Volume 4 - The Disappearance of Suzumiya Haruhi

by Tanigawa Nagaru

  It was my aunt who gave me that nickname, while my sister was responsible for spreading it far and wide. Despite this, I felt very satisfied at this Suzumiya complaining about it. I wonder why, as it wasn’t that long ago since I last heard that nickname.

  “Then, let’s go.”

  I might as well try asking,

  “Now? Where to?”

  Haruhi had already stood up and yelled boastfully at me,

  “To North High, of course!”

  In a blink of an eye, Haruhi, who couldn’t even stand waiting for the automatic door to open, had already rushed out of the coffee shop.

  That was so Haruhi of her to do that, I was very relieved to see that.

  Haruhi, you sure are something. Once you think of something, you’ll always get into action in less than two seconds. That’s definitely you. Every time you kick the club room door open with a bullish attitude, we would know that you would have some amazing idea to announce. Nagato seemed to be the only one who would remain calm……

  “Oh shit!”

  I looked at my watch. It was way past school time. I had completely forgotten about the promise I made while I was at Nagato’s apartment yesterday. I said I would go to the clubroom the next day, and yet I was late. An image floated in my head of Nagato looking depressed as she desperately waited for someone to knock on the door. Please wait a little longer. I’ll be on my way.

  Koizumi picked up the bill that Haruhi left behind and said,

  “So am I just paying for Suzumiya-san only?”

  If you’re paying for me as well, I’ll tell you even more.

  “Then, I’m all ears,”

  I simply threw back everything that this esper boy has ever told me. Things like the anthropic principle, or how Haruhi is a God, as well as how he went to great lengths to stage a murder mystery on a lone island in order to keep Haruhi entertained.

  Seeing Koizumi going into deep thought, I asked him,

  “Could Haruhi be the culprit or is it someone else altogether? Which do you think is correct?”

  “If the Suzumiya-san that you mention really does possess omnipotent powers, then it’s possible that it could be her doing,”

  Well, I couldn’t think of any other person. But then, if that’s really the case, this means Haruhi has kept Koizumi by her side while casting Nagato, Asahina-san and me aside. I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining, but I just don’t believe Haruhi’s more obsessed with Koizumi than any one of us. Was this part of Haruhi’s unconscious powers at work as well?

  “Does that mean I should be feeling honoured at being chosen by Suzumiya-san?”

  Koizumi giggled and continued,

  “After all, I…… Yes, I fancy Suzumiya-san,”

  “……Are you serious!?”

  You are joking!?

  “I think she’s a very captivating person,”

  Now where have I heard that before? Koizumi went on in a serious tone,

  “Yet, Suzumiya-san is only interested in my superficial attributes. She said it was only because I’m a transfer student that she bothered to speak to me. As I’m just a normal transfer student, she seems to be getting bored of it lately. In that SOS Brigade that you mentioned, what sort of special attributes did you have? If you have none, then that means Suzumiya-san is very fond of you, that is if that Suzumiya-san is the same person as the Suzumiya-san I know,”

  No matter when it was, I don’t think I’ve written into my resume any skills that would get me sent straight to a funny farm, besides the pretty useless skill of getting myself unwittingly dragged into mysterious events.

  Haruhi stuck her head through the door and yelled at us with a bright smile on her face,

  “Why’re you two still here? Hurry up already!”

  While Koizumi waited at the counter for the waitress to count the change, I took my first step from the heat-filled coffee shop back into the cold outdoors where a single breath becomes visible.

  A taxi awaited outside the entrance of the coffee shop. Seems like Haruhi had hailed it. It looks like she wanted to get to North High as soon as possible. By the way, this wasn’t the mysterious black cab that Koizumi and I would occasionally ride on, but a normal yellow cab.

  “To North High, full speed ahead!”

  Haruhi ordered the driver as she leapt onto the cab. I followed with Koizumi and sat in the back seat. The middle-aged driver didn’t wince at being ordered around by a little girl, but merely smiled squeamishly and stepped on the gas pedal.

  “I don’t really mind if you barge into North High,” I said to the side of Haruhi’s face, “But your uniform would stand out too much. Students from other schools would need a reason to get in, or it’d be troublesome if the teachers found out.”

  Haruhi was wearing her black suit uniform, while Koizumi was in his gakuran uniform. There weren’t many students around in the afternoon since it was a half school day, but if they were to enter the territory of sailor uniformed and navy blue suit uniformed students like that, they would be openly declaring that they were from another school.

  “Well, that’s……”

  Haruhi thought for three seconds, then said,

  “John, did you have PE lesson today? No, it doesn’t matter even if you didn’t. Your PE uniform is placed in your classroom, right?”

  Well, I was playing football during PE in the first session.

  “Then, did you bring your PE uniform and track suit?”

  I did, but why’re you asking that for?

  Haruhi smiled enigmatically,

  “I will now tell you my plan for this mission. John, Koizumi-kun, lend me your ears.”

  Does it really matter if the taxi driver overheard everything? Yet we still obediently leaned forward and listened as Haruhi quietly laid out her mission briefings.

  “That really sounds like what you’d do,”

  I replied, and took a glance at Koizumi, who gave a complicated look as he grimaced.

  I got off the cab nearby North High first and went back to my classroom in order to prepare for Haruhi’s infiltration of North High.

  By the way, the cab fare was also paid for by Koizumi. This Koizumi was basically Haruhi’s walking wallet. I don’t know what that poor fellow has done to her to deserve this. Could his feelings for Haruhi be romantic? I’d really like to ask just what does he fancy in Haruhi. Yet I remember Taniguchi once said that despite being eccentric, Haruhi was quite popular with the guys in junior high. That’s not surprising; if she hadn’t created the SOS Brigade in this school, then she would be busy shunning every guy that comes to pursue her indiscriminately. Does that mean the SOS Brigade is actually Haruhi’s sanctuary? By becoming the undisputed leader of such a mysterious club, any sensible guy would automatically avoid her like a batter dodging a powerful pitch. Instead of being struck out three times and getting hit on the head by the ball, most people would prefer avoiding the ball altogether and taking it easy while walking towards the first base.

  I thought this to myself while heading towards the top floor.

  There weren’t a lot of people in the school complex, but it wasn’t entirely empty. Students who decided to stay for their club activities because they had nothing better to do at home were scattered here and there. Fortunately, the 1-5 classroom was empty. Actually I was quite afraid of being caught by Okabe-sensei. If I were him, I would want to know why someone who has decided to take the rest of the day off would want to sneak back into the classroom.

  Someone decided to help out and tidied my desk, I guess it’s probably Asakura. I was wondering where my books and stationery went, turns out they were put away. Only my bag hung on one side of my desk, while the leather shoes that I was looking for were hung on the other side of the desk.

  “She sure has everything thought out.”

  I sighed at Haruhi’s meticulousness as I took out the sack containing my PE uniform. Inside this huge sports bag was a short sleeve PE shirt, a pair of shorts, a trainer jacket and a p
air of trousers, all of which were worn during PE in the first session. The infiltration plan that Haruhi thought up of in the cab was obviously “disguising as North High students.” “Koizumi-kun would wear your PE costume, while I’ll put on the jacket and trousers. Then we’ll simply run through the front gate, anyone will simply think we’re from the Athletics Club and have just finished our jogging. This plan is perfect.”

  In other words, like insects, we have to learn how to camouflage ourselves. At least it was better than having to randomly grab a guy and a girl from North High on their way home and take their clothes off.

  “Well, that’s not a bad idea either,”

  Haruhi said nonchalantly as she stood from a corner which was quite a distance from the school gate while waiting for me.

  “It’s less likely we’ll be suspected if we dress up like you. Why didn’t you tell us of this even better idea before?”

  That’s highway robbery! How could I be expected to do such a thing?

  Haruhi untied the ropes on my sack and mercilessly turned it upside down, emptying its contents. The four pieces of clothes were now lying on the concrete road as a result.

  “Did you wash them?”

  About a week ago.

  “Excuse me, Suzumiya-san,”

  Koizumi looked at my muddy PE uniform, like a desert mouse staring desperately at the Mongolian tiger that has been forced it into a dead-end corner, and said,

  “So where do we get changed? Is there some hidden place nearby?”

  “We can change here,”

  Haruhi replied swiftly, and grabbed the trousers at once.

  “There aren’t many people here, and it’s not that cold if you change quickly. Don’t worry, I’ll turn around. John, you turn around as well, we’ll cover for him,”

  She glanced quickly at me. What’s that supposed to mean?

  “I wouldn’t mind being watched,”

  She smiled mischievously, then proceeded to put the trousers on under her skirt.

  “I never knew you had such long legs.”

  She knelt down to fold up the long trousers, after adjusting the length, she then stood up and unhooked her skirt.

  The skirt simply slid down from her waist. She then took off her black blazer. As she begun to unbutton her blouse, I quickly turned aside.

  “It doesn’t matter. I’m wearing a T-shirt inside anyway.”

  The blouse fell on top of the blazer and skirt. I slowly turned my gaze back. Wearing a short-sleeved plain white T-shirt and a pair of sports trousers, Haruhi stood proudly while her long hair fluttered in the wind. As I stared at her like that, I suddenly had an urge to see a certain sight once again.

  “Hey, do you want to tie a ponytail?”

  Haruhi looked back at me,

  “What for?”

  No particular reason, just my preference really.

  Haruhi snorted casually,

  “Tying a ponytail may look easy, but tying a nice ponytail is easier said than done!”

  Nevertheless, from her blazer on the ground, Haruhi took out a rubber band and elegantly tied her long dark hair behind her head.

  Nevertheless, from her blazer on the ground, Haruhi took out a rubber band and elegantly tied her long dark hair behind her head.

  “This isn’t so bad. Now I look more like I’m from the Athletics Club. So you think it’s OK?”

  I think it’s marvelous. For me, her charm has increased by at least 36%.

  “Jerk.”

  Just as I was wondering how to react to this, I realized she was only pretending to be angry. I ought to have known better.

  Though it took a while longer, even Koizumi had finished changing. It must’ve been tough on him to wear a short-sleeve T-shirt and shorts in such freezing weather. Not to mention he had to wear someone else’s clothes, so it must’ve felt extra peculiar. Shivering with goosebumps, Koizumi asked,

  “Suzumiya-san, you’re not going to wear your jacket, right? Mind if I borrow it?”

  Haruhi was also wearing short sleeves, yet she bore a smile that was enough to repel the cold and said,

  “No can do. I need that jacket to conceal my bag. I’ve already come this far disguised like this, I’m not going to let one bag ruin it.”

  Indeed, the schoolbags for Kouyouen School and North High were slightly different in their exterior design. Haruhi opened up the track suit jacket like a table cloth and wrapped it around her and Koizumi’s bags, and then ordered me to carry them. She then stuffed all her clothes and Koizumi’s into my sack, and asked me to carry that as well.

  “Now then,”

  Haruhi placed her arms on her hips and said,

  “Now we look like we just came back from marathon practice. Not bad, huh?”

  You’re not bad, of course, but what about me? Where could you find an Athletic Club member carrying a lot of stuff while going on marathon training in regular uniform all at the same time?

  “Well, you could think of yourself as the manager of the Athletic Club! And now! One, two, fight! One, two, fight!”

  As the ponytailed girl ran off, I exchanged glances with Koizumi. Then, we shrugged our shoulders at the same time as we followed her.

  Both this Koizumi and I knew very well that it was tremendously difficult to stop Haruhi from running off, no matter what the circumstances. So besides chasing after her, there was nothing else we could do.

  It’s always been like that, right?

  I don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing, but unlike Kouyouen, the gates at North High are always open. Guards are nowhere to be found. Everything was going according to plan; Haruhi’s phony marathon run while shouting slogans came to an end quickly as we safely arrived at our destination, the entrance hall. I never thought it would be such a hassle just to bring Haruhi and Koizumi into my school; they were still entering and leaving this place regularly three days ago.

  “Such an old complex! Why are the walls prefabricated? Are prefecture schools really that poor? I was right not to enroll here.”

  I listened to her very correct statement while turning my gaze away from the rows of shoe lockers. I had already changed into my indoor shoes. Just when I was wondering whether there were any more slippers for guests, Haruhi had already casually opened the locker nearest to her and was holding some random student’s shoes.

  It was just like Haruhi to do that. I instinctively made a strange smile.

  “What are you smiling for? You sure look stupid. It’s not like I did anything funny.”

  After she said that, I quickly took my smile off. She was right: no matter what laws Haruhi might break, now was not the time to be smiling.

  I was thinking Taniguchi’s foot size was probably about the same as Koizumi’s, so I went and took Taniguchi’s shoes and gave them to him.

  “Sorry about that.”

  With a tone that didn’t sound sorry at all, Koizumi thanked me politely and put on the shoes. I stuffed the sneakers that he was wearing into Taniguchi’s locker.

  I then took their bags, which were wrapped under the jacket, and carried them under my arm again.

  “I’ll lead the way, follow me.”

  “Hold it!”

  As I was about to walk off, Haruhi stopped me. She unconsciously toyed with her ponytail with her fingers and said,

  “That alien Nagato-san, she’s in the Literature Club, right?

  To be precise, the current Nagato is a normal high school girl who was formerly an alien. Regardless, I guess she’s still waiting for me to come over right now.

  “That Nagato-san probably wouldn’t run away. Let’s go get that time traveller Asahina-san. Where is she?”

  She’s probably gone home…… Suddenly a thought came to my mind. My instincts weren’t just for show, I didn’t even need to trace my memories. I can say confidently that this Asahina-san who doesn’t know me was carrying some calligraphy tools with her. Before she got dragged into the SOS Brigade, she was a member of the Calligraphy Club. That means
she’s still at school right now.

  “All right then, this way.”

  I’m sorry, Nagato. Please wait just a little longer. We have to go to the Calligraphy Club room before coming to look for you. Silently praying that the Calligraphy Club was in today, I naturally increased my speed.

  The one who opened the door to the club room was Haruhi. That girl simply had no concept of the etiquette of knocking. I wasn’t in the mood to lecture her on such minor details, while Koizumi stood uneasily at the corridor.

  There were three girls in the Calligraphy Club room; it looked like they were practicing writing calligraphy for new year greetings.

  “Which one of you here is Asahina-san?”

  “……Can I help you?”

  The smallest of the three girls widened her eyes and said in a timid voice through her cherry red lips.

  “What is it……”

  Asahina-san was sitting elegantly on the chair, holding her brush in mid-air.

  I leaned past Haruhi’s shoulder and inspected the room. Tsuruya-san wasn’t here. I breathed a sigh of relief. I remembered that she wasn’t in the Calligraphy Club.

  Haruhi whispered to my ear,

  “It’s her, right? Is she really a second year student? She looks more like a junior high student.”

  “I too thought she was a junior high student. But you’re right, she’s Asahina-san.”

  After hearing that, Haruhi walked in huge strides and began to bullshit at this little angel, who had stiffened while holding her brush,

  “I’m Suzumiya of the Student Council’s Information Division. Asahina-san, the reason I’ve come is because there’s something I need to ask you. Do you have a moment?”

  You ought to script your lies better, especially when you’re dressed in a short-sleeve T-shirt and sports trousers!

  Asahina-san blinked her eyes nonstop and said nervously,

  “Student Council…… Information Division? What is that…… But I don’t know anything,”

  “It doesn’t matter, just come with me!”

  Haruhi snatched her brush and threw it by the side of the paper, then grabbed Asahina-san’s arm and forcefully pulled her up. The other club members were too stunned and frightened to be able to say anything. If Tsuruya-san were here, I might have been able to observe an interesting, out-of-this-world fight between her and Haruhi. Haruhi wrapped her arms around Asahina-san’s waist and simply abducted her without giving an explanation.