Solace

by S. L. Scott

  “The first time I ever saw you, you were wearing a purple shirt, a denim miniskirt, little socks that had frills, and blinding-white sneakers. You walked into the school with your sister, and I was dumbstruck.

  “You were the prettiest thing I’d ever seen. Prettier than any flower I’d picked for my mom or picture of any model in a magazine.

  “You may not have realized that every time our team scored or I won any kind of award, I looked for you. Nothing really mattered like your approval, your support, your love.

  “Life may have taken us in different directions. We may have taken a few detours knocking us off course, but it carried me right back to you. This is the redo you wanted. This is our chance to put things back the way they were always supposed to be. Delilah Rae Noelle, marry me. Travel the world with me. Have babies with me. Hold my hand even when you’re mad at me. And I promise I’ll kiss you even after we fight. I’ll take the middle-of-the-night feedings so you can sleep. I’ll protect you. Always. But . . .”

  I get choked up. I take a deep breath and exhale. “I’ll love you more with each passing day. I’ll love you until we’re old and gray. I’ll love you in this life and the next. I’ll give you the world and the universe, the stars above, and will make love to your body and heart. Will you marry me?”

  Throwing her arms around my neck, she sits on my bended knee. Her head is tucked between my head and shoulder pads, her shoulders shaking with sobs. When she wipes her face, she lifts up and I hear her.

  Loud and clear . . . “Yes. A thousand yeses, Jason.”

  Jumping up, I bring her with me and turn around with her in my arms. We kiss again and when our lips part this time, Billy and Shelby are cheering over the loud speakers and shout in unison. “Congratulations!”

  The song, “Someone to Stay” by the band, Vancouver Sleep Clinic, starts playing through the speakers. I set Delilah down, still holding her hand, and say, “C’mere.”

  Moving into my arms, we start a slow dance. “You went to a lot of trouble for a girl who already said yes.”

  “You once asked for a redo. I want to make all your dreams come true.”

  She tilts her head to the side with a sweet smile on her face. “You always did look good in a uniform.”

  “You look amazing.”

  Spinning from me, she shows me the back. “It’s all rigged with safety pins. This skirt is way too tight.”

  I laugh seeing how she’s pinned the back zipper together. There’s at least two inches keeping the sides from meeting. “You’re sexy as hell anyway.”

  “I’ve put on a little weight since you’ve returned, a few love pounds. I’m not worried, but it will be more.”

  “More?”

  She grabs one of her pom-poms and bends over, flashing me her fine ass. Man, I’m getting hard looking at her. She’s going to have to bring this ensemble into the bedroom for a little role play later.

  When she turns back, she comes over and says, “Yes. More.”

  I’m so confused until I see the stick. A white stick in her hand between us. A white stick with two pink lines that she’s holding out for me. I take it, my thoughts fumbling to register what this is, even though I know exactly what it is. “Jason?”

  “Yeah,” I reply, glancing to her and down to the stick again.

  “We’re having a baby.”

  It wasn’t just one time we didn’t use condoms. We stopped using them altogether, because we wanted this. We want this. I drop my head, but keep my eyes on her. “You’re pregnant?”

  “Yes.” Her smile is even prettier than seconds before.

  “We’re having a baby.” I take a knee before her again. “We’re having a baby.”

  She laughs. “Yes, we’re having a baby.”

  “What about the wedding? Do you want to get married sooner?”

  “It doesn’t matter when. It only matters that we’re together.”

  Sitting on my leg, she cups my face and looks me in the eyes. “I was in town earlier, and I overheard Karen Taylor spreading gossip at the pharmacy.”

  “And what gossip was she spreading?”

  “Well,” she starts, raising one eyebrow, “rumor has it that you’re bad for me.”

  “Shouldn’t believe everything you hear. Sometimes a little bad can be good for a girl.”

  “I’d say.” She kisses me and I kiss her with all the love she deserves.

  “You know they’re going to gossip about me knocking you up before marriage?”

  “Let ’em. They don’t matter. Only we do. And this baby. We’re going to give this baby the best life ever.”

  Standing her up, I lean forward and kiss her bare midriff. “Hey baby, it’s your daddy.” Delilah’s fingers run through my hair, holding me there. “Do you know how much I love your mama?” Looking at her, I confess the last of my secrets. “I have more money than what’s in McKinney National Bank. Your name is on all four accounts. I was going to give it to you as a gift when the paperwork came in, but I guess we should figure out how to manage it together to make sure our family is always taken care of, and we can re-file all the paperwork.”

  “More money?”

  “I don’t really have a lot of faith in small-town banks. I was protecting our financial interests by spreading it out across the U.S. and one account in Switzerland.”

  “Wait, your name is on the accounts too, right?”

  “Yes, but you have full access. No more secrets. That’s it. You know everything now.”

  “I guess I should confess my final secret to you, too.”

  I stand, suddenly shaken. “What secret?”

  “You know my tattoo?”

  “My number eight that’s nowhere close to twenty-two?”

  “Yes, that’s the one.”

  “What about it?”

  “I wasn’t drunk.”

  A grin grows across my face. “Have I ever told you how sexy that tattoo is?”

  “Nope.” A little hip wiggle punctuates her reply.

  “How about I show you?”

  I do. I show her three times before the rooster crows.

  32

  Jason

  I shift for like the tenth or twentieth time in the five minutes I’ve been sitting here. Maybe there’s still time to bolt. The door opens. Guess not. I stand, unsure what I’m supposed to do or what I should say.

  “Jason, good to see you.” We greet each other with a handshake.

  “You too, sir.” I sit back down as he sits in his chair on the other side of the desk.

  “Stephen is fine.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Look, son, I’m glad you finally came by. It’s been a while since we’ve had a chance to talk.”

  “Yeah, I think maybe the last time was when I was fifteen. It was a warning about masturbation and the dangers of it.”

  Stephen starts laughing. “Yeah, for the parents’ sake, we give all the boys around that age the same warning. If not, imagine the mess on their hands.”

  I think the minister just made a joke. Am I allowed to laugh or was that a slip-up? “So we don’t go to hell for it?”

  Leaning forward, he lowers his voice. “Look, masturbation is natural, but you don’t want it to control your life. Do you have a masturbation problem you’d like to discuss?”

  Shaking my head, I’m horrified and squeak, “No.” Clearing my throat, I finish by saying, “That’s not why I’m here at all.”

  “Why are you here?” He leans back in his chair and studies me.

  “You might have heard the rumors.”

  “I was happy to hear that the angels played a hand in bringing you and Delilah together again.”

  I’m not sure how to say what I want versus what I should with him. “Is everything between us confidential?”

  “Yes. Unless it’s illegal. I can help you repent to the Lord, but not keep you out of jail. What is it, son?”

  “I’m seeking forgiveness.”

  “Forgiveness from G
od?”

  “I’ve done things I’m not proud of, but I don’t regret them either. But I also want to spend eternity with Delilah, so I’m coming to you for help.”

  “Hmm. Interesting quandary. Can you elaborate?”

  “Not really. I can tell you that I didn’t carry God with me while I was gone. I’d lost faith and left to find if there was still good in the world.”

  “Did you find any?”

  Sitting back, I cross my ankle over my knee and think about his question. “A little, and in that little good, I realized I needed faith to find the rest.”

  “Ironic, isn’t it?”

  “I had nowhere to go, but my motorcycle led me back to McKinney.”

  “To McKinney or to the Noelle farm?”

  “To Delilah.”

  “And what did you find once you were there?”

  “Myself.”

  He nods with an all-knowing smile. “You don’t need to seek forgiveness. You needed to find faith, and you did. It will always lead you exactly where you’re supposed to be.”

  I blame the sun for shining in my eyes and causing them to water. Not the gorgeous woman walking on the arm of her sister down a pink rose-petal aisle. I’ll never admit otherwise.

  Yup, the sun.

  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

  Billy nudges me. “Are you crying?”

  “Are you?” I snap back.

  “Maybe. A little.”

  “My soon-to-be wife is beautiful.”

  “I like Shelby.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, it’s obvious. Apparently to everyone but you. Now can we get back to my wedding?”

  He nods. “Yeah, sure. Sorry.”

  “It’s okay. Shh.”

  The music wafts through the air from the trio playing by the barn. My eyes stay fixed on my pretty Delilah, her shoulders exposed as the lace hangs down on the sides. The dress flows around her and the flowers circling her head make her look like a goddess. My goddess.

  “Do you think Shelby likes me? She flirts with me, and we hung out a few times, but—”

  “Shut up, Billy.” I laugh. Right before the girls reach us, I whisper to him. “She likes you, or she wouldn’t give you the time of day. You guys need to seal this deal, once and for all. Make your move at the reception. Chicks love weddings.” I turn back in time to take the hands of my sweet girl. “Hi.”

  She whispers, “Hi.”

  Her hands aren’t shaking and her voice is steady. She’s confident like the girl I always knew her to be. The difference is, she’s not that girl. She’s a woman who acknowledges the challenges of her past and is choosing to focus on the future. She’s as kind as she is beautiful, accepting me with open arms despite my past. I begin to tell her all the reasons I love her, but it’s the last one that means the most to me. “When I think of love, I think of you, Delilah. Home is where the heart is and my heart is wherever you are, my soul mate, my lover, my wife, the mother of my children. You gave me a reason to stay, and in return, I pledge to you my love in this lifetime and every life after.”

  “You showed up here on a motorcycle in the pouring rain. If that wasn’t a love song in the making, I don’t know what is. There you were, Jason Koster, looking at me with eyes that carried the burden of years of a broken heart. What you didn’t know was when you took a chance and came out to the farm to see me, I had a broken heart, too. You carried half with you all those miles you traveled and all the seas you sailed. We didn’t have to be together to know we were no good apart. Two halves only make a whole when the puzzle pieces fit, and we fit. Forevermore, our souls will be whole because we found our way back to each other.”

  “I always did enjoy a good love song. Care to finish this melody together?”

  “I do.”

  Chapter 33

  Three Months Later . . .

  “Then what did he say?” Delilah asks, drawing figure eights in the sand.

  How am I expected to finish a story about a minister when she’s dressed in a skimpy bikini? She’s way too distracting, and some guys were eyeing her earlier. I almost kicked their asses for ogling my wife like that.

  I’ve discovered it doesn’t matter what she’s wearing though. Whether she’s wearing a fancy dress in Paris or she’s mostly naked on the beaches of California, they stare everywhere she goes.

  Makes me miss the privacy of the farm where I’m the only one who gets to stare at her.

  Lounging back on the sand, her baby belly is barely a pooch. I actually think that’s from the hot dog she had at lunch, along with the salad, the large glass of water, and the two scoops of ice cream. I don’t argue though. She’s insisting it’s what our baby boy needs.

  I’m kind of hoping for a girl. She’ll be a badass like her mom and learn to throw a football like her dad. Guess we’ll find out in about five more months. In the meantime, it’s been one long honeymoon. Shelby’s taken over the farm, with the help of Billy. Ricardo and Paloma also manage the fields like they always have. They are going to love the vacation to Hawaii we’ve booked for them when we return. They’ve been not only employees, but friends and parent figures to Delilah and me for years.

  The floor plan for our home on the other side of the lake is approved and should be built before the baby comes.

  There’s a lot to be grateful for, and I owe it all to the woman next to me. “Who?”

  “The minister, Jason.”

  “He said I’m where I’m meant to be.”

  Waggling her finger at me, she says, “Come over here.”

  She’s irresistible. I kneel down between her legs and then drop my hands on either side of her head. I’ve traveled the world with this woman and nothing compares to her natural beauty.

  “What is it, sweetheart of mine?”

  “I’ve been thinking even though we’ve both been to hell and back, we are finally living the life planned for us all along.”

  “I have no doubt.”

  Lowering myself down, I’m careful about putting too much weight on her. I kiss her lips, and she moans into my mouth. I’m hard from the sound. “Want to go back to the hotel?”

  “Can we order room service?”

  “Anything you want.”

  “Anything?”

  “Any. Thing.”

  “I have a few ideas.”

  “Do they include me or food?” Jumping to my feet, I offer her a hand. “What are you craving?”

  When I help her to her feet, she presses against me. “You. Let’s go play. I brought your jersey with us.”

  “You want me to put it on?”

  “No.” She winks. “I’m going to wear it for you . . . with nothing else underneath.” She grabs her bag and walks through the sand, kicking it up with her feet. My mouth is still hanging open when she stops and looks back. “Well, don’t keep me waiting. I have a new cheer I want to show you.”

  “Does it include you being naked?”

  “It does. C’mon, MVP, show me how you earned that title. Maybe with a few tackles and first downs.”

  Jogging, I catch up with her. “I was thinking of a touchdown there to kick things off.”

  “As long as you drive it home, Quarterback, I’m in this game.”

  “You’re very good with the football talk, but how about I show you my best moves, baby?” Taking her hand, I stop my beautiful wife. “Hey.”

  She smiles at me. “Hey.”

  Feeling much like the shy kid I was once around her, I hesitate, but then I step into her warmth and touch her cheek. “After the adventures we’ve had, traveling to all these places these past few months, have your dreams come true?”

  “Don’t you know, sweet man? I didn’t have to travel the world to make my dreams come true. I just needed to be with you.” She leans into my hand. “Do you think the farm can give you the peace to calm your restless soul?”

  “It’s never about the farm, or the lake, though both are
peaceful places. It’s always been about you.” I kiss her forehead and whisper, “I’d lost myself, but I found my way home because you gave me a reason to stay.”

  She takes my hand from her cheek and lowers it to her belly. “Now you’ll have two reasons.”

  “How do you feel about three?”

  Though her eyes go wide, she doesn’t say no. “Is that why we’re building a five-bedroom house?”

  Moving my hands to the sides of her waist, I wiggle her just a little. “No, that’s for the fourth baby I was going to beg you to have down the road. That’s why we’re building five bedrooms.”

  “You want four kids, Jason?”

  “I want a big family, sweetness.” I sneak in a kiss attack on her neck, making her giggle.

  “You keep that up and we might end up with a football team.”

  “That’s the plan.”

  With her hand on the back of my head, she tilts to give me more access. “Oh Lord, help me. You are my complete undoing.”

  When I lean back to get a good look at my girl, she tilts her head, her ponytail swinging to the side, looking just as beautiful as she was that day we first began. Taking her hand, I kiss her palm, and the side of her mouth before whispering, “I was undone the moment I laid eyes on you, so we’ll call it even.”

  I thought I knew what love was. It was all tied up in a pretty package of silky hair and soft skin, a smile that warmed me, and a soul that cared for me. Delilah held every emotion I’d ever felt—happiness, heartbreak, protectiveness, possessiveness, caring, and an emotion I’ve not been able to identify with a single word, but a bundle of things I feel when I look at her.

  It’s overwhelming and soft, rounded on the corners, but sharp-tongued, fiery and passionate, pure and comfort, desire and lust, kindness and genuine . . . safe. Complicated to describe. Easy to feel. Perhaps sanctuary is the best word for it.

  That changes the day I meet my daughter. My head clears and things aren’t so complicated after all. All these feelings—jumbled inside my heart in a mass of emotion—become clear when I look at Delilah with tears in my eyes. I still need more than one word to describe what my wife gives me that day: