Crossroads

by Chantal Fernando

  I roll my eyes at his dramatics. He’s acting like I’ve told him I robbed a bank or something. Forbidden love. Is that what I have with Ranger? Do I love him? Do I even know what love is? The questions running through my mind give me a headache. I rub my temples and wish that we never had this conversation. In fact, I’m going to pretend it never took place.

  “Can we change the subject now? Please?” I beg, turning the music volume back up and pretending I can’t feel the tension radiating from him. He’s not happy, and he’s clearly not trying to hide it.

  We spend the rest of the ride in silence.

  TWENTY-NINE

  Ranger

  “SO,” I start, wanting to get this conversation over with. I look over at Elizabeth; she’s sitting on the couch, eating some ice cream. “Faye has extended an open invitation to the clubhouse any time you feel like you need protection. I think that you don’t need me here anymore, Elizabeth. You’re doing so well, and you have your sister.”

  She puts down her spoon and scowls at me. “What do you mean? Don’t you like hanging out with me? That’s what friends do, you know?”

  “Yeah,” I say slowly, dragging the word out. “But they don’t do it every night on a schedule. It’s random. Different times and different places, which we can still do. And if you ever feel like you truly do need me, I’ll be here.”

  “You’d be doing the same thing at the clubhouse, wouldn’t you? I don’t see the big deal about why you don’t want to stay here,” she says, blue eyes flashing with sadness and confusion.

  Fuck.

  I don’t want her to be sad, but this truly can’t go on, especially when she’s secretly hoping something might happen between us. She hasn’t made a move on me or done anything inappropriate though, so it’s also awkward as fuck for me to bring this up right now. How do I get into these situations?

  “So here’s the thing. I’m kind of seeing someone right now, so I’d kind of like to be able to spend the night with her. Don’t get me wrong, if I thought you truly needed me I’d be here, but you don’t, do you?”

  “You’re seeing someone?” she asks softly, looking down at her bowl. “I had no idea. Why didn’t you say anything?”

  “Kind of new,” I say, trying to brush it off. “And I wanted to make sure you were okay, you know? It’s not like I don’t like hanging out with you, we can still do stuff, I just can’t come here and watch shitty movies with you every night anymore. I have shit to do, and so do you, yeah?”

  Her lip twitches when I mention the shitty movies. “I guess I just don’t know how you don’t see it.”

  “See what?” I ask, tilting my head to the side and studying her.

  “That we’d be perfect for each other,” she says, smiling shyly. “Why don’t you see it, Cam? I know we were just friends back then . . . but you still—”

  “Elizabeth,” I say softly, cutting her off. “I think you’re amazing, you know this, and trust me, there’s someone out there for you. He’s going to be a lucky-ass man, but it’s not me.”

  “But it could be.”

  I shake my head. “No, it can’t. The woman I met, she’s in deep, Elizabeth. She’s under my skin, and there’s no digging her out. I don’t even want to. I’m sorry. I hate to see you hurt, but trust me, you’ll know exactly what I mean when you meet the man who’s meant to be yours.”

  She stays silent for a few moments. “I’ve never heard you talk like this before. You’re a cynic.”

  “I guess I’m more of an ‘I’ll believe it when I see it’ type, and now I’ve seen it.”

  Fuck, I sound like a pussy-whipped little bitch, but I’m being real right now. I’m not going to act like I don’t care when I do; I’m not going to fuck around and possibly lose Jo, no fuckin’ way. Good women don’t come along every day, and one who gives you everything you’ve ever dreamed of? Yeah, I’m no fool. I want to take care of her, give her everything she needs and wants, and just love her until she knows nothing else. Until she doesn’t remember anything before I came into her life, because it wasn’t as important.

  “I’m not going to lie, I’m disappointed,” she admits, puffing out a deep breath. “I guess if it’s meant to be, it will be, right? I want you to be happy, Cam. Sure, I wanted it to be with me, but hey, I can’t always get what I want, and I know that.” She closes her eyes for a moment. “So this is what unrequited love feels like, huh? Never thought I’d be on the other end of that.”

  I stand up and sit next to her, taking the bowl out of her hands and putting it on the coffee table. I pull her into my arms. “Trust me, you’re dodging a bullet. I’m a pain in the ass.”

  She clings to me like I’m a lifeline, burying her face in my T-shirt. “I know you are, but I thought you’d be my pain in the ass one day.”

  No.

  Honestly, I don’t even like her holding me like she is right now, but she basically just admitted she loves me, so what else can I do? She may think she loves me, but she doesn’t. Only time and experience will let her figure that out. Such hard lessons we all have to go through sometimes.

  “We’re friends, Elizabeth,” I say, hoping she hears what I’m saying. I mean really hears it. Even if Jo and I don’t work out, we’ll never be. Nothing will ever happen, and she needs to understand that and move on. She’s a pretty girl, and has a lot going for her; she’s not going to remain single for long. Everything will be worth it in the long run, one day she’ll thank me.

  But that day won’t be today.

  • • •

  “Uncle Ranger!” Clover hollers, running into the kitchen with a giant lollipop in her hand.

  “Hey, Clover, where did you get that?” I ask, eyeing it. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to little kids referring to me as uncle, but they’re good kids, cute and badass. They treat me like I am their uncle, and the feeling makes me both uncomfortable and grateful.

  “Uncle Arrow gave it to me,” she says, taking a lick. “It’s strawberry. Do you want one? He has more.”

  I kind of did, but shake my head. No point adding “taking candy from a baby” to my list of shitty deeds for the week. I already have breaking Elizabeth’s heart on that list, and that’s where I want to leave it.

  “No, thanks,” I tell her, glancing up as her mother joins us.

  “Ranger,” she says, beaming. “Just the man I was looking for.”

  I cringe exaggeratedly. “What now? You want me to give up an organ? Save a kitten from a tree?”

  Clover’s eyes widen. “There’s a kitten stuck in a tree? We have to save it! Uncle Rake has a ladder.”

  “Like mother like daughter,” I say, flashing Faye an amused glance. “Now what’s up?”

  “Arrow wants you. I don’t know why.” She cocks her hip against the doorframe, then adds, “Okay, I do know why. He needs a few extra men at Rift tonight and wants you to be one.”

  “I can’t wait until I’m old enough to go to Rift,” Clover says, still licking her lollipop. “I’m going to own that dance floor.”

  Faye and I both stare at her in a Yeah, we’ll see about that way, then share an amused glance.

  “Is that right?” Faye asks, brow rising. “You should have that conversation with your dad.”

  “Good idea,” she says, walking out of the room to go find Sin.

  “What happened with Elizabeth last night?” Faye asks, stepping farther into the room and stopping in front of me. “Is the Cinderella scheme still on?”

  “I told her I was seeing someone. I don’t know, do you think it’s a good idea?” I ask, leaning back against the counter. “I haven’t even properly spoken to Jo about what happened yet; I’m going to go to her place after she finishes work.”

  “How are you going to tell Elizabeth her own cousin is the other woman?” Faye asks bluntly, then winces. “Fuck, that sounds bad.”

  “It is bad,” I say, scrubbing my hand down my face. “I don’t know, maybe one blow at a time, get her used to the idea, maybe even mo
ve on before she finds out that it’s Jo?”

  “It’s going to bite you in the ass.”

  “I know, but I’ve got nothing else right now,” I admit. “I just don’t want Jo to freak out and bail because she feels bad. I feel like how Elizabeth handles this controls Jo’s reaction, and I don’t like that.”

  “Because you can’t control it yourself?” Faye asks, smirking. “Typical alpha behavior. You still can though, because you can talk Jo off the ledge. You’ll just be doing a lot of reassuring for a while. It’s hard to deal with guilt, even if it’s misplaced.”

  “I know,” I mutter. “You should have your own TV show. Like Dr. Phil.”

  She playfully slaps my arm. “I need a reality show—how cool would that be? Although we’d probably all get arrested at some point.”

  “Which would also make for great TV.”

  “Very true. Now when are you going to bring your cop around for everyone to meet? Isn’t it funny? I inadvertently set you up with her. I’m like a part-time cupid.”

  “Maybe you need a new hobby. And the answer to that is I’ll bring her here when everyone stops referring to her as ‘the cop.’ ”

  “What? She is one.”

  Talon walks in and grins when he sees me. “I haven’t seen you since I dropped you off at the cop’s house, drunk, after you spent the night dancing with strippers to ‘Pony.’ ”

  “Great song,” Faye adds, but then narrows her eyes and points her finger at me. “You went to Toxic?”

  “Talon had to drop in,” I say, shrugging. “It’s not like I fucked one of the strippers.”

  I couldn’t even get hard watching them, as a matter of fact, not that I’m going to admit that though.

  “But we didn’t have to stay for two hours,” Talon, the shit-stirrer adds.

  I turn the tables on him. “Does Tia know you stayed there for so long?”

  “Yep,” he replies cheerily, jumping up on the counter and sitting. “I told her you were upset and turning to the bottle so I couldn’t just leave you there. I was being a good friend.”

  “Does Jo know you went there?” Faye asks, glancing between the two of us. “You two are hilarious by the way, like an old married couple.”

  “So, like you and Sin,” I fire back, moving out of the way of her swatting hand.

  “Sin and I are not old. We’re a hot, young married couple.”

  “Uh-huh,” Talon says, grinning. “We’re going to Rift and you’re coming.”

  “So I’ve heard,” I say, saying ’bye to Faye and following Talon to the front.

  I’ll help Arrow with whatever he needs, then go to Jo’s house.

  I miss her.

  And I hope my telling Elizabeth makes Jo feel better about being with me.

  THIRTY

  Johanna

  “SO how did she take it?” I ask Ranger.

  “She was upset, but she’ll be fine,” he says, squeezing his arms around me when I try to move off his lap. “There is no avoiding upsetting her, Jo. I’m never going to be with her, no matter the circumstances, whether you’re in the picture or not. I don’t feel that way about her. Yes, I care about her; no, I don’t want to be with her. We’ve been through this. It will all get better in time, we just have to hold on, all right?”

  I let his words penetrate, but it still doesn’t take away the pain and guilt that I’m contributing to my own cousin’s unhappiness right now.

  “All right,” I reply, burying my face in his chest. “Why does everything have to be so complicated?”

  With Travis’s words still in my head, and the fact that he’s pretty much giving me the silent treatment, everything is really starting to pile on my shoulders. I can feel Travis’s disappointment in me every time I’m near him, and although I don’t think his judgment is fair, it still hurts to get the cold shoulder from him. Where’s the support? Or at least “You’re an idiot, but I’ll have your back anyway because it’s you who has to live with your decisions.” Anything other than what I’m getting from him.

  “Everyone has their little bumps in the road,” Ranger says, then mutters, “At least that’s what I’ve heard. But at least ours has nothing to do with our relationship with each other; it’s just outside things that are giving us hell.”

  “That doesn’t make it any easier,” I groan, lifting my face up and placing my hands on his stubbled cheeks. “When are we going to tell her that it’s me?”

  “I don’t know, Jo. It’s your call. I’ll listen to you on this,” he says, resting his forehead against mine. “I love you. I don’t care what else happens, but I don’t want to lose you.”

  My eyes widen as I hear him say those three words for the first time. It’s the first time a man other than my father has said them to me. I swallow hard and look him right in the eye.

  “I love you too, Ranger,” I say, smiling, bending forward to kiss his lips. I close my eyes, just enjoying the moment, feeling it.

  He loves me.

  And it feels good to say those words out loud to him; no matter how crazy they may seem, they’re the truth.

  “You better,” he says as he ends the kiss, smiling against my lips.

  I pull out his hair from the ponytail and run my fingers through it. “You love me?”

  “I do,” he says, slamming his lips down on mine, kissing me with a passion that matches his words. He stands with me in his arms and carries me to my room. I love the way he lifts me as if I weigh nothing, how big and strong he is. He makes me feel so feminine, which is a difficult feat in my career. He puts me down, my feet hitting the carpet in my bedroom, then helps me undress until I’m completely naked. I help him do the same, then get down on my knees and take his hard cock into my hands. He looks down at me, eyes dark and heavy-lidded, watching my every move as I stroke him a few times and then take the head of his cock into my mouth. I suck it, then take it out and lick it with my tongue, teasing him a little before sliding as much as I can of him into my mouth and then back out again. I hold the base of him in my left hand, even though my hand doesn’t close around him, and suck up and down, hollowing my cheeks.

  “Fuck, Jo,” he whispers, tangling his hands in my hair and gently tugging on the short strands. “Yes, just like that.”

  I keep at it, sliding my mouth up and down, until my jaw starts to hurt, so I use my hand for a few pumps, giving my mouth a little break. I lick the underneath of him, from base to tip, then slide him back inside and suck. He makes a sound in the back of his throat that has me sucking him in deeper, until my gag reflex kicks in and I pull him out. I’m about to suck him into my mouth once more when he lifts me up by my arms and pushes me back onto the bed. He spreads my thighs and then his mouth is on me. I’m already wet, I know it, being turned on from giving him head, and when he licks my clit I lift my hips up to him, eager for more. He grips my thighs with his hands and pins me to the mattress, his talented tongue making me moan and make noises I’d never make if I was in control of my own body right now.

  “Ranger,” I beg, wanting to come so badly. He sucks on my clit, which sends me over the edge, my hands gripping the sheets, my nails digging into them as the orgasm consumes everything in me. I’m still lost in pleasure when he slides into me, bracing himself on top of me, his lips now on mine, his body bringing me more pleasure than I’ve ever known. I run my hands down his back, feeling his muscles work with each thrust, raising my hips to meet his. In a quick move he pulls out of me and turns me over onto my stomach, sliding into me from behind. I push up on my knees and groan as he reaches his hand over to play with one nipple, then the other, cupping and squeezing my breasts with delicious pressure. His hand then moves to my clit, where he starts to rub in a gentle circular motion that has me biting down on the pillow in front of me.

  “You are so fuckin’ perfect for me,” he grits out, kissing the middle of my spine. “You’re mine, Jo.”

  I’m unable to speak at this point, and I hear his deep chuckle when he realizes as
much.

  “Tell me when you’re going to come,” he says, kissing my neck. His lips move to my ear as he whispers, “I want to come with you.”

  He’s kissing down my jawline when I tell him, “Now, I’m going to come now.”

  “Thank fuck,” he groans, placing his hand on my nape and squeezing gently as he finishes. I bite down on the pillow, the pleasure more intense than before. When I come back to myself and Ranger slides out of me, I sink onto the mattress, every last bit of energy wrung out of me. I feel happy, sated, and well loved.

  He kisses my spine again.

  I smile and close my eyes.

  • • •

  When Elizabeth calls me, sounding on the verge of tears, I feel like the worst person on the face of the earth. I’ve been so happy today. Ranger slept over, and we spent the whole night talking and making love. It was a perfect night. And if it’s possible, I’m crazier about him now than I was yesterday.

  “Cam’s seeing someone; I had no idea,” she says, making a sound of frustration.

  “Oh,” I say, not knowing what to reply to her. “I’m sorry.”

  “Me too. I made such a fool of myself. I honestly thought that eventually he’d see that we could be great together, but I guess that’s not going to happen. Maybe I’ve been reading too many romance novels. Things like that don’t happen in real life, do they?”

  They do. It’s happening to me right now, except mine comes with a price, and this is it.

  “I don’t think you made a fool of yourself. No regrets, right? I’m sure you’ll meet someone amazing.”

  “So I’ve heard,” she grumbles, then says, “I kind of want to have a night out . . . just to distract myself. I haven’t been out since everything happened. So you want to come out with me and Helen?”

  “Where?” I ask, brow furrowing as I wonder how this is going to go.

  “To a bar or a club. We can have a few drinks and a dance, it will be fun,” she says, sounding upbeat all of a sudden.