Without Hesitation

by CJ Azevedo

  Greyden dragged in a deep breath and leaned back on his palms again before easing all the way down on his back, angling his face back towards the stars. Macie was at a loss for what to do. She was so aware of her every move, or lack of. Should she lie down also? Turn to face him? Stand up? Continue to not move? She decided to just go with that and continued with her statuesque state. It’d been working so far so she’d just go with the silence.

  “So here’s what I’m thinking.”

  Macie’s heart jumped into overdrive. Had he not been telling her what he’s been thinking this whole time?

  “I want to be closer friends. You’re closer to the other guys and that drives me fucking crazy, especially when you call them and not me. I don’t like that, Macie. I want you to call me when you have a problem or when you’re bored, not Luca. Luca sucks. I’m so much more fun than he is.”

  Macie laughed, finally releasing some of the tension the conversation caused. Greyden reached up and pulled on her upper arm to guide her down to his chest. She rested her head down on his warm body, his unmistakable scent enveloping her senses. Her fingers traced invisible lines along his torso.

  “You smell good,” she said in an offhand comment, lost in thoughts of sleeping in the t-shirt he’s currently wearing so she didn’t have to give up the scent.

  Greyden chuckled, running his fingers through her hair. “Annnd she speaks. Thanks, Butterfly.”

  The tightening of his abdominal muscles at the touch of her fingertips and the rasp of his voice so close to her ear was turning her on. She only ever felt this way around him and only ever this intensely when she’d been in his arms like this. It’s overwhelming.

  “Did you want to hook up with Sean tonight? Was that your plan, Butterfly?” he asked, his cheery demeanor gone.

  “It wasn’t my plan, no,” she whispered, feeling unsure and a bit guilty. Why she felt guilty, though, was why she felt unsure.

  “It’s not fair of me to ask you not to be with anyone else when I’m not willing to be your guy, I get that. But you said you’d come to me, Mace, and you didn’t.” His voice was stronger, threatening even.

  Feeling like he lit a small fire under her, she sat up and glared at him. “What sixteen-year-old girl do you know who sits around and holds onto her virginity because some older guy told her too? Huh? I’m sure not the girls you went to high school with. And you expect me to ask your permission?” she asked boldly. “Is that it? Because I’m getting confused here, Grey. You say you want me but you won’t let yourself or anybody else have me, so I’m supposed to just sit at home every weekend while my friends go out to parties just to make you happy?” Macie slid off the truck and paced in front of it. Her heart was pounding, her words rushing out and her hands shaking with adrenaline. Her voice still remained quiet, but her body language showcased her anger. Her words, heart, and head were all a jumbled mess. She didn’t want to lose her virginity. That’s not what this was about. This was about him thinking he could dictate whether she did or not while he did what he wanted. The more she thought about it and the more he acted on it, the more she realized it’s made her a little angry.

  Greyden sat up and, on her fourth pass in front of him, he reached out and grabbed her arm, halting her progress to nowhere. “Butterfly,” he cajoled in a sickeningly sweet voice that made her automatically cave and face him, “c’mere.” He pulled her to him, right between his legs, and placed his hands on her lower back, gripping that belt she was thankful for earlier. “I’m sorry I’m being an ass. I’m not trying to be. I’m trying to do two different things here and even I’m getting confused.”

  Macie turned his hat around backwards so she could see his face in the moonlight. “Explain what you’re trying to do then, because you’re pissing me off.”

  Greyden smirked to the side of his mouth. “Don’t cuss.”

  Macie leaned back, looking away from him, torn at the sight of his handsome face with his devastating smile and his need to control her.

  Greyden pulled her back in. “I’m keeping you the lady I know you are, Macie, not the wild girl your friends are convincing you to be. That’s why I’m keeping my distance, sweetheart. But I’m having a hell of a go at it because everything you do and say, every smile you give me, every shake of your perfect ass, has me questioning my good intentions. And you’re right, I can’t expect you to be single forever or even for the next two years, but between you being under eighteen and all the shit that’s going on with my dad…” Greyden broke off and looked away.

  He hadn’t spoken any more to Macie about his dad and she hadn’t heard anything from her parents either. She assumed he would talk to her if he needed to. Macie touched his face and guided it back to look at hers. What she saw broke her heart. Greyden was troubled and she hated that she hadn’t been there for him. She leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. Greyden slightly turned his head and kissed her back on the corner of hers.

  “I can’t make you mine right now, Macie.” He sounded dejected.

  “I know,” she whispered across his lips, this time pressing her mouth against his.

  “I don’t trust anybody else with you,” he said as she deepened the kiss a little more, but he wasn’t letting her fully in.

  She licked his top lip and a small groan came out against his wishes. “I know, Sugar Plum.” She kissed just his bottom lip; being the only participant in the kiss was becoming challenging.

  Greyden laughed. “Noooo.” He gripped her face, stopping her ministrations. She scrunched up her nose at him. “Macie, remember our plans?”

  She nodded. How could she forget? They had a future together, just not a present.

  He tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear. “I promise to keep my mouth shut if you want to date, if you promise to date guys your own age and to be smart.”

  Macie’s shoulders sagged in disappointment. That’s not where she was hoping he was going to go with that. “Grey, I don’t—”

  “Butterfly,” he slides a finger to her lips effectively shushing her, “I wish I could be that guy for you right now, but I can’t. I know that others can’t either, but apparently you’re going to have to figure that one out on your own. That’s why I ask that you wait ‘til you’re eighteen for the major stuff. Because, Butterfly…God. Macie James, you’re not the girl guys screw around with. You’re the girl guys marry. You’re the girl I’m going to marry.”

  Macie gasped in complete shock at his words. Stunned speechless. What does one say to that anyway?

  Thankfully, she didn’t have to think too long. Greyden slid off the truck, coming in close contact along her body, not letting her back up. He leaned down, his lips hovering over hers momentarily, just barely brushing them before pressing the sweetest kiss to her hyperaware lips. His lips were soft and warm and Macie wanted to pull him even closer than he already was and open up to him, but that’s not the kind of kiss he was giving her. No, he was giving her a kiss of a promise, a promise of a future, of a friendship and of a love that will only bloom with time, that’s what this kiss was. It was kind of heartbreaking on her end. It may be what he wanted and needed right now, but he just told her he was going to marry her, yet she couldn’t really kiss him, or have him.

  Once he released her and killed her with his beautiful and promising smile, he got her the extra shirt they’d come out for. She tied it up the best she could and he laughed, apologizing but not offering to help persuade her brother any. They walked back to the party side by side, this time not holding hands but with a renewed understanding that they did truly have a future together.

  Chapter Six

  October 2013

  Macie

  It’s been a little over a week since I went to dinner with Greyden. Which was a terrible idea. Had it been years and not only five months since we decided to give up on our future together, then this whole moving on thing would probably be a lot easier.

  Mitch was very upset when he came over that
night and discovered I had just gotten home from a nice evening out without him. Or more likely, an evening out with Greyden. I explained that it was business, but it still didn’t sit well with him. He said he noticed the way Greyden watched me when we were at my brother’s house and he didn’t like that, or the fact that Luca and I are so close, saying it’s not normal to be so familiar with the opposite sex at our ages. Telling him that they all have always felt a strong need to protect me since I was a little girl didn’t ease his doubts any. His argument was that boys change when they grow into men and so do their feelings, and often they develop when in a situation like the guys and mine. There was no changing his mind on this. He believes the only close relationships with the opposite sex should be by blood if it’s not intended to be intimate. So therefore, according to Mitch, I get my dad and Declan and that’s it.

  By the end of that night, we didn’t agree on anything. I let the conversation die because I wasn’t prepared to give up anybody, Mitch or the guys, and apparently he knew that because he didn’t press.

  Tonight Mitch has a dinner meeting that I was able to get out of since I had some paperwork to take care of and his meeting wasn’t a big deal. We’re nearing three months since our first date and Mitch asked if we can have a night in after his meeting. I think tonight is the night we find out if we’ll explode when we’re together or not. If we don’t, I don’t know what I’ll do. I know Mitch will probably be satisfied as long as he just gets off. He’s not going to need fireworks or an earthquake; really, he probably will even green light a connection of the most minor level. Lord, I hope that’s not the case.

  After I finished up with my work, I got some supplies to make a cheesecake, a can of whipped cream, chocolate sauce, and chocolate and mint candies, then went to the lingerie shop. Planning on needing to heat things up, I bought a red silk blindfold along with a red silk nightie. I thought it best to keep it a bit on the conservative side for our first time, not knowing what he’s into.

  I’m just pulling onto the freeway when my phone starts ringing. Greyden. The knots in my stomach tighten and I have to force out a breath before I hit talk. “Hey, Grey.”

  “Hi, Macie, you have a minute?” He sounds so serious it puts me on high alert immediately.

  “Yes, of course. What’s going on?”

  “You, uh…the other night at dinner you asked me to keep you updated on my dad.” I can hear the dread in his voice now. He’s not just serious, he’s really upset.

  “What happened, Greyden?” Checking my rearview mirror, I slide over into the slow lane so I can give him as much of my attention as possible.

  “He had a minor heart attack early this morning. It’s like the fuckin’ thing is determined to kill him.” Greyden sniffles, then clears his throat.

  “Are you at the hospital?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I’ll be there in about twenty minutes.”

  “Thanks, Butterfly.” He doesn’t wait for my reply, he just hangs up.

  Hearing his nickname for me sends me into to all kinds of crazy. I’m already a mess today about what’s to come tonight, and now with Grey’s dad back in the hospital and him back in my life calling me Butterfly…I’m a freakin’ mess.

  Stopping at the store just near the hospital, I grab some granola bars, crackers, and Gatorades, then make my way to the surgery floor where I find Greyden and Mrs. Michaels. Greyden stands and wraps me tightly in his arms. I melt at the familiar smell of his cologne and the way I fit against his chest. He kisses the top of my head then releases me so I can go over to hug his mom, who looks like she hasn’t stopped crying all day.

  I stay until early evening, when they’re finally allowed back to see him. Greyden walks me out to my car in silence, then hugs me for a long time, letting his worry and sadness engulf us. I rub his back and rest my head on his chest, knowing how difficult all of this is for him.

  “Thank you for being here for me, for us. It means a lot, Mace.”

  I push back off his chest so I can look up at his beautiful, strong, sad face. “I will always be here for you, you know that, Greyden, but I really think it’s time for you to tell the guys about your dad. You need their support and your mom needs support too. She should consider talking to my mom. You two have kept this secret long enough. He’s not getting better, sweetie.”

  Tears well up on his eyelids as he looks up over my head to keep them at bay. Eventually he nods his head a couple times and, with bloodshot eyes, he looks back down at me and swallows before replying, “You’re right. I’ll talk to my mom right now about that.”

  Giving him butterfly kisses on his cheek, I turn and get in my car. My heart is breaking for him and I can’t handle standing there for another minute. I turn the music up loud. With a lapse in judgment, I select “I Try” by Macy Gray. It’s been my go to song since it debuted, every year for a different reason. Greyden bought me her CD when it came out because he liked her name, which I totally agree with, but I’m a sucker for lyrics and “I Try” has fit into my life on numerous occasions, mostly where Greyden is concerned.

  With thoughts of losing Grey, Grey losing his dad, a new future with Mitch, my nerves over tonight, and my doubts about tonight, I’m so completely consumed with unloading my car that I startle when I feel someone place their hands on my waist from behind. Whipping around, I find Mitch standing there with a concerned expression.

  “Hey, babe, you okay? I called your name a couple times and it was like you were completely out of it.”

  Calming myself down, I take him in completely. Mitch in a nice suit is common. I would be shocked to find him in something other than a suit. His suits aren’t just off the rack, either, they’re tailored to fit precisely around each muscle in the man’s body and from what I can tell, he has one heck of a body.

  “Macie.” He brushes my hair away from my face as he says my name with so much concern and then strokes my cheek.

  “I’m sorry. I’m totally fine. I was just lost in thought, I guess, then you took me by surprise. You’re looking very dapper this evening, Mr. Vanderhorn.” I reach up and kiss his smirking lips. Kissing him isn’t something I typically do. I usually wait to be kissed because it just seems appropriate for our relationship, but tonight I’m switching things up. We’re doing things my way. I need to know that we can still be a fun couple behind closed doors.

  My kiss takes him by surprise, but he kisses me back and smiles. “Dapper, you say, huh?”

  I laugh because it’s a silly word for me to use but it’s so fitting for him. “Best word I could come up with.” Reaching back into the car, I pick up the bags I dropped when he scared the life out of me and hand them to him. “Will you take these in, please? I’ll be right behind you.”

  I start unloading the groceries when I look up and see a heat in Mitch’s eyes that I’ve never seen before. My head draws back and my eyes blink a couple times as I try to figure out what’s happening. Mitch crosses the kitchen, grabs me by the waist, and lifts me up onto the counter, taking my mouth with a heated passion that is new to us.

  Mitch is being wilder than I ever expected from him, and it’s a pleasant surprise. His tongue isn’t missing any areas in my mouth, not even the back of my teeth, which is kinda hot. His hands are under my shirt and I’m turned on, more so than I expected. I’m happy; this is what I was hoping for. Backing away enough to disconnect our mouths, Mitch asks, “You went shopping today?” I nod my head. “Did you have plans for tonight?” he asks, looking straight into my eyes.

  “I was going to make us dessert, but I ran out of time. I have other things I’m sure we can get creative with though.”

  “Like the chocolate sauce?” His voice is serious, but his eyes are telling me he’s feeling playful.

  I bite my lip to try and remain as serious as he is and nod my head. “Like the chocolate sauce.”

  Mitch takes my mouth again, much slower this time, and slides his hands up and down my back as I wrap my by legs around his lo
wer waist.

  “Do you need a minute since you just got home?”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay, why don’t you go do what you need to do and I’ll finish putting everything we won’t need away. Good deal?”

  “Thank you.” I kiss him and slide down off the counter. Remembering I have stuff that should have been refrigerated a long time ago, I get nervous that he’ll ask why it had taken me so long to get home. Swallowing the nerves, I bit the bullet and spit it out. “Oh, there are a few things that should have been refrigerated,” I say casually. “It took me longer to get home than I anticipated, so they just need to be tossed.”

  “Okay, I’ll take care of it.” He smiles at me like he’s never been happier and it’s easy to forget that we’re not in a normal relationship.

  “Thank you, honey.”

  Mitch winks. “You’re welcome. Now hurry up. I’m going to be in there in like, three minutes.”

  I laugh and grab my bag from the lingerie shop before heading to my room.

  It takes me about ten minutes to change and freshen up. When I walk out from my bathroom, I see Mitch stretched out on my bed. He’s lost his coat, tie, socks and shoes. His arms are folded behind him and he’s propped up against my white leather tufted headboard and one thousand pillows. I have a thing for pillows. He looks pretty dang sexy lying there like that, his bare feet crossed at the ankles and his attention on some news channel.

  I quietly walked up to the side of the bed and although I know he can see me, he doesn’t turn his head until I my thighs touch the comforter. When he finally does look, he takes me all in, from the silky blindfold I had tied around my head, holding my hair back, to my face, then the bits of my chest he could make out through the nightie, down over my hips (where he won’t find any panty lines), then back up again. I can see his breathing change in his chest and I love that I’m the one doing that to him.

  Questions of his past fleetingly pop into mind. I never thought of him as a sexual person before, so I’ve never been curious, but with how he’s acting tonight, now I am. Curious, that is. I kind of want to know how many partners he’s had and where he’s gotten them. Mitch doesn’t go out like normal guys, so picking someone up for a one night stand would be off the table, I imagine. Oh God, what if he got prostitutes? My heart plummets at the thought. That’s what politicians do, isn’t it? I’m sure I’ve heard that before. It would totally make sense for him if he did; nothing else makes sense.