Without Hesitation

by CJ Azevedo

  Macie was still learning to deal with her new single lifestyle. She avoided all parties at the guys’ house, even when her girlfriends went. Her friends went to State, so they were usually partying with them, but she wasn’t going to go there. Macie went to a private college a few towns outside of San Jose for interior design and lived with her parents for the first year. She went out with her girlfriends when they did things other than party with her brother and the guys and she even secretly went on a few dates, though none that she cared to go on again.

  Just before her sophomore year started, she moved into her own apartment in a beautiful little town close to her school. She had been in it for almost a month now and she loved it. She loved the freedom and the independence it gave her, and the way she could dance around in her panties in the kitchen if she wanted, which she did want, frequently. She was giddy every time someone stopped by and she was able to play the hostess, even when the guys came over on short notice wanting dinner. That was actually her favorite. They would pile onto her couch and her floor with their plates on their laps and watch the fight while they ate and drank beer. Even Greyden came, as if everything was normal.

  Unfortunately for Macie, everything wasn’t normal. She had a real problem and wasn’t sure how she could fix it. This particular night she was throwing in the towel. She learned, on the very first night at her lovely new place, that she didn’t sleep well on her own. That was actually an understatement. Macie couldn’t sleep at all on her own. She would go a few days then have one of the girls come and spend the night so she could get some rest. She refused to tell her parents, knowing they would make her move right back in.

  For the last week, nobody had been able to come over for this reason or that, so she hadn’t gotten any sleep. Now it was Thursday, her head was killing her, and her whole body ached. She barely made it through an entire day of classes and when Liam followed her out to her car, asking her out to dinner yet again, she wanted to cry.

  Liam was studying graphic design and they had gone out twice last year. The first time was to a party with his friends, who were fun, and he was hot, so at the end of the night when he kissed her and asked if he could take her to dinner, she said yes. Liam on his own was dull as dishwater.

  Tears actually did linger on her lids when she looked back at him and explained that she wasn’t feeling well and just needed to go home and get in bed. He took her bag from her and helped her in her car, as nice and as boring as could be.

  She made it home by six o’clock and climbed immediately into bed and for once, fell straight to sleep.

  Macie woke with a start, swearing she heard something on her bedroom window. Clutching her blanket to her chest, she felt her heart beat pound against her fist even through the fluffy comforter, her tense muscles vibrating at high speed beneath her heated skin. She stared at her window as if she were waiting for an intruder to climb through. Without removing her eyes from the window, she felt around on the bed for her phone, breaking her trance to read the time. Only eight pm. She sat in silence until the time read 8:12, but the non-existent intruder never broke in, nor did he make another noise.

  Knowing she wouldn’t be getting any more sleep, she got up and made dinner. After eating and getting halfway through a movie, she couldn’t stop the tears from falling. Her body was so anxiety ridden she felt like she could run for mile and not get rid of it, but on the other hand, she was so exhausted she felt sick. She knew she needed help. Her friends weren’t an option tonight and her parents were never an option in this scenario, so she called Declan.

  “Hello?” That wasn’t Dec.

  “Um. Hi. Where’s my brother?”

  “Mace? What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

  “Greyden, I want to talk to Declan.” The exhaustion seeped through her broken voice as she sagged against her comfortable sofa.

  “He’s not here, he left his phone in the kitchen. Why the hell are you crying? What happened?”

  “Is Luca there?”

  “Dammit, Macie!” He wasn’t going to let up. He was getting impatient and an impatient Greyden was an unreasonable Greyden.

  She really didn’t want to get into this with him, but at this point she didn’t have a choice, she’d take whoever she could get as long as it wasn’t her mom.

  She broke down and started to really cry. “I can’t sleep, Grey. I’m so tired and I can’t sleep. I feel sick and I can’t do anything to make myself sleep and stay asleep unless someone else is here and the girls are busy tonight. I just need one solid night.”

  Greyden sighed heavily into the phone. “Have you had dinner?”

  Macie hiccupped. “Yes.”

  “I’ll be there as soon as I can, Butterfly.” His entire demeanor had changed, she could tell even through the phone. Then he hung up.

  Exactly forty-five minutes later, there was a knock on her door. Her whole body froze. She didn’t know what had taken him so long, since it didn’t usually take him that long to get there from his house, so she wasn’t certain it was Greyden.

  With her nerves going haywire and causing all kinds of havoc inside of her body, she very stealthily stood from the couch and silently tiptoed—ninja style—to the door and held her breath to look out the peephole. Just as she put her hands on the door to brace herself and leaned her face close to look through the small hole, the loud knock came again, causing her to scream, totally losing her ninja mojo. The tears came back full force and she was losing control of her breathing.

  “Macie, it’s just me,” Greyden said.

  She quickly pulled herself together, wiped her face dry, shook out her trembling hands, and took a deep breath before she opened the door.

  Greyden swooped her up in his arms, squeezing her tight. He just held her for a few minutes, neither of them saying anything. She sank into his warm embrace, her heavy lids feeling like lead and closing dramatically. Her overworked, tense muscles finally relaxed, sighing in relief. She didn’t hug him back, for no other reason than her muscles were too busy enjoying being held up by him rather than having to be relied on at that moment.

  They heard a throat being cleared and instantly she was tense again. Even with Greyden there to protect her she was on high alert and scared.

  She felt Greyden turn his head to look behind him at the opened door and heard an all too familiar voice say, “Um, hey. Sorry to interrupt. I’m here to see Macie.”

  She leaned around Grey’s large frame to see Liam standing there with a bouquet of grocery store flowers and a brown paper sack. She tried to walk around to face him but Greyden wasn’t letting her go. He turned them both, keeping her close.

  Liam rubbed above his brow, using the hand holding the flowers. “Sorry it’s so late. Jefferson had us on a project that took longer than I expected, but I wanted to bring you some soup.” Macie could tell he tried to keep his focus on her but his gaze kept flickering up to the large guy hovering over her.

  Macie made another attempt to escape Greyden’s tight grip to no avail. Giving in, she finally just made introductions. “Grey this is my friend from school, Liam. Liam, this is Greyden, my…” She suddenly didn’t know how to introduce him. She just introduced Liam as her friend and that wasn’t technically true. He was more of an acquaintance, but you can’t introduce someone with that title, it’s rude. And Greyden…Greyden was so much more than a friend. She felt funny introducing him as such.

  “Her boyfriend,” Greyden said, interrupting her thoughts, and released his hold on her to shake Liam’s hand.

  “Oh. I didn’t know you had a boyfriend, Mace.” Liam stood a little taller, his jaw a little tenser. This was a side she hadn’t seen of him before and it was appealing, even attractive. Maybe he wasn’t so boring after all.

  “I don’t,” she spit out in an aggravated tone. “Grey, there’s some dinner left in the microwave, go make yourself a plate and give us a minute, please.” She looked up into Greyden’s eyes, which had turned stormy. He barely but visibly shook hi
s head no. Macie wasn’t asking his permission to talk to Liam, so she stepped out of his arms and walked outside with Liam and shut the door, leaving a dumbfounded Greyden on the inside.

  “So, that guy is a…friend?” Liam asked. The curious vibe overrode the irritation, but she still heard it and didn’t blame him. Greyden wasn’t nice.

  “Yeah, and he’s my ex. We haven’t been together for a while, but we grew up together…sort of. So we’re close.”

  “Ahh, no wonder he was ready to kick my ass away from your door.” Liam laughed and relaxed a little, looking more like he did that night they were with his friends. She was nowhere in the realm of an interested dater for him, but she could definitely see how someone could be if he could just let loose.

  “Thanks for coming by, Liam. That was really nice of you.”

  “Sure. That’s what friends do, Macie. Let me know if you ever need anything okay?” Liam leaned in and kissed her cheek, then handed her the flowers and bag before jogging down the stairs.

  When she turned to get the door she noticed two baseball bats leaning against the corner of her small porch. Her curiosity piqued. Her imagination ran wild for a split second, thinking a burglar left them behind, then she laughed out loud at herself, realizing how ridiculous that was.

  Greyden leaned against the opposite wall in the entryway. He hadn’t gone to the kitchen like she demanded, he had waited for her. She didn’t know how to take that. It made her heart flutter but it also confused her. She knew he wasn’t ready for her yet, so staking his claim and becoming his possessive self with her wasn’t good for her emotions. She knew she couldn’t handle it—handle him. She would fall into his web again and she was afraid this time it would destroy her.

  “Who was that guy? Aside from a friend at school.” His face was made of stone and his voice that of a man preparing for battle.

  “That’s it. Why are there baseball bats on my porch?”

  “Have you dated him?”

  “Are you just going to leave the bats out there, or are you going to bring them in? I assume you brought them over for a reason.” Macie moved to the living room and curled up on the couch, not paying him any more attention. She was too tired to get emotional over him and way too tired to try and deal with him.

  Greyden brought the bats in and then locked the door. Setting them down in the corner, he went and sat on the coffee table in front of her, inspecting her intensely. “You look like shit.” The words were harsh, but his whole demeanor had softened.

  “Thanks, Grey. I really needed to hear that right now.”

  “When was the last time you slept through the night?”

  Macie looked down and shook her head. “I don’t know, it’s been a while.”

  Strong arms slipped beneath her pliable body and lifted her to a firm, warm chest. Greyden was still dressed in his work clothes. He had lost his tie before making his way to Macie’s and had removed his coat while waiting for her to finish up with Liam. She rested her tired head against the front of his shoulder, her face right at the opening of his collar. She could smell her favorite cologne, the one she had bought him for Christmas.

  “Do you want to shower or change?”

  She shook her again. “No.” She was in yoga pants and a comfy tee and the idea of standing in a shower made her want to cry out in exhaustion.

  Grey laid her down in her bed then leaned down and kissed her, but not on the cheek or forehead or on the top of the head like an old friend. No, he kissed her right on the lips for the first time since they broke up a year ago. Her eyes widened in surprise but he didn’t acknowledge that.

  “I’ll be right back to check on you. Where are your spare blankets so I can make up the couch?”

  Macie swallowed down the immediate anxiety that rose up. This was why she wanted her brother. She needed him to sleep in her room in order for her to feel completely safe. The girls tried sleeping out on the couch, but it didn’t work, they had to be in her bed for her to get any amount of sleep.

  She sat up, trying to figure out how she was going to talk herself out of freaking out. She was absolutely safe on a normal night and even more so with Greyden on her couch. She was being completely unreasonable and she knew it, but it wasn’t like she could turn it off.

  “Hey now, what just happened there?” He came back to the bed and sat down, stroking her cheek gently.

  “I just, I need—” A deep, shuddering breath had her nerves relaxing, or maybe it was the way Greyden was looking at her like he was ready to solve all of her problems for her.

  “Do you need me to stay in here with you, Butterfly?” His thumb stroked over the top of her hand. She nodded and sighed loudly, giving in to the fear of being alone and needing him. “All right, let me just shut everything down and I’ll be right back.”

  Macie removed her bra and stuffed it in her nightstand before cuddling down in her bed. Sleep was calling her but she was nervous to have Greyden in her bed with her again.

  It didn’t take him long to lock up and turn off all the lights. He came back in the room with his bag and one of the baseball bats. Macie had slightly propped herself up on her side to get a better view. It had been awhile and he been doing some serious working out since she had last seen him like this. He stood the bat up against her nightstand then unbuttoned his shirt, keeping his eyes down on his bag. Hers were focused on him. His shirt slid off his broad shoulders and down his tightly muscled arms. As he slightly arched his back to release his shirt from his arms, Macie noticed something new. It was dark and large from what she could tell, and it was spread across his chest. There was also something along his far side that wrapped around to his back, but she was unsure what that was as well. From her angle she could only see the shadow of something and knew it was large and intricate.

  With his head still bowed, he unbuckled his belt and thumbed loosed the button on his slacks. Desire shot through her center and she reluctantly threw herself back on the pillows so she was staring up at the ceiling fan and not at the beautiful man of her forever dreams that she wouldn’t allow herself to have.

  Greyden, the damn man, chuckled to himself as he finished getting undressed, then walked over to her attached bath to brush his teeth. Macie’s eyes couldn’t help themselves, they had to follow his perfect backside out of the room the whole way. It was just too nice to not watch.

  When he finally climbed into bed, he stretched out his long frame next to her, only he didn’t touch her, folding his arms behind his head and crossing his legs at the ankles.

  “Keep this bat in here with you and the other by the front door.” Greyden’s deep voice broke the silence without touch or warning, just his baritone sound waves cutting through her thoughts. “It’ll make you feel less helpless, even though it’s more likely that Santa will make an appearance in July than someone breaking and entering in this neighborhood. I’ll pick up some mace tomorrow.”

  “Thank you.” Macie had turned on her side so she could inspect the ink he’d added to his already incredible body since she’d last seen him with his shirt off. If she was honest with herself, she would admit that it hurt that she was just now learning about this. It was a big piece, and not just one big piece, but two. A large statement and a decision she had nothing to do with.

  Her fingers reached out and began tracing the wispy dark clouds at the top of his chest.

  “Have you been dating?” he asked, his voice an equal mixture of curiosity and accusation.

  “Have you been sleeping around?”

  He sighed, giving in to her stubbornness. “I miss you.”

  “I miss you too.”

  “Did you sleep with that guy?”

  “I hate that you got this tattoo without me.”

  “I got this tattoo because of you.”

  That made her stop. She wasn’t sure what to say or how to feel about that. It was a dark tattoo, and beautiful; it’d be hard not to be beautiful with it being on him, but it was still a dark and dreary tatt
oo and if it was because of her, what did that say?

  Greyden rolled onto his side so they were face to face and slid his hand onto her hip, squeezing her there. “You have been such a huge part of my life, Mace, for so long. You mean the world to me. Even when you didn’t know it, you did.” He placed another surprising kiss on her slightly parted lips. “I put a falcon on my chest because falcons are a sign of hope and positivity. For so long, Butterfly, you’ve been my hope and positivity. When my dad made me quit jiu-jitsu, I felt like my whole future was obsolete, just…gone.” Greyden’s gaze rose above her head then, losing focus to another time, another place.

  Macie placed her hand on his cheek, bringing him back to her so he didn’t have to experience that pain over again.

  When he lowered his focus back to her, he continued on in a lighter tone with a small smile. “Then you started coming around and everything about you made me have hope again. Have hope for what?” he asked her, himself. “I still don’t know that part, but hope for something, and that’s all that really matters.”

  Macie rolled away again because he made her cry and she didn’t want him to see that. She turned her back to him and tried to sniffle as quietly as possible. It didn’t take him but a second to press up behind her, push her hair out of the way, and begin kissing her neck. “Don’t cry, sweetheart.”

  “I can’t go through this, Greyden, especially not tonight. I’m too tired to try and think straight.”

  He gently pushed her shoulder down, rolling her onto her back. Gliding his thick leg over her hips, he positioned himself over top of her, hovering closely, then his mouth was on hers in a heated but sweet way, his hands in her hair. She clasped her hands on her chest, still not giving in just yet. She was terrified of where this was going, of where it was going to leave her in the morning, but she was powerless to stop it in the moment.