Tell Me No Secrets

by Lynda Stacey

  Kate felt as though she’d been complimented, and then slapped in the face with a wet sock. She had no idea how her mother had the talent to say something that sounded like praise, only to turn it on its head and slap her sideways with the next comment.

  ‘Coffee?’ Kate asked as she walked into the kitchen. She suddenly felt the need to do something with her hands and clicked on the kettle before once again picking up the antibacterial spray and squirting it at the side.

  ‘No, thank you, dear, I had a cup of herbal tea with Mrs Winters. I like to watch the calories you know.’ She tapped her perfectly flat stomach as though proving a point before adding, ‘You probably should start watching the calories too, Katie, dear. You may be slim now, but you are almost thirty and like it or not, the pounds will start to add up quickly.’

  Elizabeth Duggan promptly turned around and walked around the house as though checking its suitability for her stay. Her nose was in the air as she swept her hand along all flat surfaces as she went, which included the top of the fridge freezer that stood in the space below the stairs. She walked into the living room and stopped at a sideboard, where a picture of James stood in an oak frame. ‘There he is, my beautiful boy.’ Her finger touched the picture and she stared at it for an eternity, before turning away and looking around the lounge.

  ‘You’ve changed the carpet, darling,’ she said after she’d inspected the room. ‘I’m sure you had your reasons. Did it look nice in the shop?’

  ‘Yes, it did, and what’s more, Mother, it looks nice in my front bloody room too,’ she growled. Her mother ignored her comment and walked back towards the suitcase that stood by the back door. Kate bit her lip and hoped for just one moment that her mother would pick it up, leave and go and stay anywhere other than River Cottage.

  ‘Darling, get that no good boyfriend of yours to bring that up for me. I think I’ll go up and take a shower. You know, freshen up before dinner.’

  Kate slammed her fist down on the kitchen worktop as her mother turned and stamped up the stairs.

  ‘Oh, and don’t bother trying to cook tonight, dear. We’ll go to that nice pub in Bedale. Give Eve a call, let her know I’m here and invite her to come out with us, will you?’ She spoke with an air of authority and Kate shook her head in disbelief. She’d been brought up to respect her parents, to answer yes and no in all the right places. But sometimes she really felt the need to answer back. Tell her mother exactly what she thought of all the backhanded comments and the way that they seemed to reel off her tongue with ease.

  Kate followed her, swiftly hauling the case up the stairs behind her. Rob had said he might not be home, which meant that if they waited for him, the suitcase could be standing at the bottom of the stairs for hours. Besides, her mother taking a shower was perfect. At least if she were upstairs, the comments would stop. She’d only been in the house for ten minutes and up to now she had insulted her hair, her figure, her carpet, her tiny cottage, her cooking and her boyfriend. Kate frowned as the case hit the top step. Not only did she need to speak to Ben and give him an update on the day, she needed speak to her father, form a plan and get her mother back to York … fast.

  Kate walked down to the kitchen and made herself coffee. No matter what her mother thought, she didn’t need to lose weight and she added extra sugar to her mug just to prove a point. The aroma of coffee filled the small kitchen as Kate moved around flapping her arms up and down like a spoilt child hoping that the smell would drift up the stairs and into the bathroom, where her mother was probably examining the shower for its suitability before she used it.

  Kate glanced up the stairs just as the shower burst into life and she used the opportunity to leave the cottage and walk back towards the shop. The two bottles of wine that stood on the kitchen worktop suddenly didn’t seem nearly enough. She needed more and had a sudden urge to drink till unconsciousness, or at least until her mother had gone home.

  Kate pulled her phone from her bag and flicked through her address book until she found Ben’s number. She paused. She wanted to give him an update about the day, but most of all she just wanted to hear a friendly voice.

  ‘Hi, it’s Kate.’ She kept walking towards the shop as she spoke. ‘I … I just thought I should let you know that Bellandini actually came over and spoke to me.’ She heard Ben gasp.

  ‘Did he really? Wow, that’s great. Did he say anything, chat you up maybe or offer you drugs?’

  Kate shook her head. ‘No, don’t be daft. He wouldn’t advertise the drugs, would he? And why on earth would he chat me up?’ She laughed, but her bottom lip began to tremble and she tried to pull as much air into her lungs as she could.

  ‘Kate, he’s a red-blooded male, and you, you’re a gorgeous woman, why wouldn’t he?’ She could hear Ben walking from room to room, as doors slammed behind him.

  Kate blushed at the compliment, but stayed silent.

  ‘Kate, are you okay?’

  Again, she nodded without speaking and stared at the pavement on which she walked, carefully ensuring that as she stepped forward, her foot stood central on each slab and that she didn’t step on the lines. It was something she’d done since childhood, something else she couldn’t explain.

  ‘Kate, answer me.’ She could hear the panic in Ben’s voice and wished she were sitting in the office, drinking coffee with him and Gloria, with people she’d only met the day before, but already thought of as friends.

  ‘I … I’m okay.’ She sighed.

  ‘Kate, you’re not okay. I’m here if you need me. Do you want to tell me what’s wrong? I mean, I fully understand if you tell me to mind my own business.’ The sound of a laugh left his throat. ‘Actually, isn’t that exactly what you told me to do earlier?’

  Kate laughed. ‘Yeah, right. Sorry about that.’ She paused; was it right to tell him her troubles? She turned the corner of the street and smiled at a man who walked past with his dog. ‘Look, earlier, you were right. My fiancé, Rob, he’s acting like a dick, and I could cope with that on its own, he’s always a dick, but now my mother’s turned up and by the look of the suitcase she just dragged in behind her, she’s staying for weeks.’ An involuntary sob left her throat. ‘I think she blames me for my brother’s death and, to be honest, if I were her, I’d blame me too. Most of the time she hates me and, if truth be told, after all that’s happened, I’m not much fond of her either. The thought of her staying here, in my home, is unbearable.’

  ‘Ah, I see. Well, I can’t say that I’ve ever had that problem, but I understand that it must be difficult.’

  Kate heard what sounded like Ben locking a door. ‘Look, I’m sorry, you don’t need to hear this. I’d best go. I … I should probably phone my father. I need to persuade him to come and get her.’ She pulled her long auburn hair over her shoulder, deliberately twisting it as she went.

  Ben had gone quiet. He couldn’t possibly understand. He had a caring and wonderful father, he probably had the perfect mother, the perfect family and the perfect wife. ‘I’m sorry, I really shouldn’t have said anything.’ She held back the tears.

  She heard Ben’s car start up and the phone switch to hands free. ‘Kate, you sound upset. Do you need me to come and get you? Where are you?’

  Kate looked up to the sky. The clouds were swirling, all grey and moody. She was now around ten minutes’ walk from home and felt sure it would rain. The thought of someone turning up to drive her home was appealing. She shook her head. ‘No, Ben. Don’t come.’ She held onto a lamp post, closed her eyes and imagined those deep, dark eyes, the way they sparkled when they caught the light, how his mouth would turn up at one corner in a half smile, and the way the smile lines on his face said everything, without saying anything at all. ‘But, Ben, thank you.’ She opened her eyes and saw Eric coming out of the shop. ‘I’ll see you in the morning.’ She pressed the red button without waiting for a response, and rushed towards the shop.

  ‘Please don’t say you’re closed, Eric. I need wine. Lots of wine.’r />
  Kate hid in the front room with the phone in her hand and whispered to her sister.

  ‘Eve, she’s practically moved in. Says she’s going to stay here in Yorkshire until she sorts things out with Dad, which of course could take forever, because as always, he’s away on business. Oh, and get this, apparently we’re all going out for dinner. She’s in the bedroom at the moment and I can hear the hairdryer, so I suspect that food could happen anytime between seven and nine. I’ll phone you back with a time. It all depends on how long it takes her to look perfect again.’ Kate had to think on her feet. ‘Eve, what do I do? Things between me and Rob aren’t right. She’d have a field day if she found out. Just think of all the backhanded comments she’d come out with then and she acted all strange when she looked at the picture of James, you know, the one on the sideboard.’ Kate opened the door slightly and listened to make sure the hairdryer was still on. ‘Eve, can she stay with you?’

  Eve went silent.

  It would be fair to say that Elizabeth Duggan had never been the most natural parent in the world and the thought of her staying for longer than an hour would be even more of a nightmare for her than it was for Kate.

  It had been because of Elizabeth Duggan that Eve had first left home They’d never really got on and at just nineteen years old, she’d rented a small flat above the beautician shop in which she worked and then she’d bought a small terraced house in Caldwick. She’d bought one property after the other, renovating and selling each property in turn, with the help of one boyfriend after the other and, at one point, Kate had wondered if she’d asked for their capability as a plumber or electrician before she’d dated them.

  But then their grandmother had died, she’d been left some money and had put a deposit on a large town house in York. It had been a house that Eve had loved. But then the accident had happened and Eve had been given two choices: she could buy the bungalow she now lived in, and agree to carers, or go back to live with their parents. Which would never happen.

  Eve began to chortle. ‘I’ve got an idea; you come here and stay with me. You could leave Mother there with Rob. They hate each other so much that when we call back in a few days, they’ll have killed each other during a duel at dawn.’

  It was true. Her mother and Rob did hate each other and Kate wasn’t sure which one would kill the other first. She thought for a moment, allowing herself a sly smile. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea. Besides, even though Eve was demanding at times, Kate loved staying with her. At least once a week they would have a girly night in, with DVDs, chocolate, popcorn and wine, not to mention the hair colouring and beauty nights that they’d happily add into the equation. But, of course, now their mother had arrived these nights would come to a halt, everything would be controlled and any thought of having any twin fun would be on hold until she took herself back to York.

  ‘You will come out for dinner, Eve, won’t you?’ Kate asked, still wishing that she could simply sink into a bath and ignore the world. ‘Please. I simply can’t stand the thought of a night alone with her. What would we talk about?’

  ‘Okay, I’ll come, but under one condition,’ she added quickly. ‘She stays with you, Kate. After all, she’s already moved into a bedroom at yours. It’d be silly and quite rude to move her out now, wouldn’t it?’

  Kate sighed. ‘Fine, she can stay. But if she’s still here at the weekend, she’s coming to yours. Do we have a deal?’

  Chapter Eleven

  Eve put the phone down and then pulled herself out of her chair to stand, holding onto the worktop for support as she shuffled her way around the units. She had around an hour before Kate arrived and she slowly but surely managed to move her feet, inch by inch, until she stood before the bread mixture that she’d left next to the stove to rise.

  Removing the cling film, she punched the dough down, before turning it out onto the worktop before her. She loved to stand up and knead bread. It was insignificant exercise for some, but for her, it was a full body work out that took all her energy to do. It reduced the aches and pains of sitting all day and replaced them with the different, but good, aches and pains of standing. She looked down at the wheelchair, knowing that she’d most probably always need it, but prayed for the day that she didn’t.

  She began to pummel the dough and found herself picking it up and throwing it down at the worktop at speed. But then, her legs suddenly gave way. She grabbed at the kitchen unit and breathed in deeply, as she looked around to where the chair stood. It was just a little too far away for her to reach and Eve allowed herself to drop to the floor, and then watched in horror as the bread dough dropped off the worktop and onto the floor beside her.

  Eve squealed, which alerted Max, who bounced into the kitchen, looking undecided as to what he’d jump on first, her or the dough. Time on the floor meant playtime and Max ran to where Eve sat and licked at her face, fully intent on making the most of the unexpected fun and interaction.

  ‘Oh, Max. What would I do without you?’ She tickled him and watched as he playfully rolled on his back, while his head switched from side to side, and his tongue lolled out. For a moment, Eve stopped tickling, but a short, sharp bark brought her attention back to where Max patiently rolled. ‘Oh, Maxy, Mother can’t stay here, can she? You wouldn’t like her staying here, spoiling our fun, would you?’

  Eve dreaded the thought. If her mother stayed, she’d be sure to interfere. She’d find out that she could stand and would insist that she go for more physiotherapy sessions. But that wasn’t the plan. Eve was determined to do things at her own speed. To her, every time she stood up was a miracle. Every time she took a single step, she held her breath – still unable to believe that she could stand at all. And before anyone found out, she had to be sure that she’d be able to walk without failure.

  She sighed; the thought that her mother might leave Kate’s and turn up to stay would have a dramatic effect on her daily routine. The exercises would have to stop and the muscle and stamina that had taken so long for her to build up would be gone.

  Eve thought back to how independent she used to be and how easily she’d got used to the fuss that Kate had bestowed upon her. She hadn’t minded Kate at all. She loved to be with her and had always loved being one of an identical pair. Even though deep down, their personalities had been totally opposite and, on most occasions, they’d done their best to look and act differently, people would always compare one twin directly to the other. Like peas in a pod, and she’d enjoyed watching their reaction as she and Kate had walked down the street. But then, suddenly in flash, she’d become different; her whole world had changed, her brother had died and she’d never be one part of an identical pair again. She cursed inwardly that she’d ended up in the wheelchair. She was now someone people looked down to, pitied and spoke over. She resented the chair and everything about it, and was determined that it wouldn’t define her.

  So why, when the sensations had returned in her feet, why had she made a decision to hide that fact from everyone? Over the past months, her legs had got a little stronger. She could at least stand now, even though little insignificant steps were all that she could manage and she knew deep down that Kate would be more than delighted. So why hadn’t she told her?

  Chapter Twelve

  Kate and Eve sat in the corner of the Fox and Hounds and chatted aimlessly about anything and everything they could.

  Not long after they’d arrived, Mother had begun chatting to an older lady who was sitting alone on the table next to theirs. Apparently she was also a member of the Women’s Institute and both she and their mother had already begun to swap notes on everything from how to wrap gifts, to new recipes for cupcakes.

  ‘How’s Max?’ Kate asked as she lovingly held onto Eve’s hand. ‘Has he caused you any trouble today?’

  ‘Oh, he’s fine. Zoe came and walked him earlier. He went over the quarry and rolled in fox poo, so he ended up with an impromptu hose down in the back garden, along with a dousing of tomato ket
chup, which apparently gets rid of the smell.’ She screwed up her nose and looked over Kate’s shoulder to where their mother sat. ‘What’s Mum really doing here, Kate? Do you think she’s fallen out with Dad again? I mean, it’s not like she wanted to see us, is it? She’s barely spoken to either of us all evening. In fact, I’d say she’s done everything she can to avoid speaking to us at all.’

  Kate shook her head. ‘Oh, I don’t know, sis, seems neither of us really exist since James died. It’s as though she turns up and goes through the motions. Speaks to us when she has to. She uses my house as a hotel rather than yours purely because it used to be our grandmother’s and she still feels that she has a right to be there, and, as you say, all of this happens when she falls out with Dad.’

  Eve once again looked over Kate’s shoulder and toward the crowd of people that stood around the bar.

  ‘Who do you keep looking at?’ Kate asked as she turned to look.

  ‘There, the guy in the jeans. The one with the glasses. He’s waved at me a couple of times. I’m suspecting he’s someone that knows you. Albeit, if he does know you, I need to know who he is, he’s really cute.’

  Kate laughed as her eyes searched the crowd. ‘Who?’

  Being twins, they’d soon got used to people waving at them who they didn’t know. It was a reaction they’d encountered their whole life, and normally meant that a friend of one had waved at the other twin or vice versa.

  ‘The really cute guy.’ Eve emphasised the word cute and waved back to the man. ‘You are going to introduce me, Kate, aren’t you?’ Her face lit up with a smile.

  Kate looked, just as Eric glanced over his shoulder. His eyes quickly went between her and Eve. And they both laughed at the confusion that crossed his face.

  ‘Eric, we meet again.’ Kate stood up to greet him as he walked tentatively towards her. It had only been a couple of hours since she’d been back to the shop to buy wine and now, once again he was here.