Day of Darkness
Page 40
“Albin has deeply rooted principles. He won’t change, come Hell or high water.”
“God only knows why he worked with me, then.” A bitter laugh chased the thought.
“Apparently God’s keeping you around for a reason. That’s what you think, right?”
“I thought He was, and I thought I knew the reason. But now I’m not sure. All I know is that if He did have a plan, I fucked it all to Hell.” He gave a growl of resignation. “I thought I was offering Him the victories, but I was just doing it for myself. I wanted to weaponize the cannibals. I didn’t want LOGOS to control them. I wanted to control them. I didn’t want to help the people who were infected, either. I only wanted to help myself.”
“What’s your plan now?”
“My plan?” Nathan raised his head to give him a look of confusion. “I don’t have one, other than to see what crimes the government convicts me of and what my sentence will be.”
“Interesting course of action.” Lips pursed in thought, Jim nodded.
“In order to get Albin help, I had to surrender. While I can choose my actions, I cannot choose the consequences. Now I must deal with them. I’ve sinned by betraying innocent blood.” Pause. “There’s a certain relief in confession.”
“Mm.” Jim pulled a bottle of Mountain Dew from his pocket under the surgical gown. The carbonation hissed as he cracked the seal. “They say when Judas hanged himself, it wasn’t from remorse for what he did. It was because the money didn’t satisfy him. But I think you’re doing more than confessing. It looks to me like you’re repenting.”
Nathan shifted, but the discomfort came from inside. No physical position change could ease it. “I haven’t heard that word since I was a kid at mass.” During one of the three visits to the Greek Orthodox Church his father had dragged him on during trips to the mainland. “It means to not only feel regret for an act, but to dedicate yourself to making amends for your sin.”
Gaze on the wall ahead, Jim nodded.
Grunting, Nathan pressed his thumbs into his temples. The pain took the edge off his desire to punch the wall in frustration. “There’s nothing I can do that will absolve my sin. The most I can do is wish Albin a happy life without me. He has every right to never want any dealings with me again, except for maybe punching me.”
“So that’s really your plan?” Jim took a sip of his soda.
“It’s my only choice since the cannibals overran Redwood Shores, and my people—that is, the people who lived in Redwood Shores—left. Are they all safe? And my frien—I mean, Josephine, Marvin, Badal, Mikhail, Amanda?”
“Yes. We’re working to find a place to house them all while we deal with the Bay Area.”
Nod. Relief stole Nathan’s voice.
“You kept them alive, Nathan. That’s something a lot of neighborhoods failed at. You should be proud of that.”
“I wanted to use them.”
“Is that any different from what our elected leaders do?”
“I enabled the deaths of people who turned against me, even if I didn’t outright kill them.”
“Mistakes are forgivable if you have the courage to admit them. And if there’s one thing you have, it’s courage.”
“Huh. What’s wrong with the world? I am.” Nathan looked down at his nails. And the blood. “Can I see Albin?”
“The security guys think you’re gonna try to kill him, given your history and what he told them about you earlier.” Jim paused for another pull on his Dew. “But I think I can help you out. You deserve to say goodbye at least, and to make your peace. I don’t know how much he’ll remember of what you say, though. He’s on a lot of meds and just came out of anesthesia.”
Nathan straightened. “As long as I can see him one last time.”
“I can’t promise how long they’ll allow you to be with him. I’ll do my best to get you more time. But then they’ll want . . .” The toxic-waste-green soda absorbed his attention, more appealing than breaking bad news.
“They’ll want to speak with me in private. I understand.” The statement carried no emotion. “I’ve earned everything I have coming to me, and more.” They could not levy any punishment greater than the pain of remorse he already felt. “Perhaps they will put an end to it,” he murmured.
“That won’t help you any more than killing yourself would have brought your mom back.”
Nathan froze. Despite the kind tone, the words sliced his soul like a whip of razors. “Albin must have told you that.” Likely during Nathan’s recovery after they left Doorway Pharmaceuticals.
“Nathan, you’ve got potential. Don’t give up.” Jim put a hand on the other man’s shoulder. “I know you feel bad. But that’s a good thing. If you didn’t, I’d be worried. You can change this. You can go home and see your family, even.”
“After what I’ve done? No.” Head shake. “Even if the court let me off, I don’t deserve to see them, and they don’t deserve to deal with a soulless bastard like me. My father-in-law calls me a villainous viper. I used to take pride in the title, but now that I’ve truly earned it, I don’t want it.”
“The titles we give ourselves are the most important. Remember who and what you are.”
Nathan forced a smile. “Thank you, Jim. I mean it. You saved both our lives.”
The surgeon shook his head. “When I told Albin that the blood of a willing sacrifice would humble you, I was speaking figuratively.”
“You spoke with Albin recently?”
“Earlier.” He waved, indicating an indefinite hour. “He talked to me a few times, mainly about you. He was going to leave you, but then he realized he couldn’t. I encouraged him to do what he thought he must: hunt the wolf to help you.”
“It seems he followed doctor’s orders.”
“Fortunately for you. Now, you take mine and be the man you know you’re supposed to be.”
The man. Not a wolf, but a man. The wolf that was caught always wanted to become religious. The Beast had betrayed him, leading him to hunt the blood of anyone, even his friend. Or perhaps it had tried to warn him. Perhaps his nature as a man had overwhelmed the loyalty of a pack leader to his fellow wolves.
“Be who I’m meant to be, not the failure that I am.”
Chapter 97
Sin No More
I’ll Be Good - Jaymes Young
Nathan watched the cardiac monitor display the life that remained to Albin. Despite the technology, Nathan kept his right hand against Albin’s ribs, over the apex of the heart where the beat kicked against its cage the hardest. His left hand grasped Albin’s right in hope of feeling any flinch of consciousness.
The blond showed no sign of waking. Modern medicine had saved his life, and now it supported it. Thankfully he breathed on his own with only a nasal cannula supplying oxygen. An IV dripped fluids and pain meds into his circulation. A tube attaching to a small bulb pinned to his gown drained blood from the laceration on his neck. A chest tube relieved the left-sided hemothorax. Nathan winced at the hose that projected between Albin’s ribs. His own ribs ached where they had experienced the same intervention a week ago.
“I’m sorry, Albin. This should have happened to me, not you. It was all my fault, yet again. I only make things worse; I should have listened to my adviser.”
Nathan squeezed his eyes shut and allowed the pain from his own injuries to wash over him. He deserved it. There were times when one must feel guilt. Now was one of them.
Albin’s left index finger twitched. Conscious? Nathan’s breath caught as he looked up. With a grunt, the blond opened his eyes a crack.
“Albin? Can you hear me?”
The icy blue eyes stared, unfocused, at the ceiling.
“Albin—” Nathan’s voice cracked as his throat choked off the rest.
The glacial gaze slid downward with enough force to push boulders in its wake. When it reached Nathan, the cardiac monitor registered a spike in the pulse. Albin snorted.
Albin made a sound between a growl and a groan, and licked his dry lips. He moved his head in what could be a gesture for Nathan to come closer. Nathan obliged.
As he leaned in, Albin’s left hand rose. It climbed until it reached Nathan’s sternum. Then with a burst of effort, Albin pushed forward. His grasp tightened around Nathan’s throat.
Blue gaze locked with brown. Then Nathan closed his eyes and leaned into the pressure. He deserved anything Albin deemed just.
Then the hand slid around behind Nathan’s neck and pulled him down into an embrace. A weak embrace, but one all the same. Albin’s fingers clenched the hair on the back of Nathan’s scalp. Beneath him, the injured man’s body heat burned.
Something wet rolled down Nathan’s face, forcing him to sniff back moisture. “I don’t deserve to ask you for forgiveness.”
The injured man relaxed and pushed Nathan away. “Tears?” he breathed. The corner of his lips curled in a smirk. His hand moved to Nathan’s face, thumb brushing away the drop of salt water.
Nathan coughed a chuckle to hide the choking sob that threatened to break free. “Too little, too late, I know.”
The blond’s hand fell back to the bed as he let out a breath through his nose and resumed staring at the ceiling.
“Albin, I’m sorry. I know remorse doesn’t right any wrongs, but please—”
“I have . . . already forgiven you.” Then his eyes closed. His breathing became regular. Save for a few twitches that stemmed from sedation, he grew as still as the corpse he’d almost become.
“Albin, can you hear me?”
Eyes open again. They focused on Nathan’s face with effort.
“When you see Janine and David again, tell them I thought I was . . . Ah, never mind.” He glanced away for a moment. “Tell them I love them.”
A micro nod answered.
“Now, I believe there are some people outside who want to speak with me. Get well soon, my friend.”
Eyes closing, Albin murmured something too low for Nathan to catch.
Giving his friend’s hand a last squeeze, Nathan stood. After wiping his face on his shirt, he exited the room.
Outside, two DHS officers in battle gear stepped from their posts beside the door to flank him. One was Officer Rodriguez. How fitting; she had waited over a week for this moment.
Nathan put his hands behind his back. “Shall we?”
“Nathan Benjamin Serebus,” Rodriguez announced, “you are being charged with—” Her mouth moved, but in his ears she turned as silent as the moment after death.
She clicked the cold, steel bracelets around his wrists. The relief of a surrender accepted numbed his emotions.
The prisoner and his guards set off down the hall toward incarceration, toward Justice. But while there was life, there was hope. Albin survived. As did Nathan. And where Nathan Serebus had life, he had an opportunity he would not waste.
CAESURA
Thanks for taking the time to read this book. If the story made you feel something, or at least killed some time, support your local author by leaving a review on Goodreads or Amazon.
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Want to know what happens to Nathan, Albin, and the rest of the pack? Curious about how the cannibal plague will end, or if it will end?
The hunt ends with book 4, Out of Darkness, out summer of 2018.
To keep up to date on its progress, as well as get blog posts about villains, weird science, and more, visit my site lcchamplin.com