The Melody In My Head (Love and Music in Texas Book 2)

by Nikki Lynn Barrett

  Avery exchanged a look with Lucas before she grinned. "Emily Dawn Bennett."

  A round of awww's followed.

  Emily was Avery's mom's name, but Jameson wasn't sure where Dawn came from.

  "It's a beautiful name," Blaine choked up. "Welcome home, Bennett family."

  Jameson used his spare key to open the door, and everyone ushered inside. When Avery ambled up through the door, she caught a look at his expression and frowned. "Hey, you," she said softly. "How are you holding up?"

  "I don't want to talk about it." He said it much harsher than he'd intended, but didn't make a move to apologize.

  Get a grip. Why are you getting angry at Avery?

  She didn't do anything to deserve it. It wasn't Avery's fault Melody left. He should say sorry, stop being an ass and not ruin her day. She'd been through enough lately.

  But so had he. Why should he have to apologize for every little thing?

  Okay, gotta get this anger in control.

  Not good.

  Hurt flashed in her eyes, but she said nothing more and walked through the door. She turned her head to look back at him once more before Lucas ushered her to sit and rest.

  Belinda came in next, followed by Avery's parents.

  Jameson listened to all of the chatter and excitement, but he just couldn't get in the mood to be happy. All he could think was how everyone seemed to be getting their happy ending and Melody was gone.

  What was up with his pity attitude? He still had his friends, his family and his music. His best friend just went through one of the biggest changes in her life after dealing with a scary moment, and he couldn't even hug her, congratulate her, and tell her how glad he was that Lucas and Belinda were okay?

  Damn it, he was flying off the handle.

  Finally, he excused himself and walked outside, just needing to take a breather.

  He missed Melody and couldn't stop thinking about her. Why was it that he thought he'd found someone to give his heart to and she up and walked away? Jameson threw himself into the swing and shook his head. Would she ever come back?

  The front door opened. He didn't even look up to see who'd walked out until he felt the weight of another person on the swing beside him. "I'm sorry, Jameson." Avery's quiet voice was choked with emotion. She covered his hand with her own.

  "Are you? Really?" Jameson yanked his hand away from her. He didn't need anyone's pity. Where had that come from?

  "Hey, that's not fair." Avery jerked back at the surprising gesture and his harsh words. She bit her lip and turned away from him, unsure of what to say. "You love her," she finally said.

  Jameson sucked in a breath. "I love her. I didn't think that was going to happen."

  "You don't think she'll come back?"

  "I don't know. I can't see why she wouldn't, but the way she wrote the letter and the argument we had the first night she told me makes it sound like she won't. She left, with the possibility of carrying my child. All I can do is fight down the anger, which keeps surfacing, stronger than I've ever felt in a long time."

  "I noticed you don't get angry. Not since your dad died. I thought you were going to be pissed at me all those months."

  "It wasn't until Melody asked me about why I don't get angry that I figured it out."

  "I'm so sorry, Jameson." Avery tried to reach for him again, her eyes filling with tears. "I wish there was something I could do."

  Something inside him snapped. He couldn't stop the flow of anger all of a sudden. He shot to his feet. "I don't want your pity, Avery!" His voice rang out loud and sharp.

  "I- I'm not pitying you-"

  "No? You could have stopped her. Why do you get all the happiness? Do you know why I couldn't get so angry? When you and Mom went to the store that day- the day my dad died, we were arguing."

  Oh, damn. He didn't mean those words, he didn't! Why the hell had he shouted that at her? And then tell her about the argument with Dad? He never meant to tell her what happened, especially because the argument had been about her. For a split second, he wished he could take the words back, but instead, he continued on, a knot forming in his gut and his veins pulsing with the building frustration. He jumped up from the swing and paced the porch.

  "He had the heart attack right in the middle of the argument."

  Avery covered her mouth and she trembled.

  "The argument was about you." His voice dripped with an icy chill.

  God, why was he telling her this? Why couldn't he just shut up right now?

  "Me? Why?" Shock registered in her voice.

  "I was going to ask you to marry me that weekend, Avery. I told my dad my plans and we fought over it. He died, knowing that I was pissed off at him because we didn't agree over my decision. But in a way, and I didn't know it or realize it at the time, he'd been right."

  Avery climbed to her feet, edging closer to him. Jameson backed away. He couldn't be near her right now.

  "I don't understand."

  "Dad knew you had your reservations about leaving Texas. You held back all the time which he felt was holding me back. I wanted a life of music, but I stayed around here because you weren't ready. Don't get me wrong, he loved you and thought the world of you, but he worried I would resent you if you never got over your feelings. He thought if I married you, I'd live to regret it."

  Avery's knees buckled and she backed up into the swing again, staring wide eyed at him. Her skin turned a few shaded paler. "Why didn't you tell me any of this before? Jameson, I-"

  "Just stop it, Avery! Please! What's done is done and I really can't figure out why I'm telling you this except maybe it's about damn time I got it out, so that I can get on with my life." Jameson gripped the wooden pole to the porch and until he could physically feel the splinters pushing into his hand. He blinked, taking his gaze away from Avery's face. "You were the only woman I ever loved, until Melody. Now I've lost her, too. Why couldn't you have stopped her? I could have convinced her to let me go with her if it weren't for everything that day! Somehow it always comes down to you-"

  Whoa. Did he really just nearly accuse her of being the reason he lost everything? If he said those words, there would be no taking them back.

  Watch what the hell you say. You can't possibly mean that.

  Avery gasped as his outburst. "What are you saying?" There came the tears. Oh, what the hell had he been doing?

  The front door flew open again and Lucas stormed out, his eyes focused on Jameson. "I'd like to know that, too," he said in a low voice. "We can hear you from inside. What the hell is going on?" Shooting another murderous look at him, Lucas went to sit with Avery and held her.

  "I- I don't know what the hell I'm saying." Jameson calmed himself, thinking about all the things he'd just spouted and what he nearly accused Avery of. Was that one of his subconscious thoughts talking? Surely he couldn't blame everything on her. What was wrong with him? He shook his head, pacing. He needed to get away from here and think. Damn, he was so glad he stopped when he did.

  "Hey, go on inside for a minute. Let me talk to him," Lucas pleaded with Avery. Without a word to Jameson, she sailed past him and went inside.

  "You know, I have always respected you," Lucas started to say.

  "What, you're going to lecture me too?" Jameson snapped. Whoa.

  Lucas shook his head. "What the hell is wrong with you? I have never seen you like this. Do you really blame her for your dad's heart attack just because you were fighting about her? You blame her for Melody leaving? I read between the lines, Jameson, and those words don't sound like you. I always thought you were a little more understanding about things than one should be, but I never imagined you had those kind of thoughts."

  "I don't blame her, Lucas. I could never-" But that's not what he'd been about to say earlier. What a crazy, fucked up contradiction he'd become. "These spikes of anger make me say things that I feel to a certain degree, but when the truth comes down to it, I don't blame Avery. I loved her, and so I made that sacrif
ice to stay for her. I can't blame her for having fear or not being ready to set foot outside of the only home she's ever known. I think it was all the grief talking. What have I done? I should go talk to her."

  "Maybe what you need is to let her be for now. Let the two of you calm down. We've all been through hell, and everyone is still a little on edge. That just scared me to see you like that, Jameson, because you've never been one to get so mad that you run the risk of saying things you'll regret."

  "You're right. Maybe a part of me was mad because it was your situation that sent Melody fleeing, and I reeled from taking in another loss. I love her, Lucas. More than I ever imagined I could love again."

  "I know. We all saw it. I was worried because I knew she held a secret, and I know firsthand the consequences of that, but I had hope for you. Despite her running, she's a good woman and we saw how happy she made you. Give her some time. She'll find her way back to you if that's what's meant to be. I know it isn't what you want to hear, but that is the truth."

  Lucas had a point.

  "I think maybe I need to finally talk to someone about these unresolved anger issues." Jameson finally sat down on the swing again. "I don't ever want to lose it like that again, especially at Avery." They'd never fought like that before. Ever. And they'd had their share of arguments throughout their friendship.

  "This might sound weird to you, but it was something I did when I went home to visit California right before Avery came back with Belinda. I visited my parents' graves, and I got out exactly how I felt. It's not the same as saying something directly to them, because of course I couldn't, but it helped. I felt better, and realized I could move on from my own anger issues. Have you tried that? Going to your dad's stone?"

  No, he hadn't thought about that. He'd poured his heart and soul out in music, felt close to his dad while playing the guitar, but he'd never considered Lucas's suggestion before. "Maybe I will. Thanks, Lucas. I think I'm going to take a walk and clear my head. I can't believe I almost said those things to Avery. I'm an idiot." She'd always been there for him. Always. How could he think for one second that she was the center of everything that fell apart? Anger had a way of screwing things up and he'd just been damn lucky he caught himself in time.

  "You two will be just fine. Avery knows you're dealing with a lot of stress. I'm not happy with the way you talked to her just now, but I won't hold it against you, at least, as long as you recognize your behavior and find a better way to release it." Lucas patted his shoulder.

  "I don't deserve your kindness, especially at the moment, but I appreciate it. I'll come back and talk to Avery in a little bit, okay? Tell her, no, you know what, I'll tell her. Thanks for talking to me instead of punching me, Luke. I sure as hell might not have been so nice if it were the other way around. And I'm really grateful that you are okay."

  Chapter Twenty Seven

  A few moments after Jameson left, Lucas was about to head back inside to check on Avery when Shelly came up to the porch. She hesitated on the top step as she met Lucas's stare. "Hi," she said quietly.

  "Shelly, hey."

  There were so many things he needed to say to her, but where did he start? Sorry for shooting your half-brother? Sorry for not being there for him when Sam had needed him the most?

  "I hope this is okay that I came by. I- I needed to see for myself that you and Ms. Wainscott are doing all right." Shelly fidgeted with her shirt, blinking rapidly.

  "I'm glad you came by, actually. I needed to see you face to face after finding out who you are." Lucas gestured to the swing. "Come and sit down for a bit."

  She looked like she wanted to bolt, but finally made her way over and sat beside him. "Lucas, I'm so sorry for what Mark- Ethan, whatever he wants to be called, did to you guys. I had no idea. I didn't even know that he used to be on the streets with you guys. I was so young when Sam left. He was only my half-brother, but he protected me. Until the day he left."

  "I wish I had done better for Sam," Lucas admitted. "And don't you dare blame yourself for what Ethan did. He had his own ideas and you were just a pawn in them. I knew he'd been screwed up, but never imagined he'd find me again." The nightmares haunted him every night since then. Would they ever go away? "I wish I'd known Sam had a sister. I would have found you right after the shooting and made sure he had family with him or something. I was a young fool back then, but I cared about him. He'd been a strong kid, despite all the hell stacked against him."

  "Our home life had been rough. I was sent to a decent foster family about eight months after Sam ran off. I tried looking for him, but of course never found him."

  "I'm sorry things happened like they did. What will you do now?"

  She was going to have a long haul ahead of her, being a young mother without a father in the picture. An image of Emily flashed in his mind. He'd make sure no harm ever came his sweet little angel.

  "My foster family is going to help me for awhile, and I'll get on my feet. I have my son to think about." Shelly shuddered. "I'm glad I found all this out about Mark before our baby got older. I can't wait to get home to him. I'm not sure how long I'll have to be here to make sure Mark gets where he needs to go. I think he's got a personality disorder."

  Lucas wouldn't be surprised if that were the case.

  "Anyway, I have to go. I just needed to come by and talk to you. Thank you for seeing me. And though you don't agree, thank you for being around for Sam. I'm happy that your life turned out good. Not everyone that grew up the way we did gets that kind of life. Can I- would it be all right if I hug you?" She stood, brushing off her jeans.

  Lucas stood up and gave her a hug. "I'm glad you came by, too. It's good to meet someone from Sam's life. If you ever need help, or someone to talk to, don't hesitate to call us." Lucas let her go. "You take care, okay?"

  "You too, Lucas. Congratulations on a beautiful family." With a wave and a small smile, Shelly walked off, heading back to the car she'd ridden in. Lucas headed back inside as she drove away.

  "Everything okay?" Avery asked, looking up at him. She sat between her parents and Belinda, holding Emily. What a beautiful sight. One he would treasure every day.

  He nodded, silently moving across the room to kiss her. "Shelly came by to check on us, and we had a little talk."

  Avery nodded. "I'm glad. I hope she'll be okay. Can I do anything for you?"

  Lucas chuckled. "You just had a baby and you want to take care of me? I love you so much. How did I get so lucky? As for Shelly, I think she will. She's got a lot to look forward to. She has her little boy to think about."

  "Where did my brother go?" Blaine asked softly.

  "He went to go handle his anger," Lucas replied, not sure if he should tell her where he was so that Jameson could have some time alone to figure things out. "I think he's going to be okay. He just lost it for a moment."

  Avery's eyes misted with tears again.

  "How are you feeling, sweetheart? Do you need to rest?" he asked her.

  "I'm just fine, Lucas. Thank you." She warmed his heart with her smile.

  "Maybe we should all get going." Mrs. Callimer kissed Avery's cheek. "I love you. All three of you. What a beautiful grandchild. I couldn't be happier."

  "Thank you for everything, Mama." Avery handed Emily to Lucas so she could walk her parents and Laura out. He carefully held his sleeping daughter and followed everyone to the door.

  "We appreciate all you've done," Lucas agreed.

  "Let us know what we can do. See you later, Belinda." Mr. Callimer waved. They exchanged hugs and kisses before they left.

  "It's going to be fun to have play dates in the future," Laura laughed quietly before heading out. "They'll grow up and fall in love. Then we will be family."

  Lucas smirked at Laura. "Hey, father here … I know you're Avery's best friend and all, but we won't speak of this dating thing until she's at least thirty. Got it?"

  Laura and Avery giggled.

  "That's no joke." Lucas tried to be serious
, but his smile gave it away. "See you later, Laura."

  "Lucas? Will you tell me where Jameson went? He won't answer his phone." Blaine stood behind them now, looking worried.

  "I think he might have gone to your dad's gravestone. I suggested he start there to help get through his anger. It's what I did before I came back here to stay permanently."

  Blaine nodded, then faced Avery. "I heard what he said to you. I'm so sorry."

  "Don't apologize for him, Blaine. Jameson has things he needs to deal with. I had no idea he was fighting with your dad when he died, let alone over me. No wonder he's been so tortured. I just wish he'd been able to tell me so that he didn't have to carry that guilt with him. It hurt like hell, what he said, but I hope now that it's out, that he can put it behind him."

  "Me too. I know he's not happy with me as I was the one that drove Melody to the station."

  "He's upset with me for various reasons too. Hey Luke, Belinda, do either of you mind if I go talk to Jameson?"

  "Of course not. I'll put Emily in her crib for a bit so she can get a proper nap, and I'll hang out with Belinda. When you get home, if she is still sleeping, maybe we can catch a nap." He kissed her lips. "Go on. I love you."

  "I agree. Go talk to him, Avery," Belinda affirmed.

  Blaine led Avery out the door. Lucas turned to Belinda, who'd been watching the exchange from her spot on the chair. Her eyes were shining and brimmed with tears.

  "What? What's with that strange expression?" he asked. "Well, hold that thought. I'm going to put Emily down. I hate not being able to hold her for long, but until my hand gets better, I have to be careful."

  "You're a nurturing father, and you're going to be a great husband. I'm glad you found love with Avery." Belinda wiped a tear away.

  As Lucas walked into the nursery and set the baby in her crib, he watched her as her tiny little thumb found it's way to her mouth.

  "I'm glad I found love with Avery, too," he said softly to himself as he left the room.

  *****

  "I don't know why I didn't come talk to you before. I guess … I didn't know how to accept everything. I'm sorry we fought." Jameson leaned against the headstone, fingering the engraved letters of his father's name. His vision blurred. "I loved Avery, Dad. No matter what, she was a good person in my life, and I wish you could have understood. She didn't hold me back. I would have done anything for her, and if it meant waiting until she was ready, then that would have been fine with me."