Emma

by Rosie Clarke

  ‘Paul?’ I felt my mouth go dry and my knees had turned to jelly. It was such a shock. I’d believed I had managed to forget him, but seeing him again was disturbing. ‘Perhaps we should go upstairs? Ben – you can manage for half an hour or so?’

  ‘I’ve got to go early,’ Ben said, giving Paul a hostile look. ‘You haven’t forgotten that, Emma?’

  ‘No, I haven’t forgotten. I shan’t be long.’

  I lifted the counter flap so that Paul could pass. He followed me through the back and up the stairs without saying a word.

  ‘Is that you, Emma?’ Mother came out of the kitchen as she heard us. Realizing who was with me, her eyes narrowed in anger. ‘Oh, it’s you.’

  ‘Yes, it’s me,’ Paul said, looking awkward. ‘I know what your opinion of me must be, Mrs Robinson. I let you down, and Emma.’

  ‘Your behaviour was despicable!’

  ‘I know that. I never dreamed …’ He halted as he saw the expression on her face. ‘I shouldn’t have gone off the way I did. It was thoughtless and careless. I don’t really have an excuse. I was offered an exciting contract in America. I took it and once it was signed I couldn’t walk out on the company – there were severe penalties attached. But I did write, Emma. Once before I left England, and again from America.’

  ‘I didn’t get either of them.’

  ‘That doesn’t mean I didn’t send them.’

  ‘No, it doesn’t,’ I agreed. Father could easily have taken the letters in an attempt to stop me contacting Paul, to make certain I did as he intended. ‘Come into the parlour, Paul. We do need to talk – and you might like to see your son?’

  ‘Yes, thank you. I should appreciate that – if you don’t mind?’

  My mother made an angry sound in her throat, and I knew she believed I should have sent him packing straight away.

  ‘I’ll put the kettle on. Don’t do anything silly, Emma. Don’t trust him. He’s let you down once, he’ll do it again.’ Mother gave me a sharp look, then disappeared into the kitchen. I led Paul into the parlour, sitting on a hard, upright chair next to the table. Paul stood by the fireplace, obviously ill at ease.

  ‘Sit down,’ I said, ‘and don’t look so nervous. I shan’t attack you with the carving knife and nor will Mum. If my father or Richard were here they might well have had a go at you, but they aren’t.’

  Paul seemed embarrassed. ‘I read about your husband, and Jon told me about Mr Robinson. I’m very sorry.’

  ‘Yes. I am too. That may surprise you?’

  Paul shook his head. ‘Your father was fond of you in his way. He was only trying to protect you from men like me.’

  ‘From rotters, you mean? Men who seduce naive country girls and leave them to sort out the mess alone?’

  ‘I know I behaved badly,’ he said and smiled oddly. ‘Don’t be bitter, Emma. It doesn’t suit you.’

  I laughed harshly. ‘How should I be? Grateful that you’ve bothered to remember me?’

  ‘I know I let you down. I’m sorry. It was a terrible thing to do, and I can’t blame you for being angry. I did care for you, but things were difficult.’

  He wasn’t going to get away so easily. I was very angry. He had caused so much pain and suffering.

  ‘I wasn’t the only one you seduced, was I?’

  ‘Did Jon tell you about Marion?’ Paul had the grace to look embarrassed.

  ‘No. I was there at the house when he brought your money back – remember? I heard enough to guess what might have been going on. And another girl wrote to your mother. She thought I was trying to blackmail her when I went to see you. Did she tell you that?’ He shook his head. ‘I thought you would marry me if you knew I was having your child. I didn’t know there was a prior claimant.’

  ‘Marion’s child wasn’t mine,’ he said defensively. ‘We’ve known each other for years. Our parents were friends years ago, but they fell out and Mother hadn’t seen Marion since she was a child. I suppose she thought you were her.’

  ‘Yes, I’m sure of it.’ I gave him a long, hard look. ‘Why should I believe any of this, Paul? I don’t have much reason to trust you, do I?’

  ‘No, but it is true. Marion has tried every way in the book to get me to marry her. She swore the child was mine, of course, but it only happened once, at a party. I was drunk and so was she. But I wasn’t her only lover. I knew there had been others. It wasn’t the same as you and me, Emma. I give you my word. And I would have married you if I’d been here. If I’d known about the baby.’

  ‘Would you?’ I gave him a hard look and his gaze dropped, a red flush creeping up his neck. Perhaps he had convinced himself that he would have done the decent thing, but I didn’t believe him. ‘I’m sorry, Paul. I don’t think you know when you’re lying yourself. You make excuses because you just don’t have the courage to face the truth.’

  Paul looked surprised, as though he didn’t think me capable of such thoughts.

  He took a step towards me. ‘I’ve come to try and put things right. We’ll get a good lawyer to look after the divorce …’ He paused as he saw my expression. ‘We could be married … My son needs his father.’

  ‘Your son?’ I asked scornfully.

  ‘James is my son. You aren’t denying that?’

  ‘No, but I have no intention of marrying you, Paul. If that’s why you came, you’ve wasted your time.’

  ‘Don’t dismiss my offer out of hand. I think we could be good together.’ He smiled, clearly thinking his charm would bring me round, as it would have once.

  ‘Why are you bothering with this, Paul? Why now? I’m sorry to be suspicious, but I keep thinking there must be a reason.’

  ‘Why should you think I need a reason, Emma? You were always an attractive girl, you’re even more so now, and I’m fond of you. Surely you believe that?’

  ‘I believe you think you are, Paul,’ I replied, staring at him intently, a faint suspicion creeping into my mind. I couldn’t believe he’d travelled all this way just to do the right thing. ‘There’s something else, isn’t there? A reason why getting married is important to you.’

  He looked annoyed, as if he resented my self confidence. I realized he’d expected me to accept his offer at once, to be grateful that he was giving me the chance to be his wife. But my father’s pact with Richard had made me suspicious.

  ‘Does it have something to do with money?’ I saw a tiny pulse in his throat and knew I had guessed correctly. ‘I know I’m right Paul, so you might as well tell me.’

  His eyes flashed with sudden temper as I pushed him too far. ‘I wouldn’t have put it quite so bluntly, Emma. And I do care for you, but my father changed his will just before he died. He left my inheritance in trust. I can’t touch a penny until I marry, and I would rather marry you than anyone else I know.’

  Because when he had last seen me I had been an innocent, adoring and biddable girl!

  A coldness crept down my spine. Any feeling I might have retained towards him vanished in that moment. I saw him for the selfish man he was and had always been.

  ‘Jon is worth ten of you,’ I said. ‘You can see James this once if you want to, but that’s it. I don’t ever want to see you again.’

  He stared at me in silence for a moment. I had shocked him. He did not know quite how to react or how to treat the new Emma, so he resorted to resentment, putting the blame on me.

  ‘You’ve changed. You’ve become hard. It isn’t very becoming.’

  ‘If I have changed, you had a part in it.’

  He nodded. ‘I suppose I did,’ he said. ‘In that case, I’m sorry. I preferred you as you were, Emma.’ He turned to leave.

  ‘Don’t you even want to see James once?’

  Paul glanced at me, the expression in his eyes a mixture of regret and annoyance. ‘There doesn’t seem to be much point, does there? Anyway, he probably isn’t mine anyway.’ His parting shot was meant to hurt, because I had wounded his pride.

  The old Emma might have wept or s
creamed at him, but his hurtful remarks meant nothing to me. I smiled serenely as he paused for a moment, unsure, then went out without another word.

  Mother came in with the tea. ‘I’m glad you sent him packing, Emma. It’s what he deserved.’

  ‘Yes, it was,’ I replied. ‘Paul wanted to use me, Mum, and I don’t intend to let anyone do that again.’

  ‘Not all men are like that,’ she said, frowning. ‘I’ve been hurt too, Emma, but I’ve discovered that it is possible to love again.’

  ‘I know.’ I smiled and kissed her cheek. ‘Are you telling me I ought to marry Jon?’

  ‘That’s up to you. He’s a decent man, but do you love him? Enough to marry him?’

  ‘I’m …’

  I was interrupted by the sound of Ben’s voice calling to me from the bottom of the stairs. I went out to the hallway, looking down at him.

  ‘What is it, Ben?’

  ‘Emma, there’s some people here to see you and I’ve got customers. Shall I send these gentlemen up?’

  ‘Who are they?’

  ‘It’s the police, Inspector Martin and a constable.’

  My heart took a flying leap. ‘Yes, of course. Ask them to come up now, Ben.’

  I smoothed a wisp of hair behind my ear. I was beginning to tremble and I felt breathless.

  A man wearing a dark suit came up the stairs. He was accompanied by a young constable in uniform.

  ‘Mrs Gillows?’ he asked.

  ‘Yes.’ I took a deep breath to steady myself. ‘Will you come into the parlour, Inspector?’

  ‘Are you alone here, madam?’

  He had reached the hall. I could see what he had to say was serious.

  ‘My mother is here. Please come through. We were just going to have a cup of tea.’

  He followed me into the parlour. Mother was sitting in her armchair by the fire. She looked at me and I could see she was nervous.

  ‘Will you join us in a cup of tea?’ I asked.

  ‘I think you should sit down, Mrs Gillows. I have something to tell you. Something unpleasant, I’m afraid.’

  I perched on the edge of the sofa. Inspector Martin stood by the fireplace. I held my breath, waiting for him to go on.

  ‘This may be a shock for you, madam.’

  I expelled my breath on a sigh, sensing what was coming. ‘Is it about Richard? Have you caught him?’

  ‘Your husband was seen down by the railway this morning.’ He paused and frowned. ‘Apparently some lads spotted him.’

  Mother gasped. ‘He’s come back? You were right, Emma. He’s not going to give up that easily.’

  ‘He won’t be causing you more trouble, Mrs Robinson,’ the young constable said, then went red as Inspector Martin looked at him.

  ‘Unfortunately, the lads didn’t come to us,’ the Inspector went on. ‘They ran home and told their parents. It seems some of the men got together. There has been bad feeling towards Mr Gillows because of what happened to Mrs Jacobs. Several local men decided to go after him …’

  ‘Did they find him?’ I asked, a cold shiver trickling down my spine. ‘I was afraid something like this might happen. Gran was well liked. Is Richard hurt? I know some of the men have threatened to teach him a lesson.’

  The Inspector cleared his throat. ‘I’m afraid your husband is dead, madam. As you said, Mrs Jacobs was well liked locally. The men went after Mr Gillows. I understand there was a bit of a fight. Mr Gillows managed to break away from them. He ran across the track, in front of a non-stop train. He must have been killed almost instantly.’

  Mother’s hand went to her mouth, but she didn’t say anything. She was obviously shocked.

  ‘Will any of the men involved be arrested?’ I asked, feeling numb. At that moment I neither hated nor pitied Richard. I had no feelings at all. It was as if I was listening to a story about a stranger. ‘I know what they did was wrong, but it was for the right reasons. I know Richard killed Gran. If he had been taken he would surely have been hanged. My husband was a train driver, sir. He knew the times of the trains better than anyone. If he ran across that track …’

  ‘Are you suggesting that he might have done it deliberately?’

  ‘Perhaps. I don’t know.’

  ‘None of us will ever know,’ he agreed. ‘As far as I have been told, none of the men concerned have actually been named.’

  I felt relief wash over me. ‘I’m glad. There has been enough grief already, Inspector. It might be better if Richard’s death was the end of the matter.’

  He was silent for a moment; then he nodded. ‘I think I agree with you, Mrs Gillows. In the circumstances, this may be easier for you and Mrs Robinson. A trial could only have caused you both further pain, prolonged the gossip and unpleasantness.’

  ‘Yes.’ I looked at my mother. ‘We want to put all this behind us now, don’t we, Mum?’

  She smiled as the tension left her. ‘Yes. I am to be married soon, Inspector Martin. A trial would have been most unpleasant.’

  He nodded and expressed his good wishes, then turned to face me. ‘I’m sorry, Mrs Gillows,’ He was looking at me with sympathy. ‘I have to ask you if you would mind identifying the body.’

  ‘I’ll do that,’ Mother said. ‘Emma has been through enough. I’ve known Richard Gillows all my life. Surely my word will be enough?’

  ‘It’s all right, Mum,’ I said. ‘I can do this. You go down and relieve Ben. He has to go to a dentist this afternoon.’ I looked at the Inspector. ‘Do you want me to come with you now?’

  Chapter Fifteen

  I gave a little cry of admiration as Mother came out of her bedroom that morning. ‘You look lovely, Mum,’ I said. ‘That dress I bought from London suits you, and the hat.’

  ‘Thank you, Emma. I feel grand. I’ve never had anything as smart as this before.’ She moved towards me and we embraced, laughing but also close to tears. ‘Mr Baker said he would be here at eleven, and the cars are booked for a quarter past.’

  ‘We’ve been through all this, Mum,’ I said teasing her. ‘Everything is going to be all right. There’s no need to worry.’

  She nodded but still looked anxious. ‘Are you sure you don’t mind staying here alone?’

  ‘I’m not in the least nervous. Besides, it won’t be for long. Ben is leaving next week. Mr Smythe is going to sort everything out for me, and then he’ll let the shop to a tenant, who will buy the stock at valuation. I’m going to give that to you and Bert, Mum. It’s my wedding present to you.’

  ‘You’ve already given me this dress and …’ She smiled as I shook my head at her. ‘All right, if it’s what you want, love. You’re quite sure about leaving here?’

  ‘I’m sure.’

  She nodded, then looked thoughtful.

  ‘You did invite Mr Reece to the wedding?’

  ‘Yes, Mum. I invited Jon.’

  ‘But you haven’t heard anything?’

  ‘No. He hasn’t replied to my letter.’

  ‘That seems a bit odd.’

  It was so easy to read her mind. She wanted me to marry Jon, because she thought I would be safe with him.

  ‘There may be lots of reasons. Jon isn’t like Paul. He’ll be in touch as soon as he can. Stop worrying about me, I’m a big girl now. I can look after myself.’

  ‘Of course you can.’ She laughed at herself. ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s wedding nerves, I expect.’

  ‘Yes, I expect so.’ We both heard the shop doorbell. ‘I should think that’s Mary and Mr Baker now at the door. I’ll run down and let them in. Sit down and relax, Mum. I promise you, nothing is going to go wrong.’

  I was singing to myself as I went downstairs and through the shop. It was closed for the day because Ben was coming to the wedding with his parents. I stared at the silhouette of the man outside the shop window. That wasn’t Mary’s father …

  Opening the door, I hesitated as I saw the distinctive uniform of the RAF. Then its wearer turned and I realized it was Jo
n. My heart took a flying leap as I stared at him in surprise.

  ‘You’ve been called up!’

  ‘Actually, I didn’t wait for the summons,’ he said. ‘I volunteered for service as a navigator. I’ve been away for a couple of weeks, Emma, being assessed and going through the medical checks. That’s why I didn’t get your letter until now.’

  ‘Come in,’ I said, standing back to admit him. ‘I knew there had to be a reason, but I didn’t expect this. You look very splendid, Jon.’ I moved towards him impulsively. ‘I’m proud of you. I think it was a wonderful thing to do.’

  ‘You look lovely,’ he said, ‘but then, you always do. I’ve missed you, Emma.’

  ‘I’ve missed you. Very much.’ We moved closer, then Jon bent his head, kissing me very gently on the mouth.

  ‘I love you.’ His eyes sought mine. ‘Paul came to see you?’

  ‘Yes. He came, and I sent him away.’

  ‘When he told me he was going to ask you to marry him, I thought perhaps you might accept?’

  ‘I could never marry him, Jon. Surely you know that?’

  ‘He told me you had refused him. Are you sure about that?’

  ‘Quite sure.’

  ‘Does that mean …’

  We were interrupted by the arrival of Mary, her father and her husband. The frustration in Jon’s eyes made me want to giggle, but I controlled the impulse.

  ‘If you’d like to go upstairs,’ I invited, ‘Mum is waiting for you.’

  I caught Jon’s arm as they went past us, holding him back.

  ‘We can’t talk properly now,’ I said. ‘Can you come back here this evening, after everyone has gone?’

  ‘I have two weeks leave before training begins,’ Jon said. ‘I thought we might possibly spend them together?’

  ‘We’ll talk about it later,’ I promised. ‘Come on, Mum will be wondering where I’ve got to and she’s already in a fret.’

  Despite Mother’s fears, the wedding went smoothly. I shed a few tears as she took her vows and I thought about my father and all the wasted years. Then Jon took my hand in his and I smiled up at him as the regrets slipped away. There was no point in looking back. The past was over and done. I was free now, free to choose my own way.