Groom Wanted

by Debra Ullrick

  “Oh, don’t go gettin’ your trousers in a twist. We weren’t bickerin’, as you call it. Like Leah said, we was just teasin’ each other.” Selina eyed Fitzwilliam with disgust.

  Fitzwilliam sneered at Selina. “You, madam, are—”

  “Brother!” Elizabeth glared at Fitzwilliam.

  He clamped his mouth shut. “My apologies to each of you. I can only blame my actions on that wretched goat for that beast has ruined my favorite hat.”

  Whom and what did he blame his actions on before Meanie?

  The rest of the meal went fairly well. Everyone but Leah, who appeared down, talked in between taking bites of Selina’s excellent Southern fried chicken, the fried trout, Swedish meatballs, potatoes sprinkled with parsley and melted butter, roast beef sandwiches and even a few foods from Jake’s Norwegian ancestry such as lefse flatbread and potet klub—potato dumplings covered with butter. Jake wanted to try all the other dishes, but there were too many and his belly was full.

  When everyone finished, Leah helped clean up the food, but the usual bounce in her step was missing. Jake couldn’t wait to finish putting everything up and get Leah alone, hopefully before she talked to Fitzwilliam about his proposal.

  Jake did double-time carrying the tables to the barn. With the last one in the storeroom, he closed the door and turned, nearly bumping into Elizabeth.

  “Oh, sorry. Didn’t see you there.”

  “My apologies. I never meant to startle you.”

  “No problem.”

  “Jake, may we talk?” Elizabeth fidgeted with the tips of her gloved fingers.

  “Sure. We can go outside and—”

  “No. May we talk in here, undisturbed, please?”

  Her eyes looked down and then back up at him. The ends of her gloves were now twisted into points. He

  really didn’t want to talk to her now, but he hated seeing any woman distressed. “Is something wrong?”

  “No. Nothing is wrong. What I’m about to ask is extremely difficult for me.”

  “Oh, I see.” He brushed the dust off a wooden storage container. “Won’t you be seated?” He hoped this wouldn’t take long. He couldn’t wait to talk to Leah.

  They sat down.

  “What’s on your mind?”

  She chewed on her lip. Her chest expanded, then she looked him in the eye. “As I told you before, I lived in an isolated part of the country for years and adored it. I love country living. Especially here. Being a debutante is not for me. As you have daily witnessed, my brother cannot tolerate a lot of things. I, however, could care less about those things.”

  Where was she going with this?

  A woman’s shadow appeared on the ground outside the barn door. If he wasn’t mistaken, it was Leah’s.

  “While what I’m about to say is highly improper, I cannot help myself.”

  His attention swayed back to Elizabeth, but using his peripheral vision, he kept watch on the shadow.

  Elizabeth’s eyelids lowered to her lap and she continued to massacre the tips of her gloves. “I no longer wish to live that kind of lifestyle. In fact, I detest it. What I’m trying to say is...” Her brown eyes met his. “I wish to remain here. With you. Would you consider marrying me?”

  The shadow disappeared. Jake knew for sure it was Leah now. “Excuse me, Elizabeth. But I need to go.” He pushed himself off the bench, but Elizabeth grabbed his arm.

  “What about my proposal, Jake?” Hope filled her big brown eyes.

  “I’m sorry, Elizabeth. You’re a very nice lady, but I’m in love with someone else.”

  “Leah?”

  “Yes. Leah.”

  Elizabeth nodded. “I already knew that. But, I was hoping—” She stood and her voice softened. “Leah’s a blessed lady. Go after her, Jake.”

  Jake kissed Elizabeth’s gloved hand, gave her one last look and darted out of the barn and into the trees.

  Leah was right where he thought she’d be. The same place she always went when something troubled her. Her forehead rested against her arms that were pressed into the trunk of a cottonwood tree, hiding her face completely but not her sobs. Her body jerked with heart-wrenching cries. Jake’s heart bled for her.

  In an instant he was next to her, turning her around, pulling her into his arms and pressing her head close to his chest. “Leah, what’s wrong?”

  “Oh, Jake. I—I...” Sobs tore from her.

  “Hey. Hey, what’s the matter?” Panic brushed across his soul and settled there. Not wanting to let her out of the circle of his arms, he shifted her enough and leaned his head back until he could see her face. “Leah, please. Talk to me.”

  “I—I—I don’t know how to—to tell you—” she said between gasps. “To tell you—”

  “Leah, you know you can tell me anything, right? So whatever it is, just say it. It’s all right.”

  She nodded and then waved her head back and forth. “No, I can’t.” She hiccupped. “Not now. Not this.”

  He set her away from him and tilted her chin up, and his gaze captured hers. “Listen to me. There’s nothing you can’t tell me. Now tell me what’s bothering you.”

  She closed her eyes, then slowly opened them. “Elizabeth told me she thought you were in love with her. Then earlier today you said you’d stopped the advertisement because you had fallen in love with someone. I’m sorry, Jake. I know you’re probably going to marry Elizabeth or one of the women who responded to your ad, and I have no right to tell you this, but I’m in love with you. You don’t have to change your plans or anything, but—”

  Jake pressed his fingertips over her lips and smiled. “I love you, too, Leah.”

  “What?” She blinked. “What did you say?” Her saturated eyes searched his.

  “I said I love you, too.”

  “But—but what about Elizabeth?”

  “I’m not in love with her. I’m in love with you.”

  She closed her eyes and opened them again. “Oh, Jake. I love you so much it hurts. But I don’t know what to do. You see, I—”

  “I do.” Jake interrupted her. He placed one knee on the forest floor, ignoring the dampness soaking into his pant leg. “Leah, the first time I asked you to marry me was out of convenience. Now I’m asking because I love you. Will you marry me?” He looked up at her, waiting, hoping she wouldn’t reject him again.

  For one blessed moment he thought everything would be right again. But then her gaze fell from his.

  “I—I want to, Jake, but I’m not sure I can.”

  Was she turning him down again? He stood and scraped his hand over the back of his neck. “I don’t understand. You just told me you loved me. That you were in love with me. Is the reason you’re not sure because I’m poor? Because you’re determined to move to New York? Is it Fitzwilliam? What is it, Leah? Talk to me.”

  “Jake, this has nothing to do with Fitzwilliam. And it has nothing to do with you or you being poor. I don’t care about money. You should know that.”

  No, he didn’t. “You said you wanted to go back to New York to live the lifestyle you had before. So how can you say you don’t care about the money?” Frustration mounted in him. He lowered himself beside her and studied her face.

  “It’s not about the money. Never has been. It’s the memories. Honestly, Jake. I just don’t see any way for us to make this work.”

  “You’re not making any sense. What are you talking about?”

  She chewed on her lip and looked around. Then she whooshed out a long breath of air. “I haven’t told anyone what I’m about to tell you, so please don’t interrupt me or anything or I’ll lose my nerve.” She didn’t look at him or even in his direction. Instead, she spoke to the floor of the forest. “Ever since my father died, I’ve had horrible recurring nightmares where I’m searching frantically for my father. I’m in the forest surrounded by trees that come to life. Their limbs look like arms with long fingers that spread out and reach for me.” She ducked her head down as if they were trying to
get her now.

  Jake wanted to comfort her but didn’t know if he should. She had asked him not to interrupt. In his gut, he had a feeling if he did that he would be doing that very thing, so he didn’t.

  “I can feel evil all around me.” Her body shuddered. Her eyes glassed over, not just with tears, but with the images of the dream.

  His full attention locked on her, he struggled to keep his arms at his side.

  “I beg them to leave me alone, but they don’t. I scream for my father. I hear his voice, but it’s gurgled as if he’s choking. Then, I look down and see him. Blood is running out of his nose and mouth.” Tears flowed through each painstaking word she spoke. “Just like they did the day he died.”

  He didn’t know she’d seen her father buried under that tree the day he’d died. Ache for her drove further into his soul.

  “The nightmares always end the same—with me saying I’m sorry.” Her tear-drenched eyes finally met his. “I don’t know what to do, Jake. I hate it here. This place stole my father from me.” She laid her hand across his cheek. Her eyes overflowed with love and sadness. “I love you with all my heart, and it will kill me to leave you, but I don’t see any way out of this mess except to go back to New York to where memories of my father are pleasant and peaceful, not horrifying. I can see now there is no other answer.”

  Yes, there was, and he would find it.

  * * *

  Leah’s heart hurt more than it ever had before. She pressed her hand into her chest, willing the torturous pain to go away, yet knowing it never would. In leaving, she would be trading one heartbreak for another.

  Jake pulled her hands into his. She latched on to them. To him. Needing the connection. Needing his strength. His love spread deep into her soul and wrapped its warmth around her heart. How desperately she needed the strength and love he offered her at this moment. She searched his face, memorizing every line, every crease, every detail.

  “Leah.”

  Her eyes snapped up to his.

  “I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. Wish I could take all your pain onto myself. Make it all go away. But, I can’t. I won’t ask you to stay here.”

  A huge chunk of her heart tore off, leaving a wide chasm. She pressed her hand tighter into her chest, willing with everything inside for the pain to leave. Yet how could it? The man she loved was lost to her forever. She doubled over, and the floods descended. Not only was she crying for the loss of her father, but also for the loss of the dearest, most cherished best friend she’d ever had.

  Jake’s arms encircled her like a protective shield as he pulled her tight against him. “Don’t cry. If you’ll still have me, I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you. Whatever you need me to do, including moving to New York, if need be.”

  She yanked her head back and stared into his handsome face. The face she loved so dearly. “You—you would do that?” Her heart leaped with hope. “Move to New York with me?”

  “I’d do anything for you.” He swallowed, and a tremble emanated from him. Dampness moistened her back where his hands rested, and the veins in his arms throbbed faster. He pushed himself off the log.

  Realization pummeled her brain. Jake was having a panic attack just thinking about going to New York.

  Hope slipped from her heart. What had she been thinking? How selfish of her to even consider such a thing. She’d witnessed those attacks and how hard they were on him. He could never move to the city. Nor would she ask him to. She loved him too much to let him do that.

  Her eyes trailed upward.

  Jake stood in front of a large tree with his arms crossed. Behind that tree was an even larger, partially uprooted tree with a thick trunk leaning toward it and Jake.

  Sunlight streaked through the trees, silhouetting him.

  Quick as lightning bolts, flashes of memory struck into her brain.

  Swatches of the day pieced together, spiking terror deep into every part of her being.

  Her breath strangled to where not even a gasp could be gotten.

  Leah leaped up and barreled into Jake, forcing his body as far away from the two trees as she could. He landed on his side on the cushioned forest floor with a thud. She ended up next to him.

  “What’d you do that for?”

  Panic gripped her so violently that sanity scattered. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I just... I couldn’t let it kill you, too.”

  “Let what kill me?” Jake pushed himself off the ground, shaking the pine needles from his arms. Perplexed, he reached down and helped her up, then brushed the fern leaves and stems off the rest of him.

  Looking up at the towering monsters above her, her body trembled so violently she thought her knees would buckle and her heart would stop beating. “That—that tree. I couldn’t let it kill you.”

  Jake stared at her as if she’d lost her mind. Maybe she had. She didn’t know. All she knew was something had snapped inside her. Something ugly. Something more frightening than anything she’d ever known before.

  “You okay?” Concern covered every inch of his face.

  “Yes.” She nodded. “No.” She shook her head so hard hairpins flew in all directions. “Oh, Jake,” she cried as sharp talons shredded her heart and pierced her soul. She knuckled her hand into her chest, but nothing could ease this pain. “It’s all my fault.”

  “What’s all your fault?” He tried to pull her into his arms, but she stepped back, holding her arms in front of her like a shield. She didn’t deserve his comfort—or anyone else’s—for what she’d done.

  “I now understand why my nightmares end with me telling Father I’m sorry.” She stared at the ground, seeing nothing but her own guilt. Tears saturated her eyes.

  “Leah, you’re not making any sense again.”

  She tore her focus from the ground and dragged it over to his. Concern filled those soft eyes she so loved.

  She couldn’t hold his gaze, though—shame and guilt wouldn’t let her. In fact, it was all she could do to choke out the next words. “When I saw you standing in front of those trees, it—it all came back to me. Every bit of it.” She shuddered and pointed to the trees she had just shoved Jake away from. “See how that tree’s almost uprooted?”

  “Yeah?” He frowned. “What about it?”

  “See how that other one is leaning toward it?” She pulled her hankie out and wiped her eyes then her nose.

  “Yes. There’s a lot of trees around here like that. What’s that got to do with anything?”

  “The day my father died...” She put her hand on the tree next to her to steady herself as reality peeled away leaving only the shadow of memories. “I remember the wind blowing really hard and the rain pelting down equally as hard. I was worried about my father being out in the woods in the storm, so I went to try and find him. By the time I spotted him, it had started lightning, too. It was cracking all around us. I hollered at him. He turned and looked at me and waved. Lightning struck the uprooted tree next to him. The tree toppled over—right on top of him. Don’t you see?” Even though it hurt for him to know the ugly truth about her, she willed him to understand. “My father died because of me, Jake. It’s all my fault.” Uncontrollable sobs rent Leah’s body. Her legs buckled, but her body never met the ground. Arms strong, yet gentle caught her.

  Jake pulled her close, supporting her weight with his strength. “No, Leah, you didn’t kill him. The tree did. It was an accident.”

  Unable to trust her legs to hold her up on their own strength, she clung to him, leaned her head back and gazed up at him. “No, it wasn’t an accident. It’s all my fault. If I had never gone looking for him, had never hollered at him, then he would have never stopped to wave at me, and he would be alive today.”

  Jake shook his head as he stared into her eyes. “Leah, no— You can’t blame yourself. Did you know lightning was going to hit that tree at that exact moment?”

  “No. But—”

  Jake placed his fingertips over her lips. “There are no buts, Lea
h. There was no way you could have known lightning was going to strike right then and there. If you did, would you have hollered for him?”

  “No.” She shook her head.

  “Well...” His sentence hung in the air for a moment. “Let me ask you this... If Haydon or Michael or Jess or Abby had gone out looking for him and the same thing happened to them, would you blame them for killing your father?”

  “No. No. Never.” Her response came out as fast as the lightning that had struck that tree.

  Jake hiked one brow her way.

  Her mind started to see the logic of what he was saying, was trying to grasp it even.

  She would have never blamed her brothers or sister or anyone else if the exact same thing had happened. So why was she blaming herself?

  The guilt fell away. Tears drizzled from her eyes, only this time they were tears of relief. “Oh, Jake. You’re right. All these years I’ve carried this guilt inside me.” She pressed her fisted hand into her chest where the constant pain had resided. “I never knew why until today. I never understood the nightmares, or why I had them when no one else seemed to. Oh, Jake. Thank you.” she whispered into his heart beating against her ear. A heart that now belonged to her. “I love you, Jake.”

  “I love you, too.” His whisper held a caress, one she held on to for more moments than it was there.

  Then as if another lightning bolt of truth had struck her, she yanked back. “Sweet twinkling stars above.”

  “What?”

  “Mother was right. I’ve been so blind and foolish.”

  “Now what are you talking about?” His brows puckered.

  “You.” Her eyes danced back and forth and the love she had for Jake reflected from hers into his. “Mother said that sometimes God places something right before our eyes but we don’t see it because we’re too busy looking somewhere else or for something else. I’ve always wanted a man like my father. A man who could make me feel protected. Secure. Loved. Who would comfort me and make me feel special. Jake, you’re that man.”

  His lazy grin belied the glow on his face.