I'm Holding On

by Scarlet Wolfe

  “I was out driving around, and what are you rambling about?”

  “Is the fact that you were given the heart of the best woman I’ve had the privilege of knowing not enough to get back at me? I figured you wouldn’t appreciate her the same, considering it took you so long to tell her how you feel.”

  “You look like shit. Have you even showered since I saw you last? And I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”

  “Fuck you, Drew. Don’t act like you don’t know.”

  He stares at me for several seconds, and I’m thoroughly confused.

  “Oh, shit. She didn’t tell you. Unbelievable. I sure didn’t see this coming, but I know exactly why it happened. What a shame.” He smirks at me. He really does look like hell.

  “You need to stop screwing around, and tell me what I’m missing here,” I say pissed.

  “Brynlee put me on the road Thursday after Gram’s visitation. A small part of me takes satisfaction in knowing she didn’t run into your arms, but the bigger part of me, the part that loves her hates this for her.”

  I grip my hair. “She ended things with you four days ago?” I’m desperate to know what the fuck’s going on.

  “Yep. If I didn’t already know it’d be futile, I’d try to work my way back in after hearing this news.”

  “Why in the hell hasn’t she told me?”

  He smirks. “Now that I’m not sharing. You only deserve her if you can figure it out on your own.”

  I point in his face. “No, you need to tell me what she said.”

  “Hell no. You have the winning lottery ticket, and you don’t even know how to cash it in. Like I said, you only deserve her if you figure this out without her telling you. I will warn you, if Brynlee has to say it, she’ll only ever be friends with you. Then I might just have to kick your ass.”

  He shakes his head as he walks away, and I’m still trying to figure out what the hell happened.

  Brynlee

  Marissa is a saint and goes with me to drop off my order. I promise the Clarks I’ll get her back by closing.

  “Shoot. There is nowhere to park. I’ve been misbehaving for a month now, so why not break the law?” I pull up in a “no parking” section of the street and turn on my emergency flashers. “Let’s go, girlfriend. We need to make this quick.”

  Marissa helps me carry the boxes of goodies into the restaurant. We’re about to go out the door when the manager spots me. What is her name again?

  “Brynlee, we need more of those strawberry croissants, what are they called again? Oh yes, Sweet Drews. Those are scrumptious, and they sell out in a day or two.”

  “OK, I’ll see what I can do. I probably should run. I’m in a ‘no parking’ spot.”

  “See you soon. Don’t forget about us,” she calls out as I’m heading toward the door.

  I look back. “OK, will do.”

  I get outside and, “No!” I throw my hands on my head. There’s an officer at the van.

  “Well, this blows,” Marissa says, crossing her arms.

  “Oh officer, I was just leaving. I’m sorry. I was making a delivery, and there wasn’t anywhere to park.”

  “No Parking. What part of that sign don’t you understand, ma’am?” the male officer asks, pointing.

  “OK, sorry.” I sigh.

  “Can I see your registration and license please?”

  “For parking wrong?”

  “Ma’am, registration and license.”

  I open the passenger side of the van and grab my purse. After pulling out my license, I reach in the glove box and get the registration. Some papers fall to the floorboard, so I pick them up after I hand the officer my information.

  “OK, you two wait in the vehicle, please.”

  Marissa and I get back in the van. I’m trying to straighten the papers for her to put in the box, and I can’t help but notice the paperwork for the van. I’m curious how much one of these things cost. I pause to look at them.

  Damn, this thing was almost thirty grand, and I never see anyone use it, well, except for me. As my eyes scan the page, I realize Drew’s name is on the bill of sale under Clark’s Coffee Shop. He gave me the impression his parents purchased it. No way.

  “Marissa, you seem to know a lot of things about the shop and your family. If I ask you a question, will you be honest with me?”

  “Um … sure.”

  “Do you know anything about this?” I wave the paper in front of her. Her eyes are round, and then she starts looking everywhere but the paperwork.

  “What about it? Just looks like a receipt to me.”

  “Marissa, I know you like to snoop around. You know something, so spill it.”

  “Ugh. If you think I could get in trouble over showing you the box, you have no idea how much I’m risking my life if I tell you about that piece of paper. Please don’t make me.”

  “Look, you tell me, and if I need to say something to Drew, then I’ll tell him I figured whatever it is out on my own.”

  “I don’t think he’ll buy that.”

  “I’ll pay you ten dollars an hour cash for five hours of work a week until I find a teaching job. Now, share.”

  “You have a deal. Drew bought the van, so you’d have a way to make deliveries. He makes the payments, and that’s why he lives in his crappy apartment. I overheard him tell Dad that when he pays it off, he can start saving for a house. He absolutely does not want you to know.”

  I grab my chest. I’m going to hyperventilate. The officer comes up to the window.

  “Here’s your license and registration back, and here’s your—ma’am, are you OK?”

  “No. I’m not at all. I think I’m having a panic attack.”

  “Look, ma’am, it’s only a parking ticket.”

  “No, it is so much more than that. You really have no idea.” I pull on the collar of my shirt. I think I’m suffocating.

  “Ma’am, here, I’ll tear the damn thing up. Calm down, and don’t ever park here again.” He shreds the paper before walking away.

  “Ah oh. If this is how you’re going to act over this then …”

  “Then what?”

  “Nothing. We should get out of here before the cop gets angry.”

  “Marissa, there is something else you’re not telling me.” I’m heaving for air as I do the math in my head and realize Drew’s been making payments on this van for over a year and a half.

  “I know nothing.” She stares out the side window.

  “Tell me now, Marissa. If it involves me, then I have a right to know.”

  “I’m so dead. I hope you know I’ll probably get grounded over this.”

  “I’ll make sure that doesn’t happen.”

  She lets out a hefty sigh. “Drive, and I’ll tell you.”

  “Fine.” I pull out of the illegal spot and start down the road. My hands are sweating, and my chest is pounding.

  “A percentage of the money Mom and Dad make from the sales of your food is being saved for you. They plan to give it to you when you’re ready to get your own bakery.”

  “Shit, shit, shit!” My palm hits the steering wheel.

  “Brynlee,” she says, whining. “I’m in so much trouble. And here I was worried about showing you the dang shoebox.”

  “Marissa, look at me.” I take my eyes off the road, glancing to her a few times. “I will make sure you’re not in trouble. These two situations involve a lot of money. I have a right to know, so thank you for being honest.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know yet. It’s a lot to take in.” I’m embarrassed to be the Clarks’ charity case. Neither of us speak until we get to the shop.

  I park the van and give Marissa twenty bucks from my purse. “Here, you definitely deserve this today.”

  “Thanks, Bryn. I’m sorry about all this.”

  “Don’t be. It’s just overwhelming to hear all the kind things your family has done for me. Can you take the keys in?”
<
br />   “Sure. See you later.”

  Drew

  I plow into the shop, looking for Brynlee. It’s almost six o’clock, so it’s a toss-up as to whether she’s still here. I get almost to the kitchen and see the lights are off through the window on the door, so I go into the office, barging in on my dad and Marissa. She’s crying.

  “Sorry, I didn’t know I was interrupting.”

  “Drew, you need to hear this,” my dad says.

  I shut the office door behind me. Marissa peers up with a guilty expression.

  “What kind of trouble did you get into? Are you OK?” I ask.

  She looks at Dad and whines.

  “He’s going to murder me.”

  “What happened? And what time did Brynlee leave? I have to talk to her.” I cross my arms and look at my dad. “She put Ian on the road days ago. Why wouldn’t she tell me?” I ask, practically yelling.

  “Oh no.” Marissa buries her face in her hands.

  “What do you know?” I ask her. “Why are you crying?”

  She looks up at me. “Brynlee found the van receipt in the glove box because she was getting a parking ticket. Then she freaked and ended up dragging it out of me about the money Mom and Dad are saving for her.”

  “Dammit, Marissa, that is not something she should’ve heard from you.”

  “Don’t get mad at me. You shouldn’t have left the papers in there. She’s in the van every week, so she was bound to find them.”

  I pace around the office with my hands on my hips.

  “When did she leave?”

  “About twenty minutes ago.”

  “Then she’s on the damn bus, and I have no idea where she’s going.” I look to my dad again. “Why would she dump him and push me away? Does that mean she doesn’t want either of us?”

  My dad leans back in his chair and laces his fingers behind his head. “Drew, how in the heck would I know? If I had to make a guess, maybe she was testing you to see what you’d do if she pushed you away, but like I said, it’s a guess.

  “What I do know is you need to get all this sorted out. She’s crying, your sister’s crying, and you’re out of control around here anymore. We’re not hosting The Jerry Springer Show in this coffee shop.” My dad points his finger at me.

  I look at Marissa. “What did she say? Tell me everything.”

  “No. If you really love her, then you’ll figure out what she wants. You don’t even see what’s right in front of you. She loves you, but you’ll be lucky to get her.”

  “What the hell? That’s almost exactly what Ian said. What am I missing here? Tell me now, Marissa!”

  “Don’t yell at me and no! It’s not something I can tell you to do. You have to want to yourself you big idiot!” Marissa storms past me with tears in her eyes and clenched fists. Out of the office she goes, slamming the door behind her.

  “I’m losing my mind, Dad. Since it took me so long to tell her how I feel, she thinks I’m merely jealous of Ian getting her attention and got caught up in the tug of war over her.

  “I’ve tried to make up for the last two years, showing her I want more than a friendship. I don’t know what else to do to get her to see I love her.”

  “So you told Brynlee you love her?”

  “Yes I’ve told her. I mean … I’m pretty sure. I told her how much I care about her. I told her all the ways she makes me feel, and I definitely showed her physically. I told her I want her many times—”

  “But did you tell her you loved her?”

  My mind races, recalling every conversation and occasion of laughter, our intimacy and dates, and every urgent moment I would’ve given anything for her to pick me.

  Holy Shit! “No. I can’t believe it. I never said those words. Why didn’t I say it?”

  “Are you sure she’s not right about the chase? Did you pursue her because you were jealous of Ian wanting her?”

  “Absolutely not, Dad. I’m madly in love with that woman.”

  My dad smiles. “I know. Now, find her and tell her you big idiot.”

  You’re Not Saying it First

  Brynlee

  I arrive at the park and sit under the cherry blossom tree Drew and I usually share amongst a long row of them. The butterflies return in my stomach when I think about him telling me here that he liked me. I see one of the runners we enjoy making fun of.

  It seems like an eternity has passed since that day. So much has happened, and after everything, I’m still alone. I can’t believe Drew’s been doing without, screwing with his entire future, so I’d have a way to transport my product.

  He loves me. I still don’t understand why he didn’t tell me, but he truly loves me, and I hurt him horribly today by letting him believe I wanted Ian. I don’t even know if he’d forgive me for putting him through that, but dammit, he shouldn’t have given me up!

  I’ve come to realize that because of how deeply I’ve loved Drew for two years, once the reality set in that he really wanted me, I became terrified he’d abandon me like everyone else. So I clung to Ian, hoping I could fall in love with him since he never made me doubt his feelings.

  It’s your move, Brynlee. If you want a chance with Drew, then you’re the one that’s going to have to say those three words and see what happens. Leaning my head back against the tree, I put my purse between my legs and close my eyes.

  Trying to relax, I recall some of the special moments I’ve shared with Drew. I have no idea how much time has passed when I feel drops of water through the branches. It’s sprinkling, so I drag my butt up off the ground.

  “Brynlee!”

  I jump when I hear my name. Drew is barreling toward me, and he looks outraged as he throws his hands in the air. “I’ve been worried sick about you. Why in the hell didn’t you tell me about Ian?”

  “I can’t believe Marissa already told, but does it really matter?”

  “Ian told me, and what’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Does it really matter since you basically handed me over to him this afternoon?”

  Drew is only a couple of feet away from me, pointing a finger. “That’s not fair. You’ve hardly spoken to me for days when you’re supposedly dating two guys, so what else am I supposed to think? I assumed you wanted to be with him.”

  “And that was obviously acceptable to you!” I push his chest with my finger. The once blue sky is now dark grey. Clouds open wide, dumping rain. Drew grabs hold of my biceps and slams his lips on mine. Oh hell.

  Drew

  Taking hold of Brynlee, I shut her up with a kiss. She might not believe it yet, but I love her, and she’s going home with me.

  She yanks away. “Why didn’t you fight for me today? If you care about me so much, why would you voluntarily let me go?”

  I grab hold of my head. She is impossible sometimes. “Bryn, you looked like you were suffering. Since you were barely speaking to me, I thought you wanted him and were afraid to tell me. I didn’t want you hurting and dealing with this situation another minute.”

  “Well, that’s very considerate of you as a best friend, but I don’t want to only be your friend. And you told me you were never letting him have me and that I was yours, yet you walked away!”

  Her hands are clenched as rain soaks us. Water dripping from every inch of her, and I feel my t-shirt and shorts clinging to me.

  “You’re right. I should’ve never given you up until you told me to, but I was afraid I was going to hear those words, Bryn, and I couldn’t stand the thought of it. I guess I was hoping you’d stop me.”

  “I guess we’re both always waiting for the other to make a move, so what does that say about the strength of our relationship, Drew?” She marches off past me.

  “Oh no you don’t. You are not walking away from me.” Right when I reach her, she spins around.

  “Why? Because you care about me? Because you don’t want to lose me as a friend? Well, I’m tired of us dancing around this for two years, so I’m going to be the brave one h
ere and say—”

  I cover her mouth hard with my hand while grabbing her arm with the other. Her eyes widen.

  “Don’t even think about it. You are not saying it first. No way. I love you, Brynlee. I’ve loved you for two years. I was a complete coward and idiot for not telling you sooner, and I’m sorry.” I move my hand away from her mouth.

  “I should’ve told you before Ian was even in the picture. Then I should’ve told you when I found out about him and every day since until I convinced you that it was the truth.

  “I love you, Brynlee. I love everything about you, even this stubborn attitude of yours. I love you so much that I’ll marry you tomorrow if you let me.”

  Her eyes soften as she chews on that lip of hers.

  “I love you, too, Drew. I always have, but I was too afraid to face it. What if you left me like everyone else?”

  “Sugar, you said you love me, so you’re stuck with me forever.”

  Her hands slide into my wet hair as her lips find mine. Mine. Brynlee’s finally mine. I wrap her in my arms, our bodies stuck together from our soaked clothes. I can’t hold her close enough. This kiss is different than any we’ve shared. She’s not holding back an ounce, showing me she’s all mine. All. Mine.

  Breathless, she pulls away and stares into my eyes, desire filling hers. “Take me to your apartment, Drew, and make love to me.”

  “Fuck, Bryn. You don’t have to ask me twice.” I take her hand and practically drag her to the car. Once inside, we start making out again, unable to keep our hands off each other.

  “Drive, Drew.” She pulls herself away and buckles up.

  “Shit. Your lips are blue like last time. You’re cold.”

  “Drive. You can warm me back up.” Her hand slides over my thigh, and I slam my foot on the gas. I feel like I’ve waited a lifetime for this day.

  Neither of us say a word the rest of the way. I park and go around to let her out. It’s still pouring, and I don’t know if it’s because of how badly I want her, but I pick her up. She wraps her legs around my waist and crushes her lips to mine.