Crossroads

by Chantal Fernando

  My eyes widen slightly as we step outside and stop and turn to face each other. “I’m not sure, depends what the doctor says, you know?”

  “We need to have a talk, Jo,” he says, looking me in the eye. “I know things are different now, but I don’t want them to change between us.” He makes a sound of frustration and glances around. “I know this isn’t the time or place to talk, but I just need to know that you’re not going to shut me out.”

  He turns and takes my hand in his, then leans down to kiss my forehead. A tender kiss full of promise. The thing is, I can’t give him what he’s asking for, and I need to explain that to him. I might have to shut him out. He’s right: we do need to talk and this isn’t the time. I want to be honest with him though. I’m not one to play games, and I’m not going to start now.

  “Can we talk later? When I get back to the hotel maybe?”

  He nods, relief flashing on his handsome face. “Yes, that sounds good. Have you eaten? I’ll get us something for lunch. And don’t lie to me, it doesn’t look like you got much sleep last night.”

  I roll my eyes at him. “I slept enough.”

  “According to who?” he asks, arching a brow. “If you’re not going to fuckin’ take care of yourself, I’m going to do it for you.”

  “Is that right?” I ask, feeling amused. “Well, I’m not going to say no to some lunch, since I haven’t eaten since early yesterday.”

  He scowls, but I know he hasn’t eaten either.

  “You must be hungry too.”

  “I’m fine,” he says, eyes softening. “Come to my room when you get back and food will be waiting for you. Just text me when you’re leaving the hospital.”

  “Okay,” I say, smiling at him.

  “Go back inside,” he tells me, nodding to the entrance. “I don’t want to leave until I know you’re in there.”

  I try to hand him the car keys, but he shakes his head. “No, I’ll take a cab so you can drive back when you’re ready.”

  I wrap my arms around him suddenly, burying my face into his T-shirt and closing my eyes. He returns the gesture, and for a moment I can pretend like it’s just me and him, with no other issues around us to deal with. I open my eyes and pull away, glancing up at him. He cups my face with his palm, then gives me a soft kiss, full of promises to come. I flash a small smile at him before walking back inside. As I approach her room, reality hits me again, and I picture how happy Elizabeth was being cuddled with Ranger. She’d been smiling.

  Shit.

  • • •

  A few hours later, I find myself knocking on Ranger’s room door. He opens it quickly, freshly showered and changed into a black T-shirt and gray sweatpants that he definitely shouldn’t wear in public, because I can see the outline of his huge penis. In fact, it’s all I can see right now.

  “I didn’t know what you felt like, so I kind of got a bit of everything,” he says, lifting the lid off the room-service trays. My tummy rumbles as I take in the burger and fries, chicken and rice, nachos and fruit platter.

  “Which one do you want?” I ask him, eyeing the burger.

  “Babe, take what you want. We can order more if need be,” he says, sitting down on the bed and watching me.

  “You’re going to just sit there and watch me eat?” I ask, raising my brow. “Please tell me you already ate something and didn’t go hungry waiting for me.”

  He simply shrugs, and his silence speaks wonders.

  “Ranger, eat,” I command, then change my tone and add a “please.”

  He smirks and picks up the nachos and starts eating, while I grab the burger I’ve been eyeing and take a huge bite of it. I sit down next to him, and the two of us eat in comfortable silence for a while.

  “So should I call you Cam now?” is how I start the conversation, licking the ketchup off my fingers.

  He looks at me, as if surprised by the question. “You can call me that if you like, but everyone I know pretty much calls me Ranger.”

  “Your parents call you Ranger?” I ask, curious to find out more about him now that we have the time.

  “My mom passed away,” he says, standing up and putting the empty plate on the tray and picking up the fruit. “And my dad left us when I was three. Kept in contact for a while, but we lost touch, and I have no idea where he is now. My family is the MC. Talon is my family. Shayla and the rest of them. And they all call me Ranger.”

  “How did you get the name?” I ask him, wondering how MCs choose the road names of their members. “And who is Shayla?”

  He chuckles before he replies. “When I started prospecting for the Wild Men, I was actually working as an assistant ranger. They found it amusing, and the name just stuck. I’ve been Ranger ever since.”

  I can’t hold back the bubble of laughter that escapes me. “That’s actually a pretty cute story. I have to admit I wasn’t expecting that answer.”

  “What did you think? That I killed a ranger or something?” he teases, making me laugh again.

  “No, I didn’t think that at all,” I say, shrugging.

  “And Shayla is Talon’s cousin,” he says. “Talon loves the shit out of her, and we get on really well. We’re family.”

  “Sounds like you have quite the family,” she murmurs. I nod in agreement, then change the subject.

  “Now about that conversation,” he says, lifting a strawberry and bringing it to my lips. I take a bite as he says, “I want you,” and almost choke on the piece in my mouth.

  He grins, and pops the next strawberry into his own mouth, while I try to think of what to say next.

  And come up with nothing.

  EIGHTEEN

  Ranger

  “I WANT you too,” she says after she chews and swallows. But I feel a but coming on.

  “But?” I prompt.

  I’m not going to accept any buts.

  I don’t like the serious look that takes over her beautiful face. “There’s something you need to know, Ranger, but it’s hard for me to explain because I don’t know if it’s my place to.”

  I have no idea what she’s talking about right now. “Jo, you need to tell me what the fuck you’re talking about, because I’ve got nothing here.”

  Did she not want to be with me anymore? Is she embarrassed or some shit? Maybe it’s because some of her family members are here now. Or maybe she wants to concentrate on making sure Elizabeth gets back on her feet before she jumps into something—which is a valid concern I guess, but I’m still not going to let her use it as an excuse. Whatever she wants to do, I can do it with her. I can help her.

  Her phone starts to ring just as she opens her mouth, so she flashes me an apologetic look, then picks up.

  “Hey,” she says into the line. “Yeah, he’s here with me.” She pauses, says okay, and then hangs up.

  “She’s asking for you,” she says, reaching over and taking a slice of pineapple.

  I feel like I’m missing something right now. I tell her as much.

  She sighs and brings her baby blue eyes to me. “Elizabeth used to talk about you, you know.”

  My eyes widen. “What did she say?”

  “Just about your trip and how great you were,” she says, chewing thoughtfully. “She called you Cam, so I didn’t put two and two together, but yeah, I did hear a lot about you.”

  “Okay, and?”

  “And,” she says, dragging out the word. “Did you ever have any feelings for her?”

  Oh fuck. Now I see where this is going.

  “We’re just friends, Jo. That’s all we ever were,” I say, brow furrowing. “Is that what the problem is? You think that you’re trampling on her toes, or is this an insecurity thing?”

  She looks like she wants to kill me with her bare hands. I look down to see her little hands closed into little fists, and her eyes are filled with a fire I’ve never seen coming from her before.

  “Please tell me that you did not just say that,” she asks between clenched teeth. “You think this is
about me being jealous? This has nothing to do with that, Ranger. My cousin just went through a fucking ordeal, and I had no idea that you were the Cam she kept talking about, or I never would have slept with you.”

  “Why not?” I ask. “Just because I was friends with your cousin years ago? Because she seems to need me now for some reason? I don’t know why she seems to want me near her—maybe she feels safer? I don’t know, Jo. I care about your cousin, and I’ll be here for her if she needs me to be, but it’s you I want to be with. I hope you’re not just looking for excuses because you’re scared . . . I know this isn’t exactly what you’d hoped for, and I know we don’t have an easy path ahead of us, but I don’t give a fuck. I think you’re worth it, and I hope you feel the same way about me.”

  There it is. All my cards laid out on the table, no games, no messing around. She said that I’m never vulnerable, but in this moment I am.

  When she doesn’t reply, I bring my hand to her jaw and look her right in the eye. “Tell me I’m worth it, Jo.”

  “You’re worth it,” she says. She opens her mouth to say something else when her phone rings again.

  “We better get going; we can talk more about this later,” I say, leaning forward and kissing her lips. “But the bottom line is, whatever shit happens, we’ll sort it out, all right?”

  She nods and kisses me this time, harder than I kissed her. I smile against her lips, happy that she’s not acting off anymore, that she’s back on my team. On our team. She ends the kiss, flashes me a smile, and stands, ready to go back to the hospital. I stand and take her hand, bringing it to my mouth and placing my lips on her knuckles. We share a look, a moment, something passing between us.

  I let her know that I’m all in, and she acknowledges that fact.

  It’s not exactly what I want from her, but it will do.

  For now anyway.

  • • •

  “Are you flying back with me?” Elizabeth asks. She looks much better today, color in her cheeks and a sunnier disposition. Maybe seeing her family did her some good, or maybe she’s just realizing that she’s safe now. I’m not naïve enough to think that it’s going to be all good now for her, but she’s definitely heading in the right direction, I think. She’s looking forward to going home, and that’s something.

  I look to Jo as I answer her question. “I’m flying back whenever Jo is, so if she’s flying with you, then yes.”

  Elizabeth glances at Jo. “Okay.”

  “I need to head into the station today,” Jo says, looking at her watch. “Tie up some loose ends. After that I’m ready to fly out whenever. Depends on you, Elizabeth, and how you’re feeling.”

  “I’m ready to go home,” she says to Jo, wrapping her arms around herself. “I just want this whole nightmare to be over, you know? I want to be at home, back in my own bed.”

  Jo nods, eyes softening. “I know, sweetie. If the doctor says it’s okay, I can book all of our tickets to fly out tomorrow. We need to make sure the media doesn’t get wind of it though, because the news stations are dying to cover this story, and they’re going to be all over you.”

  “They’ll want me and the other girls to do an interview or something, right?” she asks, raising her eyebrows. “Yeah, I’m definitely not ready to do something like that. I just want to crawl under my covers and sleep for a year. Helen will be at home with me, so I won’t be alone.” She brings her eyes to mine. “And, Cam, you can drop in if I need some company, right?”

  I nod. “Sure, I can check in on you.”

  “Great,” she says, a slow-spreading smile appearing on her face. “If I get the go-ahead, then we can leave tomorrow morning.”

  “Sounds like a plan,” Jo says, standing up. “I better get going, I’ll be back here in a few hours. Is there anything you want on the way, Elizabeth?”

  “I’ll get Cam to text you if I think of anything,” she replies, flashing Jo a grateful look. “Helen brought me some clothes and shoes and stuff, so I’m good in that area. Maybe I’ll want some nonhospital food though, like a giant burger and fries or something.”

  “I’ll be waiting for your text, then,” Jo says, then turning to me. “I’ll be back soon.”

  “Okay, drive safely,” I tell her, watching her as she leaves the room. When I turn back to Elizabeth, her eyes are already on me, slightly narrowed.

  “You two seem to have gotten pretty close,” she says, looking contemplative. “You’re a biker.”

  Amusement fills me. “Yes, I am.”

  “And she’s a cop.”

  I nod. I know all this. What I don’t know is why she’s pointing it out.

  She licks her lips and looks down at her hands. “Cam, the reason I went looking for you wasn’t just to say hello. I wanted to tell you that . . .” She clears her throat, then looks up at me, blue eyes boring into me. “Did you ever think that maybe we’d have been perfect for each other? We got along so well and we had the best time. I don’t think I’d ever laughed so much in my life. I know I was different back then, I was more shy and inexperienced, but I’m older now. Wiser. And I always think about what would have happened if we gave us a chance.” She pauses, smiles, then adds, “You’re kind of the one who got away for me.”

  The one who got away? As in . . .

  Everything suddenly clicks. Jo’s behavior, Elizabeth’s behavior . . . fuckin’ everyone’s behavior.

  Fuck. She thinks she’s wiser? She went into a biker bar by herself asking questions about me. That’s not wise. Unless you’re Faye fuckin’ Black, you don’t pull that shit. I run my hand over my head, then rub the back of my neck. This woman has just been through hell, she’s vulnerable, and she’s someone I don’t want to hurt. How do I tell her that I’ve never thought about all the things she just said? That after I met Jo, no other woman will measure up?

  I don’t even know how to explain that without sounding fuckin’ crazy, even to myself. I just saw her, I wanted her, I got her, and now I’m trying to keep her. I don’t want anyone else. There’s nothing wrong with Elizabeth, but I never really thought about her in that way. She didn’t leave the impact on me that I apparently left on her. Yeah, we had good times, and, yes, I will always care about her, but it’s only friendship. I like her. I more than like Jo. How do I explain this?

  “We were always just friends, Elizabeth,” I say in a gentle tone, hoping that it softens the blow.

  “Really?” she asks, sounding incredulous. “Cam, I—”

  “Friends,” I repeat, reaching out to take her hand. “I care about you. You’re an amazing woman, but—”

  “Wow,” she says, moving her hand away and staring straight ahead. “Did I just make up everything between us then? Yes, we were friends, but we were always friends who had the potential to be more. If we both want it, we can be amazing, Cam. You’ve never given us a chance. I want to take that chance so I don’t have to always wonder what could have been. Just think about it. I think we’d be great together.”

  She’s been through so much, and I don’t want to contribute to any more of her pain or upset her, but she doesn’t seem to be understanding that I don’t want to, and will never want to be with her in that way.

  What the fuck am I supposed to do now?

  NINETEEN

  “CAM?” She softly says from behind me as I walk toward the door and stop. “Where are you going?”

  “Nowhere,” I say, turning around. “I’m not going anywhere, Elizabeth, I’m just thinking.”

  “About us?” she asks boldly, sitting up in her bed and adjusting the sheets. “Say something, Cam.”

  I grit my teeth and return to the bed. Do I mention Jo, or will that just hurt her and cause shit between them? I don’t want to do that, but I don’t want to fuckin’ lie. I know how upset Jo will get if Elizabeth lashes out at her, and she might not even want to have anything to do with me after that. Fuck. That isn’t an option. Not being with Jo isn’t even a fuckin’ option. Maybe we can keep things between us a secr
et for now, until Elizabeth realizes that we’re not meant to be. Maybe she’ll get over it soon. I don’t know; I need to talk to Jo about all of this. I’ll let her decide how to handle this so she can’t throw it in my face later. I also know very well how jealous women get. I don’t peg Elizabeth as the malicious type at all, but honestly, you never know. After everything that’s happened . . . I also don’t know her that well anymore. Time changes people. I’ve definitely changed since then.

  “I feel safe around you,” she continues to speak. “Don’t take that away from me right now, Cam.”

  And when she puts it that way, what the hell am I meant to respond with? I’m itching to leave this room, but I know I can’t do that to her. I decide to just say, “If you need me, I’ll be here,” and leave it at that. I will be here if she needs me, whenever she needs me, but Jo will be by my side too, where she belongs.

  I watch her break eye contact, then she lets out a breath and nods. “Okay.”

  I feel relieved that she’s letting it go, and try to change the subject. “Your sister looks nothing like you, by the way.”

  “I know,” she says, her body language relaxing. “She looks more like my mom’s side of the family. I spoke to my parents on the phone today. They’re so upset they couldn’t fly here.”

  “How old were they when they had you and your sister?” I ask, wondering just how old they are that they can’t fly.

  “Mom had me when she was thirty-eight, and Helen when she was forty-two.”

  “Pretty late,” I say, wondering how it affected their family dynamics.

  “I know,” she agrees. “I’d never have kids that late. I think midthirties will be my expiration date.”

  “Expiration?” I repeat, smirking. “Don’t worry, you have some time until then.”

  “Do you want kids someday?” she asks, tilting her head to the side.

  “I haven’t really thought about it,” I answer honestly. “I guess so. It depends on the kind of life I’m living at that point.”

  She nods like she understands, but I know she doesn’t. I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life when I return home. I love the Wind Dragons, but for some reason I don’t feel like I belong there. I don’t think I belong in an MC anymore, and I don’t know what to do, or where to go. I can either stay there and see how it goes, or I can leave and see where life takes me. I have my education to fall back on, and maybe I can finally put it to use. I need to explore a new path in life.