should have shown you before telling you I was staying. It wasn’t fair this way. I just wanted to be able to explain why I have to stay.”

  “Do you think I could see that beautiful face of yours while you explain it?” Jere suggested.

  It was a suggestion, but the part of Wren that had loved Jere for years heard it as a plea, and the part of Wren that had been a slave for years heard it as an order. Reluctantly, he sat up, glancing up cautiously at Jere, waiting for the disappointment to crush him.

  Jere was smiling softly, patiently. He didn’t demand that Wren speak right away, he just waited.

  “I got those when I came back from the evaluation,” Wren admitted. “The thought of being apart from you, really apart, for a long time, or forever... it was like losing a part of my own body. I just froze, and I realized why you didn’t tell me for so long, and I realized how scary it would be, how it would ruin everything we’ve worked so hard for, and I realized that I didn’t want to make that decision and make you suffer by leaving, and I didn’t want you to have to make it either. I thought you kept it from me because you were treating me like a slave. You kept it from me because you couldn’t imagine a future without me, and that was how I felt when I saw that. You’ve always said you’d stay, always, no matter what, but I liked the option. I liked the plan to escape, because I’ve always needed a plan to escape. Whether it’s death, or avoidance, or sex, or whatever, I want that choice, and the chance to cross the border? It was there. I never really wanted to go—I wanted the fantasy of going.”

  “Isn’t it usually you who teases me about living in a fantasy world?” Jere asked, smiling. He ran a hand up and down Wren’s arm, calming and comforting him.

  “I felt so betrayed. I’m sorry I made you feel that way.”

  Jere shook his head. “You didn’t, love.”

  “Don’t just say that to make me feel better.”

  “Come on, at least I didn’t have to hear it from Kieran while you were out of town,” Jere teased, drawing the tiniest of smiles from Wren. “You told me once, back when we were getting ready for the certification, that collars aren’t as nice when you can’t take them off.”

  Wren nodded, failing to make the connection.

  “No matter what I choose in life, no matter where I go, what I do, whatever, I get to choose that,” Jere admitted. “You don’t. I would move the fucking earth to give it to you, but ultimately, for as long as you remain
in Hojer, or if you get caught trying to leave, you’re a slave. Even if you escaped the border, you would still be a slave if you ever came back. You would never get the chance to travel freely, you’d never know what it was like to grow up in a place that didn’t routinely torture children and enslave half the population. I like to play pretend, to act like everything is normal. I like to be able to take that collar off, and I do, even when it leaves you behind. I try to think of you not just as a free man, but as someone who grew up like I did—in a non-slave-state. I can feel more secure with you, because if I really want to keep you here, I can. That’s not true both ways. And just because I pretend that doesn’t exist, doesn’t mean it’s not true.”

  Wren nodded, amazed that Jere was finally reaching this conclusion. For so long, he had insisted that they were equal, that Wren had power... Wren had always been aware that everything he had was because Jere allowed it.

  “I will never leave you,” Jere said quietly. “Not for Sonova, not for more money, not because of anything. I won’t ask you to make the same promise. You don’t need to bear that responsibility. As a slave, you have enough. It’s my responsibility; you just do what’s best for you, I’ll follow. If that means leaving at some point, we’ll work with it. If it means staying and avoiding shitty political messes, I’ll happily become a recluse. If it means making Hojer our home and continuing to change it, we can do that, too. We’re on that path already. I will make my life wherever you make yours.”

  “I have a life with you,” Wren admitted. “I look forward to seeing you every day. I look forward to seeing you after work even though we work together. I like that I can be here for Isis when you don’t get things, because no matter how long you’ve been here, you’ll always be an outlander, and you’ll never be a slave. I like the stupid conspiracies we plot out with Kieran, and the political things, no matter how horrible they end up. I like them, because they’re all things that I choose, and they’re things that are important to me. I like knowing that some of our patients are starting to treat their slaves a little bit better. I even liked seeing Paltrek and his terrible attempt to comfort Dane. I like all of these things, because they’re our life. Both of us. And right now, that’s more important than being free.”

  “You could have things in Sonova, too,” Jere pointed out.

  “I couldn’t have you. Not for a while, and honestly... I don’t want Sonova. It was easy for Isis. It’s safe, she’s content, no need to change things. I like to think I’m a little more secure than that, but honestly, I don’t want the change, either. I’ve spent my whole life struggling and fighting and scared. I don’t want to do it anymore. I want to stay here with you. This SRA is making things better. I don’t want to leave just yet.”

  Jere gave him a hopeful smile. “You really mean it? You’re not going to resent me for keeping you here, right?”

  Wren grinned, pulling Jere in for another kiss. “Like you resented me for keeping you here for the past two years? Look, I wanted time to think about it, because I was so fucking angry at you when I found out you were keeping it a secret from me. I wanted the choice, and I wanted you to give it to me without a fight. I didn’t realize how threatening that choice could be. But the more I thought about it... the choice is nice, but what I really want is to stay.”

  “That’s a relief,” Jere admitted. He smiled at Wren a little bit. “When I met with President Clemente yesterday, it wasn’t just so he could tell me that he wants me to be the new director of the Slave Health Agency. It was so he could tell me that he’s basically hijacking my life. He knows what I did to his daughter, and I think he knows there’s something special about you. He’s made it clear that my position is no longer voluntary. I stay, or you and Isis are at risk. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to pressure you either way.”

  “So you’re stuck here as well as I am?” Wren realized.

  “Pretty much. Is it strange that I don’t mind?”

  Wren shook his head. “Maybe one day, we’ll all be ready to move on, but that’s not anytime soon. Especially with shitty success rates like that program has.”

  Jere even laughed at that one. “Kieran was so proud of them,” he pointed out.

  “Kieran has never set foot inside of a training facility,” Wren replied.

  Chapter 39

  Marking

  It was quiet for a moment. Wren held Jere close, loving the familiar feeling of just cuddling with him. It brought back memories of those first few weeks when they started their relationship, the tentative touches, kissing, exploring each other in the way that new lovers did.

  “I’m so happy you’re staying,” Jere confessed, his voice barely above a whisper. “I was scared that you were really going to leave. And if you ever get job offers or something for me again—keep them. Although, I might send the one from Sonova to my mum, just to make her laugh. I tried so hard to get into that hospital when I was first out of medical school.”

  “I’m pretty happy you’re staying, too,” Wren poked fun at him. “Although, if you threaten to abandon Hojer without telling me about it first again, I’ll tie you up and beat you.”

  “Promise?” Jere challenged, a playful look on his face. “That sounds like a pretty good night to me.”

  Wren laughed, tossing him lightly against the arm of the couch and kissing him roughly, his hand snaking its way down between them to cup Jere’s cock, pleased when he made him gasp.

  “Oh, look what I found,” Wren teased. Jere thrust up against him. “You know, we haven’t broken this couch in very well, yet.”

  Jere’s eyes lit up at the suggestion. “That is a damn shame,” he agreed, rocking his body against Wren’s.

  They kissed for a while, slowly, with nothing to rush them. After a while, Wren’s hands came up under Jere’s shirt, slowly sliding it up and away, exposing his chest for Wren to explore. He worked his tongue, teeth, and lips over Jere’s skin, biting here and there, licking little circles with his tongue, faster and faster, until all that could be seen was a pink circle. Jere’s hands worked over Wren’s back, caressing and stroking the skin he had touched so many times before. Wren thought it had never felt better. After a while he shifted slightly, helping Jere to slip his shirt over his head. He breathed deeply as Jere touched him as well. He reached for Jere’s pants, unbuttoning them quickly and starting to slide them down before Jere stopped him.

  “Shouldn’t we move this to the bedroom?” Jere suggested.

  Wren shook his head. “Breaking in the new couch, remember?” he teased. At Jere’s doubtful look, he explained further. “Isis was kind enough to offer us the house for the night. That’s why she went to bed early. She wanted to let us celebrate with ‘mushy sweet stuff’ as she put it.”

  “She knows already?” Jere said, surprised. From the look on his face, he might have even been a little hurt to be the last to know.

  Wren smiled, cupping Jere’s face in his hand. “I didn’t plan on telling her first; I was going to tell you both at the same time. But we were talking in the clinic today, and it just sort of popped out. So we planned this out for tonight. So you and I could celebrate.”

  Jere smiled. “I guess I had it coming. Not so fun to be the one on the other side of the plotting.”

  Wren laughed, resuming where he left off with Jere, sliding his pants down his long legs and tossing them aside. “That wasn’t my purpose, but I’ll admit, it does have a bit of justice to it. I didn’t tell her about the job offers. Something told me you’d stay if I stayed, and I wouldn’t worry her about it. Like she said, she doesn’t care as long as she’s here with us. The two of you are a lot alike in that respect.”

  “We’re simple. You’re the complex one. Skilled, talented....”

  “Would you like to see some of those talents in action?” Wren suggested.

  Jere smiled, nodding as Wren’s hands pulled his legs apart, reaching for Jere’s cock and grabbing it possessively. It was getting harder and harder with each str
oke. Gracefully, Wren bent down, taking the length into his mouth quickly, sucking and swallowing like he couldn’t get enough. Jere gasped, clutching at Wren’s shoulders, holding on as though he was going to fall off of the world

  Wren responded by sucking more forcefully, eagerly taking Jere deeper and deeper. Blowjobs had never been his favorite thing, but he had grown to enjoy them with Jere. Wren could relax, which made him far less likely to gag and choke, and he trusted Jere to be patient and careful with him. Making Jere lose all sense of control and dignity and hearing him beg for more helped as well.

  It wasn’t long before he had Jere at that point, and the fact that he was playing with Jere’s ass while sucking his cock helped. He had no specific purpose in mind, he just knew that Jere loved the feeling of his ass being touched, kneaded, fingered, caressed, and he loved doing it. He never thought he would feel possessive over another person’s body, but he did with Jere’s. He touched it like he owned it, pleased when it responded exactly how he wanted it to. He loved Jere’s body.

  “You’re the only one I’ve ever enjoyed touching,” Wren admitted. “Or being touched by. I don’t know how I lived for so long without knowing what it was like to feel this way.”

  “Me either,” Jere agreed, touching Wren wherever he could reach—his shoulders, his hair, his face, his hands when they strayed up. “I’ve enjoyed it plenty of times before, but what I feel for you goes so far beyond that.”

  Wren sat up, fished a bottle of lube out of his pocket, thankful that he had come prepared, and started unfastening his own pants. He moved slowly on purpose, knowing Jere liked to watch.

  Jere surprised him, sitting up and covering Wren’s hands with his own. “Let me?” he asked.

  Wren nodded, smiling as Jere made quick work of the fastening and eased his pants down, sliding them over his hips with so much care and gentleness that Wren felt like he was being worshipped. It was yet another thing that other people had done in the past to hurt, but Jere did so flawlessly. It was odd that such a simple act could make him feel this way, but it did, and he loved Jere that much more for it.