Crossroads

by Chantal Fernando

  “Thanks,” she says, ducking her head. “Aren’t you going to eat something?”

  “I’ll eat after,” I say, getting back into bed. I kind of just want to lie here with her for a bit. I’m not hungry yet, but I can’t let her go hungry. I want her to come back here. I hear noise in the kitchen and know that the men must be awake.

  I hear Talon yell, “Where’s my breakfast?” then, “Have you ever seen him make breakfast before?”

  I hear Ronan say, “Nope.” And make a whipping noise.

  Vinnie starts laughing, then calls out, “I’d ask his woman to cook for us, but I don’t want to get shot.”

  More laughter.

  I glance up at Jo to see how she’s taking this, but she just looks amused.

  “I should go out there with my gun just to teach them a lesson,” she says, smirking and eating another piece of bacon before starting on the pancakes. “So you don’t make breakfast for all your women then?”

  If only she knew.

  “Only for you. And I’ve never had another woman in this bed, Jo,” I say, lying back and just watching her. “I don’t think you understand just how different you are for me.”

  She stops chewing and lowers her hand. “You’re different for me too, Ranger. I’m in a biker clubhouse right now. I don’t think I’ve let that sink in. Before you, the only time I’d be here would be if we were doing a raid.” She pauses, then adds, “I don’t know where the boundary line is, but it’s been crossed. I told my partner about us and he’s not happy at all. I hope he’ll get over it soon though.”

  I hate that her partner is giving her shit because of me.

  “Do you want me to talk to him?” I offer, flashing my teeth. “Say the word, babe.”

  “No, I’ll handle it,” she says, her tone final. “It’s between Travis and me. He heard things about your MC, about raids here, and how Arrow was put behind bars. He’s not taking all of it very well, having me associated with all of that.”

  I bite my tongue and let her have that. It’s her work, her career, and her relationship with her partner, and I know she’s a strong woman who values her independence. It’s hard to step back and watch when you care about someone though, sometimes you just want to fix everything for them.

  She finishes eating and then we spoon for a little bit, and eventually fall back asleep.

  Best fuckin’ morning ever.

  THIRTY-THREE

  Three Weeks Later

  I USE the key Jo gave me to let myself into her house. She’s running late, so I make myself at home, grabbing a drink from the fridge and sitting in front of her TV. When she comes home she closes the door behind her and rushes at me, jumping on my lap and wrapping her arms around me.

  “I missed you,” she says, kissing me.

  “Same,” I say, smiling. “How was your day?”

  The last few weeks with her have been amazing. We’ve been spending almost every night together, usually here but sometimes at the clubhouse, and Elizabeth just started dating someone else. It almost seems like everything is going to work out for us just fine, like we pulled this feat off. Everyone said it wouldn’t work, and we’re proving them wrong.

  “It was okay,” she says, burying her face into my neck. “Next week I have all night shifts, so we’re going to have to work out when we can see each other.”

  I don’t like the thought of her working nights. She’s done it several times already, and I find myself staying up and worrying about her. I now know how the women must feel, waiting for the men to return. It fuckin’ sucks. Once, I had the urge to follow her, but I didn’t, because I know it would be crossing a line. Jo was a cop before she met me, and it’s who she is. I need to accept it, and although I worry about her and wish I was there with her so I can protect her, I know that she’s a badass in her own right. My woman is my very own superhero. At least when she’s not harassing bikers.

  “We’ll work it out, don’t worry,” I say, standing with her in my arms and throwing her over my shoulder. “But right now, we’re going to bed, and then I’m taking you out for dinner.”

  I slap her ass through her uniform pants and carry her to her bedroom.

  “We’re going out for dinner?” she asks as I lay her gently on the bed and start to undress her.

  “Yes,” I say, kneeling before her to remove her shoes. “I want to take you on a proper dinner date. It’s going to be romantic as fuck.”

  She laughs, and I just watch her, enjoying the moment, the way her eyes light up and the upward tilt of her perfect heart-shaped lips. “Romantic as fuck? Yeah, I can imagine what your version of romance is.”

  “Hey, I can be romantic,” I say, a little on the defensive side. “I’m on my knees right now taking off your shoes, and I’m about to stay on my knees so I can eat your pussy. That right there is modern romance.”

  Her eyes dance with humor. “I’m not complaining, Ranger. If you didn’t treat me properly you wouldn’t be sitting here right now. You’re always so good to me, in and out of bed. And I try to be just as good back to you.”

  I kiss her as I undo the buttons on her shirt, slide it off, and then lay her back on the mattress as I work on her pants next. Taking her panties with them, I push them down her legs, leaving her in nothing but her red bra. Gently spreading her thighs, I get straight to business. I love going down on her. Her taste and the sounds she makes drive me insane. I love it when she squirms because the pleasure is too intense, lifting her hips and so restless in her desire that I have to pin her body down so I can continue to please her. She loves it, I know she does, and so do I. It’s satisfying to pleasure a woman, but to pleasure your woman, that’s something else entirely. Jo will never be left wanting, I will always take care of all her needs—financial, sexual, and emotional—everything. I’ll be everything to her.

  “You’re perfect to me,” I tell her before I lower my mouth to her.

  She moans and says fuck under her breath just as my tongue touches her clit.

  • • •

  “You look stunning,” I tell her as I sit opposite her. She’s in all black, jeans, and something she tells me is called a crop, which is a tight black top that shows off her toned stomach. She looks fuckin’ hot, and if anyone saw her they would never guess she’s a cop.

  “Thank you,” she says, color hitting her cheeks. She looks down at the menu. “What are you going to get?”

  I haven’t even looked at the menu yet, so I pick it up and glance over it. “Probably the steak. How about you?”

  “Maybe the chicken,” she says, taking a sip from her glass of water. “Creamy chicken with mashed potatoes and asparagus. Sounds perfect.”

  The waiter comes and takes our order and then we’re left to our own company again.

  “Faye wants to take you out for lunch sometime,” I tell her, smirking. “I told her I’d ask you, but you don’t have to if you don’t want to. She can be a bit much.”

  She laughs softly. “I know. But I don’t mind. I’ve already met her, so I know what she’s like.”

  “Next all the women will want to meet you,” I tell her, cringing. “I don’t think they’ll be as nosy as Faye though.”

  “I can handle them.”

  “I have no doubt,” I say, leaning back in my seat, eyes on her. “I know you can handle anything, babe.”

  My cock included.

  We enjoy our dinner with a glass of wine. I pay—she complains, but I don’t care, because there is no way she’s paying for anything. We walk back to my bike hand in hand, where I kiss her deeply, my hand on her nape, her ass pressed into my Harley.

  And that’s when everything goes to shit.

  • • •

  “Cam?”

  I hear the voice behind me and I still. I know that voice, and no one else calls me Cam, and basically, right now we’re fucked. Jo has frozen in front of me too. My lips are still on hers, so I pull my face away and look down into hers. Her eyes are filled with dread. We’ve been
pretending this situation doesn’t really exist, but it looks like we’re going to be confronted with everything right now. Jo is scared because she doesn’t want to hurt Elizabeth, but the reason I’m scared is for a whole different reason.

  It’s not Elizabeth I’m afraid of hurting.

  It’s Jo.

  I turn around and face Elizabeth, who is standing with the guy she’s seeing. Jo steps out from behind me, and I can tell the second Elizabeth sees her.

  “Jo?” she says, confusion laced in her tone. She looks between us, then her eyes widen in realization. “Are you fucking kidding me right now? She’s who you’ve been seeing, Cam?”

  “Elizabeth wait, we can explain,” Jo says, stepping forward, her arm outstretched.

  Elizabeth’s face is etched with pain. She glances at me and smirks before she sneers, “So my cousin is fucking the guy who took my virginity behind my back. Isn’t this just gold? I hope the two of you are very happy together.”

  She then storms off, dragging her guy with her, leaving behind the wreckage of her words.

  • • •

  “What did she just say?” Jo says after we watch Elizabeth disappear. “You took her virginity? What happened to just friends, Ranger?”

  This is the thing I never wanted Jo to know, and I was hoping Elizabeth wouldn’t say anything, but I should have known better. I’ve fucked up. I should have told Jo the truth from the start, before we got in too deep—trust me, I know—but I didn’t want to lose her. She was already so unsure, and felt so guilty about what was growing between us, how was I meant to tell her that all those years ago, Elizabeth admitted to me that she was a virgin and told me she wanted me to be her first? We got drunk one night, and I ended up saying yes. How the fuck can I explain this? How did I know that years from then, I’d meet the love of my life and she’d be related to Elizabeth? I now know that I was meant to meet Elizabeth, and she was meant to be in my life because she was meant to bring Jo into my life.

  If I was a romantic man, I’d say she’s my soul mate.

  So yeah, I fuckin’ omitted some shit because I didn’t want to lose that. I was scared. I am scared. And now that the truth is out, I just have to hope that I’m under her skin enough that she’ll forgive me.

  “We were never anything more than friends,” I tell her in a calm voice, glancing around. “Come on, Jo. Let’s go home and talk about this.”

  “Home?” she asks, looking at me like I’ve lost my mind. “Ranger, you lied to me! What do you expect me to do with this? You should have told me the truth. What else have you lied about?”

  “Nothing,” I say, trying to touch her arm, but she moves away. “I haven’t lied about anything, Jo. Yes, I omitted the fact that once, many years ago, we slept together, but it meant nothing!”

  “Maybe to you it meant nothing,” she says, eyes flashing with hurt and disbelief. “But it obviously did to her. The fact remains that you lied, Ranger. You knew this would hurt me, and you purposely chose to keep me in the dark about it.”

  “Jo—”

  “Take me home, Ranger,” she demands, looking away from me.

  I know she’s not going to listen to me until she calms down, so I take a deep breath, and I listen to her.

  I take her home.

  THIRTY-FOUR

  Johanna

  WHEN I told him to take me home, I meant just me.

  Not him.

  He can leave me the hell alone right now.

  “Ranger, I just want to be alone right now,” I tell him, trying to push him out through my front door. “Why don’t you give me some space, and we’ll talk about it another time. Like when I don’t want to shoot you in the nuts.”

  “What did I say about what happens when we fight? I’m not walking out on you this time,” he says, standing there like a rock. He’s so big that when I push him, he doesn’t even budge. “I don’t want to leave when you’re angry at me. I don’t want you to go to sleep angry.”

  “Oh, now you’re thinking about my feelings?” I snap, losing my patience with him. “Ranger, I don’t want to do this with you, not now. I just want to crawl into bed and pretend that my cousin doesn’t hate me and isn’t telling the whole family right now what a whore I am.”

  “Don’t ever say that again,” Ranger growls, reaching down to take my chin in his hands. “You didn’t do anything wrong, you’re not a fuckin’ whore, and only you and I know what we have between us. They don’t know, Jo. You didn’t even fuckin’ know about Elizabeth and me!”

  He’s getting angry now, and I have no idea why. There are no ramifications for him. My cousin will forgive him, but she won’t forgive me. It’s bullshit, but that’s just how it goes. I didn’t know about their history, I didn’t know Ranger and Cam were the same man, or that Cam took her virginity. And when I found out, yes, I could have ended it and explained it to my cousin, but I was already in love with him.

  So, yes, I was selfish.

  And right now I need to deal with the consequences.

  “I’m going to bed,” I state, getting sick of arguing with him. “Do not join me.”

  I walk into my bedroom and slam the door shut, just so he gets the hint.

  I go to bed, but I don’t go to sleep.

  I can’t.

  • • •

  When I walk out of my bedroom in the morning, feeling like shit, I head to the kitchen to make some coffee. I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck, mainly because I didn’t get any sleep and because I have no idea how to fix the situation I’ve landed myself in.

  No idea.

  Cup of coffee in hand, I walk into my living room and come to a stop when I see Ranger fast asleep on my couch. He stayed the night here? He looks so boyish and innocent as he sleeps with his cheek pressed against my red pillow, I can almost forget what a lying bastard he is.

  Almost.

  Ignoring him, I jump in the shower and start getting ready for work. I’m buttoning up my shirt when he barges into my bathroom, shirtless, coffee in his hand. “’Morning.”

  “Ranger what are you doing here?” I ask him, looking at him in the mirror. “Pretty sure I told you to leave last night.”

  “I didn’t want to leave you.”

  I puff out a breath. “Why did you lie?”

  “Because I didn’t want you to look at me the way you are right now, like I’m not the same person I was yesterday,” he admits, resting his coffee on my bathroom counter. He places his hands on my shoulders, running them up to the back of my neck. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

  “Me too,” I say, shrugging off his hands. “I have to go to work.”

  “Can we talk later tonight?” he asks, running his hand through his hair, his biceps flexing with the easy motion. “Don’t even think about cutting me out, Jo.”

  I nod, just to get him out of my space.

  He gets on his bike and I get in my car, and we go our separate ways.

  • • •

  “Everything okay?” Travis asks, standing by my desk. “You look like you want to kill someone.”

  I do.

  “I’m fine,” I tell him, glancing up at him. “Do we need to go on a call or something?”

  “Why?” he asks, pulling out the chair next to me. “You looking for a distraction?”

  “Are you my best friend now after weeks of ignoring me?” I ask, pursing my lips. “Thanks, Trav, but I’m fine. Now what’s on the agenda today?”

  He sighs and rests his hands on the desk. “I’m sorry, all right? I care about you, and I don’t know how to deal with the fact that you’re with a criminal. I’ve gone about it all wrong, but I’m still your friend, Jo. And if something is wrong you know you can come to me.”

  “I don’t really want to talk about it,” I admit. When his face drops, I say, “Elizabeth found out about Ranger, and now she hates me, okay? I’ll have to deal with it, and I’m just a little . . . off today, but it won’t affect my work, so it’s fine.”

  “She
won’t talk to you?”

  “I tried to call her this morning but she didn’t answer, which is understandable.”

  “Maybe you should just give her some time to cool down. This is just temporary, Jo. It won’t always be like this. Anger doesn’t last forever.”

  “I just want her to forgive me,” I admit.

  I know it’s not that easy, but that’s the only thing that’s going to make me feel better. Great, I’m making this all about me—I really am selfish. How is she feeling right now? She’s probably feeling betrayed by her own blood, but she doesn’t know the whole story, and she isn’t going to want to hear it. I know she needs time, but it’s still hard to give her that, which is probably how Ranger is feeling right now.

  “She’ll get over it,” Travis says, placing his hand on mine. “Even I could see how happy you’ve been recently, all right? As much as I hate to admit it, this guy obviously is good to you. I don’t think I’ve seen you smile so much in the last few years as you have the last few weeks.”

  “Is this you coming around?” I ask, finding it ironic that this is happening on today of all days. I don’t even know what I’m going to do about the whole Ranger situation. He lied, and I’m angry. No, I’m hurt. And I don’t know how to forgive him.

  “Yeah,” he murmurs. “I guess it is.”

  He smiles, and I grudgingly return it.

  • • •

  He’s not at my house when I get home, but the coffee table is covered in bouquets of flowers. There’s one note in the middle.

  Jo,

  Forgive me,

  I’ll be holding my breath until you do.

  I love you.

  I put down the note with a sigh, taking in the beautiful red roses. I’d told him they’re my favorite, and he obviously remembered. Even with the nice gesture, I’m glad that he’s not here, because I want some space and he must have realized that. I try to call my cousin again, but she doesn’t answer. It hurts to think that she and Helen are probably sitting there discussing me right now, and I’m trying not to think about it too much. The pain from Ranger’s lie is also hitting me right in the gut, because the one thing I thought I could count on, I’m now thinking that maybe I can’t. The thought of him sleeping with her . . . I know it was a long time ago. He took her fucking virginity though, no wonder she never forgot about him!