Who I Am (FireNine)

by Williams, S. Q.

  Damn… that was fucking fantastic.

  Kelsey rolls on her back, staring up at the ceiling. She’s breathing hard, her chest heaving up and down with exhausted pants. And then, out of nowhere, she laughs uncontrollably.

  “What?” I ask, laughing a little.

  “I’ve never, in my entire life, ridden a guy like that. Never.”

  I lean up on my elbow and look down at her with a grin. “Glad I’m the first you tried it on. I hope to be the last.”

  “You are,” she murmurs, running her fingers down my cheek. I grab her wrist and kiss the top of her hand. Next, I’m kissing her lips and pulling her back on top of me.

  “I want this to last forever, Kells. You and me…”

  “It’ll be forever,” she assures. “As long as you’re here, I’m here.”

  “I won’t screw up again.” She sits up, and I tuck her hair behind her ear, looking at each of her delicate features. “I can’t. I need you in my life too much. I promise to tell you everything going on with me from now on.”

  “Isn’t that what they all say?” she asks, narrowing her eyes playfully.

  I laugh, but moments later my face stiffens. “Maybe, but I’m not them. I mean what I say.”

  “All right, Roy Sykes. I’ll hold you to that.”

  “You have no choice, babe.”

  We spend the rest of the night cuddling and talking about our future. I wasn’t sure she’d agree to this, but I’m glad she did. I’m glad she wants this just as much as I do. There’s no other person on this planet I’d rather spend the rest of my life with. Hell, at twenty-six years old, this is what I need, to settle down and focus on my well-being and me. To keep my attention on the love of my life and my passion for life: music. My band. With her and the boys, who could ask for anything more?

  This right here, this angelic girl lying beside me and the boys I’ve grown up with, are all I have in this world now. Why break that? Why lose it.

  I’ve been through some shit, yeah. I’ve been through heartache, pain, and even suffering. I’ve been forced to do things I never wanted to do. I’ve been knocked around and pushed down. I’ve been hurt over so many things that I forgot what it was like to be alive. My band was all I lived for… it was all I stood for. I had no one to fight for, no one to hold on to. No one to lean on. I didn’t have someone I could see a future with after Rose. All I had was… me.

  When I met Kells though… wow. Who knew things would get this intense? Who knew that the love of my life was right around the corner waiting for me? Everything happens for a reason. Crazy shit in life happens for a reason. My life is what made me into who I am today. Life is what tore me down, but it’s also what brought me right back up again. Life is a funny thing, and you’ll get a whole lot out of it if you just… live.

  With Kelsey, that’s what I’m going to do.

  Live, love, and be… happy.

  Kelsey

  Two months later…

  It’s drizzling. I’ve been standing outside, big black umbrella in hand for some time now. Roy asked for his privacy over twenty minutes ago and I’m starting to worry. I fidget on my heels, sighing. Digging into the pocket of my trench coat, I whip my phone out to check the time.

  5:15 P.M.

  Yeah. It’s getting late. Time for us to go so we can get back home. We’ve been here for an hour and a half now.

  I clutch the handle of the umbrella tighter, taking the path made of slabs of rock through the cemetery. I peer ahead, spotting Roy’s tall, lean body. His head is down, droplets of water are collecting in his hair. I sigh and stop. He doesn’t see me, but I can hear him. I start to walk forward, but when he says my name, I stop in my tracks.

  “Kelsey’s amazing, Mom,” Roy goes on. “She’s sweet. Honest. Humble. Beautiful. A great person to talk to when I’m feeling down. She’s also funny. She comes up with the silliest things.” That makes me smile. “You’d love her. Seriously. I can’t even compare her to Rosemarie.” He sighs, running his pale fingers through his now cropped hair. “I just wish you were here to see all I’ve accomplished. I know you want me to be happy—and I am—but I miss you, Mom. Like crazy. If there was a way to bring you back, I would.” Roy then breaks out into a laugh, his body shaking, and head bobbing. “I’ve done some terrible things, yeah, but you’d be really proud of how much FireNine has accomplished. You’d be surprised of how happy I am right now. I’ll continue to be this way for you. I know you’d want me to be.”

  Tears build in my eyes. Things are getting blurry, but I can make out his next gesture. With the bouquet of flowers that were occupying his other hand, he leans down, gently places the flowers in front of his mother’s tombstone, and then stands up straight again. “I love you, Mom.” He blows out a breath, and quickly wipes at his eyes. As if he’s now noticing my presence, he whips his head up and locks eyes with me.

  Cocking his head, he gestures for me to come his way, smiling sweetly. I finish my walk toward him, giving him a warm smile in return. As I get closer I can tell he’s been crying repeatedly. The rims of his eyes are red, along with his nose.

  Sniffling, Roy pulls me into his arms and I lower the umbrella, accepting his embrace. He needs this. I know he misses his mother. She’s all he ever talks about. I expect him to break down, but he does the complete opposite. Pushing me back gently and squeezing my shoulders, he looks me over and I look up at him, puzzled.

  “We should get out of here before the rain really kicks in,” he whispers.

  I nod my head in agreement.

  We head back to the car and Roy opens the passenger door for me. I climb inside and he shuts the door behind me. When he’s in the drivers seat, he looks my way, flashing a wide smile. I admit, with his hair now cut, he looks like another person, yet absolutely irresistible.

  “Can I take you somewhere?” he asks.

  “Where?” I ask, giggling as his hand coils around mine.

  “I don’t wanna tell you just yet. I want you to be surprised.”

  I blink, and then nod my head eagerly. I love his surprises. With one cheek lifted in a smooth smile, Roy cranks the car and pulls away from the cemetery.

  “Oh, Roy, this is amazing,” I breathe, staring out the window. We’re driving along a rocky road, and there’s a trail of paper lanterns above us, opposite of each other. He takes a right turn and the lights continue. I flop back in my see, fighting a smile as he looks my way.

  “What’s up that sleeve of yours?” I ask.

  He winks my way. “You’ll see.”

  The lights come to an end and ahead I see water glistening beneath the pale light of the moon. There’s a dock ahead, but there are people on it. It’s too dark to see who they are, so I slouch in my seat again.

  Roy stops the car next to a tall oak tree and tells me to wait. I watch him walk away, making his way toward the wide dock, to the mysterious people standing there. Squinting my eyes, I take a harder look out the window. I can see Roy lifting his hands and pointing up. I look up, seeing nothing but the night sky, filled with flashing stars.

  Moments later and Roy is jogging back my way. He pulls my door open, smiles at me and asks for my hand. I give it to him, but I’m wary of everything that’s going on. Exactly what is going on is the question.

  “I want you to wait riighhttt here,” Roy says as we meet the entrance of the dock. “Give me just a sec.”

  “Roy…”

  He doesn’t stop to look back. He’s rushing across the dock again, to the mysterious dark people. Who the hell are they? And what do they have?

  Suddenly, a helicopter nears us and I gasp. “What the living fuck?”

  It’s loud, so I childishly cover my ears. I stare up and it begins to rise higher, taking some of the noise away. It then flashes a bright light down on the dock. I look down, and spot all of FireNine, organized with their instruments in hand. They play immediately, and I gasp. Seriously? What are they doing?

  The helicopter rises even higher, and I can
hear the song a lot clearer. It’s a familiar one. I take a look at each of the boys. Gage is laughing as he sings, Montana is winking at me, and Deed is bobbing his head to the music.

  Roy finishes a solo and steps ahead of all of them, placing his guitar against one of the rails. “Roy… what is this?” I ask as he nears me.

  He simply shrugs and then grabs my chin to tilt it up.

  I glance over his shoulder just as the boys wrap up their song and take a step back. “We were playing your favorite song by us…”

  “That’s… sweet,” I say uncertainly. Just as my words slip out, a blue Mercedes pulls up to the scene and out comes Eliza with Dalton in her arms. I realize it, now. Something is happening. Something I don’t quite understand. “Okay… why the hell are we all here? What did I do?” I ask, looking each of them in the eyes, especially Eliza. She shrugs, but she can’t fight her smile. I glance back up at Roy who wraps an arm around my shoulder and carries me across the lawn.

  “When you think of your Grams, what do you do?” Roy asks.

  I frown. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean… when you’re alone, and you really want her here to talk to, what do you do?”

  “I… I don’t know. Cry…” I shrug, unsure of what to say. I feel stupid, and I feel even stupider since everyone’s looking at me like I’m stupid.

  “When I think of my mom and how much I wish she were here…” Roy says, quietly speaking into my ear. He steps behind me and wraps his arms around my middle, kissing my cheek. “I look up,” he whispers. I feel his chin lift. I look up with him, but a heavy gasp escapes me.

  I’m… stunned. Flabbergasted. Shocked that he’d even go through this much trouble. I didn’t notice the helicopter leaving. I didn’t notice the reduction of noise. And I definitely didn’t notice the blimp now hovering in the sky. On the screen is a message. “Read it,” Roy whispers.

  “Marry me, Kelsey,” I read out loud.

  Roy chuckles, but I keep staring up. There’s an image of us when we first met. He has me in his arms, and we’re laughing. He looks so carefree, and I look so happy. We look like a true couple. Like we belong together.

  Wow.

  This is… I’m speechless.

  I feel Roy lowering to one knee beside me, and I gasp. Perhaps this isn’t a joke. This is real. This. Is. Real. Holy Fuck.

  “Kelsey, I know I may not be the perfect man, the perfect hugger, or even the perfect kisser,” Roy says, sighing. I can’t fight my giggle. He smiles. “But there’s no woman I want other than you. I tell you this every day, but you’re my air, Kells. You’re my baby girl. My life. Without you, I wouldn’t truly be happy. I honestly never thought I’d be this happy again.” He forces a laugh. “I just… if I’m not sure about anything else, I know I’m sure about us. I know that I want you and only you in my life, for the rest of my life. No matter what. So, will you make my dreams of being with you forever, come true? Will you… marry me, Kelsey Michelle Prior?”

  I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to react, but my body reacts on its own. I throw my arms around Roy’s neck and clash into him. We fall on the ground, and everyone laughs at us, but I don’t care. I don’t care about anything but us right now.

  I smash his lips with mine, kiss him all over. I do this repeatedly, and he laughs, tightening his arms around me. Behind a smile and my next kiss, I say, “Yes, Roy. I’ll marry you.”

  His smile expands, and then he hops to his feet, bringing me up with him, hugging me tight, and spinning me in one large circle. I hear Dalton laugh, and when Roy places me on my feet, I see Gage run to his son and pick him up to twirl him the same way. I meet Eliza’s eyes, and she’s cheesing hard with tears at the rims of her eyes. Roy holds up his thumb and I look up, narrowing my eyes. A whistle sounds, and seconds later, fireworks are going off.

  I gasp, but I can’t fight my smile. Roy nuzzles my neck as I stare up, the various colors making me swirl inside with delight.

  Wow… and to think I almost gave up on this. My friends. My boyfriend—well, fiancé. One thing I guarantee now—that I know for sure—is that I’m never letting this go. Never. Roy Sykes owns my heart. Roy Sykes rocks my world. Many may not think he’s a normal guy, but he’s normal enough for me. He’s cool enough for me. He is for me. It’s why we’re together. Because we understand one another. With the people we love most gone, we may miss them often, but we have each other. We know the feeling of missing someone close and dear to us, so we know how to cope with one another when times get rough.

  As I kiss him hard on the lips one more time and Gage starts to sing one of my favorite songs by FireNine, I know things between Roy and me will only get better. Brighter. They may not get easier, but I won’t allow the hardships to bring us down.

  None of the hardships or trials will matter because this is what I wanted. This is what I’ve always wanted.

  Bliss.

  Peace.

  Joy.

  All of the above, along with the love of my life. Nothing more. Nothing less.

  This is what we deserve.

  Roy

  Six months down the road…

  Red and white rose petals scattered all over the bedroom. Champagne bottles in ice buckets, some uncorked, some still sealed. The glow of the flickering candlelight’s making Kelsey’s olive skin shine.

  I take a hard look at her as she undresses, staring me deep in the eyes. A soft gust of warm wind blows in and I watch her inhale, but she doesn’t take her eyes off me. She’s stripping for me. And I’m enjoying every minute of it.

  She’s stepping out of her panties when she says, “The pool. Let’s finish out there.”

  Blinking quickly, I stare over her shoulder, spotting the crystal-like water. I meet her eyes again. Her eyes are hopeful, begging. I honestly don’t care where this happens, as long as it just fucking happens.

  Eagerly, I climb off the California king bed and make my way toward her, picking her up in my arms. Giggling, she locks her arms around my neck and when we step through the balcony door, she tosses her head back, relishing in the fresh night air.

  It’s warm out here. The wind nips at my bare skin, but it’s comforting. We’re in Thailand, in the comfort of our own private beach home. Kelsey did a great job choosing where our honeymoon would be spent.

  We reach the pool, but I don’t bother stripping out of my shorts just yet. All the while, Kelsey’s drunker than a skunk. This should be fun.

  “I wonder what we can do in this pool,” she says, taking a look around. Her eyes focus on the connected waterfall. It brings the pool to life. It’s exotic.

  “So many things,” I whisper, nuzzling her neck.

  “Show me.” Her voice is low and seductive. Her eyes are hooded, but she’s looking at every feature of my face.

  Enough drinks have obviously filled my bloodstream because I feel lazy and horny as fuck. I can’t control myself. My body won’t be able to hold off. The need to be inside her is immense. Dropping her to her feet, I slide out of my shorts then turn her towards me. I grab the outsides of her thighs and force her legs around me.

  This causes her to bite her bottom lip.

  Leaning in, I graze that lip until its set free and then suck on it mercilessly. She releases a breathless moan, eyes still hooded. “Roy…” she breathes, begging.

  “Tell me what you want, Kells.”

  “You.” The water splashes as she brings her arms up to bolt them on my shoulders.

  “Me? For how long?”

  “Now… and always.” She bites on her smile.

  It makes my cock throb. “You’ll have me for as long as you want,” I say, bringing her closer and poking at her tight entrance. She gasps, obviously not expecting that. I chuckle, but bring my lips closer to her ear. I have so much more to tell her. “I’ll be here whenever you need me,” I breathe, lifting and lowering her body. I’m completely inside now. Her nails bite into my shoulder blades. The pain pleases me. “Whenever you want me
to make love to you like this,” I murmur, clutching her thighs, “I’ll be here. And whenever you need me to fuck you—” she gasps, and a smile spreads across my lips. She wasn’t expecting me to pick up my pace. I hurry for the wall behind her, and when we’re near, I pull out of her, turning her so her back is facing me. I leave no time for her to wonder what I’m doing. I’m already inside her again. Her hands are locked in my hair, her back glued to my chest.

  “—I’ll fuck you like there’s no tomorrow,” I continue. “Like I don’t have another hour to live. Like you really want me to. Whatever your heart desires, Kells, you got it. You. Have. All. Of. Me.” With each word, I’m panting and picking up my speed. “And I have all of you.” Her moans have transformed into screams now. Squeals. Shrieks. Seeing her like this, it’s amazing. So amazing, that I can’t fight it anymore. Especially when she tenses and her walls grip my cock. I stiffen, shudder, and slam into her repeatedly, hissing her name into her ear. Fuck. That felt good.

  When nothing but the trickle of the waterfall is in play, Kelsey hugs the wall and I hug her from behind. Both of our bodies go limp. With the tiniest bit of strength I have left, I lean up and kiss her cheek. This brings a smile to her lips. She sits up and turns in my arms, smiling up at me with nothing in her eyes but pure, sensational love.

  I’m sure she’s seeing the same thing—the love I have for her.

  Picking Kelsey up again, I go for the stairs and enter the bedroom. Both of us still naked, I sit on the bed, then lie down with Kelsey on top of me. Our breathing evens out. We become still. Motionless. Peaceful.

  Before I can succumb completely, I’m aware of just how much I enjoy this. And just how much I need her.

  I can’t get enough. I love her. I’m in complete love with her. I’ll never let something this good to me go. Not again. Not ever.

  She is the love of my life.

  She is my hope and faith.

  She is my motivation.