Removing the Mask

by Aimee Whitmee

  “You’ve been secretive all week and all that’s happening is that the guys are coming over? Oh my God! Jimmy I could kill you!” I cry as I grit my teeth, turning away from him.

  “Jeez, calm down. I’m not finished. They’re all sleeping over. Me and the guys are going to be sleeping at Josh’s, you and girls are going to be sleeping at ours. The others are all coming over later, but at midnight me and the guys have to head over to Josh’s.” He watches me as he walks beside me. “Why’re you so grumpy?”

  “First, it’s the guys and I. Second of all, I’m tired.” I pull my pony tail out, but regret it when the wind whips it around my face.

  “Is it your mum?”

  Out the corner of my eye, I can see him looking at me. “I just told you what it is.”

  “If you can’t tell me what’s bothering you now, how on earth do you expect to be able to tell them your secret tonight.” He pulls the hood of his coat up when the wind blows it back.

  “Fine! I’ll spill my guts when we get home, alright? The wind’s annoying me.”

  When we do finely walk through the front door, a small part of me is hoping that he’s going to let it go, but this is Jimmy. Even at fifteen, he’s got a heart made out of gold.

  “Come on then, out with it.” He dumps his stuff on the floor, watching me.

  “Let’s go upstairs.” I don’t wait to see if he’s coming and jog up the two flights of stairs.

  In my room, there’s a double mattress on the floor, made up with sheets, pillows and a duvet. Bessie must have made it up for tonight.

  After taking my homework out my bag, I chuck it in my wardrobe before staring at my clothes, trying to decide what to wear.

  “Narnia isn’t on the other side of that wardrobe.”

  “Wish it was. I’d do anything to be able to jump into a book.” I grab a pair of ripped, grey jeans and toss them onto the bed.

  “What’s wrong with you today? Why are you so upset about your mum coming?” I hear the material of the sofa give as he sits down.

  Looking through my various tops, I try thinking of a way to explain it to him. My fingers skim over the different materials, finally deciding on a union jack crop top and plain black shirt. I grab the jeans and walk into the bathroom to get changed, leaving the door ajar so that I can still talk to Jimmy.

  His comment gives me an idea. “This place is my Narnia.”

  “Want to elaborate on that?” I can hear the smile in his voice.

  I step out the bathroom and chuck my uniform in the laundry basket by the door.

  “This place is my Narnia; I stepped through the wardrobe and ended up here.” I sit down besides Jimmy; he offers me the pack of gum he’s holding, a strip is poking out and I snatch it before shoving it into my mouth and chewing slowly. I lay back so I’m slumped on the sofa besides him. “When I was back home, everything revolved around school and my writing and M Z Pristine. Here, it’s…normal. I write when I feel inspired rather than searching for something to do. I love writing, but being here has made me realise that back home, I was writing, but I wasn’t enjoying it as much as I used to. I enjoy it more now.”

  “Okay, I get that, but what does this have to do with you being grumpy?”

  “Because Mum’s going to come tomorrow and I’m going to be shoved back into the real world rather than the Narnia I have created.” I get to my feet and grab my makeup bag before sitting down on the floor to do my makeup.

  “That’s what you think? That’s why you’re grumpy?” He says incredulity. “That’s not going to happen! Jeez, Ken…” He shakes his head. “I’m going to go get changed cause they’re going to be here soon. Seriously though, me and mum aren’t going to let your mum come and turn you back into a minion.” He chuckles as he walks to the door.

  “Promise?”

  He doesn’t stop as he walks out the door. “Yeah! You ain’t got nothin’ to worry bout’!”

  I laugh as I finish my makeup and am still smiling when I’m putting my stuff away. I’m straightening my room when I hear a scream coming from out front. I peek outside to see Dustin, Amanda, JJ, Josh and Jason coming up to the front door; the girls have overnight bags while the guys are empty handed, probably having dropped their stiff off at Josh and Jason’s.

  Wondering how they got here so fast, I look at the clock and see two hours has past. Walking towards the door, I can’t help but feel dread towards what I’m going to do tonight. It’s what I want, but what if I choke?

  Chapter Sixteen

  I manage to get down the first flight of stairs but freeze when I come to the second. I can hear everyone talking downstairs, and laughing, there’s lots of laughing.

  My hands start shaking, it becomes harder to breathe, tears sting my eyes, it feels as if electric currents race through my nerves and I realise… I’m having a panic attack.

  An ugly noise escapes my throat; I clamp a hand over my mouth to quieten myself before turning and stumbling back up the stairs and collapsing on the top step.

  How long has it been since I had one of these? A very long time. Is it a sign? Should I not tell them? The frustration from all these questions racing through my head makes it harder to stop the noises escaping my throat and to calm my breathing.

  The front door bangs open and then closes. I hear Ida asking where I am and the sound of bags being dumped carelessly onto the floor.

  “She’s still upstairs.” I can just make out Jimmy’s voice.

  “I’ll go get her!” I hear scuffling before the sound of footfalls that really shouldn’t be heavier than a fly, rushing up the stairs.

  “Ken?” I listen to her search the second floor; the clunk of her boots strangely calming. Why am I not moving? Do I really want her to see me like this?

  She appears at the bottom of the stairs; when her gaze lands on me, the first swear word I’ve ever heard her say slips from her lips; she makes the vulgar word that we all use too much, dainty and alien as it sounds wrong in her small voice. She runs up the stairs and drags me into the room that is obviously mine because of the “get outta my room” sign dad bought as a room warning gift.

  Shoving me towards the bed, she rushes into the bathroom before coming back with a wet flannel; she slaps it onto my forehead and scowls at me with her hands on her hips, but her scowl softens as she starts pacing in front of me. “I told him, he should tell you, but no. He thought you’d get mad.” Sighing, she sits down beside me while I calm down.

  “We already know! Why are you so freaked out?”

  My body becomes still. “All of it?” My voice is thick from crying so I clear my throat hoping to sound normal again.

  “Yes, he told us everything! He told us because he didn’t want us to over react, and then for you to get upset. So then when you told us, we wouldn’t freak out. Though I don’t know what you were afraid we’d do.” She bumps her shoulder against mine when I continue to stare at the floor.

  “You know.” It takes a moment to accept this and I do as I look at myself in the mirror; my makeup’s smudged and my face is blotchy from crying, but it’s as if a switch has flicked in my head. “How long have you know?”

  She looks down in thought. “Tuesday; he asked us to stay after school and told us while you were working at the bakery.” She looks confused as she tells me but she doesn’t realise what this means.

  “Nothing’s been weird…” I let out a long sigh and get up to clean the ruined makeup off my face, when a black smear of mascara comes off on my finger as I rub my eye; I can’t go down stairs like this.

  “Why does this make you feel better? Why were you freaked out in the first place?” She watches me speedily reapply my makeup.

  “I think I was afraid you guys would treat me differently, and you knowing this week, with me not knowing, has done what no amount of talking would be able to do because you guys didn’t treat me differently!” I don’t just say this to tell her, I say it out loud to make sure it’s still makes sense outside of my head.
I fall backwards onto the bed, my panic attack completely forgotten as the relief takes its place. Though my breathing still hitches every now then and my legs don’t feel as strong as they normally do, I’m as happy as a kid in a sweet shop.

  “So you’re good now?” She asks cautiously.

  I can see she’s itching to go downstairs by the way she’s poised to stand up. I can only think of one reason. “Bradley’s here isn’t he.”

  Sighing, she sags backwards and looks at me apologetically. “I’m a horrible friend aren’t I?” “No, you’re just crushing like a teenage girl.” I smile at her as I check my makeup for the last time and adjust my top.

  “I am a teenage girl.” She links her arm through mine as we walk down the stairs.

  “Well, then, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you.” I say in my poshest accent as we enter the living room; bags and coats are everywhere while everyone’s lounged over the sofas; among them are the puppies.

  Jimmy’s in front of stereo system with his iPod and glances at me when we walk in. “What took you so long?”

  “You told them.” I cross my arms and lean against the door frame after casually nudging Ida towards Bradley, who’s sitting on the sofa closest to the front window.

  “You told her?” Jimmy demands as he turns his attention to Ida; I can see her tense up as everyone glances between the two of them. Ida doesn’t usually hang out with these guys, as she’s mostly kept to herself before, like me, but the last week she has. She hasn’t settled into them like I have, but she’s trying really hard.

  “Oi!” I say to make sure to capture everyone’s attention even though I have no idea what to say. “I started…freaking out.” I say remembering how Ida described it. “She reassured me that you guys already knew and I’m glad you told them for me; I got to see that nothing changed.”

  “I still can’t believe you’ve written a book, yet I tested for an E on my English essay.” JJ says from her stop on the floor; Amanda sits behind her on the sofa plaiting her hair.

  “You make it sound easy, it’s not.” I fall onto the sofa besides Jason, bringing my legs up beneath me as I lean against his shoulder.

  “But you did it!” Amanda argues.

  “Ow! Ow! Ow! Manda! That hurts!” JJ complains as Amanda twists the plaits into a very pretty bun on top of JJ’s head.

  “Shut up you big baby!”

  I laugh as they start getting into an argument about who the baby is, though the best argument is that Amanda is forty-five minutes older.

  Jason nudges me and subtly nods in Ida’s direction. I look out the corner of my eye and just see her as she disappears out into the front hall. When I send Jason a puzzled look he leans to talk in my ear to keep the others from hearing.

  “She looked upset.”

  I shift so that my back isn’t to him, and keep my voice low. “Go talk to her for me, I need to talk to Bradley.”

  “Can’t you talk to her? I’m not good with…you know…” He looks away, embarrassed.

  “Fine.” Sighing, I jump to my feet before hastily following Ida out into the front hall. I find her sitting at the bottom of the stairs with her phone in hand; when I see the look on her face, I’m glad I came rather than Jason.

  “What’s the matter hun’?” I sit down beside her; I think about putting my arm around her but think otherwise, suddenly uncomfortable with the tears that make her eyes glisten.

  “Nothing…it’s stupid!” She dips her head as her hands creep into her hair.

  “Come on, I can’t read your mind; I wish I could read minds, but I can’t, so out with it.” I nudge her arm, like she did mine when we were up in my room; it draws a smile out of her though it fades quickly.

  She looks drawn for a moment but gets up and gestures upstairs. “I’ll tell you upstairs, I don’t want them-” she jerks her head towards the living room “-hearing.” I get the feeling that it’s only one person she really doesn’t want to hear.

  Nodding, I follow her up the stairs to my bedroom, only this time, it’s me comforting her.

  The second we cross the threshold of the door, she’s venting.

  “Hebrushedmeoffandhe’sneverdone-”

  “Ida!” I can feel how wide my eyes are because of her outburst.

  Her head snaps towards me and it seems her eyes are just as wide only it’s for a different reason, one I don’t know yet because she’s not comprehensible.

  “Try that again, but so that I understand it!”

  She nods slowly and visibly takes a deep breathe. “He brushed me off, like seriously, brushed me off. He’s never done that before!” Her lips go into a pout.

  Frowning, I sink down onto the sofa. “More detail please.”

  “Bradley!” She says exasperated.

  “Well, yeah! I got that far! What I want to know, it what did he say?” My voice becomes louder as I try to communicate with her but quickly scold myself and being my voice back to real level. “You might have read it wrong.”

  “Are you calling me stupid?” Her eyes shimmer with hurt.

  “No! I’m just saying, boys are hard to read! This guy used to call me this really irritating nickname and I thought he was doing it to really annoy me, but it turned out he liked me. Sometimes you just read them wrong!”

  She relaxes slightly and nods. “Sorry. I said that I loved Josh’s hoodie and he shrugged and scowled slightly; like I offended him or something.” The hurt becomes fresh in her eyes.

  “Ida, honey, he was jealous. Go down stairs and complement his hoodie, he’ll puff up like a turkey.” Relief floods me, as hope blooms that he might like her back, jealously is certainly a good sign.

  “Really?” Her eyes brighten.

  Smiling, I nod. “Yeah, don’t worry; he’s not brushing you off. I’m not saying he likes you likes you, I’m just saying there’s a big chance!”

  She falls back onto my bed, arms spread, with a sigh of relief. “Oh thank god! I mean gosh!”

  Giggling, I grab her hand before towing her back down stairs.

  ***

  “I win!” Jasmine practically screams as she leaps from the gamer chair; her character’s dancing on the screen while Jimmy’s sulks on the other side.

  Looking at Jimmy, I can see the slight clench in his jaw which means he’s not a happy bunny.

  “Aw, that was so close.” Dustin croons as he sends Jimmy a sympathetic look. He doesn’t seem to realise just how upset Jimmy is because as soon as he says it, Jimmy’s getting up and leaving with the excuse of getting a drink.

  Wincing, I peek at Jasmine to catch the slightly wounded look on her face. She looks at me with a slight frown and I jerk my head towards to door. She nods before getting up to follow him.

  “What was that all about?” When I look up I find Josh’s taken Jimmy’s spot and Amanda’s sitting in Jasmine’s.

  “I’m not sure.” I mutter as my phone pings in my pocket, alerting me to a text. Ignoring it, I get up to grab the third controller.

  “I wanna play too!” I squeeze onto the gamer chair with Josh; he sets up the game for three and gives us random characters before pressing Start. As soon as the light goes green on the screen, I jam my elbow into Josh ribs and jump up before he can get me back.

  “You cheat!” He shouts and he’s lost in the dust of both mine and Amanda’s cars.

  “You snooze, ya’ lose!” I grin as everyone’s laughter fills the air. Before I can prepare myself, an arm sweeps my feet out from under me, and another catches me before I hit the floor; with the surprise of it, the controller flies out of my hand, allowing Josh to catch up in the race and overtake me.

  “No!” I struggle against Bradley until he puts me down before lunging for Ida’s drink and tossing it down Josh’s t-shirt; pulling a strangled yell from him.

  Grabbing the controller, I manage to catch up to him but not before he and Amanda pass the finish line, leaving me in third and Amanda first.

  “You soaked me!” Josh accuses as he sho
ws up the back of his t-shirt and his jeans; the guys all chuckle as the girls start to giggle, I just stand with a grand smile on my face.

  “Oops, sorry.”

  His eyes narrow at my sarcasm. “Mind if I borrow one of Jimmy’s shirts?”

  Shrugging, I turn to the PS3. “Sure, help yourself.”

  “We should play a game.” I look at JJ and find an evil look on her face.

  “What’d you wanna play?”

  At Ida’s question, JJ’s grin widens though it doesn’t seem possible and my stomach tightens with unease.

  Chapter Seventeen

  When midnight rolls around, the guys head over to Josh and Jason’s as promised.

  The girls head up to my room while I grab the last bottle of Coke and plastic cups before following them.

  When I walk in, everyone’s sitting in the middle of my floor in their pyjamas, which mostly consists of onesies; Jasmine’s is the best as it’s Wonder Women.

  They all look at me when I walk in; secret smiles are on their faces and they all seem to be hiding something from me.

  “We want to ask to something…” Jasmine beams at me as I put the bottle of coke and cups on the dresser and sit between JJ and Amanda.

  “Okay…fire away.” I look to Ida, who suddenly looks really nervous.

  She catches my gaze and holds it. “Just don’t take this the wrong way.”

  “Why would I take this…” I freeze when I catch a glimpse of what Amanda’s hiding behind her knee.

  “What’re you guys doing?”

  “We thought it’d be cool if we all read your book and now that we have, can you sign them…” Ida looks even more nervous when she sees my face.

  “You don’t have to! We just thought that when Jimmy told us-” JJ stops abruptly when Amanda shoots her a look.

  Taking a deep breath, I shake myself before I can over think anything and force a smile.

  “No, it’s cool…what did you guys think?” I lean back and grab the pen off the dresser before turning and holding my hand out for a book.