A Beat in Time

by Gasq-Dion, Sandrine

  I chuckled. Well, I was definitely doing that.

  “This love…I am picking up letters. JP?”

  I gasped.

  “You know of the letters?” she asked.

  “Yes. I know the letters. Are you sure?”

  “It’s loud and clear. This love, you lost it once.”

  I nodded, swallowing a lump in my throat.

  “It won’t be easy, Serena, but if you still care for this man, you must be patient.”

  “Ha. Patience is not my virtue, Tata.”

  She took my hand with a small smile. “You still love this man.”

  “I’m sure he’s a man now, but I don’t know anything about him. I made it a point not to look for him when I left.”

  “You never had to look. He’s right here.” She patted my heart. “This is why all your relationships fail, Serena. You never stopped loving him.”

  “I was seventeen, Tata! Who finds their soul mate at seventeen?”

  “You did.”

  I stood up and paced. This could not be happening. I spent so long trying to close myself off and now it felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest all over again. There was no way I was going to let Jensen back into my life. My heart couldn’t take it.

  “Serena. Stop it. It is fate.”

  “I make my own fate!” I shouted.

  “Fate will find a way. You can fight it, but it will always find a way. If this man is fated to be with you, he will be no matter how hard you try to stop it.”

  “You don’t understand,” I whispered.

  “Make me understand.”

  “When he broke up with me, that was the first and last time I ever begged someone not to leave me, but he did anyway, Tata. He still walked away from me. Something died inside me that day and I’ve never been able to give myself over to someone completely. If they left, I opened the door for them. That kind of pain stays with you.”

  “But imagine the elation once you find each other again.”

  “He’s never tried to find me and I’ve never tried to find him. Maybe this is just better left alone.”

  “Not for you. You have to find him and heal your heart.”

  “I’ll think about it, okay? That’s the best I can give you.”

  “Okay. Now, let’s read the rest of your cards.”

  ~*~

  I stayed for dinner and my godmother caught me up to speed on all the gossip. Well, what she considered gossip. She was friends with a group of women that played cards once a month. They were all the same age, but my godmother was more…free? She’s got a wicked sense of humor. That was probably why we got along so well. I drove home to a setting sun. Clouds were forming in the sky as the monsoons rolled in. I loved the smell of the rain in Arizona. By the time I got back to my mom’s, it was full on pouring and I made a mad dash to the back door. I was soaked in seconds. The smell of lamb accosted me as I hit the kitchen and I peered into the pot currently bubbling on the stove.

  “Oh God,” I inhaled. “Cous cous!”

  “I knew you would be happy,” my mom said from behind me.

  Cous cous was a Moroccan meal. It consisted of lamb, turnips, carrots, celery, garbanzo beans, and squash along with some other vegetables. I loved it and the smell of cumin invaded my senses as I took another long whiff.

  “It will be done soon.” My mother stirred the pot as I leaned against the counter.

  “You spoil me, Mom.”

  “Did you have this in New York?”

  “I tried, it just wasn’t the same.”

  My mother turned to me with a smile. “I hope you find everything you are looking for, Serena. I just want you to be happy.”

  “I will be, Mom. Someday, I will be.”

  Chapter 4

  I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel as I sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic in Phoenix. At least it was moving somewhat. The sun was out and the sky was clear blue. My mind kept replaying the conversation with my godmother. I always figured everything happened for a reason and there was some bigger force out there, but having Jensen’s initials thrown in my face? That was creepy as hell. My godmother didn’t know one damn thing about Jensen. No one knew the whole story except for Amanda, and she doesn’t even know my godmother.

  Freaky.

  I merged onto the 17 and headed to Amanda’s. We’d stayed friends even after high school. She helped put me back together after I lost Jensen. I was a mess. Drinking, smoking, and partying until all hours of the night. I scared the shit out of my parents when I ended up in jail. Not my finest moment. It took over a year for me to put myself back together in one piece. I rebounded from guy to guy, never lasting more than a year. Finally, I just stopped dating for a while. I wasn’t being fair to anyone I dated.

  My heart belonged to someone else.

  I finally got to Amanda’s exit and drove down the street, looking for her house. I always drove by it and I had no idea why, there was a huge palm tree out front that looked like a pineapple. I finally pulled into the driveway and Amanda ran out. I got out of the car and was hit with a hug.

  “Holy shit! You’re actually here!” Amanda all but screamed.

  “Started drinking without me, huh?” I grinned.

  “Fuck yeah. Now catch up.”

  We went inside and I was immediately assaulted by her dogs. I tried to stand upright as they sniffed every orifice I had.

  “I did shower today,” I drawled, as one stuffed his nose in my crotch.

  “Eh. He’s just saying hi.”

  “I expect flowers.” I pointed at the dog.

  “Guess what I got you?” Amanda grinned.

  “A blow up doll?”

  “No, but you need one.” Amanda opened the fridge and my heart stopped when she pulled out a platter.

  “Is that…cheesecake?” my mouth watered.

  “Yep, and I got Corona with lime. Who’s your daddy?” Amanda waggled her brows.

  “God. If only you had a penis,” I sighed.

  “I’ve got a strap on.”

  “Not the same,” I pouted, dramatically.

  “Come on,” Amanda chuckled.

  We ended up sitting by the pool in lounge chairs drinking Corona and eating cheesecake. Well, I ate the cheesecake.

  I don’t share.

  Amanda told me all about her job and the current guy she was banging. I sat sideways, sipping my beer as she talked about her divorce.

  “I’m so sorry,” I said, sincerely.

  “Don’t be. I’m kind of glad it’s over, you know?” Amanda jumped up and set her beer down. “Don’t move!”

  “Where am I going to go?” I gestured to the fenced-in backyard.

  Amanda came back seconds later with our high school year book. I groaned and held my head.

  “Must we do this?” I grumbled.

  “Yes! Look at you, you look the same!”

  I peered down at my senior portrait and scowled. At least it told me what my real hair color was. I’d dyed it so many times, I had no idea what color it was.

  FYI, I did not make a sexy blonde.

  “God, look at us,” Amanda mused, looking at the pictures. “You on the gymnastics team. I love how you dressed for that picture.” Amanda laughed.

  “I had to be somewhat feminine! My God, to this day, I have a shit-ton of muscle.”

  “God, look at Jensen.” Amanda handed me the book.

  It was a picture of all of us hanging out by the stoner wall. Jensen had his arm around me and I was smiling. I remembered that day like it was yesterday.

  “I swear you spent first period at the wall every day.”

  “That’s because they gave me PE for first period and we had to swim. I mean really? Who gives a teenage girl PE for first period?”

  “Didn’t you fail it?” Amanda laughed.

  “Yes,” I groused. “I was not going to go swimming after spending an hour in front of the mirror.”

  “God, you are such a girl.”

  “Tak
e that back!” I pointed at Amanda with my beer bottle.

  Amanda snickered and took the year book from me. She flipped through the pages and stopped. “God, look at Jensen. He was so young.”

  “Can we not talk about him, please?”

  “Serena…”

  “I just want to put that behind me.”

  “You’ve tried. God, if anything, I can read about him in every book you’ve ever published. You don’t see it, but I do. One of your guys is always Jensen. The shy and quiet type.”

  “Turns out he wasn’t that shy, huh?” I chuckled.

  “Not once he got to know you.” Amanda leaned forward and looked at me. “What you guys had, even at that young, was epic. He loved you and you loved him.”

  “Not enough, apparently.”

  “Come on, Serena! I saw you guys together!”

  “Yeah? And you saw me after he broke my heart!” I shouted. I sighed and rubbed my face with my hands. “I don’t want to talk about it. I just had this conversation with my godmother.”

  “Did she read your cards?”

  “Yes, and before you ask, Jensen came up in them.”

  “Oh my God! Really? So what now?”

  “Now I move to Flagstaff and try to come up with a male/female book for my publishing house. I guess were going with a rock band theme.”

  “You’re going to write a hetero novel?” Amanda burst into laughter.

  “Don’t laugh so hard.” I glared at her.

  “When was the last time you actually had sex?”

  “I don’t fucking know. It’s not like I write it down on the calendar.”

  “Well, be careful with whoever you fuck. I can see it now, he’ll be dressed like Indiana Jones and fighting the bats that fly out of your vagina.”

  “Don’t forget the cobwebs and moths,” I added.

  “Wearing a head lamp.”

  We busted out laughing.

  I ended up on the couch with Amanda, watching eighties movies. I was on my sixth Corona and had polished off half of my cheesecake. My mind drifted to the book I was supposed to write. How the hell was I going to pull off a hetero book? I don’t believe in male/female relationships anymore. That was why I was so good at writing two men in love.

  “Serena?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Thanks for coming to see me. I missed you, girl.”

  I turned to look at Amanda with a smile.

  “Missed you too, Bitch.”

  Chapter 5

  I met with the realtor at one of the properties Ann picked out. It was a split level a few miles from the heart of Flagstaff. It was a cute neighborhood and very quiet. I learned the hard way that if a house comes up for rent, you better be the first one there.

  They go fast.

  I walked through the remodeled kitchen and looked out the back sliding glass door. I had a deck and a fenced in yard. Upstairs was a master room with a bathroom and two more bedrooms. I followed the stairs down to the last bedroom and took a look around. This was going to be my office.

  “I’ve got a few more clients coming to look at the place.”

  I turned to look at the realtor, and smiled. “I’ll fill out the application right now.”

  “Oh, okay. Sure,” he nodded. “We’ll call you when we make a decision, Ms. Devane.”

  “Thank you.” I handed him my business card.

  I went back to my hotel and stood on the balcony, watching the city as the sun set. My phone beeped and I looked at the caller I.D. The realtor was calling. I hit talk.

  “Hello?”

  “Hello, Ms. Devane. Sorry to call you so late. The owner of the house would like for you to be the renter. Can you come to the office tomorrow and fill out the paperwork?”

  “I can. Thank you very much for calling me so quickly.”

  “You’re very welcome. See you tomorrow.”

  I hung up and sighed. This was going to be my home for a year while I tried to write a book about a man and woman in love.

  Fuck my life.

  ~*~

  My first order of business after signing the lease was to find a rock band to get some info from. I wasn’t walking into this book blindly. I didn’t know shit about instruments or how to play them. I drove around for a while with my GPS off. Amanda would be so proud of me. I didn’t go anywhere without my GPS or stopping for gas when I come off full. I guess I have a tad of OCD. I switched the radio to satellite and pressed my hair band rock station. I loved the eighties hair bands. For the hundredth time, I wondered if I should be looking for Jensen. I exhaled loudly and looked in the rear view mirror.

  “Can you give me a sign? Tell me I’m supposed to look for him or something?”

  I stared at the radio as “Signs” by Tesla started to play. I scowled and shut it off.

  I found what looked like the center of town and proceeded to get irritated with all the one way signs. (Ha) I ended up parked at least four blocks away from anything. I got out of my car and looked at the street sign.

  J Pratt Ave.

  What. The. Fuck?

  I pulled my phone out and snapped a picture of it, sending it to my godmother. My phone pinged seconds later with a reply from her.

  I told you!

  I hated that. This shit was even freakier than I imagined.

  I set out up San Francisco Street, which was named correctly. It was up hill all the way and I was wearing high heeled boots. Lovely. Music poured out of one of the establishments and I peeked inside.

  “Looking for someone?”

  I turned to find a dark-haired kid with huge green eyes smiling at me.

  “I’m looking for a band.”

  “The whole band?” he eyed me up and down. “That’s pretty ambitious of you.”

  “Not for that.” I laughed. “I’m a writer and I need some information.”

  “Well, I’m your guy then. I’m in a band.”

  “What instrument do you play?”

  “Bass, and not very well,” he winked.

  “What’s your name?”

  “Aarin. What’s yours?”

  “Serena.”

  “Well, Serena. How do you want to do this? Do you want to grab a tape recorder and hit a coffee house?” He eyed me again. “Or maybe a bar? I have this visual of you chain smoking while drinking hard liquor.”

  “Ah, but I’m not that kind of writer. Everything gets stored up here.” I tapped my temple. “But I do chain smoke and drink coffee.”

  “Excellent!”

  Aarin led the way and I followed because I had no idea where I was going. This was my favorite part though, I loved moving to a new town and finding my way around. When I got bored or restless, I was out. Being a writer afforded me that option and I took it every time. Maybe I was just used to running. I’d done it since the day Jensen left me. Aarin took me to a bar called Maloney’s and we grabbed a booth in the corner. We both ordered Guinness and I grabbed a menu.

  “So, you’re a writer. Would I have read anything you’ve published?”

  I snorted.

  “Not unless you like gay male romances.”

  “Well, me and the guys have often said we’re the gayest band in Flagstaff.”

  I laughed.

  “You’re not gay though, are you?” I peered at him closely.

  “Nah. I got a girlfriend. All of us do. We’re just…” Aarin tilted his head to the side in thought. “Open minded?”

  “Well, that’s good to hear.”

  “So you’re writing a gay rock book?”

  “No, I’m actually writing a heterosexual novel this time.”

  “Oh. My. God!” Aarin held his chest in mock horror. “Do your fans know this?”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. I always had excellent luck when it came to people I chose to work with, and it seemed as if Aarin would fit right in.

  “They do,” I nodded. “They aren’t very happy about it either. My publisher is hoping to bring some male/female readers to the gay male roman
ce genre.”

  “That’s a tall order, isn’t it?”

  “Yes. I just hope I can pull it off.”

  “Well, I’ll help anyway I can. What do you know about the music business?”

  “Not much. I dated a couple drummers when I was younger, so I know things like Yamaha drums, Zildjian cymbals, and Fender guitars.”

  “I’ll tell you what, meet me and the guys at The Hive on Saturday. We’ll all sit down and give you the goods.”

  “Sounds like a plan, Aarin.”

  ~*~

  I spent the next two days unpacking all my shit and decorating my new space. I went into town a few times to get pictures for my extra bathrooms. I ended up with a four bedroom house and not enough shit to fill it. I placed a picture of the Eiffel Tower in the guest room, made the bed with a French-themed comforter, and placed a lavender oil warmer in the corner. I stepped back and eyed the room. My mom would feel right at home. I chuckled and headed back into the kitchen.

  I rummaged through the kitchen box until I found my coffee pot. It was the first thing I unpacked in my kitchen every time. I set it up and headed to the couch with my book of notes. Remembering all the characters I’d written wasn’t easy, and now I would have to come up with two more for my already cluttered mind. My doorbell chimed and I glanced over my shoulder with a frown. I’d only met Aarin and the realtor since I’d moved, so who the hell was ringing my doorbell?

  “Open the fucking door, Chica! I have beer!”

  I laughed and jumped off the couch. I yanked the front door open to see Amanda on my front porch.

  “What the hell?” I asked.

  “I figured you could use some company. I’m only staying for one night, so don’t get all excited. I thought you might need some help unpacking.” Amanda looked around my neatly organized house and sighed. “But I see you went all OCD on it.”

  “Habit.” I shrugged, moving to let her in.

  “So? Have you met anyone yet?” Amanda walked into my kitchen and put the beer in the fridge.

  “I did. I met a guy named Aarin. He’s in a band and he said he would help.”