Finding You

by Danielle Ryan

  Someone opens a door behind me. I hear a murmuring sound in the room. I dry tears off my face with my hand and turn. Susan!

  “I believe we have the only person who can clarify the events. Ms Mars.” James says, introducing Susan to the commission.

  Susan is looking down. She’s tanned and as beautiful as ever, but very tense. I look at Calligaris and see his face turning as white as a sheet. His composure goes to pieces. That smirk leaves his face and a terrified look appears in place of it. La Blanche’s lawyer asks Susan to speak. James remains standing behind me.

  Susan confesses her relationship with Claudio. She admits to having written those emails, explaining that Calligaris had the idea of extorting money from the company. She was madly in love with him and agreed to the plan. Yet, to protect herself, she transferred all the data from her computer onto that USB drive. In a hurry to leave, she left it in a desk drawer. She feels deeply betrayed. From her testimony a story begins to emerge: she and Claudio had agreed to split the stolen money equally. The initial plan was to run away to Los Angeles together. Later he convinced her to disappear first, in order to avoid further suspicion. He promised to join her later, but instead he remained at the agency building evidence against her. Susan bursts into tears. Calligaris begins yelling like a mad man at her and James. His lawyer eventually physically restrains him.

  *

  I am waiting in another room for the chaos in the conference room to calm down, when James opens the door. I recognize his silvery eyes, which are back to their glittering light. We embrace one another. I feel at home.

  “After you left New York, I couldn’t stay there just waiting. My father and I agreed that I should go to Los Angeles. In some of their emails Calligaris and Susan were talking about starting a new life there. For months, Robert, a private detective, was on Susan’s trail. With the new information gathered from their email correspondence, he was able to track her down easily and convince her to confess. After all Calligaris abandoned her and left her in the lurch. Sorry if I didn’t say anything to you.”

  I shake my head. “It’s not important now that you are here.” I bury my face in his shoulder and he kisses my hair.

  “I really had to restrain myself when he insisted you were involved in all of this. I wanted to jump up and smash his face.”

  “What will happen now?”

  “I’m not sure. The commission will decide how to proceed. The only things I care about are that the case against Vic has been dropped and our nightmare ends here.”

  Suddenly a thought comes to my mind. I look at James.

  “All those photographs of him and me together, how did he get them?”

  “I don’t know, but it isn’t difficult. A colleague with a cell phone can take pictures. Someone who wants to gossip about something. But I’m sure that our offices have been searched because Calligaris was looking for those files.”

  I shudder at the thought that Calligaris was so nice just to gather evidence against me. I can’t even think that I almost preferred him to James at one time!

  A little later we hear knocking on the door. It’s Mark with Charlie. James’s father confirms what his son anticipated. La Blanche has been reinstated as the company’s CEO and the commission will decide later about Susan Mars and Claudio Calligaris. I hope I won’t ever see him and his evil smile again.

  “So, are we going back to New York, James?” He gives a glance to his father. I don’t like it. I’ve had enough of white lies. “What’s going on?”

  “Let’s go have lunch, so I can explain everything to you.” James replies.

  *

  As soon as we sit down at the table, I can’t restrain myself from saying:

  “I think I have the right to know the reason for those secret glances between you and your father.”

  “I am going to sell Global Media.” I almost choke on my drink.

  “Why? That company means everything to you—”

  “I’m buying Scott & Barny.” My mouth drops open in shock. He smiles at me.

  “I am moving back to Italy. It will take some time to organize things, but the idea would be to sell Global Media to my father with Matthew as the CEO and to buy the Italian agency, Scott & Barny. What do you think? Or would you rather move to the States.”

  Finally I get it. I am deeply touched. I know he’s doing all this for me.

  “I only want to be with you. Wherever you decide to be.” Then I whisper in his ear. “Can we go to the hotel now? I missed you.”

  His eyes are glowing. He stands up, takes my hand and without eating lunch, we are already in a taxi.

  As soon as we get into the elevator, he pushes me in the corner and kisses me. I embrace him. His smell is intoxicating. For days I missed his scent. For days I couldn’t touch his body. I caress his face, while kissing him. Our tongues find one other again. I stroke his soft blonde hair and my other hand slips inside his shirt collar. He squeezes me more tightly. We are consumed by desire only to be brought back to reality, when the elevator door opens. We arrive at our floor. I take his hand and we race towards the bedroom.

  He kicks the door closed. My fingers rush to unbutton his shirt. His hands slip under my sweater and move up from my waist to my breasts. He begins to undress me. His eyes light up when I am naked in front of him, as if I were a gift, just unwrapped. Am I his gift? This man is the best present a woman can ever have in life.

  I embrace him, feeling his skin against mine. I catch my breath and my heart races. Only for him.

  I lead him to the bed and his hands greedily return over my body. There is an electricity in his touch that caresses me and wants more.

  I want to enjoy every inch of his strong, beautiful body. I look at his pecs, his muscular arms, while my hand runs through his hair, moves down his face to his chin. My hand is there, still for a second on the shadow of his dimple. I look at my finger with the ring, the symbol of infinity. Then my hand moves down to his shoulders, strokes his biceps, then to lie on his chest, stopping over his heart. It is beating for me. His love is for me.

  “My life is yours.” I whisper, looking into his eyes.

  “I only need your tenderness, your strength and your love. I don’t need anything else.”

  My lips return hungrily to his mouth. Our tongues taste one other. His hands move up along my thighs and discover me. They know my body, they know how to make it yield to desire. They are moving there now, softly, where my excitement begins. The torture is slow, relentless. He is lying beside me and I hear his breathing quicken every time I touch him. Our excitement is growing. I can read desire in his eyes that now stare at me. With his knee he opens my legs and moves his face close to mine. I know what he wants, to look at me. He wants to see my expression while he moves inside me. He’s watching my excitement mount.

  His thrusts become faster. Our eyes are locked. Heavy breathing. He moans. I feel a series of waves, closer and closer, then it’s heaven.

  Chapter 38

  James

  I booked our flights for Wednesday. We return all together, my father, Valentina and I. Charlie, as promised, goes to Florenz to visit his son.

  This morning we were in Lugano. Finally I meet her sister and brother-in-law. During the last few weeks I often talked to them over the phone, but now Valentina’s family finally have a face. They have been generous and warm. We had lunch at their home. The two sisters looked like little girls while opening the gifts Valentina brought from New York for her future baby nephew. Seeing her so happy, confirms that I made the right decision to move to Italy.

  We return to Milan in the afternoon. I need to stop by the agency to discuss with Vic and my father some details about the company’s sale. Tina is going to visit Emma who just called her.

  Chapter 39

  Valentina

  Emma took a day off from work and asked me to visit her. I think she must have heard I attended that commission meeting and witnessed the following chaos. I know news and gossip travel fas
t through the agency. I’m happy to see her before leaving. Actually, I have many things to tell her, first about James. But maybe it’s better not to tell her about him, not yet. She may have some good news to tell me. Maybe she has a boyfriend. We are not close friends, but she was important to me when I began working at the agency. I am glad she called. There was something hostile in her voice and I would like to leave on friendly terms with her.

  *

  As soon as she opens the door I immediately see that she is nervous. When I enter the apartment, I realize that it’s very quiet. I hear the door slam and the sound of the key turning in the lock. She has always been a little paranoid.

  “Are you home alone?” I sit on the couch and she sits on the armchair in front of me.

  “Why do you ask? Who else would be here?” She replies anxiously.

  “Just wanted to know, that’s all. I didn’t even hear Fred bark.”

  “It’s just us! So, we can chat like two old friends. Aren’t you happy?” The tone of her voice is completely different than before. I never heard Emma talking like this.

  “Sure! I am glad you called me. I assume you heard I was part of a very disturbing meeting.”

  Out of the blue she asks, “Do you want a coffee?”

  “Yes. Thanks.” She stands up and walks to the kitchen.

  “My fiancée doesn’t drink much coffee, so I stopped drinking it too.”

  I join her in the kitchen. “Emma, this is fantastic! I am so happy for you. Do I know him?”

  “Of course you know him. Now you’re the silly one!” I begin to feel uncomfortable, but I pretend it’s nothing.

  “So?”

  “So, what?” She replies.

  “Don’t you want to tell me his name?”

  “You are so stupid… Didn’t you get it? Everything was great with him until yesterday—” This conversation is becoming surreal.

  Emma has put the coffee pot on the burner, but she hasn’t turned it on yet. She’s staring at it.

  “Why do you say until yesterday? Something happened?”

  She turns immediately, staring at me and then punches me in the face with amazing strength. I hit the edge of the door, lose my balance and fall on the floor. While I’m trying to understand what’s just happened, I touch my face, it hurts like hell. I don’t have time to turn towards her, before she pulls my hair to make me stand up. I start to scream.

  “So, I’ll teach you a lesson, little bitch!” Her voice is filled with fury.

  “Emma—” I try to speak, but she keeps pulling my hair.

  “Did you think I wasn’t as smart as you? … Did you think I deserved less than you? You always treated me like a stupid girl. I was just waiting for my moment, but you stole that too. Watching you talk to him, seeing him embracing you, was repulsive to me! Do you understand? It was disgusting!” Suddenly her voice has a creepy, childish tone, when she says, “He told me he needed those photos. He needed them for us. Claudio called me his little Mata Hari and said we were perfect for each other. We were destined to be together.”

  Oh god! She opens a drawer and takes a knife out.

  “You aren’t the only one he made those kinds of promises to—” I try to keep her calm, staring at the knife’s blade. But she doesn’t stop. “He promised the same things to Susan, but he was lying to her.” I continue.

  I feel the coldness of the blade on my neck, when my cell phone rings. Emma remains motionless. The phone keeps ringing.

  “Now you answer your fucking phone as if nothing has happened and cut it short, whoever it is. Is that clear?” She says while pressing the blade on my throat.

  I take the phone and can see it’s James. Before answering, I quickly check if the GPS is on, just a second before she yells, “Answer, bitch!”

  “Hello,” I say, while Emma is so close to me that she can hear his every word.

  “Love, I just finished at the agency. Are you coming back?”

  “No, I am still at Emma’s.”

  “How long will this intimate girl talk last? Do you want me to pick you up?”

  I feel Emma pressing the blade deeper.

  “Tina, coffee is ready. How much sugar do you want in your coffee?” Emma says with a loud voice to end the conversation. Then she whispers, “Hang up.”

  Now I try to do something, something desperate.

  “No sugar for me, Emma. I like my coffee black. James, I have to go now. I’ll see you at the agency.”

  “Ok.” A moment of silence. “See you later. I love you.” I feel my tears. He has already hung up.

  I turn off the phone and, pretending I want to put it on the table, I shove my elbow into her stomach. She backs off and I try to run to the door, screaming with every ounce of strength in my lungs.

  Everything happens very quickly. I barely have time to see her insane eyes, before I feel a blow to my head. A shooting pain as I fall to the floor. There is only cold and darkness… then nothing.

  Chapter 40

  James

  I am at the hospital. She is in the operating room, and I’m waiting. I can’t stay still. Every time I move, my father looks up at me.

  An image of her comes to my mind. I see her walking with the sun shining on her hair. She turns smiling, her hair ruffled by the wind, and she blows me a kiss.

  Then I see her bruised face, her eyes closed. Collapsed in a corner, near the door. Unconscious. Defenseless.

  Valentina hates coffee without sugar. She loves sugar. She would put sugar in anything.

  I had installed a locator app system on her cell phone to always know where she was. When I confessed this to her, she laughed. She told me she was proud, since she felt as important to me as my expensive cars.

  She means everything to me. I can’t imagine my life without her.

  My father places his hand on my shoulder. The doors of the operating room open up and I see the surgeon walking towards us. I look at my father. I am terrified but I walk toward the doctor. He begins to talk, but the only words I hear are, she will make it.

  I wear a strange green coat and shoe covers. “Only fifteen minutes.” The nurse at the intensive care unit tells me. I open the door and see her. She is still sedated. The light blue sheet covers her up to her neck. I clench my fists. Then I move a chair close to the bed. I take her hand and for a minute I lay my head near to hers. I softly caress her hand, my anxiety intensifies.

  I want to talk to her.

  “You came into my life so quietly and unassumingly, almost apologizing for your presence. I had all the women I wanted. I felt strong, rich and powerful, but in reality I was just a poor stupid man, arrogant, spoiled and self-righteous. I ignored your little greetings and your kind words. I made fun of you. But when I needed someone to hold my hand, you were there. It needed so little, my love. Truth needs so little. Your touch was enough to reconcile me with the world. I was ambivalent, I didn’t understand, because my reason was struggling with my heart. I didn’t even feel my heart, until you made it beat. My eyes were finally opened, when your good nights began to move me deeply. My defences crumbled with your every touch. The warmth of your hands on my body was like new blood in my veins. Your scent was fresh air to my lungs and your kisses made my heart race. All your gestures of love confused me, but eventually reason had to give in to evidence. I fell in love with you. You gave your whole self to me, with courage and humility, and what did you get? You almost died. I brought you far away from your family and your country. You changed your way of living to adapt to my life. I put you in danger. You risked everything for me. This is not the life I want for you, Tina. You deserve more, much more. You deserve someone able to protect you. I don’t know if I am that man. The old James would bring you into his downward spiral. Please, forgive me, if you can. Forgive me for hurting you. I love you deeply, but I have failed.”

  Epilogue

  James

  I come down into the kitchen and I find her with Sophie in her arms, while she’s trying to make cof
fee. It’s the first of the year. Last night we celebrated and this morning we all woke up late. I take that little, sleeping bundle from her arms and can’t help but admire that perfection. A miracle. I pass my finger softly on her little hand and she grabs it with unexpected strength.

  Marta comes into the kitchen with deep shadows under her eyes. “For heaven’s sake, James! Don’t look at her with such adoring eyes. If you like her so much, tonight I will bring her to your bedroom!” She sighs. “I don’t understand, she’s three weeks old now. She sleeps all day like an angel, and at night she is awake like a little owl. Thank you, little sister, for taking her. Half an hour of extra sleep was a gift.”

  “Don’t even mention it! Anyway, I couldn’t sleep longer.” Valentina replies.

  “Good morning to everybody!” Simon takes his daughter and after he yawns, I recognize in his eyes my own adoring look at Sophie.

  The air is filled with the scent of coffee, milk and croissants.

  Suddenly the door opens, letting in a wave of cold. Thomas rushes in, scattering snow all around.

  “Thomas, did you take off your shoes?” Simon yells.

  “Yes, yes, dad! Aunt Tina, can you give me a carrot and some buttons? We’re making a huge snowman!”

  “Sure, sweetie, but be careful.” Tina opens the sewing basket and takes out a bunch of dark buttons, while Marta is searching the refrigerator for a carrot.

  The boy races out at lightning speed. Tina is filling cups with coffee.

  The door opens again with another icy wave. Now it’s Richard’s turn. He looks at me with his chocolate brown eyes and says: “Daddy come make a snowman?”

  “Yes, buddy! Let me have my coffee first and then I’ll come.” I lift him and kiss his cheek. I’m close to Tina. I’m still enchanted by her jasmine scent. Richard leans forward, hugging and kissing her.

  I put him down and say: “Go tell granddaddy Mark I’m coming.”

  “Hurry up, daddy!” He says, toddling out.