Crossroads

by Chantal Fernando

  I grin and say, “Maybe this weekend we could have a party.”

  “Go on,” Faye says, waving her hand in the air, her expression one of interest.

  “Maybe there could be some appealing men attending this party,” I say, shifting on my feet. “And maybe one might interest a damsel in distress.”

  “I see,” Faye says, lifting her chin. “Like Cinderella’s ball, but with Elizabeth as the prime meat.”

  “Did you just say that?” I ask, wondering where she comes up with this shit. “Do you know any prime meat? All the men here are taken.”

  “Yes, I did just say that,” she says, stepping closer to me. “I think the idea can work, but look, she just got kidnapped and shit, so let’s not be insensitive.”

  “You just called her stupid and a stalker,” I point out.

  “Let’s not bring up the past,” she says, scowling at me. I’m starting to wonder if Faye is legit crazy. “Why don’t we give her a bit of time and then pull the biker sausagefest idea? I think I have a guy in mind. He’s a total babe, all the women think so.”

  “Okay, plan on hold,” I say, bending down to pet Colt, Shayla’s dog. “I’m heading to Jo’s. Tell the men to call me if they need anything. I’ll drop in at Rift later tonight, Sin wants me to look over some accounts.”

  “I’ll tell them,” Faye says, sitting down on the grass to hug Colt. “Have fun, Ranger. Rock her world. Bring her over to the dark side!”

  • • •

  Her warmth at my back, her arms wrapped around my waist, now I know what heaven feels like. There’s nothing better than sharing something you love with someone you can’t get enough of, and Jo on the back of my bike has my chest puffed out. She belongs there, right where she is right now, holding on to her man. After I showed up at her house yet again, this time a little later so she was already home, she cooked me some dinner, and then we went on this ride. I can really get used to this.

  With no particular destination in mind, we drive past the now-deserted Wild Men clubhouse, which kind of hurts, but I try not to dwell on it. Although Slice turned out to be a backstabbing asshole, and the rest of the men were older and kind of useless, they were men I shared a lot of times with, good and bad. They were family. I thought the Wild Men were a strong MC, but I was wrong. The proof is in that empty building filled with memories and what could have been.

  My phone keeps vibrating in my leather jacket, and I know it’s Elizabeth, but she’s going to have to wait until after I’ve spent some time with Jo. Helen should be there with her, so it’s not like she’s alone. If anything goes wrong, she needs to call the police. Nothing will go wrong though, Faye has made sure of that, making sure anyone who would recognize Elizabeth is now behind bars, in hiding, or dead. I push her out of my mind and think about Jo, and where I think she’d enjoy me stopping. I contemplate taking her to the beach, but we end up at a scenic park with a lake that I’ve been to a few times before. I help her get off my bike, removing her helmet, and taming her short hair with my fingers. With the moonlight on her, she looks fuckin’ beautiful, and I can’t help but lean down for a kiss.

  “Want to take a walk?” I ask her when I pull back. “It’s pretty nice through there.”

  “Sure,” she says, smiling and placing her hand in mine.

  I return the smile and lead her down the path, wondering if this is considered romantic, or if I’m making a complete fool of myself.

  Probably both.

  “What did you think?” I ask her as we both sit down on a park bench overlooking the lake. “Did you enjoy the ride?”

  “I did,” she says, smiling. “I can see the appeal. I can’t wait to get back on for the ride home. Maybe next time I can ride it myself?”

  “What, on my bike?” I ask, eyes going wide. “No one else has ever ridden her before.”

  She rolls her eyes and playfully nudges me with her elbow. “Well, maybe I’ll be the first, then, won’t I?”

  She’s so small and dainty that sometimes I forget she’s a badass in her own right. She’s a policewoman, a warrior, and probably already knows how to ride. No one has ridden my Harley before, but for her I might make an exception. She doesn’t need to know that though—I’ll make her work for it.

  “We’ll see,” I mutter, but the thought of her on my bike kind of has me a little hard. I want to fuck her on that bike. I wonder if she’ll let me. If I didn’t have to get to Rift soon, I’d try to tick that off my list right now.

  “I’ll just buy my own bike,” she announces. “We can have races.”

  “Did a woman of the law just say she wants to race with me?” I ask, laughing. “Fuck, you’ve been hanging around me too long already, Jo.”

  “I don’t think it’s illegal when I do it,” she smirks, the little minx. “I’ll just say I was chasing after you to arrest you.”

  “At least you acknowledge that I’ll be in the lead,” I say, nodding my approval.

  “Of course that’s all you got from that,” she grumbles, reaching out and grabbing the lapel of my leather jacket. “You look good in this.”

  “Yeah? Pretty sure that’s meant to be my line.”

  She runs her hand down the zipper. “Nah, I think you’ve got the leather thing covered, Ranger. I’ve never even checked out a biker before, so I don’t know why I’m so damn attracted to everything about you. I think it’s just you, you know?”

  Her simple words mean everything to me. It’s the best feeling to know that I’m not in this alone, that she wants me as much as I want her. “Where did you come from?”

  “I could ask you the same thing,” she replies, ducking her head shyly.

  I stand up off the bench and offer her my hand. She takes it and I lift her up, then let my hands run down her body to rest on those hips I love so much. I lean down and take her lips with mine, kissing her slowly, sensually. I like being with her, around her. It’s enough. It’s intoxicating and addictive. Satisfying. The squeals when I pull back, then lift her in my arms, throwing her over my shoulder and carrying her back to my bike. I sit her on it, then kiss her again, smiling against her lips.

  I can’t get enough.

  I used to give shit to the men in the clubhouse, but now I so fuckin’ get it.

  And it’s everything.

  “I don’t want to take you home, but I need to get my ass to Rift,” I say, sighing.

  “And then go to Elizabeth’s,” she adds, also sighing. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Babe, you can ask me anything,” I assure her, wanting her to be able to be open with her feelings with me. “What’s on your mind?”

  “Did she hit on you when you stayed there?” she asks, looking me in the eye. “It’s clear she wants you, so did she try anything? I didn’t ask because I figured you would’ve said something, but when you didn’t it kept playing on my mind.”

  My mind races with how to answer this with pure honesty. “She didn’t try to touch me or anything like that. She wore a robe around the house, but maybe that’s normal for her? Other than that she rested her head on my shoulder and that’s it. Nothing happened and nothing will happen.

  “I’ll handle her, all right? If she does try something, I’m just going to tell her that I’m seeing someone, and that will be that. You don’t need to worry about it, Jo. I’m yours, and that’s not going to change.”

  Her response is to bring my face closer to hers with her hands on my cheek and to kiss me.

  • • •

  “Where have you been recently?” Talon asks, studying me as I sit at a desk in one of the office rooms in Rift, going over some numbers for the club’s accounts. “I feel like I haven’t spent time with you since you got back.”

  “I know,” I say, pausing and looking up. “Do you have any plans tomorrow? Maybe I’ll come over and harass you and Tia at your place.”

  “You know you’re welcome,” Talon says instantly. “You have your own room there, brother. You just haven’t used it yet. Are you s
ure everything is all right? You seem distracted as fuck.”

  “Everything is fine,” I tell him. “I’ve just been busy. And between me and you . . . I’m kind of seeing someone. But we definitely need to cut out some time.”

  “I knew it,” he says, grinning. “Which one is it? Elizabeth or the cop? My vote is the cop.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Because I know you,” he replies, shaking his head, eyes smiling. “You never take the easy road, and you’re attracted to anything different and unique. That’s why you got bored with all the club women, didn’t you? No challenge, too predictable, too expected. Everyone else was doing it, and you don’t like doing what everyone else does.”

  “I’m that easy to figure out, am I?” I ask, studying him. “It’s not a game with Jo, Talon. It’s something else, I can’t even explain it, but she’s mine, and I’m going to do whatever I can to keep her.”

  “That sounds like a lot more than ‘seeing someone,’ ” Talon says, tapping his knuckles absently on the desk. “She’s a cop. You think you can make it work?”

  I nod.

  “Will it affect her reputation at work?” Talon asks, running his hand through his shaggy white-blond hair in thought. “What if they try to use her to take down the MC? Have you thought about all this?”

  And that’s why I didn’t want to tell anyone about this. I don’t want to hear it. Are his points valid? Yes. But I want what I want, and listening to logic, valid or not, isn’t going to change my mind. This is between me and Jo, and no one else has any part of it.

  “I have it under control, Talon,” I say, wanting to get him off my back. I return my attention to the documents in front of me, hoping he leaves it alone.

  “Ranger—”

  “I know, Talon,” I say softly. “Trust me, I know, but I’m not going to stop seeing her. If any problems arise, I’ll fuckin’ take care of it, all right? Right now I just need to figure things out, and I need to do that on my own. You gonna give me time to do that before you get on my case?”

  His green eyes narrow, but then he gives me a slight head nod. “Okay. You need me, I’m here.”

  “I know,” I say sincerely, letting my eyes show how much I appreciate it. “Thank you.”

  “I’ll leave you to it, then,” he says, tapping the table once more, then stepping away. “See you at my place tomorrow? Come for lunch.”

  “Sounds good,” I say, giving him a chin lift. “Let me know if you want me to bring anything.”

  Talon walks to the door and opens it. “Tia will handle it, brother. She’ll be happy to see you. Rhett too.” I look forward to seeing them all tomorrow. He walks out and closes the door behind him.

  Returning my attention to the task at hand, I finish up and then grab my jacket, ready to head to Elizabeth’s. Checking my phone, I see two missed calls from her. I send her a quick text, not wanting her to worry, then get on my bike. Going to her house feels like a job, and I hate that it doesn’t feel like two friends hanging out. I don’t know what else to do though, except suggest Faye’s offer, that if she’s truly scared she’s welcome to seek refuge at the Wind Dragons clubhouse.

  I have no fuckin’ idea what I’m doing with my life right now.

  And the fucked-up thing? I don’t even care if it means I can be with Jo.

  TWENTY-SIX

  Johanna

  WITH my eyes closed, I run my fingers down the inside of his forearm. I like it when he’s in bed with me. Just his presence—it’s peaceful. I don’t mind waking up to his knocks on my door early morning; in fact, when I heard them I woke up with a smile. Now I’m half-asleep, and he’s next to me, doing cute things like running his hands through my hair and massaging my scalp, lulling me into a more relaxed state. My fingers graze his, and that’s all I remember before I fall back into a deep sleep.

  • • •

  “How have you been doing?” I ask Elizabeth as I sit down at her dinner table. Everyone wanted to have a family dinner.

  “Pretty well,” she says, taking a sip from her glass of red wine. “I’ve been talking to a professional about everything, and it’s helping. I’m going back to work next week. I want my life back. I don’t want to be broken, I want to be whole.”

  “You should be so proud of yourself,” I tell her. “For being so strong.”

  I know nothing about psychology, but I do know enough about post-traumatic stress. I’ve seen it over the years in the force. There are some things you can’t come back from. They change you, the pain irreversible.

  “You know, I never thanked you for everything you did to find me,” she says, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Helen told me how you never gave up, how determined you were.” She puts her glass down and pulls me in for a hug. “Thank you, Jo. Without you and Cam . . .”

  “Don’t even think about it,” I tell her, rubbing her back. “It’s over now. And I was just doing my job.”

  “You did more than your job and you know it,” she says quietly, pulling back and smiling gently. “And you brought Cam back into my life. If there’s anything I can ever do for you, please let me know.”

  I force a smile and reach for the bottle of wine, pouring myself another glass. I try to compartmentalize my life, but when she keeps bringing him up, it’s hard for me to deal with what’s going on right now. She’s talking about Cam, but she doesn’t know that he’s my Ranger. The guilt hits me straight in the chest. She’s going to hate me. It’s gone so far that I don’t know what to do, what to say, or how to bring it up. Do I handle it, or does he? Do we sit her down together? I don’t know. I’m a terrible person. This girl is my blood, my family, and I’m continuing to be with Ranger behind her back. She deserves to know the truth.

  “Hey, is everything okay?” she asks me, brow furrowing in concern. “You just drank that whole glass like we’re at a frat party.”

  I wish we were at a frat party.

  “I’m fine,” I utter, glancing around the room. “I’m going to grab some water from the kitchen. Do you want anything?”

  “No, I’m good,” she says, still watching me.

  I stand up and walk into the kitchen, grabbing a glass and running some tap water from the sink into it. As I stare out the window into the darkness, I wonder what Ranger is doing right now. In this moment, I know that this can’t go on. I don’t want to go home alone tonight while he comes here to look after Elizabeth. I can’t do it. The whole truth has to come out. I can’t keep going from feeling like I’m on top of the world to feeling like the worst person in it.

  This isn’t me.

  Feeling impulsive, I send him a quick text, telling him that we need to talk.

  “You okay?” my cousin Jack asks me, coming to stand next to me.

  “I’m fine,” I say, turning to look at him. “Just tired. How’s everything with you?”

  “Not bad,” he says, concern still etched on his face. “Just busy with work, I’m sure you know how that is.”

  “Yep,” I say, forcing a smile. “You still out breaking hearts or what?”

  He puts his hand on his chest. “I’m hurt you think that of me, Jo. I can’t help it if I’m a favorite of the ladies.”

  I roll my eyes, turning to face him. Jack is a baby at nineteen, and a total heartbreaker. If you look into those brown eyes though, you can tell he’s an old soul. “I hope you’re using protection.”

  He starts laughing, leaning on the counter for support. “I’m not going to get anyone pregnant, don’t you worry.”

  “The pullout method doesn’t work,” I advise.

  He tries to keep a straight face. “And how do you know that?” He rubs my stomach. “Secret bun in the oven?”

  “No,” I say, playfully slapping his hand away. “That’s how your mom told me she got pregnant with you.”

  He stills, cringing. “I could have lived without knowing that, Jo. Thanks, really, thanks. I’m going to get myself a drink.”

  He exits the kitchen, l
eaving me giggling to myself.

  Is everything okay?

  I stare at my phone. Is everything okay? I have no idea. I reply and tell him I’ll text him when I get home, and ask if he’s free to come over so we can talk face-to-face.

  Of course. Text me and I’ll be there.

  Elizabeth and Helen walk into the kitchen, and I hear the end of their conversation. “We’re just getting to know each other again. I don’t want him to feel sorry for me, I want him to want me.”

  Fuck.

  So that’s her plan. I think I’ve been in denial, thinking that just maybe she wanted him around as a friend. Total denial, and it’s been easy because I haven’t seen her that much. But now, here in her house, hearing her talk about him, I realize that we’ve been handling the whole thing terribly wrong.

  Shit.

  “So you guys haven’t kissed or anything?” Helen asks, sounding surprised. “You make me leave the house every time he comes over and you haven’t even kissed? I might as well be here watching movies with the two of you, then.”

  And this is my breaking point.

  I make it through the rest of the night, distracted, but pretending everything is fine. I reply, I smile, I socialize, but when I make it to my car, I let the reality of the situation hit me.

  I’m not going to cry.

  Elizabeth will get over it eventually, right? It’s not like she’s in love with him. Sure, she’s made soul mate comments, but that’s just a theory, isn’t it? Can you love someone who never loved you back? Can you love someone you’ve known for only a short period of time?

  I don’t believe in instalove. No, I didn’t believe in instalove. I don’t know if I’m in love with Ranger or not, but I know this is something. I don’t want to hide the fact that we’re together. I don’t want to have to hide anything. The whole situation has gotten out of control, and it needs to be reeled in.

  What scares me the most is that more than my cousin being angry at me, I don’t want to lose him.

  I’d never admit that out loud.