Pink Ice

by Carolina Soto

  Making a sign with my hand, I pointed to the restrooms and headed to fix my makeup. I was completely distracted with my own image on the mirror when I heard that insufferable voice. My fucking luck! From all the bitches in the world!

  “I can’t believe you are still around.” Tamara, applying a hideous orange lipstick, was staring at me through the reflection in my mirror. “Oh Katherine, he had already left you, got bored with you, and then you went psycho and hurt yourself to get him back out of pity. I thought you had a little more self-respect. But then, you are just another slut in his life.”

  I put my lipstick away, arranged my hair, and turned as if I were leaving like a lady with my head up high. But let’s face it, I’m not a lady and I wanted to kick her ass. Kill her, no one would know. “Listen to me you bitch. I don’t give a damn about who you think you are. Don’t you dare talk to me like that again. If you even try to look in our direction, I’ll put your nose back to its original appearance. I am sure those three nose jobs can be reverted. He is mine and if you ever have a doubt about it, I can make it clear to you. And just to let you know, dignity means to back off when a man decides he doesn’t want you, especially when he willingly chooses someone else. So back off bitch!”

  I kept it classy, I was wearing a designer dress after all. That’s the only reason that stopped me from smashing her head against the mirror. With anger pouring through my entire body I turned around and left. She couldn’t even answer, she thought I would be intimidated. Bullies always think that, but I had had enough, I was not going to give her the satisfaction of knowing her words affected me. She was pointing out things that I was already concerned about. I didn’t need her to remind me of them.

  When I was walking out I noticed a perfect Dylan lying against the wall with his perfect black tux. I was too angry to deal with him, I knew that if I had to, I would say something that we both would regret. But then, my head has no filter. “Oh give me a fucking break.” I was walking pass him when his hand took my elbow and turned me to see him.

  “What happened Katherine?” His eyes were confused and he had the right to be. I knew I couldn’t blame him for sleeping with every female human in town before meeting me. But the power he had given Tamara in his life was way too fucking much. No woman is that crazy with no reason, well, there are some crazy women, but in this case I could imagine him encouraging her.

  “Nothing fucking happened.” He took me with more strength, and pushed me against a little corner that gave us a little privacy. But instead of shouting back at me as I was expecting, he took my chin and kissed me with an intensity that surprised me. I was fighting his kiss, but he didn’t let me go. Stubbornly I let my eyes open, from the corner of my eye I saw a tiny silhouette coming from the ladies room, Tamara. That was the moment when I started kissing him back, I took my hand that before was pushing him away, over his head, pulling his hair.

  The hand that he had on my hips, went down to my leg. It took me a minute to realize what he was doing. When I felt his hand against the skin of my leg I noticed he had pushed the fabric up enough to get his entrance. His fingers were soon tracing my knickers over my groin, moving the fabric aside and making his way to my center. “Dylan, what are you doing? We can’t do that here.” He shut my mouth kissing me, and his fingers kept their journey. One finger entered first, then the other. We could hear the music from where we were for God’s sake! I couldn’t let him touch me like that in public, but I also didn’t want him to stop. Let him, please! Please!!!

  The second finger was moving in perfect synchrony with his tongue against mine. I was close, really close, and shame overtook me. I couldn’t come in public; that was too much, way too much. The bite of his teeth on my mouth broke me, I was in the middle of a climax in a corner of a salon full of people. When I opened my eyes the deep blue pools were focused on me. “You are so beautiful.” He removed a strain of hair from my face.

  “Why the hell did you do that?!” With almost no force I hit him over his chest.

  The stupid smirk was back. “I was losing you. I needed to remind you about us. I don’t give a damn about people. I wouldn’t let anyone see you, but I needed you.”

  “Never, and I mean, NEVER, touch me that way again in public Dylan! What were you fucking thinking?” I was shocked that I had let him, I was way too self-conscious to be kinky outdoors.

  He was not releasing me, he put one of his hands just next to my face trapping me against the wall. “Then never, and I mean, NEVER, shut me out again without telling me what you are angry about.” The playful tone of his voice had left the building and he was deathly serious. “You are angry a lot, for me to be guessing what about.”

  I faced down, trying to avoid his eyes. “We are fucking psychos.” My voice almost a whisper.

  He pulled my chin up to face him back. “You are adorable, let’s get back to that cake and get out of here.” He kissed me and took my hand back to our table where Maya was waiting for us. He said I was adorable, but he didn’t deny my psycho statement, we were adorable psychos.

  We left the wedding and went to his house, apparently he had plans for every single corner of his house, and I mean, every single corner. After our house warming activities we lay over his bed completely drained. “You are aware that you are not leaving today, right?” Dylan’s voice distracted me.

  With a soft, calm voice, totally out of character for me, I responded. “Sorry Dylan, but you have no say in what I do or don’t do.” This was passive aggressive me, and let me tell you, it was much more dangerous than aggressive me.

  “I don’t want to fight, but I died to get you here since the day I met you. I arranged everything so you can fly out Monday at 6 am, that way you’ll be at your office at 9.” The fact that his voice was also calm meant this was a real discussion. We were not fighting about stupid stuff as always, he wanted to make a point out of this. But then, his hand was suspiciously moving to my hips in a soft and delicious pace.

  Without talking he pulled his body over mine, his hand going south on my body while we were involved in a stare battle. His fingers opened me slowly, but we were fighting , seriously fighting, and I was not about to lose a battle because he had skilled fingers. “Dylan, what the fu…” He kissed me, battle mode kissed me, and his fingers started to really move. Digging in, one, then two, and a third finger started to curl inside me. I was so close, I was so sensitive that one movement would send me to the stars. But he stopped.

  “Tell me you will stay.” He was serious, his face was impassive and those blue eyes had a weird and bossy intensity.

  With anger rolling through my body, I tried to move from under him. “You are not fucking doing this. You are not controlling me through sex!” How dare him! The jerk was not playing fair and he knew it.

  He kissed me softly against my fighting, his fingers started moving again, building inside me. “Please Katherine, just say yes.” I would have said yes, if he hadn’t tried to convince me through fucking. I was almost there again. “Say yes.” He was as breathless as if I had my hand in him and not the other way around.

  I could barely think, let alone talk, but I was not about to lose this. “No.” His hand didn’t stop, but his eyes were talking for me. “You are not doing this to me. I decide, so if you want to get your fingers off me, I couldn’t care less.” Instead of getting angry as I had thought, he wildly kissed me and his thumb went to my clit, pushing me harder and making me lose it.

  When I finally came back and calmed myself I couldn’t for the life of me explain what had just happened. “Dylan, you can’t make plans for me, this”, I turned to him and pointed to us, naked, in bed, his body over me, “is way too new for me. I don’t have this kind of intimacy with anyone. And I won’t stop being me just because we are together.”

  He took my hand as if our bodies weren’t close enough. “I know, it is new for me too, and I will try not to assume or decide things.” The death look on my face made him correct that last part. “I won
’t do it. But we both have to make an effort. Being with me, is an effort. I won’t go back to New York with you, since Spencer is leaving for his honeymoon I need to stay, so this will be our last day until I can go back with you.”

  Oh fuck it! I could fight and shout, but then I was not ready to be alone again, I was not ready to acknowledge again that I could leave him at any moment. It took a lot of humility, a lot of instant maturing, and a lot of my special calming breaths, but I said it. “For this time, I’ll stay and take that damn plane. But you can’t do this to me, I am not one of your possessions, if you want me to do something, you ask and I decide. You get it?”

  “Oh Bianchi, you will be the death of me, and you’ll enjoy it a little too much.” He rolled me under him, and started the festivities. I was not sure I could do this, I hated to be told what to do, but all this relationship shit had to involve concessions. Being under him while that talented mouth was over mine, was a hell of a concession.

  We spent the weekend in Chicago, and even when I thought we were going to visit the city. A Cubs game, a walk along the river, or even a cheesy ferry ride, there was none of that. Apparently his necessity to show me Chicago, was through the window of his bedroom, and his kitchen, and his home office. But I was not complaining, it was a damn fine weekend. You won’t be able to walk on Monday!

  Chapter 5

  Going back to New York, the reality hit me. Do you remember how awkward your first relationship was? Well, imagine it at 25, in different states and between stubborn, emotionally challenged jerks. A mess, a complete, disgusting, mess. To call or not to call, to text or not to text. Did he have to know about every single detail of my life? Should I ask him about his? I was not even interested. As long as he kept that hot body of his available to me, I was fine. In fact I was too busy with work to care about what he was doing. But then I had a bunch of female hormones in my body; that could be the only explanation for the many times I found myself mooning over those blue eyes.

  We knew that we had to be apart for at least four weeks, and I was going to be able to fly to Chicago twice in that month, but that was it. Since I was a little girl I always thought that my perfect relationship would be with a rockstar. The reason? He would be on the road and that would give me enough time to miss him. Freedom, for him and for me, that was the key element of that plan. Since my Daddy would have had a heart attack if I even looked at a rockstar, Berkeley was the closest thing to that freedom. He was busy all the time, but apparently not that busy to stop him from keeping an eye on me through his multiple texts and the constant Joe figure in my life.

  But then, finally, after a month apart, he was coming to take me to the Rangers game. Hot boy, hot dogs and hockey, just like I imagine heaven.

  DYLAN: What are you doing Katherine?

  Just a little annoyed to be interrupted during a conference call I answered his text, the Thursday before his visit.

  KATHERINE: Since it is 4 pm, and you have already called Joe, you know I am working.

  DYLAN: Not in a good mood doll?

  KATHERINE: Conference call.

  I know it is rude to give short answers on text, no, I don’t give a damn.

  DYLAN: I can’t go to New York this weekend. Something came up and I have to stay here.

  Oh, oh, he’s already bored princess. I had always been practical, if this had happened before Dylan, I would have thought, “Thank God, I’ll sleep this weekend.” Nothing more, no suspicious theories, no shady motives. But this was fucking Dylan Berkeley, he had slept with half of the female population between ages 22-30, his demographics were, let’s say, crowded. And being together four days out of forty, was a low, low rate for me, and a large one for Cubs sluts.

  My conference call had already lost my attention. After brain storming with myself about the situation, I went for the lethal answer. The one that would bring more damage.

  KATHERINE: OK.

  Of course, the second I pushed SEND, he was writing back. Men are stupid, they say we always talk a lot, but when we don’t talk they get scared.

  DYLAN: Since I am not going to see you, can you send me something so I don’t miss you?

  KATHERINE: Like what?

  My phone rang in my hand. Fear, I probably have special powers, because I could feel the fear through the phone. “I am sorry doll, this is a mess and I have to stay here to solve it.”

  Be calm, be cool, be you. “It’s ok Berkeley, I’ve already told you.” But if you think I’ll drag my ass to Chicago again, you are fucking nuts. “So, what do you want me to send you?”

  The raspy, low voice he only used when I was naked resonated on the phone. “A picture, of you, the way I want you now.”

  I pulled the phone out of my face and laughed. Was he kidding me? He really thought I was going to take a naughty selfie for him? I was not seventeen, my mom did pay attention to me, and I had no need to be approved by the jackass on the other side of the phone. But I missed him and I noticed this was the first time I laughed out loud since the last time we saw each other. So I took a picture and sent it. I lowered my voice, almost a whisper and answered. “Check your messages, you’ll find something until you can come, and see it for yourself. And Dylan, I can’t wait for you to see it.” I hung up and laughed, laughed my heart out. A text arrived a second later.

  DYLAN: Katherine, you are a lady, don’t ever take a picture of your middle finger again. What would your mother think?

  After my great selfie incident I kept working and after a while Kevin met me at my office, so Joe could take us to a pizza place. I told him about Dylan’s messages and I did a great job dismissing the fact that he was not coming home. This is not his home stupid!

  “So show me the picture, babe. The way he hates your swearing, this probably made him furious.” I gave Kevin my cell phone. “Oh God, this is awesome! A perfect dirty picture!” We were already on our fourth slice, it was nice to get back to the way we were before all the accident drama. “Are you missing him?” What!!! We were in the fun part, I hadn’t even thought about it before, I knew I hated the fact that he was alone in his fucking Ben & Jerry’s world, but I hadn’t thought about any other feelings.

  “I guess, but I can be perfectly functional without him. It’s not like I need him.”

  This was Kevin, who had watched enough Oprah to be a certified psychologist, so he went for more. “I know, but I didn’t ask that. Are you missing him?”

  Arghhh! I hated his attempts at deeps conversations. “I hate the idea of him with someone else. I don’t even lend my dresses to my best friend, there’s no way I could share a man. And the only thing I hate about him being without me, is the fact that he has more options and more opportunities.” There, I said it, I voiced my stupid insecurities. But he kept silent. “Oh fuck yes! Sometimes, at night and on the weekends I miss him and I want him here, with me. Are you happy now?”

  “Not particularly, but I really like to make you crazy.” I showed him my middle finger, just like in my nice selfie. “And it is perfectly normal to miss him, and to be jealous. But you have to know that even when his days are filled with scoops. Did I use your Ben & Jerry’s concept right?” He laughed at me. “If he wants to be with you, it doesn’t matter how many offers he has, he won’t accept them. That’s what honorable men do.”

  He was right, we were together because we wanted to be together, we didn’t have any expectations to fulfill but ours. I messed with his hair, and talked as if I were talking to a little boy. “Oh, it is so sweet that you think your new friend is an honorable man because he buys you tickets to hockey games.” I just could hope he would be honorable, otherwise I would be forced to cut off his balls.

  Finally on Wednesday, after being Lonely Little Miss Bitchy for almost a month, I was getting my game and natural self back. I was working on a new whiskey campaign and having the time of my life planning stuff for our ads.

  “Kiddo, you can’t leave the office every day after 11 pm, it is unhealthy!” My boss was f
aking interest in my ads proposals to make it easier to speak about his concerns.

  I tried his tactic and didn’t approach his eyes. “I’ve been doing it since I came to work for you and it has never bothered you, boss.”

  He scratched his head absentmindedly. “Yes, but you were by yourself back then. Now you have a relationship to develop, you can’t hide behind tons of work.”

  Oh no he didn’t! After years earning my position in this agency, I was being reduced to the little wifey. Thank God I love John more than life, because otherwise he would be picking his teeth from the floor. “Boss, what does a stupid man that kisses me have to do with my job and my performance in this office?”

  “Kiddo, don’t. I am just saying this is new for you. And I know what I am talking about, I’ve done it. You have to develop that relationship, participate in it. Being here that long won’t do any good, he deserves your attention and your time.”

  He was no longer staring at the ads, his eyes were on me and I decided to take away his misery. “Boss, if it makes you feel better, Dylan is still in Chicago. Even then his presence in my life has no repercussions in my job, I am not avoiding him. He’s just not here. And thank you for your concern. I know it comes from a good place, but the truth is this is too new. We have nothing to do with the wonderful relationship you have with your wife.”

  He smiled calmly, with a spark in his eyes. “Every love story has a beginning.”

  My sweet boss thought that Dylan and I were in love, but I was not that sure. I had never felt it before, so I was oblivious to its signs. I knew I wanted to see him, but I definitely didn’t need him, I was happier with him, I didn’t want to share him, but I was fine without him. Yes, keep trying to rationalize it princess, you are almost fooling NO ONE!