Blind Squirrels

by Jennifer Davis

  Diane Griffin, the mouse from my English class, and I were also becoming friends. Diane was painfully shy, but she seemed to come alive when I showed her attention. Diane reminded me of a meek little old lady. Her feathery blond hair was almost white and she parted it in the middle; her pale pink scalp was visible underneath. She always wore a white cardigan sweater – even on the hottest summer day. A frilly shirt usually peeked out from under the open buttons, and the shirt’s collar rested neatly on the outside of her sweater. She usually wore twill cotton pants, and she had every color imaginable. Her favorite color – pink – seemed to always pop up in either her clothes or an accessory. The end of her small round nose provided an excellent resting place for a pair of wire-framed, hexagon-shaped granny glasses. She looked very studious, and she was. She would eventually join my little lunch group, but that wouldn’t happen until she got to know everyone.

  Olivia and I had also befriended a girl in our PE class. Deidra was an African-American girl with a very light skin color, reddish-blond hair, and blue eyes. Many of the kids at school spurned her and called her “Albino”. It never crossed my mind – or Olivia’s – to make fun of the way Deidra looked. We made friends with her and tried to protect her from the taunts of the other girls in PE. Sadly, Deidra had other problems that caused her constant ridicule. She was somewhat slowwitted and extremely trusting, making her the butt of many jokes. One day, after eavesdropping on one of my conversations with Olivia, she got the strange idea that Max was my boyfriend and that our marriage was imminent. Shamefully, Olivia and I added fuel to that flame – it was just too good of a joke for us to let it pass. We soon had Deidra believing that Max and I had secretly married, and we made her swear to keep quiet. After a few weeks of this ruse, Olivia and I started feeling guilty and decided to tell Deidra the truth. She never spoke to us again after that. It seemed that our cruel joke was the one that finally turned Deidra from a naïve girl to a hardened young woman. Later, as an adult, I would still have trouble forgiving myself.

  There were people on the bus that I became acquainted with, too. Erma and I weren’t what you might call friends, but we were associates. She protected me from jerks like Mason, and I helped her with algebra. I met Howdy Doody and Opie, the twins. Their real names were Ernie and Curtis Burton, and they weren’t twins at all – just brothers who looked alike. Ed Hanson, a freshman that was in several classes with me, often bent my ear in the afternoon. With his curly brown hair and chubby baby face, many of the girls on the bus were in love with him. Even Lydia Burns, a blond-haired, blue-eyed cheerleader, had designs on Ed. And Lydia was a sophomore. She was also the twinkle in good old Curtis Burton’s eye, but he’d never get a chance to date her. One day in the future she would become Mrs. Ed Hanson, and, after she gained about a hundred pounds, she would become the ex-Mrs. Ed Hanson.

  There were few other noteworthy characters on the bus. Keith Burrows was worth mentioning only because he was Max’s friend. Keith – a senior – had bushy brown hair. He was tall and gangly and not very attractive; his nose was too long and pointy, and his eyes were too close together. He did have one thing going in his favor: he wasn’t rude and ill-mannered like Max’s other friends. Once, while I was sitting in the front seat on the bus, Keith sat down beside me. From the back of the bus came these facetious remarks from Mason, “Keith, you’d better watch out. You’re messing with Max’s woman now.”

  Keith only smiled at me. It seemed to be a smile of pity. I hated him for it. After the bus stopped and Keith got off, Max came up and sat beside me. I expected Mason to let loose again, but no. Max didn’t look at me or say anything. He just sat staring straight ahead with his arm extended out so he could hold on to the metal bar in front of our seat. At our stop, he let me off first and then he told me goodbye. At last, it seemed, I was making progress. Slowly but surely.

  Chapter 5

  I took a deep breath and looked over at Brad. He was smiling and still very much awake.

  “Do you ever go out with this guy?” He shook his head in wonder.

  “You’ll have to wait and see.” I couldn’t spoil the ending. “Are you sure you want me to go on? This story can’t be that interesting.”

  “Well, maybe you could speed up a little. I liked the story about Donna. And the short one about Keith was okay, too. Heck, you’re doing fine. Let me refill our glasses and you can continue.”

  I watched Brad walk across the room. He paused by the front door and slipped his shoes off and then went into the kitchen. I hoped he wasn’t getting too comfortable. Brad was my friend – we could never be more than that.

  “I’ll just have some ice water.” I decided that one of us had to keep a clear head.

  “Tell me something.” Brad’s voice boomed out from the other room. “How did you and that Bellanova guy ever get together? I mean, Max has been impeding you from relationships since high school. Where was he when you met Ben?”

  I didn’t want to discuss Ben Bellanova. I’d met him during a time in my life when I thought Max was finally out of my system. After three years of marriage, I discovered that Max was still flourishing in my dreams and fantasies. Or maybe it was Ben that found out.

  “I thought you were here to learn about my obsession with Max. How did Ben get in here?” Brad emerged from the kitchen with two glasses of ice water.

  The question mark in my head must have shown on my face. “What?” Brad was squawking. “Can’t I have any of your precious water?”

  “Of course. I just thought you wanted more wine. And I use the term wine very loosely.”

  “The bottle was empty. Now, about Ben...” Boy, was Brad ever persistent.

  “About Ben nothing! We’re talking about Max. I’ll tell you about Ben another time. Or I could send you home...” Now I’d know if my stories really interested Brad.

  “No – no. You’re right. We’ll save Ben for another time. So what happened next? I’m not sure how far – in months or whatever – the story has reached. Did all of this happen in the first weeks of school?”

  “No. I’m getting somewhat close to Christmas. Max’s birthday was in November, and – coincidentally – so was Johnny’s. Right around that time, I learned what a jerk Johnny really was.”

  “Hold that thought. I just noticed the time.”

  “Is it late?” I had almost forgotten work the next day.

  “It’s almost eleven. I guess this will have to wait.” Brad seemed genuinely disappointed.

  “Yeah, you should get home.”

  “Nancy will have my ass if I’m late tomorrow,” Brad said as he slipped his shoes back on.

  We said goodbye at the door, and, for a moment, I feared Brad would try to kiss me. He didn’t. I watched him get into his red Bronco and drive away. I shut the door feeling lonelier than I had in a long time.

  The next day, Olivia called me at work and asked me to meet her for lunch. We decided to meet at Salvatore’s, a small Italian eatery that we both enjoyed. When I arrived, Olivia was sitting in our favorite booth. She looked different somehow. Her dark brown hair was still in the same short style. Like me, she was no thinner, but she wasn’t heavier either. Her brown skirt and starched white blouse depicted the usual strictly business attire that her office manager job required. Still, she was different.

  Seeing me for the first time, she stood up and embraced me. Even though we saw each other frequently, we still liked to remind each other how much we cared.

  “I ordered you the lasagna. You should be tired of it, but I know it’s the only thing on the menu that you will eat.” Olivia knew me. She knew me very well.

  “I guess you’re having something full of vegetables? Did you get me some sweet tea?”

  “No. I mean, yes – I ordered tea, and no, I’m having the lasagna, too.” Her expression was mysterious. She was hiding something.

  “So why did you call this powwow? You only eat out when something is up. Did you meet someone? Come on, tell me.” My curiosity had peaked.


  “I’m going back to college. I’ve decided to get my Law Degree. What do you think?”

  “I think you are thirty-eight years old, and you have a great job already. You should be looking for a husband, not a new career.” I gave her a stern look.

  “Okay. Now tell me what you really think.”

  I jumped up and went over and hugged her neck. “I’m so happy for you, Olivia. I know you’ve wanted this for a long time. Are you leaving Carson & Carson?” Carson & Carson was the accounting firm she worked for.

  “Not yet. I still need an income. They are working with me. I’m going to do some of my work at night. I won’t be the office manager anymore, but they aren’t cutting my pay.”

  Now I knew what was different about Olivia. This new direction in her life excited her. She was moving on to a new plane. Olivia couldn’t afford to finish college back when I did. Since then, she’d often dreamed of going back for a degree. Her dream could finally come true.

  When my tea arrived, I held the glass up and said, “To Olivia, my friend the lawyer.” Then I added, “Your services will be free to your best friend, right?”

  We laughed and enjoyed our meal. Too soon it was over. I told Olivia to call me, and we parted ways. I had thoroughly enjoyed my time with my friend, and I still made it back to work on time.

  Brad was in my office.

  “Nance checked out for the rest of the day. She’s getting a head start on the weekend. What do you have on tap?”

  “For the weekend or for today?”

  “Both.”

  “Today I have to make those changes to the customer file. Everything else is open.”

  “Good. I’ll cook dinner tonight, and we’ll continue our little talk.” Brad’s interest was truly amazing. What had come over him?

  “You can cook? In the fourteen years we’ve known each other, you’ve never mentioned cooking as one of your strong points.” I’d always pictured Brad as a helpless man.

  “There are a few things that I can throw together. I was thinking of beef stroganoff.”

  “Do you put sour cream in it?”

  “Of course. Without sour cream, it’s just beef and noodles. Might as well have Hamburger Helper.”

  “Do you add the sour cream last?”

  “Why all these sour cream questions? Yes.” Brad was getting agitated.

  “Okay. Fix me a plate before you add the sour cream and you’ve got a deal. I’ll be there at seven.”

  “Picky, picky. You’d probably like it if you tried it.” Here we go again. Everyone is always worrying about my diet.

  “Are you gonna force me to eat sour cream? If you are, I’m not coming.” A grown woman knows what she likes.

  “Whatever. I’ll see you at seven. If you don’t want to bring wine, Budweiser will do. If you think you want to get drunk, bring your PJ’s.” Not a chance.

  That night, after the beef stroganoff, I continued my story as Brad put away a six pack...

  Chapter 6

  I had a plan. It was perfect. I would give Max a Christmas gift. He’d have to say something then. The next step was to choose the perfect gift. I was open for suggestions, so I decided to tell some of my friends and get their reactions.

  I told Karen about my scheme when I reached French class. She thought it was a terrible idea. Karen always tried to distract me from Max anyway. I think she was jealous. She didn’t want me to have other friends, much less a boyfriend. I disregarded her opinion as envious prattle.

  Laura listened when I told her of my intentions. She tried to act supportive, but her heart wasn’t in it. Lately, Laura had become friends with Felicia Houston – a short brunette with big blue eyes – who was in her Algebra class. Laura wanted the three of us to be friends, but I didn’t know Felicia well enough to like her. Felicia gave me the impression that she didn’t like me, and I thought she wanted Laura all to herself. So far, Felicia was winning. I didn’t really mind because I was working on my friendships with Olivia and Aurelia. I could accept Laura’s lessening importance in my life. Besides, I still had her during English.

  Laura finally told me that I shouldn’t give Max a gift. I disregarded her opinion as disinterest in the subject matter.

  During Biology, Alice became excited when I told her about my idea. She even volunteered to deliver the gift for me. I told her that I would think about it. For the time being, I was planning to deliver the gift myself.

  Olivia and I talked about the gift while we dressed out for PE. I excitedly laid out my game plan, and Olivia listened intently. After I finished, she was quiet. If she shot my plan down, I’d know it was because she didn’t like Max. There was no way that this was a bad idea.

  “What if he doesn’t take it? What will you do?” She didn’t like Max. She was trying to poke holes in my strategy. But she did have a valid point.

  “I don’t know. He has to take it. He wouldn’t embarrass me like that.” Max was too kind.

  “He wouldn’t? Okay, if you’re sure. I don’t know him as well as you do. It actually sounds like a great idea to me. Good luck. What are you getting him?” She liked the plan. Great.

  We talked a little more, and I told her I hadn’t decided what to get him. She told me she would try to think of something, too.

  I presented my idea to Aurelia and Dominique right before we boarded the bus, and they liked it. I was finally gaining the support I needed. Still, no one had any thoughts about what the gift should be. Perhaps the perfect gift would present itself in time. I still had two weeks before Christmas vacation.

  Aurelia sat with me on the bus that afternoon. We were near the back, and Dominique was sitting up front with Lydia Burns. Johnny and Max were in the backseat, and Terrance and Mason were right behind Aurelia and me.

  Things had been quiet lately so I wasn’t expecting any trouble that day. The bus was just about to leave WMHS when Johnny pushed the door open with his foot and climbed inside. After tripping over Larry Burton’s feet and then falling down in Erma’s lap, Johnny made his way towards the back of the bus. I knew something was about to happen.

  As he passed by, I could smell the alcohol fragrance that emanated from Johnny’s body. He sat down in the back across from Max, and I heard the clanking sound of glass. I glanced back and saw that Johnny was holding a bottle of Southern Comfort. He took a large gulp of the honey-colored liquid and offered the bottle to Max, but Max waved it away. Johnny proceeded to empty the bottle as we made our way home.

  Aurelia and Dominique exited the bus when we reached the first stop. As I waved goodbye, I noticed that the back of the bus had grown strangely quiet. I was anticipating an outburst from Mason since that seemed to be an everyday occurrence, but the subject matter wasn’t exactly what I had expected.

  “Aren’t you gonna wave goodbye to your girlfriend, Johnny?” Mason asked slyly.

  “What? Who?” Johnny was blathering like the drunken idiot he was.

  “Dominique. She just got off the bus. I think she’s waving at you.”

  I was curious to hear Johnny’s response. For all I knew, Johnny might like Dominique. She was very pretty. I should have realized that it was all but taboo for whites to date blacks. It was the South, and some things hadn’t changed in over a hundred years. Still, I hoped that Johnny would just tell Mason to shut up, the way Max did when Mason had inferred that I was Max’s girlfriend. In the end, I wished I had gotten off the bus with my two friends.

  “That nigger is not my girlfriend!” Johnny was yelling at the top of his voice.

  “She’s not entirely black,” I heard Mason say. “Her mother is white.”

  “In my book, she’s a nigger.” Johnny was causing my blood pressure to boil – and I’m not sure I even knew what that meant back then.

  I could hear a voice inside my head saying, “She’s your friend. Aren’t you going to say something?”

  I wanted to, believe me. But remember, I’m a big coward. Talking up to anyone was difficult for me, but
talking up to Johnny was impossible. Luckily, someone else spoke up.

  “Johnny!” It was Mrs. Decker the bus driver. She stopped the bus well in advance of the second bus stop.

  Johnny ignored her until Max pushed him out of the seat. “What, Mrs. D?” he finally asked.

  “Get off my bus right now.” She opened the door and pointed outside.

  “Wha…what? You gotta be kidding?” Johnny had made it to the front of the bus by now.

  “I’m not kidding, Johnny Roberts. I’ll put up with a lot of things, but you will not use that word on this bus.” She was usually quiet about happenings on the bus. She let the kids smoke, and she rarely chastised anyone for anything. But she was letting Johnny have it.

  “I’m sorry, Mrs. D. I’ll never say it again.” Johnny couldn’t have sounded less sincere.

  Mrs. Decker was having no part of his apology. “If you want to apologize, you need to tell it to Dominique – then you can ride my bus again. If you don’t tell her you’re sorry, I’m not letting you back on. Now get off. Otherwise, I’ll have Max throw you off.”

  Max stood up, and I believed he would really throw Johnny off the bus. He looked very angry.

  Johnny didn’t give him a chance. He got off on his own. “It’ll be a cold day in hell before I apologize to that mulatto bitch,” he yelled. “I don’t have to ride your bus, Old Lady. I don’t ride with nigger‑lovers anyway.” Johnny flipped Mrs. Decker a bird, turned around, and walked away.