I'm Holding On

by Scarlet Wolfe

  She tilts her head up, so I plant another … and another. I swear I’ve been struck by lightning. I pull away and see her lip quivering. She’s too fucking sweet. I have to kiss her again, and this time, she lets my tongue slide right in.

  My hands frame her face as I explore her mouth, and when our tongues meet, she takes hold of my waist, pulling me closer. The idiom that lightening never strikes twice does not apply here. I’m very much enjoying kissing this woman. Shit, I’m going to get a hard-on. Letting her go, I stare into those dark eyes one last time.

  “Bye, Brynlee. I’ll pick you up Wednesday.” I tread around to the driver side as she steps away from the vehicle. She puts her hand up to her forehead to block the sun and gives me a little wave as I drive off. I have to keep her around.

  Brother is a Dirty Word

  Drew

  I arrive at Waterfront Park and spot Brynlee. She texted me earlier to meet her here instead of picking her up. I’m not sure why, but I did what she asked. She’s in her tight jeans and snug, black sweater. It’s thin and shows off her rack. She’s built perfect, filled out in all the right places.

  “Hi, Bryn.”

  She grants me a big smile and jumps up before she hugs me like usual, but she also kisses my cheek. I don’t know what that’s for, but I’ll take it.

  “Hi, I’m glad you’re here. I brought you a couple of croissants. I know you haven’t been eating as many lately.”

  “No, but that’s probably wise,” I say, chuckling. “You know I can’t turn them down.”

  She takes the blanket out of my hand and spreads it out. This is something we used to do every week when the weather was good. We haven’t done it yet this year, and normally we would’ve many times by May.

  The view of the Willamette River is relaxing, and it’s a fun place to people watch, which is another one of our favorite pastimes. I’m trying something different today. Leaning back against the cherry blossom tree, I put my legs out straight.

  “Stretch out, Bryn. You can lay your head in my lap.”

  “Um, OK.” I sense her hesitation, and I hope it’s only because she wasn’t expecting it. We typically sit across from each other. She lays her head back and looks up at me.

  “It feels weird peering up at you this way, but it’s comfy. You’re preventing me from making fun of the runners. I won’t have you laughing.”

  “True. We do have fun with that. You can get up if you want.”

  “No, I like it here.” She’s staring up at me, her long lashes fluttering. Her lips are really red today. She looks away. Shit. Did she notice how much I was staring at her?

  “Drew, I want to ask you something.”

  “Lay it on me.”

  “Why have you been spending less time with me?”

  I suck in a breath of air. I didn’t see that coming, but I guess it’s obvious things are different. I let out the deep breath I’ve been holding. Maybe if we talk about it, it could lead to me telling her how I feel.

  “I was upset at the bar when Andrea told me you left with that guy. She said you knew him, but you had never mentioned being close to any guy from college, so I was …”

  “What, Drew? Tell me.”

  “I was surprised you’d go home with him after what happened to you the first time you had sex. I didn’t expect you to do it again with someone you weren’t dating.”

  She sits up swiftly and turns around, her eyes huge.

  “That’s what this has been about?”

  “Yes. I’m sorry. I’m not trying to piss you off but you asked.”

  She squeezes her forehead and drops her arm back down, obviously frustrated. “Drew, I wish you’d talked to me about this that following Monday instead of making assumptions and being angry. I didn’t sleep with him. He’s gay. He was trashed, so I drove him home in his car.”

  “But Andrea texted the next morning that you had just got home. It was nine o’clock, so what was I supposed to think?”

  “Why would she do that?”

  “I asked her to text me when you got in, so I’d know you were safe.”

  “I stayed at his place because I didn’t want to take the Max so late. You’re always treating me like a little sister,” she says, plopping her head back in my lap. Fuck. That’s the last thing I want her to believe.

  “You think I treat you like a sister?” I ask in a frustrated tone.

  “Yes. You’re overprotective, and I’m disappointed you think I would sleep with someone I wasn’t dating.” She’s looking up at me, and I feel shitty. I begin stroking her long, dark hair.

  “I’m sorry, Bryn. I did think it was out of character for you. I guess since you didn’t tell me bye and didn’t seem hip on discussing it, I thought it happened. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s fine.” She still sounds upset. I feel terrible that I’ve hurt her all these months when she did nothing wrong.

  “Do you think of me like a brother?”

  “No, Drew.” She lets out a short laugh.

  “Why is that funny?”

  “I’ve always found you too attractive to think of you as a brother. I mean, when we first met, I thought you were hot, but I’ve realized that’s not reciprocated.”

  I bury my fingers in her hair before I massage her scalp with them. “Brynlee, you’re a beautiful woman, and in my mind, the furthest from a little sister.” I said something. Not everything but something.

  “Please say you’ll stop pushing me away now. I don’t understand why you care about me sleeping with someone, anyway.”

  “Because you’re too sweet for it to happen that way. I know I’ve been a jackass, and I’m sorry. I hope you’ll forgive me.”

  She sits up and turns her body toward me. Our faces are so close, and I want to kiss her.

  “You’ve always been kind to me, Drew. I couldn’t stay mad at you, but for the record, I didn’t spend five years waiting to have sex again, so I could do it with someone I don’t care about or with someone who doesn’t care deeply for me. But I have to admit I’m losing patience. It needs to happen soon.”

  “Yeah, I completely understand going without.”

  “You’re never going to find a girlfriend if you don’t go on dates,” she says.

  “So, you think I should go on some dates?”

  “Um, if you want to. Unless you’re going to turn to one night stands. I’ve seen enough women at the bars who’d take you up on that.” She grins at me, and it’s all I can do not to grab her.

  “That’s not my style, either.”

  “I’ve noticed, but it looks like we’re both going to be going without if we don’t get some courage,” she says.

  Tell her. Why is it so hard for me to do this? It’s because I don’t want to lose her altogether. I’m fidgeting with a piece of grass in my hand, so I look down at it. I don’t know what to say.

  She leans over and kisses my cheek. This time is different than any other. She does it slowly, and her lips linger for a few seconds.

  “Thank you for always watching out for me. I’m glad you don’t think of me as a sister.”

  I look up at her, and we’re so close I can feel her breath. Cupping the side of her face, I slowly press one light kiss to the corner of her mouth. Baby steps. The sad thing is I’ve been taking baby steps for two fucking years.

  I let her go, and she’s blushing. I don’t think I’ve ever made Brynlee this red. She appears uncomfortable and looks away.

  “I’m sorry,” I say. Why? Why did I apologize? “I mean, I’m not—”

  “It’s fine. Um, we should probably go. I’ve been gone all day.” She’s standing up quickly, and I don’t know what the hell to think. She’s quiet on the way to her apartment, so I grab her hand when she goes to get out of the car.

  “I’m glad we talked, and I’m glad we spent time together. I’ve missed you.”

  “I’m glad we spent time together, too. I’ll see you Monday.”

  She seems very nervous and hurries out of t
he car. This is what I mean. I’m afraid I’ll push her away if she doesn’t want more between us, but we can’t keep dancing around this. She felt something today. I know she did. Maybe we’ve felt the same way all along.

  Brynlee

  It’s Wednesday around noon, and I’m nervous about my date with Ian. I’m also nervous being in the same vicinity as Drew. He’s been overly attentive since Saturday when he kissed the corner of my mouth and apologized after. Who does that? Is he trying to make me feel more rejected?

  It figures that after two years of wishing for that day, he did it when another man had his lips on mine only minutes before. It’s odd because as much as I wanted Drew to kiss me, I was still feeling giddy from spending time with Ian. I’m so confused.

  My phone vibrates in my pocket, causing me to jump. I realize I’ve been daydreaming with a spatula in my hand. It’s a text message from Ian.

  Ian: I’m looking forward to our date. The sweets were delicious, but I still find you sweeter. See you soon.

  Me: That’s kind of you to say. I’m looking forward to our date, as well. How should I dress?

  Ian: I’m sure you’re beautiful in anything … or nothing, but I’m taking you somewhere nice if that’s what you’re wondering.

  Me: Settle down there, smooth talker. See you soon.

  I jump again when I hear the kitchen door open. It’s Drew. “What’s with the cheesy grin? You’re even a little red in the cheeks.”

  Should I tell him I have a date? I think I will.

  “Um, I have a date tonight, and the guy just texted me.”

  He was smiling, but now he’s not. Is he jealous or feeling overprotective again?

  “Who is it?”

  “A guy I met after work Friday. I actually went to lunch with him before I met you at the park Saturday, and he asked me out again.

  “No one ever seems interested in me, and he acted very interested. I guess I spend too much time here to meet anyone.” I’m not the nicest when I say this. He’s really frustrating me.

  “Please be careful since you barely know him.”

  I roll my eyes. “OK, big brother.”

  Drew comes toward me with a very serious look on his face. He gets within inches of mine and puts a few strands of my stray hairs behind my ear. Then he wipes powdered sugar off my nose, which is a thing between us.

  “You have sugar on your nose, and please don’t call me that. I told you that I don’t think of you as a sister.” He slowly dips down and kisses my cheek, sending a prickly feeling throughout my body.

  “Have fun tonight, but please don’t have too much fun. It’s too soon.” He turns and leaves the kitchen. His words gave nothing away but his actions did. Could he have gotten any closer? Oh, he’s driving me insane! I need to put my focus back on this date I’m terrified yet excited to go on.

  What’s Behind the Disguise?

  Ian

  I pick Brynlee up at her apartment, and she looks incredible in a burgundy dress that is showing a good amount of cleavage. It hits enough above the knees to be suggestive and clings to her, leaving me even more surprised at how curvaceous she is.

  “Ready? You look gorgeous by the way.”

  She smiles, and my heart rate quickens. I can’t recall a woman ever having this effect on my body or my emotions, and it’s freaking the shit out of me.

  I take her to El Gaucho, a restaurant that has the right ambiance for a romantic date. After we sit, I immediately notice the dim lighting reflecting in her round, brown eyes. She seems extremely nervous.

  “I promise I’m not a serial killer,” I say.

  “Oh, sorry. Do I look worried?” she asks with a faint smile.

  “A little.”

  “There’s um … a certain way you look at me. It makes me nervous.” She turns her head away, which I’ve already noticed is something she does anytime she’s uncomfortable. I’m relieved to know I’m having the same effect on her as she is on me.

  “Would you please share what thought goes through your head when I look at you this certain way?”

  “Um, I know we’re not in court, but can I plead the fifth? I’m an honest person. I’ll have to tell the truth if you push this.”

  I give her a whopping grin. “Oh, now you have me very curious. I would like to know.”

  “You play dirty. OK, the look you give me makes me feel as if you want to devour every inch of me, but maybe that’s a bit presumptuous on my part.” She looks away and pulls her bottom lip through her teeth. “I can’t believe I said that.”

  I want to take hold of that bottom lip and drag it between my teeth. “It appears you see right through me. That’s exactly what I’m thinking when I give you that look, but getting to put my hands and mouth on every inch of you isn’t really up to me, now is it?”

  I watch her swallow hard, and then she stares right into my eyes. “No, it isn’t, but I appreciate your honesty and it’s flattering.”

  I have to get us off this topic. I’m already hard, and we haven’t even ordered drinks. She’s a brave woman having the nerve to share that. “Would you like wine?”

  “That sounds lovely.”

  I order a bottle of white, and the waiter soon brings it out. “Did you pick a good wine from the fine selection at the liquor store?” I ask, chuckling.

  She giggles, and damn, I love her laugh.

  “I already knew white was my favorite, but I was feeling reckless, so I bought a red.”

  “Wow, you sound like a real rebel.” Our dinner is served, and we talk between eating. I can’t believe she hasn’t drilled me about my family. Most people in the area who know about my father’s firm are aware my family is wealthy.

  Women I’ve taken out when living here like to pry to find out exactly how well off we are. I get the impression that money is not a driving force for Brynlee. I like it. Definitely not for myself, but I find it a great quality in her.

  Brynlee

  I think dinner with Ian is going well, but I’m still nervous. I need to slow down on the wine before my better judgment becomes impaired. Ian is like the car I shouldn’t drive while intoxicated.

  “What else do you enjoy besides baking me sweets and drinking wine?” He’s grinning. I don’t think I’ve ever been around a bigger flirt.

  “I enjoy reading, and I love art, so I frequent the local galleries. I also run almost daily.”

  “Is that why you have gorgeous legs?”

  “That’s why they’re toned,” I say with a smirk.

  “You sure find me humorous.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m not used to getting compliments the way that you give them.”

  “And how do I give them?” he asks.

  “Again? Really? I need to keep my mouth shut for the rest of the evening.”

  “Come on. You need to enlighten me on how I give you compliments.”

  “Um, you say them seductively.” I cover my mouth with one hand to hold in my laugh and reach straight for my wine with the other. He brings out this boldness I didn’t know I had. I think it’s because he’s so comfortable in his own skin and wouldn’t shock easily, so I feel it’s safe to speak my mind.

  “It sounds as if you’re not used to being desired the way you deserve to be. You’re a sexy woman, Brynlee.”

  I shift in my chair. His compliment doesn’t seem funny this time. Instead, he’s turning me on. The way he looks at me causes a deep ache between my legs, and those piercing, green eyes are telling me the future.

  “Thank you. I find you sexy and very handsome. Um, I should probably be getting home soon. I have to work early in the morning.”

  I’m feeling intimidated by my lack of experience in the bedroom. I don’t see how I could ever be enough for Ian. He’s too good-looking and charming not to have been with some classy women.

  “I guess it is getting late.”

  Ian parks in front of my apartment.

  “Can I walk you up?”

  “OK.” I don’t know what he�
�s expecting from a second date. My heart is racing, and I feel my short, shallow breaths as we approach the door. I get my key out and turn around.

  Sweet Jesus, he’s inches away and giving me that look again. He takes hold of my face with both hands and plants his warm lips on mine. I can’t help parting them, and his tongue is quickly in my mouth, sweeping it with voracity. I grab hold of his waist in need of something to ground me.

  Touching Ian only causes him to deepen our kiss. My nerves feel as if they’ve been brought to life as his fingertips caress the back of my head, and his tongue attentively strokes mine.

  I’ve never shared this passionate of a moment with anyone, and I think I won’t be able to stop if this goes on much longer. God, the way his tongue twirls with mine makes me think of all the things he could do with it if I gave him the opportunity. I pull away, breathing heavy.

  “Brynlee, you are impossible to resist.” His fiery breath is on my face, and all I can think about is his mouth lingering along every part of my needy body.

  “Look, I’m sorry I let that continue until we’re both worked up. You need to know I don’t move that fast. I’d like you to come in, but it wouldn’t be for sex. It sounds cliché, but I’m not that kind of girl.”

  He kisses my forehead and runs his hands down the length of my hair. “I know. You’re special, Brynlee. If you really don’t mind, I’d love to come in.”

  I nod as I get my breathing under control and stop my legs from attempting to buckle. How am I going to resist him? With trembling hands, I manage to get the door open.

  “Have a seat wherever you like,” I say with a chuckle. There’s a couch. Period. “The apartment is small, but I’m trying to save money.” I turn on some music.

  “You listen to blues?” he asks.

  “I love it, and I’ve been listening to the younger guys lately like Jonny Lang and Kenny Wayne Shepherd. I could listen to the song ‘Blue on Black’ every day.”