Guiding Lights

by Jessica Florence

I couldn’t help taking in his appearance. His hair was pulled back into his bun again. His beard was clean and well groomed. My lips parted, thinking about the feel of it against me. I mentally shook away the thought and refused to think about any other part of him against me. It wasn’t happening.

  “Uh, sure. Breakfast, yeah we should do that.” His lips tightened into a line at my choice of words, almost like he was trying not to laugh. Well, ha ha, he knows he’s gorgeous. He stepped back and gestured for me to lead the way.

  “Lassies first.” He winked while I rolled my eyes.

  We walked down the hall and then the stairs in silence. I felt if I prodded to find out about him then that would be an invitation to ask about me. So we took a turn into the kitchen, and I went into the pantry. I knew what I was looking for, and there it was.

  “Cereal?” Wolfe questioned my choice of breakfast. He had no clue.

  “Not just any cereal. Reese’s Puffs! Aggie ordered this specifically for me.” His expression spoke louder than words.

  “WHAT! You haven’t had Reese’s Puffs before? Seriously!” I tried not to be too loud so I wouldn’t wake anyone who was trying to sleep in late.

  “Nope, cannot say Ah have.” He smiled and stuck his hands into his jeans pockets. It seemed to be a habit of his.

  “Well it’s time you learn how amazing it is.” I set the box down and got out two bowls, spoons, and the milk. I got us both all set up and did not hesitate to dig into my bowl. My eyes closed, and I groaned at the taste. Peanut butter and chocolate heaven. My eyes opened after I swallowed, and I turned to look at Wolfe to see what he thought of the cereal. Only, he hadn’t even taken a bite yet; he was just staring at me.

  His eyes turned darker as he stared at my mouth. The intensity in his stare was too much. I felt the fire of it on my skin, searing me with just his gaze. I prayed to all in the universe that he never really touched me. That one kiss to the nose had me thinking. His heated stare now was lighting me on fire, and I could only imagine what would happen if he actually put a hand on me.

  Realizing I was getting in over my head staring at him, I turned back to my cereal and focused on that. Moments later, I heard the scrape of the spoon on the bowl, and waited. Would he think that this cereal was ridiculous? I hadn’t even heard of it until an American moved into the co-ed hostel I was staying at in London. He was obsessed with the stuff so when he offered me some, I had to try it, all part of the eat all food promise to myself. Safe to say, I absolutely loved it. I think I ate it for breakfast every morning for a month. Even after I left London, I would try to figure out a way to get my hands on that orange box.

  “Holy shit, this is amazing.” His deep groan of pleasure grabbed my attention. He was hooked I could tell.

  “See! I told you!” I smiled at him and he swallowed hard. His face had changed from enjoyment to something else. Curiosity got the better of me and I asked, “What?” I bit my lip nervously.

  “Yer smile. Brightest fucking light I’ve ever seen.” There was no humor in his voice. I turned my head so he couldn’t see how much his words affected me.

  “Nera, I’m sorry,” he apologized. I hopped off the stool and put my bowl in the sink.

  “No biggie, I’m ready to go now if you are.” I put the guard back up that seemed to have slipped while we were bonded over cereal. Stupid delicious cereal.

  “Aye, let’s git a move on then.” He got up, came to the sink, and washed his bowl. We were too close; it was time to move.

  “Ok! Let’s go; Aggie said we could borrow their car. I didn’t know if you had one or not,” I stated, while walking toward the door.

  “We can take mah truck.” He gestured toward an old rusty truck that was parked in the parking lot. I simply nodded and walked to old rusty. Once we were settled inside and on the road, the silence had finally gotten a little uncomfortable. I decided to take a gamble to find out about him.

  “So, Wolfe, tell me about you.” I looked at him and watched a smirk grow on his face.

  “What do ye wanna know?” he retorted. Before I knew it, I asked the biggest question that I was dying to know.

  “Why are you in Durness?” I didn’t want to start with such a heavy question, but it was out now. His hands tightened on the wheel, and he took a deep breath. I was just about to tell him not to worry about answering when he started talking.

  “I’ve lost sight of life. Every day I’ve felt like I was just drifting in the ocean. Barely able tae stay above. I just needed tae git away from the spotli—.” His mouth shut and he looked at me with a sort of scared expression. “I just needed to git away from reality.”

  Chapter Six

  I understood his need to get away more than anything. After all, I was a runaway. I didn’t comment on what he’d said and changed the subject.

  “Do you have a favorite singer or band?” Wolfe was all about music; I figured this was a safer topic. I watched as what looked like blush stain his cheeks. Now I had to know!

  “Ooh, tell me!” My excitement was evident at the prospect of finding out who his inspiration was.

  “Elvis.”

  Out of every singer I had heard of, and that wasn’t too many, I would have never expected that to come out of his Scottish mouth.

  “Mah maw was obsessed. I grew up listening tae him sing. Just a guitar ‘n’ his voice and he could put on one hell of a show.” I couldn’t help but smile at him talking about Elvis. He was truly something different.

  “I like Elvis. Only heard like one album though,” I admitted. A hearty laugh escaped him, I could tell he tried not to, but he couldn’t help himself.

  “An album.” He shook his head.

  “Who is yer favorite singer?” He asked me.

  I had to think about it. My mom never listened to music. Music was a luxury I’d never had. I heard some while in my travels, but I didn’t really pay much attention to it. The only music I sort of paid any attention to was at the bar. Even then nothing had stuck out. Until Wolfe.

  “Who was your song about?” As soon as it was out, I knew I made a mistake. I should have just told him some random artist, or even admitted I didn’t have one. Instead, I took him right back to a dark issue. I knew it the moment he’d started singing it, that song that it was a dark memory.

  “I’m sorry, Wolfe. I...”

  “Just stop, leave it be.” His voice was harsh, and I deserved it. I wanted to keep apologizing, but it would do me no good. These were the emotions that I didn’t fucking want. I shouldn’t be around people that had dark memories. I had enough to go around and I didn’t need anyone resurrecting them from me. I’ve pushed them back into the far corners of my mind. I didn’t want to feel them. Feeling would only make me relive it all instead of doing what I wanted.

  I just nodded and sat back in the seat of the truck. Staring out the window, I didn’t look at him. I didn’t want to see his anger. I needed to put some distance between us. Even without trying, he was getting close. We rode the rest of the way in silence. Not exactly comfortable either, but neither of us were willing to break the quiet. Thankfully, the drive was not that far.

  “Toilets are over there if ye need them. Otherwise, we can just head tae the entrance.” His voice wasn’t back to normal yet, but it didn’t have the harsh tone to it anymore. Deciding I better try to go before we took the journey into the cave, I headed toward the bathroom. After I did my business, I just stood there trying to collect my thoughts, away from Wolfe. When I left the restroom, I planned to forget all about what I’d asked in the truck.

  I wanted to see this cave even before Wolfe had arrived. Neither his fucked up past nor mine was going to screw that up. With a new resolve, I walked back out toward Wolfe. His eyes were on me, and I felt myself close up even more. No emotions, I wouldn’t give him anymore of me.

  “Ready?” I asked.

  “Aye. Uh, sorry about back in the truck, I just can’t”

  I didn’t even let him finish; I didn’t want to know.
“No big deal. I barely even know you. It’s none of my business.” I shrugged and started walking toward the steep entrance to the cave. I heard him following behind me, but I didn’t wait for him to catch up. I was going to see this cave.

  “Nera, stop.” His voice demanded I do exactly that. Feigning that I was fine, I turned around and looked at him. His eyes bored into me, trying to figure out what was going on with me. I gave him nothing. He lifted his hands to his face in frustration.

  “Look, we aren’t going to spend the rest of the day like this. I’m sorry I freaked in the truck. I just can’t talk about it. But I’m here with ye now. And I want tae do this with ye. Let’s forget about the ride and enjoy this cave together. Please, Nera,” he begged. I wanted to keep being mad, but I just couldn’t. It was impossible to say no when he asked me like he did, and looking like he did. I nodded.

  “Ok, let’s go, together.” I gave him a small smile and we continued toward the entrance. The smell of the salt spray and seaweed surrounded us. The crashing of little waves could be heard echoing from the cliffs. A man stood down by the entrance to the cave.

  “Mornin, ye guys here tae take the tour?” An average sized man with thinning brown hair waved us over. He was wearing cargo pants and a long sleeve shirt with pockets and the Smoo cave logo on it. He was a tour guide. Excitement ran through me; I was so ready for this.

  “Yes we are.” Both Wolfe and I agreed. The man put his hand out and we took turns shaking it.

  “I’m Daniel, I’ll be yer tour guide today. It’s pretty slow so it might just be us on the raft.”

  “I’m Nera and this is Wolfe.” I introduced us. Daniel just smiled at both of us and turned toward the entrance.

  “Well, let’s do this!” he exclaimed.

  The cave opening itself was massive. There was a river that flowed into it. And moss covered a lot of the rock walls.

  I was about to take a step behind Daniel when a warm, strong hang gripped mine. I turned back and saw Wolfe looking at me. He winked and took the lead while holding my hand. I felt a little crack form in the wall around my heart.

  Wolfe held my hand as we followed Daniel into the cave. He was well educated and was a great tour guide. We learned all about the creatures and plant life that inhabited the cave.

  As we walked through the dark tunnel that had little lamps along the wall, Wolfe’s thumb started making little circles on my hand. It was soothing, yet it enflamed my skin. I wanted to pull my hand away, but just for the moment, in this mystical cave, I pretended that maybe our lives weren’t so broken. Flirting or whatever this was, it was ok in this magical place.

  We walked over a wooded bridge and saw a huge waterfall! It was so amazing! We made our way down to the inflatable rafts.

  “Ye guys picked a good day for a tour. There hasn’t been any rain lately. The rain makes for a tougher ride.” Daniel commented with a smile before jumping down onto the raft. Wolfe let go of my hand and jumped down after Daniel. He turned around with steady feet and held his arms out for me.

  Putting my trust in him, I took a leap of faith—if you can call the two-foot drop that. His arms took hold of me as my body crashed against his. My chest was pressed against his, my eyes looked up and were held captive by his. My breath was stuck in my throat. The hands that gripped me flattened across my back, pressing me closer to him. I wanted so many things that I had never wanted. I wanted to touch his lips with mine. I wanted to run my fingers through his hair.

  His eyes darkened with desire. It was clear as day. His eyes left mine and flickered down to my lips. What would I do if he tried to kiss me?

  “Alright guys, let’s take a seat and we will get going?” I wasn’t sure whether to give Daniel a hug or push him out of the raft. Wolfe’s eyes cleared up, and he let go so I could sit down.

  The cave was so beautiful. Sometimes, fish made little ripples in the water. The moss covered ceiling gave it the feel of old times. You could easily imagine legends like Beowulf happening in something like this cave.

  “Alright, we are coming up tae the grand chamber.” Just as he said it, we entered a massive opening, I heard Daniel say something about forty feet high, but I stopped listening and just took everything in. There was a hole at the top that let the light shine through; moss was everywhere on the rocks. It was almost hard to describe.

  So I stopped thinking, and for once, I just let myself feel. I let them take me over. Emotions that I’d kept locked up were released, and I let myself feel the pure amazement that this cave invoked. We stayed in the grand chamber for a while, just looking at everything; it was a lot to take in. I felt Wolfe’s presence all around me, and when I would sneak a look at him, my eyes would collide with his. He held the stare; I was a coward and would turn away.

  “Well, let’s keep going! Still lots tae see,” Daniel’s voice called out. He pulled us up to a wooden bridge and we got out one by one. Wolfe’s hand found mine again as we continued our tour on foot.

  Chapter Seven

  The rest of the trip seemed to go by too fast. Maybe it was because I didn’t want Wolfe to stop holding my hand, or that he was so close, so much, and I didn’t want it to end. But I knew that once we left the cave, the magic would end and it would all go away. No holding hands, no longing looks, nothing. We thanked Daniel for the fantastic tour he’d given us, and I reached into my pocket to grab some money to give as a donation when Wolfe’s hand reached out and held my hand closed.

  “Na, I got this.” He winked and withdrew a wallet from his back pocket. He pulled out a piece of paper. It looked like a check. A check? Wolfe didn’t really look like the check type of guy but what did I know? He leaned in toward Daniel and whispered in his ear while handing him the check. Daniel gave him a look and then nodded with a smile. It was odd.

  “Enjoy the rest of yer day!” He beamed and turned to one of the chairs by the entrance. Tour guides couldn’t be expected to stand all day, especially on slow days.

  “Come on, Nera. Let’s git out of here.” Wolfe’s voice whispered in my ear. So close, it sent shivers down my body.

  We walked up the path toward the parking lot. The burn in my legs was a welcome feeling. I needed to go for a run today.

  “That was amazing!” I commented as soon as we got back to Wolfe’s old Rusty.

  “Thank ye for going with me.” I turned toward him once I was in my seat. I was feeling all kinds of happiness which was new for me. Before I knew it, I was leaning over and kissing Wolfe on his bearded cheek. I felt the shock in his body, but he didn’t flinch. As soon as I was back in my seat, I couldn’t stop grinning. I saw him move out of the corner of my eye. He ran his hands over his face before he spoke. His voice was low and hoarse. His accent was a little bit thicker.

  “Aye, it was mah pleasure,” he paused and I looked over to see his honey eyes staring deep into me. I should not have kissed his cheek. From the look of him, it looked like I lit a fire inside him.

  “So, ready to head back?” My poor attempt to calm the rising awareness between us.

  “Aye, let’s git ye back before ye turn into a pumpkin.” His lips turned up into a beautiful, king of asshole smirk. My eyes rolled and I turned back in my seat to buckle myself in. Wolfe turned on the old radio and we listened to music the whole way back. They all sounded like music from other generations. Nothing new. Wolfe would sing along to some and I would find myself drawn to watch him. His voice was alluring. It demanded your attention, even when he wasn’t trying.

  “When are you going to sing again at the pub?” I was curious.

  “So, eager tae hear me sing, huh?” he teased. I shrugged, trying to show my indifference.

  “I was just wondering.”

  “Ah see, so it has nothing tae do with ye craving my singing? Ye lie awake at night wishing Ah was there to sing ye to sleep.” Oh boy, he was a riot.

  “More like a wolf that eats my calming counting sheep,” I countered.

  “The big bad Wolfe.” He smiled,
and I just shook my head. I had to admit I liked this side of him. Easy going and not all broody. After his comment, we fell into a comfortable silence, listening to the music.

  “What are yer plans for the rest of the day?” he asked as we pulled up to the bed and breakfast. I hadn’t really thought about it. I didn’t have any.

  “I don’t have any. I guess I was going to read, go for a run, and maybe see if Aggie needed help with anything.” I unbuckled myself and got out of the truck.

  “How many books do ye read in a week? Bet it’s a lot,” he said as soon as he was out of the truck.

  “I only have three, so those three.” I walked in, noticing that no one around again and I headed into the kitchen for some lunch. That tour had made me hungry; we’d been there for a few hours.

  “Ye only have three books? Ah figured ye’d have a whole library somewhere.” He teased, but his comment kind of made me feel bad. I wish I could have a huge library. Instead, I could only have what I could carry in my backpack, in case I had to leave in a hurry. I looked into the fridge and got the makings for a sandwich, enough for him too.

  “Yeah well, I travel a lot, so it’s all I can carry.” I went about making our food.

  “Ah, sorry. So there is a tournament on TV for the local highland games. Care tae watch?”

  Without even thinking about it, I said yes. It was something normal, and maybe he could teach me some stuff about the sport. It would be interesting watching the men and women throw things around.

  We ate in silence, just enjoying the food, and then we made our way to the community living room. A lone Nelson was the only person in the room, sitting in the recliner, which left the couch for Wolfe and I to share.

  “Hey, Nelson,” I greeted him. His eyes lifted from the book he was reading and smiled when he saw me.

  “Hello, Nera, Wolfe. You guys just hanging out for the day?”

  “Yep, we went and explored the Smoo cave this morning, and were just thinking about watching the highland games. Is that ok?” I gestured to the TV. I didn’t want to disturb him at all; he was a nice guy.