Loving Noah

by Kenna Knight

  Noah looks over Abe’s shoulder surprised, and I nod to let him know this is Abe’s way. He returns the embrace, and that’s the end of that. They both go back to talking about the baby. Abe is irritated with the birth mother for holding his child hostage in her uterus much longer than expected as if she had a choice, and Noah sympathizes.

  I eat my eggs and say a silent prayer that if we decide to have a baby someday, it’s born on or before its due date. Abe is a mess, and Theo is a grouch. When I’m done, I rinse my plate and announce my departure to the two mother hens.

  “I have to go, thank you for another wonderful breakfast,” I say, leaning around Noah who is still seated at the table and kiss his mouth. He tastes like coffee, and although he is putting on a good front, I feel his heartache in his kiss.

  “I’ll be home around noon. I love you, baby.”

  “You don’t have to cut your day short. I’ll be okay.”

  “Yes, he does. I have a strong feeling today’s the day, and I want everyone with me when I find out if I’m having a son or a daughter,” Abe says in his ‘don’t give me any lip’ tone.

  I raise my eyebrows at Noah. “So, as I said, I’ll see you two around noon.”

  I leave them to it, one grieving the loss of a loved one and the other excited beyond belief for the birth of another.

  23

  Noah – Distractions

  I don’t need a babysitter, but I’m glad Abe is here. Talking about the baby is therapeutic, and Liam is right, it’s keeping my mind off of my mother’s death. But this is only temporary. I’m going to have to deal with it eventually.

  Abe and I finish breakfast, clean up the kitchen, and now we’re in the living room where I am folding laundry with the Today show on for background noise. I have become more domesticated than I ever thought possible. It’s Liam—I enjoy cooking and cleaning for him—it feels good to look out for someone other than myself.

  My phone rings in my pocket. Abe and I must have the same ring because he turns white as a sheet until I take my phone out and answer it. I give him a sympathetic look that says, ‘I’m sorry it’s not news about your baby.’

  “Hi, Noah, I hadn’t heard from you, and I wanted to make sure you’re okay.” It’s Kitty, and she sounds terrible. God, what a jackass I’ve been. She lost her only sister, and I’ve been so wrapped up in my shit, I didn’t even call to give my condolences.

  “Oh, Kitty, I’m so sorry, yes I’m fine. How are you?”

  “I’ll be fine.” She sniffles, and I know she’s anything but fine. Kitty doesn’t cry sad tears, not that I’ve ever seen. Happy tears, though, that’s a different story. She’s hurting, and since I left her, she’s hurting alone.

  I need to be with her. “I’m booking a flight this afternoon. I’ll be there by tomorrow night. I don’t want you to go through this alone.”

  “Noah, don’t do that, it’s not necessary. Save your money for your ticket to Ohio for the funeral. No sense in coming all the way down here when I’ll be seeing you in a couple of days anyway.”

  “I’m not going to the funeral.” Abe’s head snaps up, and he looks at me in shock.

  “Oh, honey, don’t say that. I think the funeral might bring you some closure. You should go.”

  “They disowned me, and I haven’t had parents for nine years. There’s no point in going back to that tiny, close-minded town. I have nothing to say to anyone there.”

  She’s quiet for a moment before she speaks again. “Noah, you have some legal matters to deal with, you do need to go back for the funeral.” Legal matters? What possible legal matters could I have?

  “What? I don’t understand.”

  “Your mother left her half of everything to you instead of your father.”

  “She can’t do that, they’re married. Can she?”

  “Yes, she can, and she did. And as you can imagine, Donald is livid. He refuses to make any of the funeral arrangements, so I’m trying to do it from here.”

  “He won’t make arrangements to bury his own wife? What kind of monster is he? Never mind, don’t answer that. I already know.”

  “I don’t even know if he will show up, to be honest. He called me last night screaming about her betraying him and going behind his back to try and stay in touch with you. Noah, your mother, never contacted you, did she?”

  “No, never. Not that I know of anyway.”

  “I wonder if she tried, and he blocked her attempts. Maybe Katherine changed her will so you would finally know how much she loved you.”

  Now that is a lot to take in. Was my mom trying to contact me all this time? This idea has me all mixed up now. I was all set to ignore the whole situation, but now, now I don’t know.

  “What do I do, Aunt Kitty? I don’t want to see my dad, and I don’t want to fight him for whatever Mom left me. I don’t need it. I have everything I’ve ever wanted in my life right here with Liam.”

  “I know you do, sweetheart, and I’m beyond thrilled that you two found each other.”

  “But?”

  “But, don’t you want to know if he was keeping her from you all these years? And if he was, don’t you want to go and say goodbye to her?”

  I think for a moment and decide that yes, I do want to know.

  “Yes, what do I do next?”

  “I think you should book a flight to Ohio with Liam and when you two get there, we can meet with Katherine’s lawyer about her will. You can decide if you want to attend the funeral after that.”

  “Okay, when are you leaving?”

  “My flight leaves in the morning. I’m staying at The Ritz, and you boys are welcome to stay with me. I booked a suite in hopes that you would.”

  “Thank you, Kitty, what would I do without you?”

  “Well, you’ll never have to find out, so it’s no matter.”

  “I love you. And I’m sorry you lost your sister. I know you two used to be close when you were young.”

  “Yes…” Her voice is soft and reflective.

  “I’ll call you when I have a flight itinerary. If I know Liam, he’s already booked our flights.”

  “I wouldn’t doubt it, he’s so worried about you. He loves you so much, Noah, so much.”

  “I know, and I love him, too.”

  “Okay,” she says like she’s just snapped out of a daydream. “We need to get busy, I’ll talk soon. Love you.”

  “Love you, too, bye.”

  We hang up, and I flop back on the couch to process everything that just transpired.

  “You okay, Noah?” Abe asks tentatively from the loveseat next to me where he has been biting his nails the entire time I’ve been on the phone. He’s a sweet man, but very anxious.

  I take a deep breath and blow it out. “I don’t know, this just got way more confusing.”

  “You want to talk about it? I’m a good listener.”

  He’s so kind trying to help, but I have to figure this out on my own. “It’s just stuff with my dad and the funeral. I guess I’m going to Ohio after all. I better call Liam and tell him to go ahead and book our flights.”

  “As you said, he probably already did it.”

  “Yeah, you’re probably right. Will you excuse me for a minute?”

  “Sure, I’ll just hang here with Kathy Lee and Hoda.”

  I can’t help but crack a smile before heading to my office. I look up some ticket prices and decide I’d better call Liam first before buying them. When I go to press the dial button on my phone, I realize I’m trembling. I’m trying to keep my shit together. I thought I was keeping my shit together, maybe not.

  Liam answers on the second ring, “Noah, are you all right? I’m on my way home I’m only five minutes away.” He sounds a little frantic.

  “I’m okay, well I’m not okay, but you don’t need to hurry or anything. I called because I was wondering if you bought airline tickets to Ohio already?”

  “Yes, I did. We leave at nine o’clock tomorrow morning. Before you start arguin
g with me about this, I’m going to have to insist that you go. This is your only chance to…”

  I cut him off, “I’ll go, I mean I want to go now. I was looking at tickets myself and didn’t want to buy any if you already had.”

  “You want to go? What’s changed since I went to work?”

  “Kitty called, and apparently my mother left me her half of everything in the will instead of leaving it to my dad. Kitty thinks she may have been trying to get ahold of me all these years, and Dad wouldn’t let her so this is her revenge/apology to Dad and me.”

  “Wow, that’s insane. So she thinks your mom has tried to contact you?”

  “Yeah, she’s handling the funeral arrangements because my asshat Dad won’t do it. He’s pissed about money at a time like this, can you believe that?”

  “With your dad? Yes.”

  “Kitty doesn’t think he will show at the funeral. That would be all right by me.”

  “Me, too, I wasn’t looking forward to seeing him either. I’m pulling into the parking garage. I’ll be up in a minute.”

  “Okay, and Liam?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Thanks for getting the tickets.”

  “Hush, it was nothing.”

  “Not to me, it wasn’t.” We hang up, and he’s coming through the door within five minutes with Theo trailing behind him. Liam hugs me, and I whisper in his ear, “More babysitters?” We separate, and a small smile pulls at the corners of his mouth.

  “I worry.”

  “You certainly do.”

  I turn to our guests who are sitting on the couch together watching the Today show now and clap my hands. “So now what?” I ask.

  “Well, we could play a board game or put together a puzzle or work on baby names,” Theo says, and I think he’s kidding at first—he’s not. He has a bag of board games and baby name books on the floor at his feet.

  “I’m going to pack, but when I’m done, count me in for a game of Clue,” Liam says on his way to our bedroom. Playing board games the day after your mother has died seems strange, but I have nothing better to do, so why not?

  Two games of Clue, a movie, and three games of Yahtzee later, Bianca arrives with dinner, and we spend the rest of the evening eating and picking out six boy and six girl baby names. Abe and Theo have opposite tastes in names, so it’s not easy.

  We are saying goodbye to everyone when their phones chime at the same time. We all freeze when we realize it’s Theo, Abe, and Bianca getting the texts and not Liam and me. This can only mean one thing—the baby is coming.

  “Oh my God, she’s finally in labor!” Abe practically yells, “I told you today was the day!” He covers his mouth with his hand and tears spring to his eyes.

  “We need to get to the hospital,” Theo adds in an uncharacteristically calm tone. It’s as if Abe and Theo have switched personalities.

  “Do you want me to come with you? I’m your lawyer, but I don’t have to be there for anything until after the birth,” Bianca says, giving them the opportunity to choose whether or not they want to be alone. It’s obvious she wants to go, her entire body is vibrating, and if I can see it, they can, too.

  “Of course, we want you there, you’re more than our lawyer, dummy, you’re our friend,” Abe says pulling her out the door. “We want you all there,” he says to Liam and me.

  “We have an early morning flight. We have to be at the airport at seven.”

  “Oh yes, how insensitive of me, I’m sorry. I’m just so excited,” Abe says clapping his hands in front of him like a hummingbird.

  “Of course, you are. Don’t apologize, go, go be with your new baby. Maybe you will have decided on a name by the time we get back,” Liam says.

  “It’s Hector or Angelina,” Theo says with an air of superiority.

  Abe pulls his lips together tight and rolls his eyes before shooting off his two favorites, “You mean Gregory or Samantha.”

  “No, I mean…” Theo starts, but I cut him off with a compromise.

  “Why don’t you all go have a look at him or her and then decide what to call it?”

  “Good idea, Noah, very diplomatic,” Bianca says and kisses me on the cheek. She places her hands on my shoulders and looks at me in the eyes. “Have a safe trip tomorrow and again, I am so sorry about your mother.”

  “Thank you, thank you all.”

  The guys chime in with their condolences, and then the three of them are gone.

  I sigh deeply. “I need sleep. I’ve never been so worn out after doing nothing all day.”

  “You didn’t do nothing, you cooked breakfast and helped with lunch, played games and watched a movie, ate dinner and chose unique baby names. That’s a pretty productive day I’d say.” He reaches for me, and I step into his arms and let him hold me.

  “Thanks for the distractions. I would have gone stir crazy sitting around here alone all day thinking about my mother.”

  “I figured as much. Now, let’s go and pack your suitcase and get you to bed. Tomorrow’s going to be a long day.”

  He has no idea just how long.

  24

  Liam – Narrow Sad World

  We board our flight the next morning after only speaking less than ten words to each other. I’m worried about him, but I don’t want to hover, he’s got so much to think about. I can’t imagine how he’s feeling going back there after being sent away nine years ago. He puts on a good front, but I know he’s hurting.

  When we settle in our seats, I take his hand in mine. “Noah, if you want to talk, I’m here. I haven’t said anything this morning because I know you’re under a lot of stress, but you can lean on me.”

  He looks down at our hands. “People are going to talk if we hold hands at the funeral. And if my dad’s there, he will go ballistic. Why does he have to be this way, Liam? Why can’t he just get past this?” He looks up at me, and his eyes are pleading.

  “I did everything to earn his praise. I got perfect grades. I was polite. I ran record times in track. I fucking kept my room as neat as a pin, I mowed the grass and helped with the bills with money I made off my photography, and for what? He still hates me, all because I don’t love who he wants me to love.”

  Tears pool in his eyes threatening to fall with a blink. I want to pull him into my lap and love his pain away, but I can’t right now. “Noah, none of this is your fault. Your dad lives in a narrow little sad world where only his opinions matter. He can’t see beyond the walls of his bigotry. You are a stellar human being with so much love to give. I know it’s cliché, but it is truly his loss.”

  I’m angry, really angry. I don’t like seeing Noah suffer like this—it’s not fair. I can just hear my mother saying, “Life isn’t fair, honey, we have to do the best with what we’re given.” It’s logical advice, but it doesn’t help much.

  He lifts my hand up and kisses my knuckles. “I’m glad you’re here. I couldn’t do this without you.”

  “I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”

  “Do your parents know you’re coming?”

  “Yeah, my dad called me yesterday when I was at work to see if I’d heard. He wanted me to give you his condolences. Mom and Dad will be at the funeral.”

  “Really? That surprises me.”

  “My mom thought it was terrible what your parents did to you. She felt like it was your dad forcing your mom’s hand, though, so she wanted to come and pay her respects. And Dad, well he does what Mom thinks is right because he trusts her judgment.” He gives me a look that pulls at my heartstrings. It’s a look of longing, an ache for a different kind of family—one like mine.

  Now, as it turns out, he’s going to get those exact parents as in-laws. When we get home from Ohio, I’m going to ask Noah to marry me. There’s no sense waiting any longer, we’ve been in love for years. I want to give him the security and love of a real family. I want to make him Mr. Noah Stone.

  Our conversation is cut short by the flight attendant when she comes over the speaker and gives u
s her safety speech. Noah looks out the window, and I lay my head back and close my eyes as we get ready for taking off. It’s time to relax for an hour or two before we get home, and the shit hits the fan. Whenever Noah’s dad is involved in anything, shit’s hitting the fan.

  25

  Noah – She Loved Me

  “We’re home,” Liam says when we drive into Crossroads.

  Home according to the dictionary is the place where one lives permanently, especially as a member of a family or household.

  This place is not my home. I never felt more unwelcome or out of place as I did when I lived here. My home is in Washington, D.C. with Liam, not this godforsaken backward town in Ohio.

  “Noah?” Liam says nudging me.

  “Yeah, sorry, daydreaming.”

  “I thought we would go say hello to my parents, and then we can head back to Toledo to stay with your aunt.”

  “That’s fine.” I’d forgotten we were going to stay with Kitty. I don’t know where I thought we would be staying. I haven’t been welcome in my house for years, and Crossroads only has one musty motel.

  The taxi driver takes a left onto the street where Liam’s parents live, and suddenly, I am taking a trip down memory lane. The only good memories of my childhood happened on this street. I spent as much time as possible at Liam’s house without making myself unwelcome. Although, I don’t imagine I would ever have been unwelcome there.

  Liam’s parents are the best. They’re easy-going people who work hard to give their son what he needed to succeed in life, and they always knew how to make me laugh, something I didn’t do much of growing up.

  We turn into his driveway, and I look up at the familiar brick home. It’s exactly the same. I’ll bet it will smell like chocolate chip cookies and Downy dryer sheets when I walk through the door. To this day, those two smells make me feel safe.

  The taxi driver helps us with our bags, and we’re making our way up the driveway when the front door opens, and Edith and Charles Stone welcome us with open arms.