A Life Like Mine

by Jorie Saldanha

  “What would those be? Annie smirked.

  “Well, I got ten ‘stay sweet’ responses, eighteen ‘have a great summer’ phrases, twenty-three ‘see ya next year’ entries, and the winner of the boring line in a year book contest goes to the endless ‘see ya’ lines.” I rolled my eyes.

  “You weren’t kidding.” Annie laughed. “Is it weird that I have the exact same things in my year book?”

  “Very funny.” I grinned.

  “What’s funny?” Big Al came up behind us.

  “Your entry in Annie’s yearbook.” I said.

  “Yeah, isn’t it the best? I thought it up.” Big Al answered proudly.

  “I bet you did.” I winked at Annie.

  “I just came over here to tell you girls that we’re all going over to the courtyard to hang out. You’re coming, right?” Big Al put his arm around Annie.

  “Sure.” Annie and I answered together.

  “I love the courtyard,” Annie chimed as we all headed toward out to meet our friends. The courtyard was a little square garden with statues and sturdy benches. It was right outside the school. A path from the cafeteria led to it. It was gorgeous in the summer, and the perfect place to be with someone you cared about. Thinking about it made me sad. Everything that I saw reminded me of Adam. Today was going to be his last day here, and I wouldn’t even get the chance to say good-bye.

  “Hey, Ash.”

  “Hmm?” I snapped to attention.

  “You okay?” Big Al asked.

  “Sure,” I answered unconvincingly. “Don’t worry about it,” I continued with a tone in my voice that said ‘stay out of it.’

  “Okay.” Annie kept walking.

  “Annie, Big Al, Ash!” Tina motioned towards us. “What’s up?”

  “Not much.” I squinted at her.

  “Where have you been hiding?” Tina asked. “I haven’t seen you in a long time.”

  “Yup,” was my reply. Everybody was there. Well, everyone except Tom who wasn’t going to be anywhere for a long time.

  “How’s Adam?” Tina giggled as her boyfriend nibbled her neck. Yuck! Disgusting. Can’t these people turn it off?

  “I…” My face dropped and everyone grew silent.

  “How are you?” Betty burst in.

  “I’m good.” I sighed, giving her a hug.

  “How’s Hank?” Tina didn’t seem to get the hint.

  “So, Tina why don’t you and your boyfriend go and find out where the new wing in the school is going to be put.” Betty widened her eyes at Tina. She tried to do it so that I didn’t notice, but instead I did, and Tina didn’t.

  “Great idea!” Tina walked off with her guy.

  “So, the gangs all here.” I said.

  “Yeah, sadly some of us haven’t gotten the newsflash about what tact is,” Betty grumbled. “Sorry about that. I should have told her.”

  “Don’t worry about it. It’s not a big deal.”

  “I shouldn’t have let her just blurt that out like she did.” Betty sighed. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m getting there.” I shrugged. “I miss him. And even though he’s a jerk, I miss Hank too. He was a good friend until he sold me out.”

  “Yeah.” Betty stiffened. “Do you want to go do something?” She said, wide eyed.

  “What’s going on?” I looked behind me. By the statues, with the most beautiful bouquet of flowers, was Adam. My mouth dropped. I turned to run away, but I stopped myself. I might as well say something to him. I walked towards him. It was as if I was on skates. I couldn’t feel my feet hitting the ground.

  “Hi.” I toyed with my hair nervously. “Come to say good-bye?”

  “These are for you.” Adam stuffed the white lilies in my face.

  “Thanks.” I sputtered with a smile. “The lilies are kind of blocking my nasal passages!”

  “Sorry.” He pulled the lilies back a little. He handed them to me.

  “Well, you’ve said your good-bye and given me the ‘good-bye flowers’ so I guess you’re all ready to go.”

  “I came to tell you something.” Adam smiled.

  “What else could you possibly need to say to me?” I asked, irritated.

  “Well, hello everybody!” Someone behind me slurred in a drunken voice. It was Lena.

  “Things just keep getting better and better.” I mumbled to myself. (Seriously, how many more people are going to crash this little get together at the courtyard? First Adam, now Skankwad, I mean Lena. Sorry. I don’t mean to be rude. I’m working on it. Okay?)

  “Lena.” Betty sucked in her breath. Everyone just sat and watched as Lena stumbled around, giggling flirtatiously. No one moved.

  “Ugh,” I groaned. I handed my lilies back to Adam and started walking towards her. I have to do everything around here! Don’t you think that’s unfair? Well, it doesn’t matter. I think it’s unfair.

  “Lena, what are you doing here?” I asked tiredly.

  “I came here to join the festivities!” Lena lifted a glass before almost falling over. I caught her.

  “Have you been drinking?” I asked.

  “No!” Lena made a fish face. “I’ve just been having a lil’ puncharoo!” She wiggled her hand with the glass in front of my face.

  “I see.” I answered.

  “Want to know something?” Lena whispered, leaning towards me.

  “What?” I nearly gagged at the amount of alcohol that I could smell on her breath.

  “Tom came running back to me this morning. He was begging on his knees for me. He said he wanted me back.” She snorted.

  “Did he?” I raised an eyebrow. “And what did you say?”

  “I said that he could pound sand! Then I told him that I didn’t want a relationship, but I was willing to go out with him. A little bye-bye date. You know? It’s totally like lighting the frizz ball. You know?”

  “Right.” I smiled at her drunken stupor.

  “So you where did you go on your last date?” I asked.

  “He said he knew the perfect place for us to go. So we skipped school and went to this club called the 21 Club! It’s cool. He was so nice. He went and got me this punch. It tastes really good.” Lena hooted.

  “I’m sure it does.” I couldn’t believe that Lena was tricked into drinking spiked punch. “How many of those have you had?”

  “Like ten! Tom told me they have no calories! I couldn’t find him after my sixth or seventh one of these. Where do you think he went?”

  “Probably jail.” I snorted under my breath.

  “Huh?”

  “Nothing,” I told her. “How did you get back to school?”

  “I met this cool guy named Roy, and he gave me a ride!”

  “Okay,” I said. Then and idea popped into my head. Was Lena in the mood for blurting out all of her indiscretions?

  “You know, you’re kind of ugly,” Lena blurted out.

  “Excuse me.”

  “Well, don’t act like its surprisming. You’re so kernoodlingly ugly!” Lena laughed obnoxiously.

  “You’re kind of a mean drunk,” I stated.

  “Drunk?” Lena’s face was one of horror. “I’m not drunk!”

  “Please, do you know that kernoodled isn’t a word?” I asked.

  “Kernoodled is a word.”

  “Then what does it mean?” I looked at her seriously.

  “It means amazering,” Lena said.

  “Amazering isn’t a word either.”

  “Don’t you ever read?” Lena rolled her eyes at me. “You obviously haven’t read anything! Otherwise, you’d know amazering means wonderful.”

  “You mean amazing, not amazering,” I corrected her.

  “Ha! Now who’s saying fake words? Amazing isn’t a word!”

  “Wow, you are so drunk.”

  “I am not!” Lena huffed.

  “Whatever. You need to sit down. You’re going to either throw up or pass out!

  “I don’t need your help!” Lena shook off my hand on h
er arm. “Stop trying to be the boss of me!”

  “Lena, you’re not feeling well, you need to lie down and rest!” I coaxed.

  “You don’t know what I need!” Lena’s pupils were so dilated it was hard to tell that her eyes were fiery with anger.

  “Lena, stop it.” I pulled at her arm again.

  “I said to leave me alone!” Lena screamed flinging her glass of punch at me. My white t-shirt was totally soaked. Awwww, man! Of all the shirts to get soaked! It’s a good thing I wasn’t going to a fraternity.

  “Lena…” I wiped at my shirt angrily.

  “Whatever.” Lena ambled over to Jill and Liz.

  “Hey, Jillie!” Lena smiled.

  “Lena, what are you doing here?” Liz asked. “I thought you said you were going to be out with Tom.”

  “I was. And then I decided that I wanted to tell you what I thought about you!” Lena tripped, then steadied herself.

  “What are you talking about?” Jill asked.

  I don’t know what was said, because Lena got really close to them, but I started wondering if I should go and stop Lena. I watched Jill and Liz’s faces carefully. They went from their normal looks of disdain to looks of shock and horror. Then I saw both Liz and Jill lunge at Lena. Oh no! I didn’t think that was going to happen. I quickly ran over and tried to push Lena out of the way. Instead of successfully getting Lena out of the way, I became part of an all-out fight. I was so tangled up; I couldn’t even try to free myself.

  “Girls! Stop this now!” Miss Rosemary’s voice bellowed as she grabbed Liz and me off of Jill and Lena. “All of you, march straight to my office.”

  “I didn’t do it!” I said.

  “Now!” Miss Rosemary pointed towards the school. Her eyes were blazing.

  “Yes, ma’am,” We all said together. We headed towards the room that was now becoming way too familiar to me. Miss Rosemary had one girl go in at a time. Of course, I went last. (Isn’t that always the way? It’s never as if I’d go second or third. I had to go last!)

  “Miss Rosemary, before you start-”

  “Sit. Down,” Miss Rosemary spat. She gazed at me through her glasses. “I am sick and tired of your excuses. Never have I had a student in my office so much. And never was that student someone that I thought was mostly innocent.”

  “I am. I just…”

  “I don’t want to hear it. I’ve given you chance after chance after chance. I’m tired of you always acting like you didn’t do it. How can you not do something that you were seemingly in the middle of when I found you? You were tangled in-between three other girls.”

  “You’re right. It looks bad, but…”

  “No buts, young lady. I don’t know what makes you think you’re any better than the rest of the people in this world. We all deserve the same respect that you believe you deserve.”

  “I know that. Will you please let me speak? Please?” I begged.

  “Fine.” Miss Rosemary sat back, her eyebrows arching.

  “You’re right. You’ve given me lots of chances. And you’re right that I haven’t taken advantage of them, but you’re wrong if you think I was to blame for that fight. I was trying to stop it from happening. Lena was drunk and started saying things to Liz and Jill. I saw them lunge at her, and I jumped in to stop them, but I didn’t succeed. I tried to get out of it, but it didn’t work. I don’t expect you to believe me, but it’s the truth. If you want to ask someone to vouch for me, ask anyone who was there. I was trying to help Lena.”

  “You were trying to help Lena?” Miss Rosemary said blankly.

  “Yes I was.”

  “Then why did the other girls tell me that Lena spilled her punch on you and you went absolutely mad?”

  “I don’t know why they told you that because it isn’t true,” I replied.

  “Well, I will ask other students about what they saw. If what you say is true, then we’ll forget that you were even there.”

  “Thank you, Miss Rosemary,” I told her gratefully.

  “Yes, yes.” Miss Rosemary waved me out of the room tiredly.

  “Miss R.?”

  “What?”

  “What happened to the others? If I may ask.”

  “You may not, but Jill and Liz are being punished with detention,” Miss R. informed vaguely.

  “And Lena?”

  “She told the girls some things that have very heavy consequences.”

  “Like what?” I cocked my head.

  “That’s enough questions. Now go home and do your homework.” Miss Rosemary closed the door behind me. I breathed heavily. Why did the first really good thing I did go horribly wrong? I guess that’s just the way it is. What was I going to do now? I got in my car and started driving aimlessly. Then when I turned off the engine, I realized that I was at Hank’s house. Oh, well. I might as well get out and say a proper good-bye to Adam. I walked up to the door and rang the doorbell. The door slowly opened, and standing before me was a humble looking Hank. I stepped back, shocked to see him. Don’t ask me why, I mean, it is his house. So, why was I shocked? Anyway…

  “Hank, how are you?” I looked behind him.

  “Uh…Adam’s not here.” Hank fidgeted, leaning on the door.

  “Oh. Where is he?”

  “He’s getting take-out dinner for us.” Hank smiled nervously. “Do you want to come in anyway?”

  “Sure.” I followed Hank into the nearly empty house. Now there wasn’t even a bare minimum amount of furniture in the living room. There was just hard floor.

  “Listen…” Hank started a sentence that went nowhere.

  “What?” I asked.

  “I think we should talk.”

  “What do we have to talk about?” I looked at him blankly.

  “All of that stuff you heard me say,” Hank said it slowly.

  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “But I do.” Hank tried to meet my gaze.

  “I said that I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “I think we owe it to each other.”

  “I don’t owe you anything.” I crossed my arms.

  “I didn’t mean…”

  “You’re the one that said all of those awful things about me. If I don’t want to hear what you have to say, I shouldn’t have to! It hurt enough hearing it from you the first time. I don’t think I should have to put up with it again,” I shouted.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t say you’re sorry because of your own guilty conscience. Say it because you mean it!” I pointed my finger at him. “You’re just trying to get me to say that everything is okay before you leave. You don’t want to feel bad, and I’m supposed to make you feel better. I’m the one that’s supposed to tell you that you were right to say all of those nasty things, and that I know you didn’t really mean them. Well, you know what? I’m not going to do that! I’m not going to be the one that makes you feel better about something that hurt me. I thought you were my friend. You sold me out to my boyfriend, Hank. You said that I didn’t matter. You said…you said I was replaceable.” My body trembled with anger.

  “I understand that you’re upset.”

  “Well, thanks,” I retorted.

  “You have every right to be mad.”

  “When did you become so enlightened, Buddha?”

  “I’m not asking you to forgive me. I’m asking you to hear me say that I’m sorry, and understand that I truly am sorry for having ever hurt you. What I said was mean and cruel.”

  “Yes it was.”

  “I’m sorry that I caused you pain. I’m really, really, really, sorry. And I know that nothing I say can make up for how much I hurt you.” Hank stepped closer to me.

  “You should be sorry.” I stared down at my toes.

  “Yes,” Hank admitted.

  “Why? Why did you say all those things?” I looked at him helplessly.

  “I don’t know. I mean, I know that nothing excuses what I said, but I was really stressed out. I don’t
know what to tell you. I didn’t mean what I said. It was stupid. I just couldn’t take it anymore.”

  “Couldn’t take what anymore?” Adam walked up behind me; the scent of the take-out in his hand wafted towards me, tantalizing my nose. “Hi, Ash.”

  “Hi,” I squeaked.

  “What’s going on?” Adam looked from me to Hank.

  “I’m not really sure.” I combed my hands through my hair. “Actually, I just got in my car and it just seemed to drive itself here.”

  “No kidding.” Adam’s cleared his throat.

  “So…” Hank shifted uncomfortably. “I guess I should go. Talk to you later, Ashley?”

  “I don’t think so.” My voice was ice.

  “Okay.” Hank looked at me with doe eyes. He sauntered away.

  “I’m kind of surprised to see you here.” Adam brought my attention back to him.

  “Yeah, me too,” I faltered. “I don’t know why I’m here.”

  “I do.”

  “Really?” I stared up at him intently.

  “Yup. You want my sexy body.” Adam smiled.

  “Very funny,” I shook my head. “How is it that no matter what, you can always make me smile?”

  “What can I say? It’s a gift.”

  “Right.” I laughed, looking at my feet.

  “Listen. In all seriousness, Ash, we have a lot to talk about.” Adam beamed at me.

  “What does it matter, Adam? You’re going away.”

  “Will you still be here when I get back?”

  “I don’t know.” I breathed in deeply.

  “What can I do to tell you how sorry I am? Is there any way that I can prove to you that I’m utterly and completely regretful of how I’ve treated you?”

  “Utterly and completely regretful? Have you been reading Pride and Prejudice again?” I asked.

  “Maybe,” Adam chirped coyly, but his face regained seriousness. “I want you to be my girlfriend again, Ash.”

  “Why?” I looked at him

  “Because I love you.”

  “You what?” My eyes widened.

  “I love you.”

  “I love you too!” I smiled and hugged him.

  “So does this mean you’ll be my girlfriend again?”

  “What do you think?”

  You know how at the end of movies, when a couple is about to kiss, some rocking music strikes up and then the screen pans out on the macking couple? Well, this was one of those kisses.