Desperate (Harris Trilogy Book One)

by Teresa Greene

  “It’s okay, Jim. It’s me, Kate. I was checking your wounds. I think you are on the mend. How’s the pain?” She placed her hand on his shoulder where the awful whip had not touched his skin.

  “I still in a lot of pain but Lila keeps me drugged. I sleep most of da time.”

  The ugly red welts were now pink. “You should be up moving around in a few days.”

  “Tank you ma’am, I’m b’holdin’ to you.”

  Weary, she dropped into the rocker beside his bed. She washed and cleaned his wounds as gently as possible. As she rubbed more ointment on his gashes, he writhed in pain. Moans of agony made her even more careful not to cause him any more pain than necessary.

  What they were going to do with him continued to loom in her mind. He couldn’t very well open the back door and leave. Too many people were looking for him. They would need a plan. She had wanted to ask him if he had any suggestions, but he was drifting off again from the drugs Lila had given him.

  There was no way he could stay in Lila’s tiny room much longer. She wished she could ask Jacob for help. She had no idea how to help him escape to the north and did not know who she could trust but Jacob. Maybe Lila knew of someone who could help Jim through the Underground Railroad she had heard about. Surely slaves knew the path north.

  Kate returned to her room exhausted from a day of working at the hospital. She prepared for bed, but worries tumbled in her head. After tossing and turning for over an hour she gave up on sleep and left her bed. She lit a lamp and read all the letters she had received from David. How was she going to marry another when she loved him so desperately?

  ****

  After a restless night, she wondered how she would face the coming day. The floor and bed were littered with David’s letters. Last night she had fallen asleep while reading them. With stiff movements she gathered the letters and returned them to their beautiful wood box her grandfather had given her as a gift.

  A wave of nausea engulfed her. She hurried to the bathroom throwing up her supper from the night before. A weird sensation in the pit of her stomach had her clutching her waist. She had not had her curse for two months. She had hoped it was stress from the days of death she faced everyday at the hospital. Her knees almost buckled as she came to the realization she was expecting a child. Depression overwhelmed her knowing her sins had caught up with her. Unable to cope with yet another problem, she climbed into bed and pulled the covers over her head.

  “Miss Kate, are ya okay?”

  When Kate did not answer, Lila cracked the door and peeped inside. Covered from head to toe, she groaned and wanted to tell Lila to go away.

  Moving to the bed, Lila pulled the cover away from her face and touched her cheek. “Miss Kate, are ya sick?”

  The last thing Kate wanted was for Lila to find out she was pregnant. “I think I ate something that did not agree with me. Please tell grandfather I’ll be down for breakfast in a few minutes.”

  After Lila left, Kate forced herself out of bed. To keep everyone from becoming suspicious she would have to go about her day as if nothing was wrong. She needed time to think about her circumstances. She needed to stay busy and work would keep her mind from her troubles. It took a lot of effort, but she dressed for work. Her composure wavered when she peered at her reflection in the mirror. Pale and gray, she stood sideways and looked at her stomach. In less than a month she would be showing. She pressed a fist to her heart as it lurched.

  When Kate arrived downstairs to join her grandfather for breakfast, she found Abigail waiting for her in the foyer. Her first impulse was to turn around and go back to bed. By Abigail’s demeanor, she was spoiling for a fight. Arms crossed at her chest, she tapped her foot on the floor.

  She took a long, frustrated breath. “How can I be of service, Abigail?”

  With a snap of temper Abigail got right to the point. “I’m looking for my missing slave. I thought you might let me speak to your grandfather’s maid Lila. Jim is her brother and my bounty hunter tracked him to your grandfather’s plantation a few days ago. From there the trail went cold. I would like to ask her some questions pertaining to his whereabouts.”

  Kate tried to keep her trepidation from showing. She did not want Abigail to know she had been harboring Jim since his escape. “I’m sorry Abigail, but I’m sure Lila knows nothing. She has been here in Richmond with us since we arrived two months ago. I don’t know how she would know anything.”

  Hands on her hips, Abigail snapped, “Well, I’m sure you won’t mind me asking her myself? May I please speak to her in private?”

  Kate rubbed her temples as a dull headache began. She hissed, “No, Abigail, you may not.” There was a thin wire holding Kate’s composure together. “I don’t want you to frighten Lila. She is a very timid, gentle woman who would not hurt a soul.” Moving toward the door, Kate swung it open with a flourish. “Now if you don’t mind I request you leave my home.”

  Apparently, Abigail had no intention of leaving until she spoke to Lila. The lines around her mouth tightened. “You forget Lila once belonged to me. I do not remember Lila being as gentle as you describe her. In fact the reason I sold her to your grandfather was because of her fresh mouth. I became bored with always having to beat her for her insolence.”

  Kate wanted to admonish her for treating her slaves so horribly. If she showed her slaves a little respect, they would not feel the need to run away. But then Abigail might suspect they were harboring Jim if she said anything of the kind.

  Instead Kate huffed in annoyance, “Lila has been the perfect housekeeper. I can’t believe we are talking about the same person. In fact you should leave my home now before I have you thrown out. You are not welcome here.”

  “You are just jealous, Kate. I know you want David. I can see the way you look at him. Well, forget him. David is mine and you had better keep your distance if you know what is good for you. Now, I will ask one more time. May I please speak to Lila?”

  “You can ask a thousand times and you’ll still get the same answer, NO!” Hand on the door, Kate all but shouted, “Get out of my home!”

  Abigail turned toward the door to leave. She stopped in the doorway and gave Kate her most menacing stare. “If I find out Lila had anything to do with Jim escaping, I will make sure she is punished. The law does not look too kindly on people who help slaves escape from their owners. And furthermore…”

  Kate slammed the door in her face. The woman had a mean streak.

  After her anger subsided, worry took its place. She sought out Lila. She found her cleaning Jim’s wounds and applying fresh ointment. “How is he?”

  “He says he feels better. Don’t hurt near as bad as it did.”

  Resting her hand on Lila’s arm, Kate stated, “We are going to have to find another place for him to recover. Abigail was here and insisted on asking you questions pertaining to Jim. Her hired bounty hunter tracked him to grandfather’s plantation. Thankfully, from there he lost the trail. She suspects you know something. I’m afraid she has someone watching us.”

  On a spurt of panic, she jumped to her feet. “He is still in too much pain for us to move him, Miss Kate. We need a few more days and den we will be able to find another hidin’ place. Please, Miss Kate; give me a little more time.”

  Despite her fears, she felt sorry for Lila. She loved her brother so much. “Okay Lila, but only come to your room when absolutely necessary. We don’t want to draw attention and cause someone to start asking questions.”

  Still she knew they would have to do something and soon. She didn’t doubt Abigail would make good on her threat and have Lila arrested. Suffice it to say she would also cause her trouble. The woman would love to see her behind bars. Abigail would do whatever it took to keep her away from David.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Kate was busy cleaning the operating room. She would have to come up with a plan and soon. She considered writing David informing him of her pregnancy. The only reason she did not was because she
wanted him to marry her for love, not because he was forced too. Her pride would not allow it.

  Two strong arms wrapped around her pulling her against a muscular chest. Kate turned toward Jacob so quickly she would have fallen if he had not caught her. “Why are you so tense, honey?”

  Hand on her pounding heart, she snapped, “Jacob, you almost stopped my heart. Don’t you know how dangerous it is to sneak up on people?”

  “What’s on your mind, Kate?” Her nervousness was causing him to become suspicious. She wasn’t usually so on edge. But then she was harboring a slave, and now to discover she was going to have a baby was a lot to worry about. She jumped from the frying pan into the fire. Secrets could destroy a person’s sanity.

  “I’m just tired. It’s been a trying day. I’ve lost three patients today because the doctor was too drunk to perform surgery. I know we are shorthanded, but I feel nothing but contempt for these incompetent surgeons.”

  “I know, honey. I wish we could carry on without them, but we cannot. We are short handed as it is. I wish we could get better surgeons, but my hands are tied.”

  “Maybe this will get your mind on something else.” His lips closed over hers in a gentle, sweet kiss.

  She pulled away and peered into his sultry green eyes. “Such naughty behavior for such a diligent, respectful, surgeon. You should be ashamed of yourself.”

  “I can’t seem to control myself in your presence.”

  As Jacob leaned in for another kiss, she covered his mouth with her fingers. “Will you have supper with me at home tonight? I need to talk to you in private. Grandfather will be away on business and we can be alone.”

  Eyes sparkling mischievously, he whispered, “Only if you promise not to take advantage of me.”

  “I think I am the one in danger of being taken advantage of, not you. Now I still have a lot of work to take care of so unhand me so I can finish my duties.”

  Instead of doing as told, he held her for a few moments before he released her. “You feel so perfect in my arms.” With a quick kiss to her cheek, he stepped back. “I’ll see you tonight, my dear Kate.”

  She watched him walk out the door. A magnificent man deserved a happy life without deceit. She would tell him of her pregnancy because she wanted to be honest with him. The outcome of confiding in him could be devastating, but she had no other recourse.

  ****

  Kate spent a lot of time on her appearance. She wanted to look her best for Jacob tonight. Millie, Lila’s daughter, curled her hair, pinning it back from her face. Soft curls touched her neck giving a seductive effect. Her fingers pulled and tugged on fat ringlets trying to get just the right look. Nervous hands raked over the royal blue dress, which she wore to the ball. She viewed her reflection in the gold trimmed cheval mirror in her room.

  Was it her imagination, or was she beginning to show? She put her hand on her stomach and thought about David’s baby growing inside. Butterflies fluttered inside her belly. No matter how she looked, she still couldn’t help her anxiety. Telling Jacob she was carrying another man’s baby would be the hardest thing she had ever done.

  Lila knocked on the door before entering. “Dr. Greene is here, Miss Kate.” Dark brown eyes twinkled when she exclaimed, “Miss Kate, you are so purty!”

  “Thank you. Lila.”

  “There, Miss Kate, I think that’s about the best I ever did your hair.” With a tilt of her head she examined her coiffure. “Thank you, Millie, you have out done yourself. It is beautiful.” Kate hugged Millie as she moved toward the door. She gave a nervous smile to Lila as she passed her. She felt as if she were about to face a firing squad.

  As usual, Jacob was gorgeous. At the foot of the stairs, he waited for her to descend. He was even more handsome tonight than all the other times since she had been courting him. The dark suit looked amazing on his muscular body.

  “You look lovely, Kate.” He bent at the waist, gently kissing her hand with warmth.

  Kate smiled shyly up at him hoping to calm the sense of foreboding she felt. “I hope I haven’t kept you waiting too long.”

  His eyes slid down her body. “It was well worth the wait.”

  She tucked her arm into his. “Are you ready for supper, Jacob?”

  “Yes, I’m famished.”

  She giggled. “Aren’t you always famished?”

  The table was set formally. Everything looked perfect and beautiful. Jacob did most of the talking through supper since she was much too nervous to make conversation. Several times he asked what was bothering her. Each time she stressed she was tired. In due time, she would bring to light what was bothering her. For the moment she tried to enjoy his company and the fabulous meal. Over and over the words swirled in her head as she practiced what she would say.

  When supper was over, she became even more uneasy. “Shall we adjourn to the parlor?”

  He looped his arm around her waist and led her to the parlor. He had to have felt the tension and turmoil she was harboring inside. “How about a brandy?”

  Plopping onto the couch, Kate peered up at him. “No thank you, Jacob. I have never consumed strong alcohol before and fear I might lose my head.”

  Deep, rich laughter eased her nerves a smidgen. “Kate, you are such a breath of fresh air.” He poured himself a brandy from the decanter in the liquor cabinet. He sat on the sofa next to Kate as he slowly sipped his brandy. “I have to admit, I’m curious to know what has made you jumpy as of late. It was like pulling teeth to get a conversation out of you at supper. Has something happened?”

  Before she lost her courage, she took a deep breath and replied, “Jacob, I have come to admire you greatly. You are a wonderful surgeon, a caring man, and probably the most handsome man I have ever laid eyes on. You are my hero, whom I will always be grateful. For all these reasons I must be honest with you.

  His gorgeous eyes narrowed. “You’re scaring me. I feel like you are about to end our courtship.”

  “No, Jacob. But I do have something I must tell you.” His interruption had her hemming and hawing again. Her heart pounded so loudly she could hear it. “It breaks my heart to have to confess my sins to you. I made love with David.” She held her breath waiting for his reaction.

  Disappointment showed on his face. His stricken expression tore at her heart strings. He contemplated for a few minutes before speaking. “I have to admit I’m disappointed, Kate. I wanted to be the first to make love to you.” Setting his brandy on the table, he took her hands into his. “I think I can forgive you since it was before I fell in love with you. I want you as my wife. I can’t imagine not spending the rest of my life with you. The only reason I haven’t asked you to marry before now is because I wanted to give you time to be sure you were over David. I want nothing to come between us after we are married.”

  At least that went better than she had thought. Yet the worst news was still to come. All the color left her face. Nausea threatened and she took several deep breaths to keep it at bay.

  “There’s more.” She pulled her hands away from Jacob’s firm grip. On shaky legs she stood and circled the room. Before she lost her courage she blurted out, “I’m two months pregnant.” She had to fight to keep the bile down which was rising from her rolling stomach. The urge to run away in shame was strong, but she stopped pacing and faced Jacob.

  His voice was mild with honed steel beneath. “How could you let this happen to you? How could you have been so careless?” He clenched his fists until blood oozed in the palms of his hands from his fingernails digging into his flesh.

  Large, soulful green eyes stared into Jacob’s dark, stormy eyes. “I’m sorry. Please don’t be angry with me. I can’t bear it if you turn your back on me. I need you now. I can understand if you no longer want to marry me, but at least be my friend.” She paused to wet her parched lips. “I need you to be my friend.” Uncontrollable sobs raked her body. She felt as if her whole world was crumbling around her.

  The cold look Jacob gave her caus
ed her to shudder. “Tell David you are carrying his baby. I’m sure he will marry you. That’s really what you want isn’t it, Kate?” He leaned forward as if poised to leap. Angry eyes zeroed in on her, his fists gripped until his knuckles turned white.

  Kate stepped back a little intimidated by Jacob’s height and anger. “I don’t want him to know. He took my innocence, but would not marry me. I will not beg him to marry me now. I will leave and have my baby. He will never know.” She tried to take Jacob’s hands, but he pulled away.

  “I don’t want to look at you right now. After all the years of waiting for the perfect woman, I fall in love with a woman carrying another man’s baby. I’m so angry that you ruined your life and mine. I need time to think.” The whole room vibrated when Jacob stormed out, slamming the door behind him.

  Devastated, she collapsed onto the couch. What did she expect? Jacob reacted as any man would when given such shocking news. But, then she had expected more from him. He wasn’t like other men. He had more compassion, devotion, and understanding than any man she had ever known.

  An hour later Lila found Kate curled on the couch holding her legs to her chest. With gentle, caring hands she pushed the hair away from Kate’s brow. “Miss Kate, are ya okay? Do I need to fetch the doctor?”

  She sniffed. “No Lila I’m not sick. Please help me get to my room before my grandfather gets home. I don’t want him to see me this way.”

  Lila wrapped her arm around her shoulders and helped her ascend the stairs. She undid the buttons and pushed the beautiful royal blue dress off her shoulders. She brushed out her hair and helped her slip on her nightgown. Not once did Kate murmur a single word. She sat so still and lifeless causing Lila’s worry to increase.

  Pulling back the sheet, she asked, “Did you and Dr. Greene have a fight?”

  “Yes, Lila. We had a terrible fight.” Kate fell into bed and let her tuck her in as if she were a small child.

  “Please don’t tell grandfather I am upset. I don’t feel like talking to anyone tonight.” The moment the door closed behind Lila, Kate unleashed a barrage of tears.