I had no choice. With quaking arms, I perched myself up and looked down at the straight white line before me. He shoved my face back down, but to forget about the pain, I snorted. Choking, I tried sitting myself up again, but Cheek kept me pinned down. “The second one, too.”
He had to be fucking kidding. “I’m not doing—”
I couldn’t finish my sentence. The trigger of his gun clinked as he applied pressure to it. Unwelcomed tears formed in my eyes as I stared at the last white line. I could already feel the first batch flowing through my bloodstream. I could hear my heartbeat. Thu-thunk. Thu-thunk. Thu-thunk. The pain was starting to disappear. The longer I stared at the second stripe, the fainter the throbbing was from my bloodied face. It was crazy how that one little line held so much power over a human body once it was ingested.
For a moment, I feared how the rest of my life would turn out. I knew, after taking this second line, I was no longer going to be Roy. People became addicted to this shit, and soon after, their lives fell apart. I didn’t want to be one of those people. I hated delivering it, and doing it was something that I never even considered. Without even knowing it, tears were falling from my eyes and hitting the magazine, dampening the line of powder. Cheek demanded that I sniff before it dissolved while tightening his hand around my neck, and finally, I did.
I just did it.
And I hated ever second of it.
My nose was on fire. Every part of me, from my nose to my mouth, scorched. Cheek released me, a satisfied smirk on his lips.
“Pool,” Corey said, his back still turned to us. I scowled at his back, wanting to stab daggers through it. I thought about taking Cheek’s gun and shooting him. My thoughts became hostile, yet again. He always brought out the worst out in me.
Grabbing my arm and dragging me through the door, Cheek hurried for the pool that was only a few feet away, full of people, and told me to bend over. I was glad most of the people were too fucked up to even notice, but a few did, and more tears filled the brim of my eyes.
I was left with no time to wipe them. Cheek had gotten on his knees as well and dunked my head into the into the ice-cold water. He made sure to keep hold of my arm so I wouldn’t slip and escape, but the fact that he was trying to drown me, made me want to murder someone. Corey first. And then Cheek. Or Cheek and then Corey. It really didn’t matter as long as they were out of my fucking life.
My lungs filled up with water the more I struggled. It felt like I was about to die, but he pulled me up in the nick of time, shoving me aside. I choked for air, clutching my chest.
“That was just warnin’. Now get the fuck outta here,” he grumbled, kicking me in the ribs along the way. “We’ll call you when we need you again.”
I cried out in pain from his blow. It was unbearable, crucial. With the cocaine in my system, I could feel everything. All I wanted to do was cry… bawl out. I didn’t want to go anywhere, but I managed to pick myself up, stumble through the gates on the other side of the pool, and drag myself away from Corey’s place with many eyes watching me.
I had to get away. Somewhere far. Somewhere… and I knew exactly where. I didn’t think I would make it to my destination, but as I met shiny, silver gates, a smile spread across my lips. Every ounce of anger I felt for Corey evaporated as I walked through them as if nothing had ever happened. I was delirious, out of my fucking mind. My eyes were heavy, but I kept going. Other than my eyes, every other part of my body was as light as air and floating on cloud nine, but I knew this feeling wasn’t going to last forever. In just a few hours I was going to be freaking the fuck out. Cold chills were going to take over my entire body, and I was going to be begging for mercy.
I knocked loudly. Since I was high on crack, nothing really mattered at the moment. I had my mind set on seeing Rose. She appeared at the door, her eyes wide, wearing a white tank top and strawberry-print pajama shorts. “Roy! What the hell are you doing here?”
“I…” I hesitated. “I don’t know.”
“What the hell happened to your face? And why are you all wet?” She stepped out and looked closer.
I didn’t know what to say, that is until I remembered where I came from and who’d done this to me. “Corey,” I whispered.
“Corey?” she repeated, confused. “What—he did this to you?”
I nodded. Her frown deepened as she stepped back. “Why are your eyes red? Are you… are you high, Roy?”
“Yes.” Why was I answering her so damn fast? I sounded like a fucking idiot, but I couldn’t control it. I couldn’t control any part of me.
“Tell me this is a fucking joke,” she hissed.
“It’s not. He… forced me to sniff it.”
“He forced you?” Her voice was hoarse, panicked. I didn’t want her to panic, so I reeled her in, but she backed away, shaking her head. “Come in. Tell me everything.”
After telling Rose the details of my night, in more depth than I intended, she was flabbergasted. Her face became redder than her namesake, her grip tightening around the edge of the table. Rose was about to say something, but Rocky entered the kitchen, stopping mid-step as he saw me at the table, damp and most likely bruised and horrendous.
“What the hell happened to you?”
“Rocky, you won’t fucking believe it, but Corey made him sniff cocaine, and then he had someone almost drown him!” Rose shouted.
“What?” Rocky spat. “And you just sat there and took it?”
For some reason, I laughed. I laughed because I couldn’t believe I actually took that shit from them either. Rocky read my mind. On the other hand, I knew it was the devil powder making me not want to care.
“What the hell is funny about that? That was a pussy move. Real guys fight back,” he snapped.
“Well, I would have if he didn’t have a gun to my temple,” I said, still taking this situation lightly. My tone was a bit nonchalant. Rose gasped. I didn’t tell her that part.
Rocky’s face smoothed out. He sank into the chair beside me, looking me over. He examined my wet hair, my red-rimmed eyes, and my laid back demeanor. “I’m gonna ask you something, because they really, really fucked you up, and I would hate it if that shit ever happened to me,” he said. “Not that it ever would.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “What?”
“Do you want them to pay?” He said each word carefully.
Gasping again, Rose shook her head. “What? No, Rocky! No violence. We don’t need to screw shit up while Daddy’s away.”
Rocky ignored her. “Roy,” he said. He was strangely calm.
I looked back at him, eyes wide. “Hmm…”
“Do you want Corey to pay for what he did to you? For all he’s put you through?”
I scowled at him. “What makes you wanna help me now? You set me up a while ago. Made me feel insignificant.”
Rocky licked his lips, smirking. “I told you… I think you’re a good kid. I don’t think you deserved what they did to you. You look harmless as shit, and I actually do feel bad for setting you up. Won’t happen again.”
Again? I hoped Rose never saw Tommy again. “I never did anything to Corey,” I said instead. “I always deliver and mind my own business. He finds little shit to throw at me. To knock me down or tear me apart. He crossed the line tonight.”
“And that’s why I’m asking… Do. You. Want. Him. To. Pay?”
I pondered on it carefully, considering his question. My life would be so much easier without Corey in it, but then again, I wouldn’t get any money. I needed the money. I wanted Mom well taken care of, no matter what kind of shit I had to go through.
“I’ll be broke,” I said. “I need money. My mom is sick.”
“No, you won’t be broke. I’ll be sure you get something out of it. A lot, actually, if he’s the notorious drug dealer everyone says he is. I’m known for picking safes and locks.”
“Is that why you wanna help? You want to handle some business Daddy was gonna take care of when he got home?” Rose as
ked, frowning at her little brother.
“Anything to be a certified mafia member, Sis. Might as well get those fuckers outta the way for him.” Rocky never took his gaze off mine. “Roy, I’ll be sure you get enough money out of wherever Corey’s stash is to last you a good while, and I’ll also be sure he, nor any of the other fuckers working for him, ever lay a finger on you again. You want that, right?”
“I do,” I said, absentmindedly.
“Roy, no,” Rose whispered. “You don’t want that. You’re not thinking straight. You wouldn’t want anyone hurt, no matter how you feel.”
“You know what, Rose? Maybe I’m not thinking straight,” I snapped slamming my hands on the table. “But who fucking cares? Corey damn sure doesn’t care. Cheek, he couldn’t care less! All they’ve ever done is make my life a living hell, and without them, my life would be so much fucking easier. It would be easier for the both of us. Don’t you see that?”
Rocky made a noise as if he was about to puke, but I ignored him. Reaching for Rose’s hand, I smiled at her. My face felt lazier and droopier than usual. I knew I wasn’t thinking straight, but how could I? I was doped up against my will, and I was swirled up with emotion.
“Cheek, that’s the other guy’s name?” Rocky asked.
“Yes,” I said, without looking at him.
“Just give me the word, and they’ll be outta your hair. Just tell me you want them gone, and it’ll be like magic. Poof. Gone,” he said, spreading his fingers slowly, smiling slyly. “No contracts. No nothing.”
Rose’s eyes were watery, but in a matter of seconds, she snatched her hand out of mine, rushed around the corner, and stormed upstairs. It’s like she knew I’d already made up my mind. I watched her the entire time, unsure of what to do. My limbs wanted to work and follow her, but being lazy and slumping back down in my chair felt a whole lot better.
“Don’t worry about her.” Rocky shrugged. “She’ll see how much better her life is without you being hounded by them, and she’ll thank the both of us. This is a win-win situation for all of us.”
“You’re really gonna do this?”
“Me? No. My Dad would kill me if I touched any of his guns, but I have two big men upstairs, swift and always ready. They have to do whatever I tell them to do if shit doesn’t go according to plan. I’ll tell them you’re my friend and that I have respect for you. I give them the word, give them a plan, and it’s a done deal. They clean up well after themselves, too. No need to worry about evidence or the cops. There won’t be any… not that the cops would care about Corey. They’ve been trying to catch him in the act for years. I’m pretty sure they all know his time is coming anyway.”
Thoughtfully, I scratched my chin and then ran my fingers through my matted hair. I knew I would never have a clear conscious knowing I was the reason Rocky had Corey killed. I didn’t want to be a part of that. I wanted nothing to do with it…
But then, I thought back to all those months of being interrogated, shoved around, spat at, punched, choked, almost drowned to death, and worst of all, being forced to sniff fucking coke. There was a whole lot more I could add in, but that was enough to piss me off and make me come to a decision. It was enough to have me saying, “Okay. Do it,” to Rocky, standing from my chair, and trudging home without so much as a glance back.
A few months passed—two to be exact—and I’d never felt so satisfied with how my life was going. After Corey forced me into sniffing coke, I admit, it was bad for me the following three weeks. I wanted it again because I felt so good on it—careless, worriless, unbothered—but Rose took care of me. She made sure I never even got close to it. I was spiraling at one point, wanting it in my veins, but she held me captive in her attic until it was out of my system.
“You’re better than this,” Rose said as I tore away from her and clutched the door handle.
I stopped and stared down at the broken handle. I couldn’t seem to shake it. My body wanted more—needed more—and I was going to do anything to get it. “I feel like I’ll die without it, Rose,” I murmured without looking back.
“But you won’t.” I heard her stand from the sofa, and then, her footsteps started my way. Running her hand down my arm, she said, “You won’t. You think you need it, but you don’t. Trust me, I know. I’ve known plenty of people who’ve felt they needed it… it ruined their lives. I won’t let it ruin yours.”
She was right, but I was getting angry. Angry that it ever happened. Angry that it was even on my mind. Angry that I couldn’t get over it. I whirled around, glaring down at her with wide eyes. She gasped and pulled her hand away from me, her eyebrows stitching.
“It’s okay, Roy,” she whispered, stepping forward again. She cupped my face with both hands, running the pad of her thumb across the purplish bruise beneath my eye. Bringing my dry lips to hers, she tilted her head and kissed me.
The passion grew.
A warm sensation started from my throat and ran down, making my cock harden. I groaned, pulling her in by the waist and then wrapping my arms around her. We moaned into each other’s mouths and tore at each other’s clothes. This was happening way too quickly, and at the wrong time, but what the hell did I care? If this was going to be my distraction to not go out and look for more cocaine, so be it. I didn’t want that shit, and my mind knew it. It was my body that was fighting for it. It wanted to feel that freeness again… it wanted to do whatever the hell it wanted without any worries. My body knew the real me was never going to be free.
Rose and I flopped on the couch. She landed on top of me, attacking my lips and running her tiny fingers through my hair. “You want me to help you?” she asked.
“What do you mean?” My voice was hoarse.
“I mean… do you want me to make you forget about it?”
I looked down, narrowing my eyes at her. “How are you gonna do that, Rose?”
With a seductive smile, she tucked her finger around the waistband of my sweatpants and tugged them down. Rising on her knees, she continued pulling them down until she was staring at my boxers. She lowered herself again, not bothering to remove my underwear. Instead, she placed her mouth directly on my cock, and I hissed through my teeth. There was a thin layer of cotton between my cock and her mouth, and I wanted her to get rid of it. Immediately.
But she didn’t. She reached through the slit of my boxers and fisted me. I tensed as she ran her hand up and down, licking her lips and looking me in the eye with each stroke.
“God, you’re so good, Rose,” I muttered. “I want more.”
“More?” she repeated, still stroking. She leaned up and poked her tongue out. Her hot tongue landed on the head of my cock, and I grabbed a fist full of her hair, refusing for her to move away. “How much more?” she asked.
“A lot more,” I whispered.
Grinning, she leaned up into a more comfortable position and slowly took me into her mouth. My cock pulsed as it slid through her lips and entered the warmth behind them. I shut my eyes tight as she went to work.
And she was good as fuck.
She didn’t dare stop. Not once. She made garbling noises—noises that had me throwing my head back. Each time I looked at her while controlling her head with my hand, she’d look me straight in the eye, which turned me on even more. “Fuck, Rose,” I grumbled.
“Mmhmm,” she moaned around me.
I started pumping into her mouth, hitting the back of her throat. She choked each time, making me want to keep going. Each time she gagged around my cock, I had the urge to finish, but I didn’t. I wanted this to last. The longer I was in her mouth, the less I was thinking about getting more coke in my system.
But I could only hold off on coming for so long. When she started playing with my balls, I knew I was going to cum sooner rather than later. She pulled her mouth away from my cock to take my balls into her mouth. She stroked me repeatedly while gently suckling my nuts. My eyes began to roll to the back of my head, my hips moving with her strokes.
&nb
sp; Just when I was about to release it all, she stopped. I looked up, and she was tearing her panties off. She pounced on top of me and rode me like a horse, moaning and yelling my name, straddling me like it would be her last chance. Her fingernails tore into my chest as I grabbed her ass with one hand and one of her breasts with the other. She bounced on top of me, bringing me to that euphoric point. Leaning forward, she crushed my lips, keeping a hold in my hair while locking eyes with me.
“I’m coming with you,” she whispered.
“Holy…” I couldn’t even finish what I had to say. I was already coming. My head fell back against the sofa, my eyes rolled to the very back of my skull. My cock pulsed repeatedly, my cum filling her up as she circled her hips. She cried my name, and we both tensed. I looked at her again, and her eyes were squeezed tight, a few tendrils of hair hanging in front of her face. I shuddered once more, she tensed even harder, and then, she collapsed against my chest, panting heavily.
I blew out a sigh, absorbing her wetness lingering on me. It felt good, and if I were still hard, I would have fucked her again—my way—but this was enough for now. I could wait another thirty minutes or so.
“I love you, Roy,” Rose whispered.
“I love you. More than you know.”
She looked up at me, her head still resting on my chest. “You mean it?”
“Yes, I mean it, Rose.” I tilted her chin with my forefinger, smiling down at her. “It’s not every day I’m telling a girl I love her, so when I say it to you, I mean it. I mean every single word.”
Grinning, she buried her face in my chest and hugged me tight.
I realized, with days like this with her, I didn’t need the drugs. We spent nearly every day holding each other naked, or sometimes just holding each other while lying on my sofa, in her bed, or in her attic when her dad wasn’t in town. It felt good to be like this with her. Being with her helped me fight what was about to become an addiction. Being with her made me forget about what actually happened. Being with her brought me joy. There was no pain there. We were happy as fuck, and I wasn’t going to let anyone ruin that. Especially myself.
Who I Am (FireNine) Page 12