White Raven's Lover

by Nhys Glover

  He shifted to his side again so he could try to look into her face. All he could make out was its pale outline.

  ‘I wanted to be liked. Do you know my mother sent my nurse away when I was eight? She said I didn’t need a nurse anymore, and my siblings had their own nurses, so she was unnecessary. So Mater sold her, just like that. One day I went to school with my pedant, and when I came home she was gone, sent to the slave market and bought by I don’t know who. I asked Pater to find out. I worried about her. She was good to me. But all he could discover was that she was bought by a patrician who didn’t live in Rome.’

  ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘I don’t want your pity. I’m not telling you all this for sympathy. I’m trying to make you understand that I don’t take women who don’t want me. You’re safe with me, no matter what my body might indicate… I will not take you. You can say no.’

  For a long moment, there was silence.

  ‘Thank you.’ It was said on an outbreath, all soft sensuality. His body responded, even though his mind was confused.

  ‘Gaius?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘I said thank you. Don’t I get my, your welcome?’

  He leaned in and kissed her soft lips again, reluctantly. ‘You’re welcome.’

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Ides of April 86 CE, Petuaria, Brigantes Territory

  They left at dawn the next morning after Gaius had reported to the commander. He was told that the roads were in good condition, even given the spring rains, and the seventy mile journey to Olicana should be manageable in two days.

  Brennwen had slept fitfully next to Gaius, all too aware of her naked skin against his. And though she prayed that she would dream a good dream about Cal again, in fact, she didn’t dream at all.

  Gaius looked to have had as much sleep as she. His eyes were dark ringed, and his shoulders slumped, once he was away from the legate. She was starting to understand this man more now. He didn’t realise the impact he had on others. He didn‘t see the respect he inspired naturally in people who knew him. In his head, he was still that lonely boy in a household of cautious slaves and unpleasant family members. Was it any wonder he didn’t realise his own strengths?

  Gaius assisted her up onto the horse he’d procured for her. The Roman civilian saddle was unfamiliar but not uncomfortable, especially as she wore the braes beneath her tunic.

  Mounting his own steed, Gaius led the way out of the fort. These Roman horses were bigger than the moor ponies she had ridden bareback as a child, but they were just as easily handled, she quickly found, and for the first few hours she really enjoyed being on horseback again.

  They followed the main Roman road toward the new settlement of Eboracum and then peeled off to the west to follow a less well-made road that Gaius assured her would lead to her old home. It had been so long since she’d been this far north that she now looked at it with the eyes of a stranger. But her heart still recognised it, and she could feel the familiar nature spirits that dwelled in the woods they traversed.

  The weather remained warm and sunny, and at midday they stopped by the wharfe river long enough to eat some of the food provided by the officers’ mess. Sitting close together on a blanket while the horses rested, they ate in silence, the air warm and lazy around them. For all her worries, Brennwen couldn’t stop herself from tipping back her head and letting the sun bathe her cheeks as she leaned on her elbows.

  Finally, Gaius broke the long silence that had fallen between them. ‘Ceres is smiling on us. The Cerealia started today. Cal was so excited about it. Braxus’ troop was to take part in the games. He may be there now.’

  ‘Braxus? This is a friend of Lara and Vali?’

  ‘Yes. He’s married to Lara’s friend, Ninia. The one I told you about last night. Braxus was a slave gladiator who won his freedom in the arena. Quite a frightening man, if you don’t know him. Actually, he’s even more frightening when you do know him.’ Gaius gave a little laugh, as if forcing himself to be more relaxed in her presence.

  ‘So you think he might not come to help you save your son? You think he might choose to fight in the arena, instead?’

  ‘Not fight. But he’s doctores of their troop, the teacher, and as such, needs to supervise the first few contests. He might… choose to stay. He owes me nothing. I might have helped him kill my brother, but that was five years ago.’

  Brennwen sat up and turned to stare at him, unsure she’d understood him properly. Mostly, they got by with what she knew of his tongue, and what he knew of hers. But there were moments when they didn’t communicate. This seemed to be one of those times.

  ‘Kill your brother?’

  Gaius sighed and looked away, out over the tranquil, all-too-familiar river. ‘My brother was a monster. I told you what he did to Ninia in front of Lara. He was also trying to take Lara back to our mother so she could be given to Emperor Titus. I couldn’t let him do that. The only way to stop him was to kill him. We led him into a trap and Braxus fought him. It was more an assassination than a fight. Publius was no match for the Hispanian.’

  Brennwen stared at his closed face, reading the guilt and uneasiness there. What must it be like to be party to the death of one of your blood? But then, from all he’d said, this brother was evil and probably deserved to die.

  ‘If this Braxus loves his wife, then I think he’ll come. He owes you.’

  ‘It was long ago. He owes me nothing,’ Gaius argued self-consciously. Did he doubt that his friends and family would come to his aid? Surely not.

  But what did she know about the intricacies of debt to these Romans? It might be different to the clan loyalties of her people. Those loyalties could last many generations. Because of them, the tribes of this isle had fought with each other for longer than anyone remembered. Braedyn had sung the songs of the bards to her, recounting all the glorious conflicts. It seemed that it was one long, never-ending tale of war and violence.

  She sat quietly, chewing on a chicken thigh that had been included in the food the officers’ mess had put together for them. She had never eaten so well as she had since meeting this Roman, even though her stomach rebelled at the thought of food continuously.

  Gaius took another deep swallow from the wine bladder but barely touched the food.

  ‘Braedyn used to tell me that food is like wood to a fire. If we don’t eat, our bodies have no fuel to keep our flame alight.’

  He looked at her and smiled. ‘You sound like my old nurse. When I was too busy playing or reading to eat, she’d scold me and tell me I needed to keep up my strength.’ He took up a piece of the dark bread and bit into it unenthusiastically. ‘Better?’

  She chuckled. Being with this man was becoming too comfortable. With him, she wasn’t the white raven foretelling evil tidings. Instead, she was the snow maiden sharing wisdom from those who had gone before.

  ‘You didn’t tell me if you dreamed last night. You didn’t seem to.’

  ‘Were you watching me all night?’

  ‘No, of course not. But I would have known if you had a bad dream. There wasn’t much room in that bed.’

  She felt the heat rise up her neck to flood her face. Blushing was always a torturous thing for her to do. Her translucent white skin showed the blush like a blotchy, bloodstained rag.

  ‘I didn’t dream last night. I have to assume that means Cal is well. I think I go to him when he is scared and frightened. Maybe he wasn’t feeling that bad last night.’

  ‘I hope so. Have you any thoughts on where we’ll find him?’

  ‘No, not precisely. We’re probably a few days ahead of him now, what with the speed of the naval vessel. I think we might need to ask around for rebels. Maybe not you. I could. In my old village… people would remember me. Maybe they’ll tell me things they wouldn’t tell a Roman.’

  ‘This is the village where you were hated so much your father sold you into slavery?’ The disgust in his voice made her idea seem foolish.

  ‘My moth
er would talk to me. She might know something.’

  ‘She’s more likely to send you away, afraid you’ll draw anger down on them again.’

  She wanted to deny Gaius’ words, but couldn’t. No matter how much she regretted the fact, the truth was no one in her village would want to see her again, especially if she was talking about predictions of war and death.

  ‘Then what? The military at the fort won’t know where rebels are to be found.’

  ‘Tell me again the signs in your dream.’

  She lay back in the sunshine and closed her eyes. Immediately, she saw Cal standing beneath the ridge near her old home, and in the distance she could see the Roman fort on the hillside. There was no sign of the river that she knew flowed past the fort and her old home beneath the ridge. What else? The fire. But that still didn’t make sense. It could only refer to Brigid’s fire. Or the fires of Beltane? But that wasn’t until the end of the month, nearly three weeks away.

  Feeling helplessly out of her depth, now that they were getting close to their destination, she wondered at her own foolishness. This man had trusted her to bring him to his son, but all she could do was give vague directions that could mean anything.

  ‘Brennwen?’ He leaned over her, blocking the sun from her face. His fingertips stroked away the wetness on her cheeks she wasn’t aware had been there. Crying, she was crying again.

  ‘I don’t know enough. They could hide Cal on any farm along this river between the ridge and the fort. How will we find him? I’m sorry, Gaius, I’m next to useless.’

  ‘A stretch of river five or ten miles long is far different to hundreds of miles I would have had to look, if not for you. And now that we are close, maybe you’ll get more information… Another dream.’

  She opened her eyes and looked up at him and smiled. ‘Thank you. I needed to hear that.’

  His head dropped down and he kissed her lips tenderly. ‘You’re welcome.’

  Troubled, she stared up at his gentle, sensitive face. He was so far above her in every way imaginable, and yet she felt closer to this man than even Braedyn. And she was attracted to him. Last night’s kisses had told her that. Instead of being revolted by those kisses, she had enjoyed the emotion in them; enjoyed something that was delicate and fragile and very, very sweet, which caused her core to weep every time his lips brushed hers.

  Only when he’d licked at her lip had she begun to fear him. She had been taken back to that terrible day when those men had thrust into her mouth with their tongues as they thrust their rods into her dry core. And it took only a moment to be drawn a little further back to that first night her master had thrust his tongue into her mouth as he held her still beneath him, pushing into her virgin body so painfully he had to clamp his hand over her mouth to silence her screams.

  Even though she knew there was nothing at all the same about Gaius kiss and those past trespasses, she had been afraid. And her fear had insulted him. He thought she feared he would rape her. That wasn’t it at all. It was just the memories that frightened her.

  ‘Thank you…’ she said again, playing the odd game they had created between them the night before.

  He leaned down on his elbow and kissed her lips more seriously. Even as fear spiked in her, so did desire. She moaned and opened her mouth, wanting to feel him against the smooth sensitive skin of her inner lips. Gaius took the action as invitation, and he leaned in closer, drawing her up so he could press his hungry mouth against hers, opening to her, as she did for him. But he didn’t try to invade her with his tongue, and for that she was grateful.

  His hands stroked the loose hair back from her hot face, and the wild passion she felt surging up inside him was answered by her own. This man wanted her, and she wanted him, too. Unbelievably, for the first time in her life, she wanted a man. This man. But she knew that to let him take her would be too painful to bear, and it might ruin the fragile bond that was forming between them.

  Before her body betrayed her, she turned her head away, breaking the contact, ending the kiss.

  ‘You don’t have to fear me, Brennwen. I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do.’ He was gasping for breath, his face flushed and lids half-closed over eyes glazed with passion.

  ‘I know. But what I want is not possible. I… I’m not like other women. I can never be like other women.’

  He drew back and frowned. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Those men tore my insides because I was so small. My master hurt me badly every time he took me. I’m too small for any man, and now that I’m scarred inside it would be even more so. That is my lot. Even if I wanted you to take me, and… I don’t… It would hurt too much.’

  Gaius rested his head on her breast. It was such a nurturing position that her hands came up to press his head against her, overwhelmed by tenderness. When he spoke, his words vibrated through her chest.

  ‘Lara’s husband, Vali, was a bed slave trained in pleasure. When I was to marry Calidia, I asked him to teach me how to please her. I was so afraid I’d be as hopeless as a lover as I was at everything else in my life. Vali told me that women are excited in different ways to men. He said that their channel can stretch to allow a child to pass through it, and yet, if the woman is not aroused, that channel can remain tight and dry, causing the woman great pain.’

  He lifted his head and let his gaze lock with hers. ‘You weren’t aroused, you were raped. You wouldn’t have been able to stretch fast enough. That would tear you, I imagine. I know that babies can tear a mother, if they come too quickly. But the body repairs itself. If the damage isn’t too severe.’

  ‘Is that what happened to your Calidia?’

  He shook his head sadly. ‘No, she was in labour too long. Her heart gave up as soon as Cal left her body.’

  She reached up and stroked his cheek, feeling the slight abrasion of his beard beginning to grow. His brown eyes were filled with such pain that it broke her heart to see it. Saying she was sorry wouldn’t help. Nothing could help his pain, especially now that he was in danger of losing his son, too.

  She leaned up and kissed his lips. It was the only thing she could think of to do to drive that pain from his mind. And, instantly, the passion that had filled them both not long ago flared to life again. Gaius returned her kiss like a thirsty man drinks water, his hands coming up to grasp her shoulders, pressing into her skin, kneading her flesh.

  Moaning, she opened her mouth beneath his and sent her own tongue out to taste the forbidden. She had never done such a thing. Had never kissed anyone of her own choosing before, but it was as if her body knew what it needed to do to arouse this sad, powerful man.

  His tongue followed her lead and began to dance with hers. Gasping for breath, he pushed her down and let his hands run over her body, wanting to touch bare skin but finding only coarse cloth as a barrier.

  Then he was dragging himself away from her and rolling to his feet. Stunned, gasping, she stared up at him, wondering what had turned his passion cold so suddenly. But he wasn’t cold. She could see it seething just beneath the surface, and he was fighting to hold it back.

  ‘Come, we have many miles to travel before we can rest. This doesn’t help us find my son.’

  And she knew he was right. But oh, how she wanted to spend just a few more precious minutes sharing this unexpected burning flame that had sprung up between them. Instead, she allowed him to draw her to her feet and then over to the waiting horses.

  Londinium BRITANNIA

  Vencuros was frustrated to the point of violence. Lucullus’ sickness had put his plans behind schedule badly. His men had expected to engage the turn-coat bastard the day after the Ides. But he hadn’t shown signs of recovery until yesterday, which was when he finally got to send his ultimatum.

  It had been a simple enough demand. Come to the designated place just south of the new settlement of Bannaventa by midday of the sixteenth day of April. Bring no more than twenty foot legionaries with him. If he presented himself in that way, to rec
eive the demands of the Catuvellauni, the child would be returned to him. If not, the child would die horribly.

  He had already established one hundred of his rebels in the area. On the morning of the trap, they’d spread out in a circular formation several hundred paces from the clearing where the supposed negation would take place. When the word was given, his men would close in. Even twenty of the best roman legionaries couldn’t withstand an assault by five times their number. Before the afternoon was over, Lucullus would be dead and the Catuvellauni blamed.

  Now, as he watched Lucullus mount his horse while his twenty foot-soldiers moved into formation, he started to feel some satisfaction at last. Things were finally going as planned. The only one missing was Bibulus, who hadn’t been seen since he entered his villa two days ago. What was that man up to? Or was he simply laid low by grief for his missing son?

  Venucos remembered the way the patrician’s shoulders had slumped as he walked home the night before the abduction. He’d looked like a cowed and beaten cur, back then. It only made sense that he might feel even worse, now, blaming himself for his son’s loss and the situation Lucullus was faced with because of him.

  As he contemplated this possibility, he saw a two-horse, covered carrus draw up beside the governor. Bibulus’ man, Thadeus, held the reins.

  So, it would seem that Bibulus had decided to show his face, finally. Even as he formed the thought, Lucullus leaned down from the back of his mount to talk to the man who leaned out from the carras. From where Vencuros stood amongst the crowd of onlookers, Bibulus looked older and more drawn than he had a few days before. Good enough. He’d be aging a few years more before this game was finally played out.

  It might be late in coming, but the victory would be just as sweet.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Brigantes Territory BRITANNIA

  Gaius set a hectic pace for the rest of the afternoon, following the road beside the winding river that had been used for hundreds of years by the local tribes. The legionaries in the area were set the task of carving out straight roads for Roman use, but for the time being, the old roads were the most reliable.