A Beat in Time

by Gasq-Dion, Sandrine

  By the time I got to my mom’s, I was a snotty mess. I got out of the car and was enveloped in strong arms.

  “Hey, Dorkus,” my brother whispered in my ear.

  “Robbie?” I leaned back, wiping my eyes.

  Robbie palmed my cheek and peered into my eyes. “Who hurt you?”

  “Not tonight, please?” I pleaded.

  “Clean your face.” Robbie pulled a tissue out of his pocket. I eyed it and lifted a brow. “I haven’t used it,” he assured me.

  “Well, can’t blame me for thinking before I touch, right?”

  “Nope.” Robbie grinned. “Come on.”

  My family was in the sitting room when my brother and I walked in. My sister-in-law, Brit, walked over to me with my newest niece in her arms. I put my hands out and shook my head.

  “Let me shower and put some dry clothes on before I touch her.”

  “I’ve made coffee, Serena,” my mother chimed in.

  “Good. I’m going to need it. I’m starting a book.”

  “What’s this one? Butt pirates of the Caribbean?” Robbie winked.

  “Yep. That’s the one.” I walked away with a laugh.

  ~*~

  I leaned against the shower tiles and took a deep breath. Hot water cascaded over my back and shoulders as I tried to wipe my mind clean of what had just happened with Jensen. I had to stay true to my word. I couldn’t handle the back and forth.

  My heart couldn’t take it.

  I dried off and put my comfy pants and shirt on. I stared in the mirror as I combed my hair. My eyes were bloodshot and my nose was red.

  “Serena?” my mother called from outside the door.

  I opened it and she just stared at me. I must have looked like hell.

  “Tell me,” my mother whispered. “You don’t always have to be strong, Serena.”

  “Oh, Mom!” I broke down.

  My mom took me to her room and closed the door. We sat on the bed and I laid my head in her lap as I told her everything. She didn’t speak, she just let me vent. I even told her about the first time Jensen broke my heart. My family knew of Jensen, they didn’t know what had happened between us. The day he broke up with me was burned into my memory. My coffee was cold by the time I was done, and my mom brushed the hair from my forehead.

  “I agree with your godmother. You have to follow this through, Serena.”

  “Is this some test to see how much I can take? I don’t think I can take anymore, Mom,” I whispered.

  “True love means true heartache, Poulette. Jensen will come to you when he realizes that.”

  “I’m not going to just sit around and wait for him,” I said stubbornly.

  “I’m sure your brother and sister will have found you a man in a week.”

  “I don’t want just any man, Mom.”

  “I know. Get some sleep, I will tell your brother you need rest.”

  “Good luck with that,” I snorted.

  ~*~

  I watched the shadows on the ceiling of the guest room dance as the storm outside raged. Lightning lit up my room and I let out a strangled scream as a shadow stood in the doorway.

  “Damn!” my brother covered his ears.

  “Don’t do that!” I practically shouted at him.

  My brother gave me his loopy grin and slid into bed with me. I snuggled into him and he held me.

  “You okay, Dorkie?”

  “Won’t Brit be missing you?” I snickered.

  “You’re my sister. She knows we have a bond.”

  “Yes, one made up of making bugs fight.”

  “I still say that black widow could have taken that scorpion if we’d had a bigger jar.”

  “Whatever,” I mumbled.

  “We’ll talk in the morning.” Robbie kissed my forehead and climbed out of bed.

  “Hey, Fruit Loop,” I whispered.

  “Yeah?”

  “Love you.”

  “Back Atcha.”

  ~*~

  My mom and I sat on the patio out back, sipping coffee and munching on toast with jam. The sun was already warming us and wildlife began to emerge. I really did love it at my mom’s house. Everything seemed so peaceful. It was like time stood still here. Maybe I wasn’t aging either. That would be awesome.

  “So, did you buy a kiki mechanique?” my mom asked, breaking the silence.

  “Mom! Really? Do we have to talk about vibrators this morning?”

  “Maybe a dildo? What is the difference between a vibrator and a dildo?”

  I hung my head and groaned loudly. The back door opened and my brother sauntered out, stretching his arms and yawning.

  “A vibrator has batteries, Mom. A dildo doesn’t. Then there’s the clit tickler,” my brother explained.

  “A clit tickler?” my mom asked.

  “Yeah. Brit has one named Bob.” He glanced over at us with a grin.

  “Your wife named her clit tickler Bob? How do you know this?” I asked like an idiot.

  “Well, one night she thought I was asleep and I heard her shouting ‘Oh yes, Bob!’. Pissed me off thinking she had some other dude in bed with us.”

  “On that note.” My mother stood up. “I will get us a coffee refill.”

  “You asked, Ma.” My brother winked, taking the seat across from me. He eyed me closely and then lifted an inquisitive brow. “What’s got your grannies in a bunch this morning, dorkus?”

  “How did you know you loved Brit?” I asked him.

  My brother reclined on the chair and looked into the distance. A goofy look crossed his features and I had to smile.

  “It had to have been the night we went out for Mexican. I tried so hard for an hour after that not to fart. You know how bad they are.”

  I shook my head. I did know. The thought kept me up at night sometimes.

  “But I just couldn’t hold it and finally, I let one loose. It was a silent one and I thought it might not smell. I was wrong. It was an SBD.”

  “Silent but deadly.” I nodded. “Go on.”

  “Brit’s nose wrinkled and for a second I thought she might pass out, but then she looked over at me and said ‘Damn, that was a 10 on the TBSS.’”

  “TBSS?” I asked.

  “Taco Bell smell scale,” my brother provided. “I could have killed a skunk with that one. I knew she was the one for me right then.”

  “Anyone who can survive your gas is a keeper,” I agreed.

  “If you can fart and shit in front of them, it’s going to last.”

  “Fan on or off?”

  “Both.”

  I laughed.

  “So why do you ask?” My brother leaned forward and folded his hands together. “Is there a special someone in your life?”

  “It’s Jensen.”

  I really didn’t need to say any more than that. My brother knew exactly who Jensen was because he was there when I went into a tailspin. His mouth opened, then closed, then opened again. I raised a hand and stopped him.

  “I know what you’re going to say.”

  “Do you?” He stood up. “I watched you the first time, Serena. I wanted to kill him then!”

  “Robbie, it’s different now. I’m different.”

  “Yeah? So where is he?”

  I covered my face with my hands and exhaled loudly.

  “He went back to his fiancé,” I mumbled.

  “I’m sorry, what was that again?”

  I glanced up to see Robbie with a hand to his ear.

  “I could have sworn you mumbled he’s back with his fiancé.”

  “I did, and before you start going all fucking crazy on me, let me tell you a few things.”

  I filled my brother in on everything, from my first meeting with Jensen, to meeting his fiancé. I loved my brother, don’t get me wrong, but he could be scary as fuck when he got pissed. I brought him all the way up to speed and then waited for him to speak.

  “Damn, he’s fucked in the head, isn’t he?” My brother flopped back into the cha
ir with an exaggerated growl.

  “He was happy, Robbie. I could tell. He smiled and laughed and talked about dating. Something happened when he went back to Tucson.”

  “Look, I got a guy, really good friend of mine and a major in the army—”

  “As sexy as that sounds? I’m not ready.” I shook my head.

  “I have a colonel friend too.”

  “Okay, listen up, Fruit Loop. When I’m ready to be with someone, I’ll let you contact those guys, all right?”

  “Deal. In the meantime…” my brother waggled his brows.

  “Oh hell. What did you bring?”

  “Enough firepower for the zombie apocalypse. You in?”

  “When am I not?”

  ~*~

  I let out a whoop as my target exploded. Going to the firing range with my brother always helped me think. Was I weird that way? Probably. I had gowns and could clean up nicely, but put me out in the desert with my brother and I turned into GI Jane. My brother let out a shout as he fired at the ramshackle building a few yards away. Luckily, this firing range was mere miles from my mother’s house and a lot of people came out here to shoot.

  I placed my now empty gun on the tailgate of his truck and opened a bottle of water. My brother emptied the entire magazine from his automatic weapon and came to stand next to me. I handed him a bottle of water and he waved it off, grabbing a beer from the cooler.

  “So now what?” he asked.

  “What?”

  “Are you going to fight for this guy?”

  “I don’t know. I have to talk to Tata Ann Marie first. I walked away from him and told him I was done. I should stand by that, don’t you think?”

  My brother’s brows furrowed and his nose wrinkled, which meant he was about to get serious on me.

  “Look, Serena, if you love this man, and you think he loves you too, shouldn’t you fight for him?”

  “Using what? My charm?” I snorted. “I’m not like other women, Robbie. I’m independent—”

  “You’re fiercely loyal, one hell of a shot, a great cook, and in sweat pants or an evening gown, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

  I stared at my brother with my mouth hanging open. Even now, he still managed to surprise me.

  “I’m so fucking proud of you. Look at us, the black sheep of the family, making a mark in this world.”

  “I’m proud to be the black sheep. Dirt doesn’t show on us as much,” I chuckled.

  “No shit, huh?” Robbie laughed. He sobered and cupped my cheek. “If he’s smart, he will come to you.”

  “I don’t know if I want him. How can he hurt me so much?”

  “I don’t know, Dorkus. But you had him first.”

  I smiled.

  Why yes, yes I had.

  Chapter 12

  I left my parents’ house in the early afternoon and headed for my god mother’s. She wanted to read my cards again after the whole Jensen fiasco. My phone rang and I looked at the caller I.D. My cousin, Christine, was calling. Well, I called her my cousin. Her mother and my mother went WAY back, like Algeria back. I grew up with Christine and her family, so they were my family too.

  “Yo, Cuzzo!” I laughed.

  “What’s up, girl? Where the fuck are you?”

  “Headed towards your part of town. I’m seeing Tata Ann Marie.”

  “I’m off tomorrow. We need to hang out in the old neighborhood.”

  “I’m there. Text me.”

  I hung up and watched the traffic on I-10 in front of me. As always, it was moving freely and I thought about how many times I cursed driving in New York or L.A. I swung by the house I was living in when I met Jensen. It looked so small. I got out and took a walk around the cul-de-sac. The first guy I ever kissed lived kitty-corner from me back then. I was twelve and I think he was fourteen. I smiled thinking about it, his name was Joel. Life was so much simpler back then.

  My godmother was waiting for me out front when I pulled up. I got out of the car and she hugged me immediately. She palmed my face, took my hand, and led me inside. The dining room table was already set up, the cards were wrapped in their silk swath and a bowl of water was off to the side.

  “The bowl of water?” I asked.

  “Keeps the bad spirits away.”

  She went about setting the cards down and closed her eyes. I didn’t know if I really wanted to know what was coming my way. What I did know was that I was not going to be one of those sniveling women who whined about a man. Fuck that shit. My godmother began turning over cards and nodding her head. I sat quietly just waiting for her to do her thing.

  “I’m sorry, sweet pea, but Jensen is still in the cards,” she finally revealed.

  “Well, that doesn’t make any sense now, does it? He basically chose Noelle over me, and you know me, Tata. I don’t play second.”

  She took my hand and regarded me seriously.

  “I think Jensen is confused and maybe a little scared.”

  “Of what? I basically told him I wanted him.”

  “I think he is afraid to be happy, that maybe he doesn’t deserve it.”

  I got up from the table and went outside. I closed my eyes as a breeze lifted my hair. Whatever the cards said didn’t really matter. I wasn’t going to pursue Jensen. If he wanted me, then he had to come to me. I hadn’t come this far in life because I was weak. I was a fucking survivor, dammit.

  “Serena.”

  I opened my eyes and turned to face her.

  “He will come to you, but you must be patient with him.”

  “In how long? A month? Two months? A year? Just how long am I supposed to wait for Jensen to pull his head out of his ass?”

  “How long are you willing to wait?”

  “I just told him I wouldn’t. I can’t. Don’t you understand that? I offered him my heart and soul and he chose her.” I ran my hands down my face and exhaled loudly. “Can we stop talking about this? I feel like a broken record.”

  “Dinner?” she smiled.

  “Mexican?”

  “You got it.”

  ~*~

  Lightning woke me from my sleep and I crawled out of bed, making my way through the house. My godmother had long ago gone to bed and I was the only one up. I slid the back door open and walked out onto the patio.

  Across the way was the golf course. I stepped onto the grass barefoot and tipped my head up as rain began to fall. I inhaled the scent and felt my contentment in every breath.

  I really had missed Arizona.

  The full moon was out as I ran across the grass in my PJ’s, getting soaked in seconds. I was sure if anyone saw me, they’d think I escaped the mental ward. Lightning struck a house a few feet away from me and I yelped in surprise. Flames went up almost immediately and I ran forward as shouts and screams crossed the golf course. An older woman was helping her husband out of the house as I approached.

  “Are you all right?” I shouted.

  “Our dog is still inside!”

  “Stay right here! Where is he?”

  “I think he hid under the bed, the lightning scares him!”

  “Which bed?” I asked. “Never mind, I’ll find him!”

  I ran into the house and covered my nose and mouth automatically. I tried to stay low as I navigated a house I’d never been in. Barking was coming from my left and I squinted as smoke began to billow around me. I got down on my hands and knees and crawled toward the barking. In the corner of the room was a small poodle. I reached out to it and it snapped at me.

  “Listen here, Q-tip. If I don’t get you out, you’re going to become ash!”

  I gripped the poodle by the nape of the neck and dragged it over to me. I backed out of the room and crawled my way back to the open door. Sirens filled the air as I exited the house, Q-tip in tow. I fell to the grass and promptly began hacking up my lungs. I vaguely heard the older couple talking to someone and then a hand landed on my shoulder. I jumped to my feet and whirled around. A fireman stood there with his
hands up in defense.

  “Sorry, Ma’am, just checking to see if you were okay. That couple said you went into the house to get their dog?”

  “Well, yeah,” I coughed.

  “Not too many people would do that.”

  “Well, I would. I love animals.” I crossed my arms, trying to look serious, and then I started hacking again.

  “I’ll need you to see the medics.”

  “I’m fine.” I narrowed my eyes to slits. Who did this guy think he was?

  “Ma’am—”

  “It’s Serena,” I scowled.

  The fireman tilted his head, assessing me, then he took me by my bicep and dragged me towards the ambulance that had just pulled up.

  “Excuse me!” I pulled my arm back.

  “Serena!”

  I turned to see my godmother jogging towards us.

  “I’m fine!”

  “Leave it to you to get involved in this.” She chuckled. “I heard the commotion and went to find you in your room only to find you out here. Why is it when it’s the police or fire, you are involved?”

  “I’m not getting arrested.” I grinned.

  “Is this your daughter, Ma’am?” the fireman asked.

  “Goddaughter. And yes, she will be seen right now.” My godmother placed her hands on her hips, giving me “the look.”

  “Ugh!”

  I allowed myself to be put in the bus while the EMT’s looked me over and gave me oxygen. The older woman came over to me with her dog and smiled.

  “Thank you so much, young lady!”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “Snow White,” my godmother snickered.

  “What can I say? I love animals,” I shrugged.

  The fireman that had found me walked up to the bus and placed his hand on the door.