I'm Holding On

by Scarlet Wolfe

  “Hello, I’m Blaire. It’s nice to meet you,” she says, reaching out her hand.

  “Hi, I’m Brynlee.”

  “I’m Isaac.” He sticks his hand out and smiles at me, then smirks at Ian. Oh, we’re pretending we haven’t met. Interesting. And this must be his father.

  “Hello, Brynlee. I’m Grayson. Welcome to our home,” he says, shaking my hand.

  “Please, have a seat. Lunch will be ready shortly. I’m going to check on things,” Elisabeth says.

  We sit down, and Blaire speaks immediately.

  “So, we hear you’re a baker,” she says, like it’s abnormal.

  “Yes. I bake desserts for local businesses.”

  Ian looks at me. “Brynlee has a culinary degree, and I can attest that her sweets are delicious. Actually, you’ll get to taste for yourself. She brought dessert for everyone. She’s working toward having her own bakery in the Pearl district to teach classes.”

  “You must work so hard,” Blaire says.

  “Yes. It’s a demanding, tiresome job, but I love the creative aspect of it, so it’s been worth the physical labor involved.” Elisabeth saunters back into the room. She has grey hair and appears elegant in her silken blouse and dress slacks.

  “Lunch is ready.”

  I follow Ian to the dining room. It’s massive like the other rooms in the home, and there is a cherry dining table in the center that seats twelve.

  “You have a lovely home,” I say as we take a seat.

  “Thank you. We love it and have lived here many, many years now,” Grayson says.

  We eat off of china and drink wine that is definitely better than the kind I get at the small liquor store near my apartment. The guys begin discussing work, so I ask Blaire what she does for a living. I can’t recall Ian telling me.

  “I’m a marketing executive. It’s a demanding job, as well, but not physically, of course. Well, being in my heels for ten or twelve hours a day is tiresome,” she says with a chuckle. Ian was right; she’s something else.

  Elisabeth asks me a lot of questions about where my sweets are sold and how I operate my business. It’s obvious they consider me different than the crowd they’re used to spending time with, but they’re pleasant.

  “Brynlee, is your family from the area?”

  I wish Ian had told them about my family in private.

  “I only have a great-grandmother, and she lives in a nursing home. I don’t have any other family.”

  “You poor thing,” Elisabeth says. No, this isn’t uncomfortable at all.

  “It’s all I’ve known for many years, so I’ve adjusted to it, and my Gram has always taken wonderful care of me. Like I told Ian, it’s made me a stronger person, having so few people to rely on in my life.”

  “Wow. You are such a survivor,” Blaire says, shaking her head. Really? Oh my gosh, they feel sorry for me.

  “I need to excuse myself to the restroom. Can you direct me there?” I ask. With a concerned look, Ian stands to help me out of my chair. I imagine he’s been trying to listen to two conversations at once.

  I stare in the fancy mirror above the sink. It takes a major effort not to cry. I don’t want their pity. I’m strong, and I don’t need them to feel sorry for me. It’s giving me the impression they think they’re above me. Am I imagining this? I take a few deep, calming breaths before I go back out.

  Ian looks at me, and I see his worry.

  “Are you feeling OK?” he asks quietly.

  “Yes. I’m fine, thank you.” I give him a faint smile. It’s all I can muster. He hesitates but then kisses my cheek and sits again.

  “Brynlee, I put your desserts on a tray. Would it be alright if I bring them out?”

  “Of course.” This should be entertaining. I brought an assortment of croissants, brownies, pastries and cookies. They pass the tray, and everyone takes a couple of things.

  They go on and on about how fantastic they are, and I can’t help but wonder if it’s out of pity or if they genuinely enjoy the taste.

  I definitely can’t say they’re rude, and honestly, they’re more cordial than I expected. They seem to be a loving family. I don’t think I could ever truly relate to them, but as long as they’re kind, I guess the rest should be irrelevant if I want to be with Ian.

  We visit for three hours before we leave. Elisabeth and Blair hug me, which is gracious of them. Once we’re on the road, I’m quiet as I try to process everything. I figure I should speak before I upset Ian.

  “Your family is very loving. I see where you get your kind heart from.”

  “You think so?”

  “Yes.”

  “I thought you seemed uncomfortable.”

  “It was different from the environment I’m used to, and I don’t like that they feel sorry for me.”

  “I knew that bothered you. I don’t believe they meant it that way.”

  “They’re nice, Ian.” I grasp his hand tighter.

  “I sense a ‘but.’”

  “No, your family was welcoming so don’t worry.”

  I mean that, too. They were nothing but kind to me, and I have to admit that their reaction to my family dynamics is one I get often.

  “I’m glad you like them. I can tell they really liked you.”

  “They won’t mind you dating someone outside of their social circle?”

  “No, Brynlee. Their wish for Isaac and me is that we’re with someone who makes us happy. My parents have had a healthy marriage for a lot of years. Oh, and my mother will want to know you’re fertile.”

  Ian chuckles. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that, but my mom talks about wanting grandchildren all the time.”

  “When are Blaire and Isaac marrying?”

  “In October. She’s been planning their wedding for almost two years. I can only imagine how extravagant it’ll be, and I’m sure her bridezilla days are fast approaching.”

  “She was friendly to me.”

  “Yes. She behaved better than I expected. I don’t want to drop you off. Would you like to go back to my place?”

  “Have you purchased furniture yet?”

  He glances over and smirks. “No.”

  “Then why don’t you come back to my place. I don’t think I should be in your bed.”

  “Hey, my bed enjoyed having you in it, and so did I.”

  “How could I forget?”

  Ian

  Lunch went better than I expected. If I’d only told my family not to ask about hers, it would’ve gone great. The way Brynlee carried herself was impressive. She’s a well-rounded person who I believe could make anyone like her, and I love how modest she is.

  I can’t fathom how Drew was able to resist telling her how he felt and touching her for over two years. He was a fool, and I hope it works to my benefit. He deserves to find someone to be happy with, but I don’t want it to be Brynlee. She’s mine.

  We go into her apartment, and she gets us both a beer before she joins me on the couch. I stifle a laugh. She’s definitely more of a beer and peanuts kind of girl, and I love it.

  “You’re the whole package, Brynlee.”

  “Well, I think the same about you, Mr. Williams. You’re handsome, smart and kind. You have the best sense of humor, and it doesn’t hurt a bit that you’re sexy as hell.” Her eyelashes flutter as she gives me an enticing look.

  I set our beers on the coffee table and kiss her, but it’s never enough to satiate my appetite. Finally letting go, I run my thumb across her bottom lip. She clears her throat and gazes at me with those thoughtful, brown eyes.

  “Let’s talk,” she says. I smile at her. I know what she’s doing, but she won’t be able to resist me for long. She always wants me to touch her but thinks she shouldn’t. We spend the next hour talking about our views on many different topics such as politics, religion, and our childhoods.

  While Brynlee’s talking, she puts her hand on my thigh. She can’t touch my body and expect me to behave. She’s mid-sentence when I lean
over and kiss her.

  Our tongues meet, further fueling the hunger I have for her. I gently push her over onto the couch before I rest on top of her. This woman belongs underneath me every damn day.

  My hand finds its way under the front of her shirt and into her bra. She responds to my touch, her nipple stiffening in my fingers as she whimpers and pushes her pelvis up against mine.

  “You want me inside of you, sweet girl. You know you do.”

  “We can’t.”

  “Pick me, Brynlee. Then I can make you feel good right now. We could have an exciting life together, and I know you want excitement. You want the fire we have between us. Just say the words.”

  I kiss her again, flooding her with the lust that’s boiling over. I slide my hand under her skirt and skim it across her panties. “Like always, you’re wet for me.”

  “I know, Ian. My attraction to you has never been a problem.” She sounds frustrated. She’s sexually frustrated, and she needs to let me fix it.

  “Then don’t fight it. Let me show you what you could have with me.” I slide my fingers into her panties. She flinches but doesn’t stop me.

  I find her sweet spot, touching her until she’s crying out my name and fisting my hair. I haven’t had to go this long without sex since I was a teenager, and I want sex with this woman more than I’ve ever wanted anything.

  I don’t know how much longer I can share her. I sit up and blow out a deep breath. I’m always calm and collected, nothing ever jarring me to this depth, yet I feel utter panic over possibly losing Brynlee.

  A Great Loss

  Brynlee

  I let it happen again, completely losing myself to Ian, and it was obviously too much for him to handle. From what I’ve gathered, he had sex quite frequently. Just like with Drew, I know this has to be driving him nuts.

  He’s sitting at the other end of the couch, blowing out deep breaths. With Ian, I feel guilty not going further since he’s always had sex frequently, so I crawl over and straddle him, wishing I could give him what he wants.

  Holding his face, I give him one gentle kiss, trying to comfort him, but he squeezes my ass and groans against my lips before he tramples my mouth. I feel his emotions permeating me. He’s different, almost frantic to touch me.

  My phone begins to ring, but I ignore it as I try to meet Ian’s affection by caressing his tongue and running my hands down his firm chest to the top of his pants.

  I hear my phone ring two more times, so I pull away. “I’m sorry, Ian, but I think I should make sure there’s not an emergency with someone.”

  I climb off his lap and pick up my phone from the coffee table. Along with a text and missed call from Drew, the nursing home has phoned me twice.

  “Oh, no.” I call the nursing home back first. “This is Brynlee Townsend, and I missed your call. Is Gram OK?” I’m transferred to a nurse who tells me I need to get there right away. Her vitals are dropping, and her tests today showed that her urinary tract infection has worsened.

  I hang up and dial Drew. I’m completely panicked.

  “Brynlee, I’ve been trying to get hold of you. The nursing home called me when they couldn’t reach you,” he says with urgency.

  “I spoke with them and she’s bad, Drew.”

  “I’m coming to get you.”

  “No, Ian is here, so I’ll just meet you there.”

  He sighs. “Fine.” I hear the aggravation in his voice before he ends the call. This is going to be a nightmare, but I can only worry about Gram right now.

  “What’s wrong?” Ian asks.

  “It’s my Gram. She’s not doing well at all. They said I need to come now. Can you take me? Drew’s on his way there.”

  “Of course, let’s go.”

  Ian holds my hand on the way. The tears keep coming as I imagine losing the only family I have left.

  “Can I ask why Drew is going?”

  “He’s really close to her. He often visits her without me or when I can’t make it there.”

  Ian blows out a loud breath. I can’t take any caveman shit tonight. “Ian, are you going to be able to be around Drew? If not, you should probably drop me off.”

  “I guess I deserved that question after trying to hurt him.” He glances over, and I see the disappointed look on his face. “I would never start something with him. I wouldn’t do that to you or your Gram. I want to be there for you but only if you want me to.”

  “As long as you can deal with it, I’d like you to stay. Let’s see what is happening. Maybe she won’t be as bad as they made her out to be.”

  We get to the nursing home, and when I near her room, I see Drew pacing with his fingers laced behind his head. He spots me and freezes. One look at his eyes, and I know it’s bad. Ian goes over and stands against the wall opposite her door, giving Drew and me space.

  “Are the nurses in there?”

  Drew runs his hands down my arms, and then I see the tears.

  “Bryn, I’m sorry, but she’s not going to make it. They’re getting her more comfortable, but they said it won’t be long at all. I’m sure they’ll let you in shortly.”

  I fall against his chest and sob. He wraps his arms around me and holds me tight. I know he’s hurting, too.

  “I’m sorry, sugar.”

  “I’m sorry for you, too. You’ve gotten close to her.” I pull back and notice the tears running down his cheeks.

  “I’ll be right back, Bryn. I’m going to the restroom. I promise I’ll be back.” He wipes his eyes with his palms and trudges down the hall.

  I walk over to Ian who pulls me into his arms and braces the back of my head.

  “I’m sorry, Brynlee. I’d do anything to take your pain away.”

  I find a tissue in my purse and blow my nose. I can’t remember feeling this sad since my mom and grandma died. “Thank you.” He holds me again. I don’t know how much time passes when I hear the door open to Gram’s room. When I turn around, I see Drew staring at us. I can’t do this anymore.

  A few nurses come out, and I approach one of them.

  “Brynlee, I’m sorry. Her vitals started dropping, and then we got her tests back about an hour ago that showed her infection had worsened.

  “I would’ve called sooner had I known, but it happened quickly. You can go in now. She’s hooked up to the heart monitor, and we’ll watch it from the desk.”

  I’m about to enter when I hear one of the other nurses speaking to Drew. “No I’m not her brother. I’m a close friend,” he snaps.

  “Oh, I’m sorry. I’ve seen you visit often, and you both have that thick, dark hair.” The nurse turns and gives me a nervous smile. Drew looks as if he wants to punch something.

  “You’re coming in, right?” I ask him.

  “I’d like to but only if you want me here.”

  “Yes, I want you here,” I say, frustrated that he’d think otherwise. I point to the door, signaling him to go in front of me. He pushes off the wall with his hands and goes inside. He’s a ticking time bomb. I turn to Ian at the doorway and take his hand.

  “Can you give me a minute alone with Drew? I want to make sure he’s going to be able to keep his cool with you.”

  Ian gives me a weary look. “I’ll wait here.”

  I go inside and break down as soon as I see Drew holding Gram’s hand. As I walk to the bed to stand next to him, I notice she’s taking gasping breaths and has lost her color. I begin to run my fingers down her thin, soft hair, but I completely lose it. I’m wailing and literally fall to the floor. I can’t lose her, too.

  Drew

  “I love her, Gram. I’m trying to take care of her like you wanted me to, but it’s up to her now.” I hear Brynlee come in. As soon as she touches Gram, she freaks out. She sobs and falls to the floor.

  After picking her up and carrying her to a chair, I hold her in my arms and rock her. Her face is buried in my chest, and I’d give my life to take her pain away.

  She’s always acted tough, never wanting t
o show the pain she carries from only having one relative most of her life. It had to come out eventually, and I think it’s now.

  I don’t know which made me angrier, seeing Ian hold her or the fact that I really cried over it. I’m upset about Gram, and my heart aches for what Brynlee is and will go through, but seeing her in Ian’s arms truly broke my heart.

  Ian

  I hear Brynlee practically screaming, and I can’t take it, so I go inside the room. She’s in Drew’s arms, sobbing.

  “Is she going to be OK?”

  Brynlee immediately sits up and stops crying.

  “Ian, I’m sorry. I—I got so upset.”

  I shake my head at her.

  “Brynlee, don’t apologize. I came in to be sure you’re OK. Do whatever you have to do. I’m here if you need me.”

  Drew continues to hold her as he stares toward the bed. She climbs out of his arms and goes to stand by Gram. I walk over and gently rub her back. Glancing to the monitor, I see that Gram’s heart rate is dropping. Her mouth is open, and she’s taking irregular, strained breaths.

  Brynlee nervously strokes her grandmother’s hair and arm between wiping her eyes and blowing her nose. Occasionally, she’ll lean her head against my shoulder. This goes on for about thirty minutes, and I start thinking about Drew.

  Brynlee said he was close to Gram, so out of respect, I figure I should trade him places. I go and sit down in a chair. “She said you’re close to Gram, so you should be over there with her.”

  He never responds or even looks my way before he gets up and stands on the opposite side of the bed from Brynlee.

  “You’ve been spending more time with her lately than I have,” she says, looking across at Drew.

  “She hasn’t been upset with you. She could never be,” he says.

  “I should’ve visited her more.”

  Drew marches around the bed and turns her chin toward him.

  “Don’t do this. We’ve had many discussions about it possibly happening this way. You have a lot of responsibility, Bryn. You do the best you can, and she knew it. I’m not letting you beat yourself up over this.”